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(Special Broadcasting Service)   "Be able to walk around without constantly being aware who is around me"   (sbs.com.au) divider line
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546 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 28 Sep 2020 at 4:18 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



38 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-09-27 11:55:49 PM  
That is a sad comment on society.
 
2020-09-28 12:10:37 AM  
And you'd still be unsafe in that circumstance. Predators are always around and not gender or color coded. En garde.
 
2020-09-28 3:08:27 AM  
Is this going to happen every year now?
 
2020-09-28 4:30:20 AM  
The walking at night and feeling safe thing, I understand. That's terrible, and frankly no one should have to live in fear like that.

I'd spend 24 hours not re-explaining myself, only to have what I already explained said back to me

But if you have to repeatedly explain yourself to multiple people throughout the day, it's time to look at how you're communicating. Are you starting with the conclusion and then fleshing out the details as needed? Are you participating in the discussion by understanding its context and working within that framework? Do you take the time to make sure your audience understands you?
 
2020-09-28 4:52:39 AM  
While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.
 
2020-09-28 5:32:23 AM  
Not a protection from Karens.
 
2020-09-28 5:34:52 AM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: The walking at night and feeling safe thing, I understand. That's terrible, and frankly no one should have to live in fear like that.

I'd spend 24 hours not re-explaining myself, only to have what I already explained said back to me

But if you have to repeatedly explain yourself to multiple people throughout the day, it's time to look at how you're communicating. Are you starting with the conclusion and then fleshing out the details as needed? Are you participating in the discussion by understanding its context and working within that framework? Do you take the time to make sure your audience understands you?


Not sure if you're making a funny or are blithely committing the exact error being mentioned.
 
2020-09-28 6:16:11 AM  

Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.


Yep, it's like teaching kids about "stranger danger" when the real danger is far more likely to be a relative or family friend.

/my mom was physically abused by my dad for 20+ years, was never attacked by a stranger
 
2020-09-28 6:27:10 AM  

Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.


You're right, but when I read that, I thought of all the guys who have made me moderately uncomfortable by the way they act on public transit, the way they walk down the street, the way they try to attract my attention with their words and actions.  I'm sure other women feel the same way.  They aren't assaulting me, but it would be nice if the behaviour stopped for a while.
 
2020-09-28 7:15:30 AM  

Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.


Mysoginy!  Rape apologist!

// Welcome to Fark
 
2020-09-28 7:44:30 AM  

Urmuf Hamer: And you'd still be unsafe in that circumstance. Predators are always around and not gender or color coded. En garde.


That's not true.  Women *NEVER* commit violent crime, especially not against each other.  *EVER*.

And they don't commit property crimes either.
 
2020-09-28 7:56:05 AM  
The solution to not being able to walk alone is called a dog. I have two of them. I feel safe anywhere I go.
 
2020-09-28 8:41:10 AM  

ManifestDestiny: We Ate the Necco Wafers: The walking at night and feeling safe thing, I understand. That's terrible, and frankly no one should have to live in fear like that.

I'd spend 24 hours not re-explaining myself, only to have what I already explained said back to me

But if you have to repeatedly explain yourself to multiple people throughout the day, it's time to look at how you're communicating. Are you starting with the conclusion and then fleshing out the details as needed? Are you participating in the discussion by understanding its context and working within that framework? Do you take the time to make sure your audience understands you?

Not sure if you're making a funny or are blithely committing the exact error being mentioned.


or you could consider that not everyone is a good communicator.   to put it another way
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-28 9:14:48 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-28 9:35:55 AM  

Joxertheflighty: Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.

You're right, but when I read that, I thought of all the guys who have made me moderately uncomfortable by the way they act on public transit, the way they walk down the street, the way they try to attract my attention with their words and actions.  I'm sure other women feel the same way.  They aren't assaulting me, but it would be nice if the behaviour stopped for a while.


I'm a father of two daughters, so I quickly became a feminist.  With the intention of not raising victims, I rephrased the "stranger danger" talk into "behavior danger" talks, which very much included relatives/coaches/teachers/family friends.

I also tried teaching them all the shiatty ways that the public in general, men, and even some women, might try to dump some 1950s style "know your place, and be happy for even bad attention" garbage on them.  I tried to give them the tools and confidence to cope with this crap.

