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(Slate)   "Will I regret having only one child? I'm in my mid-30s, have a 14 month-old daughter, and don't know if I can handle being out of the game for months again"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Friendship, Interpersonal relationship, Family, Birth order, best friend, only child, much of your letter, biological parents  
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382 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 29 Sep 2020 at 8:50 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-09-29 8:54:45 AM  
No.
 
2020-09-29 9:06:37 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-29 9:10:29 AM  
out of the game? What game? You're in your mid-30's with a toddler. The game is over.
 
2020-09-29 9:13:20 AM  
"out of the game " Oh, I read that as "on the game", and thought it would be a different story of guess the father.
 
2020-09-29 9:24:40 AM  

DecemberNitro: [Fark user image 610x405]


They just need to explain to the kid that they wanted a 'do over'.
 
2020-09-29 9:28:55 AM  
And then change the subject (the best strategy here is to ask them about themselves and their children; getting people to talk about their own lives is a pretty surefire diversionary tactic).

Jesus, the cure is worse than the disease there...
 
2020-09-29 9:35:49 AM  
FTFA: "my husband says he is Done"

That seems like a definitive "no" to having another child.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2020-09-29 9:51:13 AM  
If you have an only child you will ruin her life by being overprotective. Abort her or have a second.
 
2020-09-29 10:09:21 AM  
I do want to give my daughter someone with whom she can have a relationship like my siblings and I had

There's no guarantee of that. I had a brother. We didn't do anything together as kids (aside from him being forced to be my babysitter). As adults, we had nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. When he died, I was sad for the lost potential, but not for what I had lost.

Also, we belong to a church that is known for its members having large families (when we were kids, it wasn't uncommon to see families with up to 12 children, although that is significantly rarer now).

Leave Utah. It's not 1850 and there's more to you than a vagina and shiatting out kids. Oh, and tip to your husband: If you're "done" with kids, get a vasectomy.
 
2020-09-29 10:16:25 AM  
Have another kid. I feel sorry for only children, especially now. Our kids at least have each other to play with.
 
2020-09-29 10:24:17 AM  
No. Get a dog, or cat, or something
 
2020-09-29 10:24:48 AM  
Life is full of regrets, deal.
 
2020-09-29 10:34:53 AM  
From TFA:

The thing is, my husband says he is Done (yes, with a capital "d") having children. He is perfectly content to have our one, beautiful daughter, although he has said he wouldn't mind having a son if we were to have a second child.

Get him snipped, if in a few years you really feel that itch, foster and or adopt.

Seriously.  If he is capital D Done get ye to a urologist and to a fabulous world of sterility.

You may regret only having one kid, you might regret having two.  There are plenty of kids out there that need families and love if you decide later that you really really do need a second.
 
2020-09-29 10:40:35 AM  

NkThrasher: From TFA:

The thing is, my husband says he is Done (yes, with a capital "d") having children. He is perfectly content to have our one, beautiful daughter, although he has said he wouldn't mind having a son if we were to have a second child.

Get him snipped, if in a few years you really feel that itch, foster and or adopt.

Seriously.  If he is capital D Done get ye to a urologist and to a fabulous world of sterility.

You may regret only having one kid, you might regret having two.  There are plenty of kids out there that need families and love if you decide later that you really really do need a second.


He's done, but... wouldn't mind a son? Dude needs to make up his mind.
 
2020-09-29 10:41:33 AM  
better to regret not having a kid than to regret having one
 
2020-09-29 10:42:23 AM  
Bringing a child into this world is carrying wood into a burning house.

/your children will see the end of the world as we know it
//it is already happening
 
2020-09-29 10:49:55 AM  

DecemberNitro: NkThrasher: From TFA:

The thing is, my husband says he is Done (yes, with a capital "d") having children. He is perfectly content to have our one, beautiful daughter, although he has said he wouldn't mind having a son if we were to have a second child.

Get him snipped, if in a few years you really feel that itch, foster and or adopt.

Seriously.  If he is capital D Done get ye to a urologist and to a fabulous world of sterility.

You may regret only having one kid, you might regret having two.  There are plenty of kids out there that need families and love if you decide later that you really really do need a second.

He's done, but... wouldn't mind a son? Dude needs to make up his mind.


Men are so stupid when it comes to having a child that "looks like them".
Sure, let's have another kid--as long as it's a bbbboooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyy.
 
2020-09-29 10:52:03 AM  
Define yourself by something other than reproduction.
 
2020-09-29 11:04:44 AM  

NkThrasher: Get him snipped, if in a few years you really feel that itch, foster and or adopt.


Or have the urologist use a needle to get a sample. Just because you've had a vasectomy doesn't mean you stop producing sperm.
 
2020-09-29 11:10:27 AM  

Subtonic: DecemberNitro: [Fark user image 610x405]

They just need to explain to the kid that they wanted a 'do over'.


