Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Twitter)   Dan Crenshaw is the one-eyed cyborg a-hole coming to kick your Congressional ass in his fantasy ad campaign   (twitter.com) divider line
    More: Murica, shot  
•       •       •

2410 clicks; posted to Politics » on 26 Sep 2020 at 1:30 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



138 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-09-25 6:56:35 PM  
Original Tweet:

 
2020-09-25 8:53:47 PM  
Turns out Ben Garrison also does commercials, and he's also horny for Texas congresscritters and not just the Cultist-In-Chief.
 
2020-09-25 8:54:42 PM  
Well, I wouldn't vote for any of them even if I was in their district, but that was pretty awesome.
 
2020-09-25 9:44:36 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size


really hard on your knees.
 
2020-09-25 9:45:24 PM  
Speaking of.

During my run this evening I saw a Vote for Dan Crenshaw sign in a yard.

Difficulty: I live absolutely nowhere near his gerrymandered-ass district.
 
2020-09-25 10:44:39 PM  
I feel bad that SNL apologized to the cyclops motherfarker.
 
2020-09-26 1:17:18 AM  
I mean, I'm not wishing it, but if he suffered the same fate as Elle Driver, I'd not be against it.
 
2020-09-26 1:33:23 AM  
One of the comments claims he's a Republican that Democrats can support.
 
2020-09-26 1:34:47 AM  
Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.
 
2020-09-26 1:35:01 AM  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
2020-09-26 1:35:41 AM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: One of the comments claims he's a Republican that Democrats can support.


We'll really get to kick that football this time!
 
2020-09-26 1:37:38 AM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: One of the comments claims he's a Republican that Democrats can support.


Sounds legit.
 
2020-09-26 1:37:40 AM  
So he's a f*cking liar about needing the eye patch.

I guess he didn't get it by shooting himself in the eye with a BB-gun.  He just wears the patch to get sympathy.
So what else is he lying about.  Oh, yeah, he's a republican, so everything.
 
Azz [TotalFark]
2020-09-26 1:38:37 AM  

Shostie: Speaking of.

During my run this evening I saw a Vote for Dan Crenshaw sign in a yard.

Difficulty: I live absolutely nowhere near his gerrymandered-ass district.


You should have pissed on it
 
2020-09-26 1:38:42 AM  
media1.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 1:39:51 AM  
Objectively, that was a pretty good commercial. It tells you who they want you to vote for. It gives you a little background on them (3 whole lines!). And it shows them being self-deprecating in between 'takes'. Add to this that it's clear they want you to vote for them as a package, and it does its job well.

Not to mention the over the top nature lends itself to sharing on social media. That's not a bad thing in this day and age.
 
2020-09-26 1:40:00 AM  
Anything with Crenshaw that doesn't end with him being ground to a pulp in a wood chipper is bullshiat.
 
2020-09-26 1:40:30 AM  
I prefer heroes that don't lose an eye.
 
2020-09-26 1:45:33 AM  
Gaseous Snake
 
2020-09-26 1:46:01 AM  
You really have to be one epic big asshole to be a veteran, a wounded one at that, and support a draft dodging piece of shiat with zero respect for soldiers, who said that he didnt want to see wounded veterans in parades because they gave a bad image to the troops.

Fark this dude with a cactus. He can shove his veteran status up his ass, he has zero respect for himself or the troops he fought with. Fark him.
 
2020-09-26 1:46:14 AM  
Nearly 4 minutes long, yet not a single second spent on boring things like telling you what they plan to do once they're elected or policy positions. Let me save you some time looking it up: Make everything worse.

/MURICAAAAA!!!! YEAH!!!
 
2020-09-26 1:47:01 AM  
What a tool, lolol.
 
2020-09-26 1:50:31 AM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: Objectively, that was a pretty good commercial. It tells you who they want you to vote for. It gives you a little background on them (3 whole lines!). And it shows them being self-deprecating in between 'takes'. Add to this that it's clear they want you to vote for them as a package, and it does its job well.

Not to mention the over the top nature lends itself to sharing on social media. That's not a bad thing in this day and age.


They ran out of background info for one of the guys and had to use, "Hispanic Republican," as filler. It's either that or the guy is a token. Hell, it could be both...
 
2020-09-26 1:51:47 AM  

twat_waffle: We Ate the Necco Wafers: Objectively, that was a pretty good commercial. It tells you who they want you to vote for. It gives you a little background on them (3 whole lines!). And it shows them being self-deprecating in between 'takes'. Add to this that it's clear they want you to vote for them as a package, and it does its job well.

Not to mention the over the top nature lends itself to sharing on social media. That's not a bad thing in this day and age.

They ran out of background info for one of the guys and had to use, "Hispanic Republican," as filler. It's either that or the guy is a token. Hell, it could be both...


The cyber security guy who was tracking down hackers until Dan literally pulled the plug from his computer?
 
2020-09-26 1:52:01 AM  

neongoats: Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.


I got more of a Metal Gear Solid vibe but I only got 20 seconds in before I said to myself'even Kojima ain't buying that' and closed it
 
2020-09-26 1:52:35 AM  
I got to "to save TX". From what? Is the guns per human ratio about to fall below 5:1? Is a not rich and white old man gonna get access to decent healthcare? Is someone running for office who thinks we should see some social services in exchange for the taxes we pay?

I don't think you're in any danger, TX. Relax.
 
Azz [TotalFark]
2020-09-26 1:53:12 AM  
fark Dan Crenshaw, when he dies I'll dig him up and drink beer out of that eye socket he's now covering. Ahoy biatch
 
2020-09-26 1:53:27 AM  
Husband. Father. Christian.
 