I also tried to convey all of this in a way that let them enjoy all that's also wonderful in the world, and how they can enjoy life, and set their own boundaries, and respect other people's boundaries.  Most of all to develop the critical thinking skills to observe, analyze and make decisions for themselves, rather than do things my way.  It helped that I had a high powered/take no shiat tax attorney as a sister in law, and two amazing successful female friends to use as role models.

It turned out, we have a creepy grandparent in the family, a creepy uncle, at least one creepy softball coach, possibly one creepy teacher, quite a few overzealous boyfriends.  I'm sure they've dealt with far more than that on a daily basis.  They seem prepared to deal with it, or at least I hope so.

In hindsight, I've learned from my now adult daughters, there were some things I got a bit wrong.  I presented it as a non-emotional and a logical exercise, where in practice emotions are very much involved.

TLDR: Why not both.
 
2020-09-28 10:23:37 AM  

exqqqme: [Fark user image image 236x236]


That...is just the original quote, rephrased.
 
2020-09-28 10:24:45 AM  

tom baker's scarf: ManifestDestiny: We Ate the Necco Wafers: The walking at night and feeling safe thing, I understand. That's terrible, and frankly no one should have to live in fear like that.

I'd spend 24 hours not re-explaining myself, only to have what I already explained said back to me

But if you have to repeatedly explain yourself to multiple people throughout the day, it's time to look at how you're communicating. Are you starting with the conclusion and then fleshing out the details as needed? Are you participating in the discussion by understanding its context and working within that framework? Do you take the time to make sure your audience understands you?

Not sure if you're making a funny or are blithely committing the exact error being mentioned.

or you could consider that not everyone is a good communicator.   to put it another way
[Fark user image 268x188]


Not sure if you're making a funny or are blithely committing the exact error being mentioned.
 
2020-09-28 11:14:47 AM  
Who is the tag for, Subby?
 
2020-09-28 12:03:33 PM  

Gramma: The solution to not being able to walk alone is called a dog. I have two of them. I feel safe anywhere I go.


My wife tried using that argument when she used to walk hiking trails by herself. Oh, I have doggo with me. If that dude is willing to kill you, you think killing a dog would be beyond him? A shot to the head, doggo is dead. You are now extremely shocked and are easy picking....
 
2020-09-28 12:05:17 PM  

exqqqme: [Fark user image image 236x236]


Oh, a commie.
 
2020-09-28 12:18:46 PM  
As a female that had an early puberty and development, hello period at 9 years old, I have had males pawing at me since I was 10. Teens up to grown men, I've been touched against my will and molested too many times to count and I was raped at 16. The men never cared that I didn't want them touching me, they were bigger and stronger and they did what they wanted and fighting back was ineffective because I was so tiny. At ten I was 4ft tall and weighed about 65lbs(I was also in possession of B cups by then) not to mention the standard threats of retribution if I said anything to anybody. I was a shy and quiet child and too scared 'to tell'. I managed to overcome the abuse but, it took a long time. Abusive males are preditory and don't care what they do to females, how it makes us feel as long as they get what they want. Basically all the womens comments are our everyday reality. We need to be raising better men.
 
2020-09-28 12:37:24 PM  

Ker_Thwap: Joxertheflighty: Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.

You're right, but when I read that, I thought of all the guys who have made me moderately uncomfortable by the way they act on public transit, the way they walk down the street, the way they try to attract my attention with their words and actions.  I'm sure other women feel the same way.  They aren't assaulting me, but it would be nice if the behaviour stopped for a while.

I'm a father of two daughters, so I quickly became a feminist.  With the intention of not raising victims, I rephrased the "stranger danger" talk into "behavior danger" talks, which very much included relatives/coaches/teachers/family friends.

I also tried teaching them all the shiatty ways that the public in general, men, and even some women, might try to dump some 1950s style "know your place, and be happy for even bad attention" garbage on them.  I tried to give them the tools and confidence to cope with this crap.