"I'm sorry, little timmy. It's just not working out..."
<tires squeeling>
 
2020-09-29 11:10:49 AM  
Do you want your kidS arguing over what to do with you down the road
No argument if you only have one
DNRTFA
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-29 11:19:11 AM  

Fear the Clam: NkThrasher: Get him snipped, if in a few years you really feel that itch, foster and or adopt.

Or have the urologist use a needle to get a sample. Just because you've had a vasectomy doesn't mean you stop producing sperm.


I was told after mine that about three to five years in you do stop.  No clue if it's true, but it isn't relevant to me.  I've got my two kids, and if we somehow go absolutely bonkers bat-shiat insane and think a third is a good idea, we can adopt.

/got snipped when my second was six months old, I highly recommend it
 
2020-09-29 11:30:29 AM  
The world doesn't need more people.
 
2020-09-29 11:37:11 AM  
if you don't you will at some point.  if you do you'll look back wistfully at the days of only having a single kid.  You're working off the incorrect assumption that there is an absolutely correct answer that will lead to 0 regret later.  you need to abandon that assumption.
 
2020-09-29 11:43:29 AM  
Being an only child sucks
 
2020-09-29 11:45:41 AM  
"Out of the game for months"? Maybe the first kid wasn't the greatest idea either for you.
 
2020-09-29 12:09:30 PM  

bhcompy: Being an only child sucks


I was an only child and I loved it, my parents always took my best friend with on camping trips and vacations so i never was lonely and I got all the benefits of being a spoiled only child when it came to everything else.
 
2020-09-29 12:27:19 PM  
I'm an only child. Wife and I only had 1 because of health concerns. Make sure you socialize them early. My son is fairly social and makes friends easily. But as I remind my son who is now in high school, mom and I outnumber you, watch your grades like a hawk. We don't have a back up kid.
 
2020-09-29 12:45:52 PM  
"Be fruitful and multiply" was great advice when the planet was much less populated than it is today, and when kids frequently died before adulthood.

With the global population approaching almost 8 billion, perhaps it's time to reconsider that.
 
2020-09-29 12:56:17 PM  

dwlah: Do you want your kidS arguing over what to do with you down the road
No argument if you only have one
DNRTFA
[Fark user image 345x146]


Two words.  Living Will.
 
2020-09-29 12:56:47 PM  
I really loved having a sister, so to me having a sibling made life much less lonely.

I had a brother who was and still is an asshole.  So....there ya go.

I know people who have been life long friends with their siblings and also mortal enemies.  But when they do get along it is wonderful.

And it is really nice when you have had it up to here with being a parent, you can send them outside to play together.  For my Mom in winter, she would give us chalk and let us go in the basement and draw.  Or we would roller skate in the basement.  She could get a break and not have to listen to our nonstop chatter.
 
2020-09-29 1:06:44 PM  

Wave Of Anal Fury: "Be fruitful and multiply" was great advice when the planet was much less populated than it is today, and when kids frequently died before adulthood.

With the global population approaching almost 8 billion, perhaps it's time to reconsider that.


We are actually at the point where projections indicate the population will stop growing around the year 2100 and then start declining.
 
2020-09-29 1:07:47 PM  
Lady, if your husband says he's done he's done. If you try to browbeat, coerce, or worst of all, trick him into having another one, odds are he will resent you for the rest of his life.
 
2020-09-29 1:15:05 PM  
Yes, having one child you will regret it. Having two, you will regret it twice as much. Quit while you're ahead.
 
2020-09-29 1:32:02 PM  

Ringshadow: /your children will see the end of the world as we know it


Zoomers are seeing the end of the world as we know it.  The following generation will know of the world as it was only through storytelling.
 
2020-09-29 1:36:15 PM  

Spermbot: Ringshadow: /your children will see the end of the world as we know it

Zoomers are seeing the end of the world as we know it.  The following generation will know of the world as it was only through storytelling.


Fair point.

Regardless I am done celebrating or congratulating births. Just, forever. Done.

/we as a society treat pregnant people really creepily anyway
//it's good I'm sterile because the first person to touch me would get a broken farking hand
 
2020-09-29 1:45:32 PM  
I am a second child. My brother was (and still is) absolutely golden. Always studied, stayed out of trouble, loved quiet time in his room. Then I came along (just picture a very loud tornado of a person). While I was obviously a lot more fun, I know I'm responsible for more than a few gray hairs.

Now here I am, with one daughter. She is absolutely golden, just like my brother. I never once considered having a second child because I knew it would be the revenge my mother always talked about.

But my daughter is never lonely. It's not like when we were kids & we sat at home, sadly playing with our dinosaurs & wishing for a sibling. Our world is much more connected now. Point is, you're not harming your child by stopping at one. All families are different.
 
2020-09-29 1:52:56 PM  

Ringshadow: /we as a society treat pregnant people really creepily anyway


AMEN I know people are curious, but if they want to tell you, they'll tell you. If they want you to feel the baby kick, they'll invite you. Just leave people alone, FFS.
 
