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(Onion AV Club)   Actual headline that proves we are living in an artificial reality: "White House attempts to fix COVID with $300 million Dennis Quaid infusion"   (news.avclub.com) divider line
    More: Strange, Dennis Quaid, CeCe Winans, Innerspace, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Randy Quaid, BeBe & CeCe Winans, Trump administration, Meg Ryan  
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2377 clicks; posted to Politics » on 26 Sep 2020 at 11:15 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-09-26 8:54:34 AM  
Monty Python Not Dead Yet Scene HD
Youtube jYcPBE5PXhs
 
2020-09-26 9:29:07 AM  
Quaid (along with several other famous folks) was interviewed as part of the Health And Human Services Department's new initiative to "defeat despair" linked to the pandemic-an initiative that spokesperson Michael Caputo swears has everything to do with keeping up the national morale, and nothing to do with trying to convince people to feel better (via that classic medical technique, the Quaid Infusion) about the government's handling of the crisis right before it's time to vote. Oh, and in case you were wondering: Of course the money for all this was taken from the budget of the Centers For Disease Control,

The only thing i don't get about this is that it's Dennis not Randy
 
2020-09-26 9:43:05 AM  

whyRpeoplesostupid: Quaid (along with several other famous folks) was interviewed as part of the Health And Human Services Department's new initiative to "defeat despair" linked to the pandemic-an initiative that spokesperson Michael Caputo swears has everything to do with keeping up the national morale, and nothing to do with trying to convince people to feel better (via that classic medical technique, the Quaid Infusion) about the government's handling of the crisis right before it's time to vote. Oh, and in case you were wondering: Of course the money for all this was taken from the budget of the Centers For Disease Control,

The only thing i don't get about this is that it's Dennis not Randy


Everyone knows Randy is nuts.
 
2020-09-26 9:52:03 AM  

enry: whyRpeoplesostupid: Quaid (along with several other famous folks) was interviewed as part of the Health And Human Services Department's new initiative to "defeat despair" linked to the pandemic-an initiative that spokesperson Michael Caputo swears has everything to do with keeping up the national morale, and nothing to do with trying to convince people to feel better (via that classic medical technique, the Quaid Infusion) about the government's handling of the crisis right before it's time to vote. Oh, and in case you were wondering: Of course the money for all this was taken from the budget of the Centers For Disease Control,

The only thing i don't get about this is that it's Dennis not Randy

Everyone knows Randy is nuts.


that's why it's surprising that it's dennis
 
2020-09-26 9:59:43 AM  
Well, it's a kinder, gentler version of just ignore it and get on with things, I'll grant them that.
 
2020-09-26 11:21:30 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 11:21:56 AM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 11:21:58 AM  
And Dennis Quaid's career just flatlined.
 
2020-09-26 11:22:27 AM  
What are they gonna get him to do, start the reactor?
 
2020-09-26 11:22:37 AM  
This is why we can't have nice vaccines.
 
2020-09-26 11:22:53 AM  
 I'd have picked Tom Hanks, that man has more integrity than the entire US government.
 
2020-09-26 11:23:10 AM  
Wonder what would happen if someone informed them that it's not Covid that's depressing the shait out of everyone, but the federal government itself and its pathetic response to it that's bumming everyone out.
 
2020-09-26 11:23:31 AM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: enry: whyRpeoplesostupid: Quaid (along with several other famous folks) was interviewed as part of the Health And Human Services Department's new initiative to "defeat despair" linked to the pandemic-an initiative that spokesperson Michael Caputo swears has everything to do with keeping up the national morale, and nothing to do with trying to convince people to feel better (via that classic medical technique, the Quaid Infusion) about the government's handling of the crisis right before it's time to vote. Oh, and in case you were wondering: Of course the money for all this was taken from the budget of the Centers For Disease Control,

The only thing i don't get about this is that it's Dennis not Randy

Everyone knows Randy is nuts.

that's why it's surprising that it's dennis


I would assume he is getting a very large check.
 