I also tried to convey all of this in a way that let them enjoy all that's also wonderful in the world, and how they can enjoy life, and set their own boundaries, and respect other people's boundaries.  Most of all to develop the critical thinking skills to observe, analyze and make decisions for themselves, rather than do things my way.  It helped that I had a high powered/take no shiat tax attorney as a sister in law, and two amazing successful female friends to use as role models.

It turned out, we have a creepy grandparent in the family, a creepy uncle, at least one creepy softball coach, possibly one creepy teacher, quite a few overzealous boyfriends.  I'm sure they've dealt with far more than that on a daily basis.  They seem prepared to deal with it, or at least I hope so.

In hindsight, I've learned from my now adult daughters, there were some things I got a bit wrong.  I presented it as a non-emotional and a logical exercise, where in practice emotions are very much involved.

TLDR: Why not both.


My dad was really good at trying to teach me and my siblings about how to treat others and how you should expect others to treat you.  He was really good at trying to make us girls understand that you don't have accept bad behaviour from men.  But he was and still is unable to understand that women can't just tell a guy to shut up or walk away from him without fearing harm.  It's just one of those things that people cannot understand unless they experience it.  I'm glad you tried to help your daughters too.  It meant a lot to me to have a good role model, and I hope your daughters feel the same about you.
 
2020-09-28 3:59:37 PM  

OK So Amuse Me: As a female that had an early puberty and development, hello period at 9 years old, I have had males pawing at me since I was 10. Teens up to grown men, I've been touched against my will and molested too many times to count and I was raped at 16. The men never cared that I didn't want them touching me, they were bigger and stronger and they did what they wanted and fighting back was ineffective because I was so tiny. At ten I was 4ft tall and weighed about 65lbs(I was also in possession of B cups by then) not to mention the standard threats of retribution if I said anything to anybody. I was a shy and quiet child and too scared 'to tell'. I managed to overcome the abuse but, it took a long time. Abusive males are preditory and don't care what they do to females, how it makes us feel as long as they get what they want. Basically all the womens comments are our everyday reality. We need to be raising better men.


Fark *really* needs a That's So Farked Up button.
 
2020-09-28 4:43:48 PM  

Ker_Thwap: Joxertheflighty: Nogale: While random or planned attacks by strangers do occur, most women are victimized by people they know. So there's that.

And I'm a woman, so don't accuse me of mansplaining.

You're right, but when I read that, I thought of all the guys who have made me moderately uncomfortable by the way they act on public transit, the way they walk down the street, the way they try to attract my attention with their words and actions.  I'm sure other women feel the same way.  They aren't assaulting me, but it would be nice if the behaviour stopped for a while.

I'm a father of two daughters, so I quickly became a feminist.  With the intention of not raising victims, I rephrased the "stranger danger" talk into "behavior danger" talks, which very much included relatives/coaches/teachers/family friends.

I also tried teaching them all the shiatty ways that the public in general, men, and even some women, might try to dump some 1950s style "know your place, and be happy for even bad attention" garbage on them.  I tried to give them the tools and confidence to cope with this crap.

I also tried to convey all of this in a way that let them enjoy all that's also wonderful in the world, and how they can enjoy life, and set their own boundaries, and respect other people's boundaries.  Most of all to develop the critical thinking skills to observe, analyze and make decisions for themselves, rather than do things my way.  It helped that I had a high powered/take no shiat tax attorney as a sister in law, and two amazing successful female friends to use as role models.

It turned out, we have a creepy grandparent in the family, a creepy uncle, at least one creepy softball coach, possibly one creepy teacher, quite a few overzealous boyfriends.  I'm sure they've dealt with far more than that on a daily basis.  They seem prepared to deal with it, or at least I hope so.

In hindsight, I've learned from my now adult daughters, there were some things I got a bit wrong.  I pre ...


We taught our daughter there were "tricky people", not 'stranger danger'.  We've also instructed her extensively on certain people in the family we know are "tricky people", what to look out for, and many of the red flags of things that aren't appropriate for ANYONE to be doing with her, even family.  We've also got a list of family members that she is never to be alone with at any time.

At the age of 4 or 5, we started teaching her that at ANY time if someone is making her feel uncomfortable she's allowed to tell myself or her mother immediately and we will remove her from that situation, no matter who it is and what they are doing.