2020-09-29 2:47:12 PM  

ZAZ: If you have an only child you will ruin her life by being overprotective. Abort her or have a second.


We adopted Thing Two in part to help teach Thing One that he's not the center of the universe. Also, since we're older when we got started and he may well have no nuclear family later into adulthood, at least he now has a brother. And, while it had little bearing on the decision, having two is actually a lot more fun (even if it comes with a new set of hassles).

/If we had started ten years earlier we might have adopted a couple more, but I didn't want to be collecting Social Security by the time they graduated high school.
//We still considered it after seeing some of the kids at Thing Two's orphanage, but by then we were already close to the age-gap limit for China.
 
2020-09-29 2:51:59 PM  

Hooker with a Penis: bhcompy: Being an only child sucks

I was an only child and I loved it, my parents always took my best friend with on camping trips and vacations so i never was lonely and I got all the benefits of being a spoiled only child when it came to everything else.


When our daughter was young she wanted a brother or sister.  We informed her each time she asked that it wasn't going to happen.  When she was around 12 or 13 she told us she was glad she was the only one, because she figured we weren't spending any more on gifts and such if there were more than one, so she knew she had hit the jackpot in that regard, plus like you, she always had a friend travel with us on vacations and trips. We probably spoiled her a bit, but thankfully she handled it well.
 
2020-09-29 3:03:03 PM  
Have six kids. There's plenty of room in this wonderful world.
 
2020-09-29 3:04:28 PM  

cretinbob: out of the game? What game? You're in your mid-30's with a toddler. The game is over.


life is not a game.

memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2020-09-29 3:05:41 PM  

wax_on: Have another kid. I feel sorry for only children, especially now. Our kids at least have each other to play with.


As my parents grew old and died, it was a great comfort having siblings. My son is an only child and I am so sorry for the burden he will have to bear alone when his mother and I pass.
 
2020-09-29 3:44:47 PM  

exqqqme: wax_on: Have another kid. I feel sorry for only children, especially now. Our kids at least have each other to play with.

As my parents grew old and died, it was a great comfort having siblings. My son is an only child and I am so sorry for the burden he will have to bear alone when his mother and I pass.


Looking on the bright side of morbidity, at least he won't have someone fighting with him over an inheritance, or who has to clean out the house.
 
2020-09-29 3:57:13 PM  

Ringshadow: Spermbot: Ringshadow: /your children will see the end of the world as we know it

Zoomers are seeing the end of the world as we know it.  The following generation will know of the world as it was only through storytelling.

Fair point.

Regardless I am done celebrating or congratulating births. Just, forever. Done.

/we as a society treat pregnant people really creepily anyway
//it's good I'm sterile because the first person to touch me would get a broken farking hand


I only "Funnied" you because we are not allowed to give multiple "Smarts". Break that hand, and keep on with your work, which will be more likely to save and keep the rest of us well and safe.
 
2020-09-29 5:58:49 PM  
Jesus. Stop going to that church. Tell people to shut up and mind their own farking business.

Problem solved.
 
2020-09-29 6:40:57 PM  

wax_on: Have another kid. I feel sorry for only children, especially now. Our kids at least have each other to play with.


I loved being an only child. I would go over to my friends houses to play and when shiat got too stupid I could go home to my nice, quiet house and grab an apple and sit under my favorite tree and read. And I really appreciate it now that I have put my dad in care. I hear horror stories over what siblings act like when the folks get old and can no longer take care of themselves. The crap my DH went through with his siblings over the will and the family home was nightmarish.
 
2020-09-29 6:56:09 PM  
Have two kids close together and hope they get along. People with only children are stuck having to keep them entertained for years and years. The second child is so much easier to raise too. Our two boys play together all the time. Very little work required on our part to keep them busy or keep them away from screens.
 
2020-09-29 7:31:53 PM  
The ideal age to have children is in your early 20s. This way, you're still attractive enough to get another woman.
 
2020-09-29 7:46:05 PM  
As many have pointed out, a sibling could be a blessing or a curse. A best friend or a lifetime of fighting, right up until (and past) the parents' deaths. Either way, make a decision and avoid thinking about the what ifs because it could always be better but it could always be worse.


I'm an only child. As a small child, my parents say that I asked for a sibling, though I do not remember that. As a preteen/teen, I loved being an only because I got more and because I saw my friends fight with their siblings constantly. One friend wasn't allowed to go to her dream college on half tuition scholarship - she had to go somewhere with a full ride because her parents knew her younger brother wouldn't get any scholarships so they wanted to use her college fund for him (she's now a PhD working for the EPA, he's usually unemployed; it didn't work). As an adult, my only regret is that I do not want children myself so my parents will not have grandchildren and I can't be the "fun aunt" who gives ridiculous gifts.
 
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