2020-09-26 11:24:00 AM  
This is 2020, Alex.  You can do anything you want in here.
 
2020-09-26 11:24:26 AM  
This is what happens when you let your little brother play reality on your account.
 
2020-09-26 11:25:04 AM  
Oh yeah, I loved him in  Christmas Vacation.
 
2020-09-26 11:26:08 AM  
Dennis is going to share his cocaine with everyone? Sweet!
 
2020-09-26 11:26:25 AM  

EyeballKid: And Dennis Quaid's career just flatlined.


He is doing insurance commercials on TV.  This is just unplugging the machines from a brain dead patient.
 
2020-09-26 11:27:11 AM  
I wonder what thing is causing the deep despair that would necessitate the need to lift us from said despair?

Could it be because it is worse than it needed to be?

Naw, that's silly, can't be that. Not even sure why that crossed my mind.
 
2020-09-26 11:27:46 AM  

born_yesterday: This is 2020, Alex.  You can do anything you want in here.


I really enjoyed that flick. Kate Capshaw was adorable, and David Patrick Kelly was even creepier than he was in The Warriors.
 
2020-09-26 11:27:52 AM  

I dont want to be on this planet anymore: I'd have picked Tom Hanks, that man has more integrity than the entire US government.


...which is why he wouldn't work for this government, duh.
 
2020-09-26 11:28:33 AM  
Bread, circuses, and the cheerful acceptance of death.
 
2020-09-26 11:29:40 AM  
In this timeline I could totally see a headline reading "White House attempts to fix COVID with $300 million Randy Quaid infusion."
 
2020-09-26 11:29:49 AM  
To prove that Covid is no big deal, Trump should have Dr Fauci inject him with it.
 
2020-09-26 11:32:03 AM  

Catlenfell: e that Covid is no big deal, Trump shou


Then he can have then inject him with some bleach, since he' so certain that works.
 
2020-09-26 11:34:16 AM  
Hey Trump,
Up yours! You nasty assed Goa'uld.
Independence Day (5/5) Movie CLIP - Russell Becomes a Hero (1996) HD
Youtube NyOTaHRBTXc
 
2020-09-26 11:40:18 AM  
So... Trump stole from the CDC to try to help his campaign?

Yeah, that scans.

He steals from everyone else to that end as well as for funding his many legal defences so this is just another day ending in a Y for Trump.
 
2020-09-26 11:46:30 AM  
He stole all the RNC money.

The CDC is now paying for his campaign ads.
 
2020-09-26 11:48:11 AM  

quatchi: So... Trump stole from the CDC to try to help his campaign?

Yeah, that scans.

He steals from everyone else to that end as well as for funding his many legal defences so this is just another day ending in a Y for Trump.


and he's not sharing any rubles with Lindsay either.
 
2020-09-26 11:49:22 AM  

BMulligan: born_yesterday: This is 2020, Alex.  You can do anything you want in here.

I really enjoyed that flick. Kate Capshaw was adorable, and David Patrick Kelly was even creepier than he was in The Warriors.


Hells yeah..  I must have watched it a dozen times on cable.  Christopher Plummer, Max von Sydow, George Wendt.  I loved that movie.
 
2020-09-26 11:50:17 AM  

whyRpeoplesostupid: Quaid (along with several other famous folks) was interviewed as part of the Health And Human Services Department's new initiative to "defeat despair" linked to the pandemic-an initiative that spokesperson Michael Caputo swears has everything to do with keeping up the national morale, and nothing to do with trying to convince people to feel better (via that classic medical technique, the Quaid Infusion) about the government's handling of the crisis right before it's time to vote. Oh, and in case you were wondering: Of course the money for all this was taken from the budget of the Centers For Disease Control,

The only thing i don't get about this is that it's Dennis not Randy


He needs to take a step back from the Quaidloodes.
 