We've also impressed one universal rule on her, that no matter what happens, and no matter what anyone else says, she is to keep no secrets from my wife, and she's allowed to ask her anything and she'll get an honest answer without judgement or punishment.

Basically all the lessons my wife wishes someone would have taught her before she was sexually abused as a child.  She seems to have taken heed, as she has used these outs few times over the years, which is great, because she's a 5'1", 10yo that looks like she could be a sophomore in high school, and has already been hit on by older teens, and gawked at by more than a few adults.  All we can do now is keep re-enforcing her and hope it holds.

It's is amazing at how incredibly powerless it feels to be the parents of a little girl, but I can't imagine how much more difficult it is to actually be a girl.

/If my wife hadn't turned me into a feminist, have a daughter certainly would have done it.
 
2020-09-28 4:57:55 PM  
The mere fact that men exist has never made me feel scared, nor has it stopped me from doing anything, including walking outside alone at night. It's possible I'm just lucky, or ugly.
 
2020-09-28 5:24:03 PM  

CrazyGerbilLady: The mere fact that men exist has never made me feel scared, nor has it stopped me from doing anything, including walking outside alone at night. It's possible I'm just lucky, or ugly.


Or a crazy gerbil lady.
 
2020-09-28 5:35:11 PM  

Cafe Threads: CrazyGerbilLady: The mere fact that men exist has never made me feel scared, nor has it stopped me from doing anything, including walking outside alone at night. It's possible I'm just lucky, or ugly.

Or a crazy gerbil lady.


I'm really glad someone else made that joke.
 
2020-09-28 7:41:35 PM  

CrazyGerbilLady: The mere fact that men exist has never made me feel scared, nor has it stopped me from doing anything, including walking outside alone at night. It's possible I'm just lucky, or ugly.


I can say exactly the same thing... *looks at own username* Oh, crap.
 
2020-09-28 7:46:28 PM  
Never mind all you young ladies living in fear, given time you too may reach the magical age whereby you become completely invisible.

Some argue it's forty, some say it's older. I suspect a bunch of fifty-something year old women could safely rob a bank in broad daylight. The money will be gone yet no one would have noticed anything about who could have done it.
 
2020-09-28 7:53:18 PM  

Nidiot: Never mind all you young ladies living in fear, given time you too may reach the magical age whereby you become completely invisible.

Some argue it's forty, some say it's older. I suspect a bunch of fifty-something year old women could safely rob a bank in broad daylight. The money will be gone yet no one would have noticed anything about who could have done it.


That's hilarious, but in nine days I'm turning 60 and I'm still getting the negative attention that men think is so complimentary.

Walk around at night? You mean after dark? So that I'll have to be alert for every sound that might be someone getting close to me who does not have my best interests at heart? Or even at a public place, when a man is obviously flirting with me, the niggling fear in the back of my mind that if I don't turn him down gently enough I will suffer physically for it, then or later. Seems fun to some of you?

It's not.

60 years of fear of abuse (except the times I *was* being abused) really ought to be enough for a human being to bear, don't you think?

Don't you think?
 
2020-09-28 8:32:44 PM  

Cafe Threads: Nidiot: Never mind all you young ladies living in fear, given time you too may reach the magical age whereby you become completely invisible.

Some argue it's forty, some say it's older. I suspect a bunch of fifty-something year old women could safely rob a bank in broad daylight. The money will be gone yet no one would have noticed anything about who could have done it.

That's hilarious, but in nine days I'm turning 60 and I'm still getting the negative attention that men think is so complimentary.

Walk around at night? You mean after dark? So that I'll have to be alert for every sound that might be someone getting close to me who does not have my best interests at heart? Or even at a public place, when a man is obviously flirting with me, the niggling fear in the back of my mind that if I don't turn him down gently enough I will suffer physically for it, then or later. Seems fun to some of you?

It's not.

60 years of fear of abuse (except the times I *was* being abused) really ought to be enough for a human being to bear, don't you think?

Don't you think?


Ideally no one should be subjected to fear of abuse, or abuse ever. I'm sorry.

I've been invisible throughout mine, and have the mental issues to prove it, but I can rustle up enough empathy to sympathise. I don't like to get into gender wars, essentially a lot of people of either sex are just awful people.
 