2020-09-26 1:54:09 AM  
I read the replies and it's all Republicans/MAGATs/Qtards jacking it off to TEXAS fark YEAH or something equally stupid.
 
2020-09-26 1:55:28 AM  
Crenshaw Command Center?  Is that like his Grindr Hub?

Also, this is more like the league of extraordinary morons, sell outs and grifters.
 
2020-09-26 1:55:51 AM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: Well, I wouldn't vote for any of them even if I was in their district, but that was pretty awesome.


Agreed. Just enough tongue in cheek to avoid cringe.
 
Azz [TotalFark]
2020-09-26 1:56:04 AM  

mdemon81: I read the replies and it's all Republicans/MAGATs/Qtards jacking it off to TEXAS fark YEAH or something equally stupid.


fark them with a rusty nail. Then break it off and beat them with it
 
2020-09-26 1:58:53 AM  

Don't Troll Me Bro!: I got to "to save TX". From what? Is the guns per human ratio about to fall below 5:1? Is a not rich and white old man gonna get access to decent healthcare? Is someone running for office who thinks we should see some social services in exchange for the taxes we pay?

I don't think you're in any danger, TX. Relax.


751,000 COVID-19 cases in Texas.. but Republicans act like that doesn't matter.. at best.
 
2020-09-26 2:01:16 AM  
cdn.flickeringmyth.comView Full Size
next arrowverse
 
2020-09-26 2:03:13 AM  

Alphax: Don't Troll Me Bro!: I got to "to save TX". From what? Is the guns per human ratio about to fall below 5:1? Is a not rich and white old man gonna get access to decent healthcare? Is someone running for office who thinks we should see some social services in exchange for the taxes we pay?

I don't think you're in any danger, TX. Relax.

751,000 COVID-19 cases in Texas.. but Republicans act like that doesn't matter.. at best.


Well yeah, didn't you hear? People who die from COVID are 'nobodies'.
 
2020-09-26 2:03:14 AM  
Traitors.

Fark user imageView Full Size


I'VE GOT TONE!
 
2020-09-26 2:04:27 AM  
I wonder how that dude would feel about a sharp stick in his good eye?

/still better than a sharp stick in the eye
//wait
 
2020-09-26 2:04:46 AM  
Nothing 

TorpedoOrca: neongoats: Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.

I got more of a Metal Gear Solid vibe but I only got 20 seconds in before I said to myself'even Kojima ain't buying that' and closed it


No cardboard box no vote.
 
2020-09-26 2:04:52 AM  
This is awesome. I thought this was a parody. Absolutely cannot believe this is real and not on The Onion.
 
Azz [TotalFark]
2020-09-26 2:07:39 AM  

neongoats: Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.


Either that, or the losers who beat off to that movie about Chris Kyle vote
 
2020-09-26 2:10:35 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 2:11:25 AM  

janzee: [Fark user image image 425x283]


My God!  The saline in the right tit has become sentient and it's making a break for it!!!
 
2020-09-26 2:13:39 AM  
so.many.many.many.wrong.things.

starting with Dan Crenshaw.

"Militarised police is so yesterday...we want to militarise politics, as all great people have in the past. You know, like Idi Amin."
 
2020-09-26 2:14:45 AM  

neongoats: Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.


He also has the Big Boss cosplayer vote.
 
2020-09-26 2:16:20 AM  

Don't Troll Me Bro!: I got to "to save TX". From what? Is the guns per human ratio about to fall below 5:1? Is a not rich and white old man gonna get access to decent healthcare? Is someone running for office who thinks we should see some social services in exchange for the taxes we pay?


The governor said "Don't mess with Texas" in Spanish.
 
2020-09-26 2:16:43 AM  

Dimensio: neongoats: Well he just locked the Call of Duty simp vote.

He also has the Big Boss cosplayer vote.


I made the joke before I realized just how comparable the two really are.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-26 2:17:14 AM  
On topic:  the ad is objectively great at what it's attempting to do and saying otherwise makes you look like the fox that didn't want those sour old grapes anyway. That being said, reading deeper into it, the lack of substance when describing themselves and the complete lack of what they intend to do once voted in betrays the Republican policy platform of my entire life:  "Government doesn't work, vote for me and I'll prove it!".  Since the bar is not even that low in TexASS, they can't just say, "We plan on STIGGIN IT!" so they have to rely on the implied threat of force against "The Swamp" ie: anyone to the left of Goldwater on his particularly authoritarian days.

/fark, I ain't a Democrat, just rabidly AntiRepublican but I REALLY wish Democrat's could make ads this effective!
 
2020-09-26 2:17:16 AM  

Azz: fark Dan Crenshaw, when he dies I'll dig him up and drink beer out of that eye socket he's now covering. Ahoy biatc


The proper nomenclature is "Skoal!"

From the Viking word for skull, colloquially the toast means "Yo check it out, I'm drinking mead from this douchebag's skull, just so all my Viking bros know I think he's a total asshole."

Much like guillotines, that quaint trend is due for a comeback.
 
2020-09-26 2:17:43 AM  
Valerie Plame, Richard Ojeda, and Amy McGrath all tried this exact same schtick in red states and people didn't buy it. Unfortunately I have a feeling having an (R) next to their name will make all the difference.
 
2020-09-26 2:19:16 AM  

Spice Must Flow: Azz: fark Dan Crenshaw, when he dies I'll dig him up and drink beer out of that eye socket he's now covering. Ahoy biatc

The proper nomenclature is "Skoal!"

From the Viking word for skull, colloquially the toast means "Yo check it out, I'm drinking mead from this douchebag's skull, just so all my Viking bros know I think he's a total asshole."

Much like guillotines, that quaint trend is due for a comeback.


That really is not as practical as it might seem.
 
Displayed 50 of 138 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.