2020-09-26 11:51:25 AM  

flondrix: I dont want to be on this planet anymore: I'd have picked Tom Hanks, that man has more integrity than the entire US government.

...which is why he wouldn't work for this government, duh.


He is also a Greek citizen now

/could be problematic if he tries for a security clearance
//the president has run out of daughers marry off, plus Tom is already married
 
2020-09-26 11:53:02 AM  
His son knows someone who could have done it cheaper.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 11:56:24 AM  
"The Dennis Quaid Infusion" is the name of my post-modern Jimi Hendrix Experience cover band.
 
2020-09-26 12:00:09 PM  
Happy Virus Propaganda...

Country Western songs that glorify Trump and vilify education and science...

Larry The Cable Guy becomes head of CDC...

Jesus... jesus... make it stop...
 
2020-09-26 12:00:14 PM  
This if farking insane.

November 1, 2020, cities around America burn from massive protest, rioting and shootouts between left and right leaning groups after President Donald Trump announced all mail in ballots not counted by Republican poll workers, in Republican controlled states, with Republican control supervisor of elections would be voided and not counted due to the high probability of Trump losing the election. All television broadcast have been interrupted with a video of Dennis Quad playing an acoustic version of Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry, Be Happy on a 24 hour loop.

Any one else just about done with this shiat?
 
2020-09-26 12:02:05 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 12:13:38 PM  
I've been grifting the wrong people
 
2020-09-26 12:13:56 PM  
This is the equivalent of being told you've got COVID, but don't worry, Star Wars is coming on the TV.
 
2020-09-26 12:14:24 PM  
Anyone an esurance customer?

Nope? Money well spent.

s3.amazonaws.comView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 12:16:25 PM  
Crap...
Fark user imageView Full Size

What Wagon?
 
2020-09-26 12:19:21 PM  
Are we sure the writer didn't just mix up Quaids?
 
2020-09-26 12:21:34 PM  

Someone Else's Alt: This if farking insane.

November 1, 2020, cities around America burn from massive protest, rioting and shootouts between left and right leaning groups after President Donald Trump announced all mail in ballots not counted by Republican poll workers, in Republican controlled states, with Republican control supervisor of elections would be voided and not counted due to the high probability of Trump losing the election. All television broadcast have been interrupted with a video of Dennis Quad playing an acoustic version of Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry, Be Happy on a 24 hour loop.

Any one else just about done with this shiat?


What's insane is that your scenario no longer sounds insanely implausible or implausible insane.
 
2020-09-26 12:30:33 PM  

EyeballKid: And Dennis Quaid's career just flatlined.


Oh I think that happened before the turn of the last century
 
2020-09-26 12:31:09 PM  
im4.ezgif.comView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 12:36:10 PM  
Also, someone probably said 'Quaids' to Rump, and he heard, 'Quaaludes' and immediately threw money at things.
 
2020-09-26 12:46:45 PM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: flondrix: I dont want to be on this planet anymore: I'd have picked Tom Hanks, that man has more integrity than the entire US government.

...which is why he wouldn't work for this government, duh.

He is also a Greek citizen now

/could be problematic if he tries for a security clearance
//the president has run out of daughers marry off, plus Tom is already married


He has dual citizenship.  If Arnold Schwarzenneger can have it and be governor of California why can't Tom Hanks star in some shiatty propaganda video from the CDC?
 
2020-09-26 12:59:55 PM  
Dennis Quaid's IMDB career profile has some seriously weird shiat in it. A dog's journey, Amy Schumer and Workaholics? This is just bizarre.
/I admittedly thought he was great in The Intruder
 
2020-09-26 1:00:13 PM  
"We're going to shrink Dennis Quaid and inject him into the body to see how COVID works."

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 1:02:26 PM  
Heh, I'm in the mood for whiny white boy music, not uplifting shiat.
In The End (Official Video) - Linkin Park
Youtube eVTXPUF4Oz4


Music from a quaint time.
 
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