2020-09-29 12:03:25 AM  

OK So Amuse Me: As a female that had an early puberty and development, hello period at 9 years old, I have had males pawing at me since I was 10. Teens up to grown men, I've been touched against my will and molested too many times to count and I was raped at 16. The men never cared that I didn't want them touching me, they were bigger and stronger and they did what they wanted and fighting back was ineffective because I was so tiny. At ten I was 4ft tall and weighed about 65lbs(I was also in possession of B cups by then) not to mention the standard threats of retribution if I said anything to anybody. I was a shy and quiet child and too scared 'to tell'. I managed to overcome the abuse but, it took a long time. Abusive males are preditory and don't care what they do to females, how it makes us feel as long as they get what they want. Basically all the womens comments are our everyday reality. We need to be raising better men.


I'm so sad for you. Sympathy does nothing I know, but still.
 
2020-09-29 2:52:57 AM  

Urmuf Hamer: OK So Amuse Me: As a female that had an early puberty and development, hello period at 9 years old, I have had males pawing at me since I was 10. Teens up to grown men, I've been touched against my will and molested too many times to count and I was raped at 16. The men never cared that I didn't want them touching me, they were bigger and stronger and they did what they wanted and fighting back was ineffective because I was so tiny. At ten I was 4ft tall and weighed about 65lbs(I was also in possession of B cups by then) not to mention the standard threats of retribution if I said anything to anybody. I was a shy and quiet child and too scared 'to tell'. I managed to overcome the abuse but, it took a long time. Abusive males are preditory and don't care what they do to females, how it makes us feel as long as they get what they want. Basically all the womens comments are our everyday reality. We need to be raising better men.

I'm so sad for you. Sympathy does nothing I know, but still.


It was a long time ago and basically the only emotion I have left from it is, anger at the perpetrators. I also get angry at anyone that takes advantage of anyone else sexually, especially if it's kids. It's the most humiliating thing you can do to another person. Sexual predators don't deserve to breathe.
 
2020-09-29 3:36:28 AM  
If there were no men spiders would rule the world.
 
2020-09-29 10:16:36 AM  

tom baker's scarf: ManifestDestiny: We Ate the Necco Wafers: The walking at night and feeling safe thing, I understand. That's terrible, and frankly no one should have to live in fear like that.

I'd spend 24 hours not re-explaining myself, only to have what I already explained said back to me

But if you have to repeatedly explain yourself to multiple people throughout the day, it's time to look at how you're communicating. Are you starting with the conclusion and then fleshing out the details as needed? Are you participating in the discussion by understanding its context and working within that framework? Do you take the time to make sure your audience understands you?

Not sure if you're making a funny or are blithely committing the exact error being mentioned.

or you could consider that not everyone is a good communicator.   to put it another way
[Fark user image 268x188]


Or it might not even be that she's a bad communicator, but just careless. My wife has a habit of telling me something while she's facing away from me, and she's mumbling and doing something that makes just enough noise to interfere, like opening a bag of potato chips. If she's actually on task with communicating, she's pretty good at it.

And to be fair, I can't take the high ground here. I do similar things.
 
2020-09-29 12:21:53 PM  

bfh0417: Gramma: The solution to not being able to walk alone is called a dog. I have two of them. I feel safe anywhere I go.

My wife tried using that argument when she used to walk hiking trails by herself. Oh, I have doggo with me. If that dude is willing to kill you, you think killing a dog would be beyond him? A shot to the head, doggo is dead. You are now extremely shocked and are easy picking....


Well in that extreme case, walking with a man would also be problematic.
 
2020-09-29 1:04:31 PM  

relaxitsjustme: If there were no men spiders would rule the world.


Did you know that not all females are scared of spiders? Weird but true.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-29 2:15:37 PM  

OK So Amuse Me: relaxitsjustme: If there were no men spiders would rule the world.

Did you know that not all females are scared of spiders? Weird but true.

[Fark user image image 340x223]


Ya know I thought about putting an
/I keed at the bottom of my post but then I thought 'na, everyone will realize it's a joke'.  Guess not.  Sorry, it was a joke.
 
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