Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(McSweeney's)   "Police officer [Northern European last name]" was acquitted "for the death of [Person of Color], who was killed while they were doing [thing people do on a daily basis] at [place most people wouldn't expect to get killed at]"   (mcsweeneys.net) divider line
    More: Satire, Police, Racism, Police brutality, contentious police shootings, Person of Color, grand jury, state Attorney General, Northern European last name  
•       •       •

1851 clicks; posted to Politics » on 25 Sep 2020 at 4:17 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-09-25 8:31:50 AM  
That stoped being funny real fast into the read

God I hate people(me in 2000)

...twitch...(me today)
 
2020-09-25 9:44:47 AM  
'Murica.
 
2020-09-25 9:49:45 AM  
If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.
 
2020-09-25 9:56:54 AM  
That's a little too accurate.

Maybe it's time to move to a country with a functional society. Like Uruguay or Congo.
 
2020-09-25 4:18:14 PM  
Mad libs suck now.
 
2020-09-25 4:20:27 PM  

ItsMyNameYouCantHaveIt: Mad libs suck now.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-25 4:20:54 PM  

ItsMyNameYouCantHaveIt: Mad libs suck now.


___this___
 
2020-09-25 4:21:40 PM  

SoupGuru: That's a little too accurate.

Maybe it's time to move to a country with a functional society. Like Uruguay or Congo.


The mark of really good satire...  when you have to freaking double check.
 
2020-09-25 4:22:17 PM  
Remember when we just had to worry about the cops sodimizing people with their night sticks? Not so good but better than times, not so good but better than now times.
 
2020-09-25 4:23:40 PM  
I've got the sneaking suspicion that the writer of the article was somehow never told when to stop before ruining a good joke.
 
2020-09-25 4:24:11 PM  
Police officer [Northern European last name]

My brain initially decoded that as [Northern Exposure last name] and for a brief instant, I would going through the list of characters of that show looking for the joke.
 
2020-09-25 4:24:42 PM  

Snapper Carr: Police officer [Northern European last name]

My brain initially decoded that as [Northern Exposure last name] and for a brief instant, I would going through the list of characters of that show looking for the joke.


Cool
 
2020-09-25 4:29:49 PM  
It hits a bit too close to the truth to be funny.
 
2020-09-25 4:29:52 PM  
Imma let you finish, but this is the best McSweeney's article on cops shooting people:

An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar
 
2020-09-25 4:30:24 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-25 4:33:23 PM  
The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
Cop Explains How It Feels To Live Every Day In Fear Someone Might Record You Brutalizing A Civilian
Youtube K5CCUdu7xFI
 
2020-09-25 4:35:16 PM  
(._.)

Reminder: Republicans think this is OK.
 
2020-09-25 4:36:21 PM  
That's not satire, it's life in America.
 
2020-09-25 4:38:06 PM  
This is the most depressing Mad Lib ever.
 
2020-09-25 4:42:50 PM  
In fairness, the officer might also have an Irish or Italian last name. Progress!
 
d23 [OhFark]
2020-09-25 4:43:27 PM  

MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]


All these cops threatening to quit because "we are one mistake away from a indictment" are literally thinking something close to that, though.  I would think if you were a decent cop thinking about being being arrested would be the last thing you are worried about because you wouldn't think of doing something that rose to the level of criminal charges.  Don't break the law and you won't be in trouble. They say this incessantly to black people who are angry about being killed.
 
2020-09-25 4:43:41 PM  

koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.


Your name doesn't change your skin colour.
 
2020-09-25 4:43:58 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: (._.)

Reminder: Republicans think this is OK. TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

 
2020-09-25 4:46:58 PM  

MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]


The Orion apparently stopped doing satire a while ago.
 
2020-09-25 4:48:40 PM  
Only issue I have is the "Northern European" thing; lots of Italian Cops, not sure there are a lot of Scandinavian.
 
2020-09-25 4:49:19 PM  

RogueWallEnthusiast: Only issue I have is the "Northern European" thing; lots of Italian Cops, not sure there are a lot of Scandinavian.


Oh, and how horribly accurate it is of course.
 
2020-09-25 4:49:32 PM  
Hey, this is the plus side of COVID! No more school shootings happening every week! Isn't life wonderful! We should be glad to be living in this great country in these marvelous times! I'm glad that my medication is keeping me from seeing what a total shiatshow everything has become!
 
2020-09-25 4:49:39 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]

The Orion apparently stopped doing satire a while ago.


Another one of my favorites from The Onion.

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult
Youtube 84phU8of02U
 
2020-09-25 4:50:17 PM  

MattytheMouse: Martian_Astronomer: MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]

The Orion apparently stopped doing satire a while ago.

Another one of my favorites from The Onion.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/84phU8of​02U]


And another~

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
Youtube u1cgHEWG-BA

The Onion really had our legal system's number before everybody else did.
 
2020-09-25 4:53:48 PM  

MattytheMouse: Martian_Astronomer: MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]

The Orion apparently stopped doing satire a while ago.

Another one of my favorites from The Onion.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/84phU8of​02U]


This was probably when they started doing straight-up news reporting:

After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
Youtube jjonGtrCyVE


Although, some regular connoisseurs think it happened more than a decade earlier:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-25 4:56:35 PM  

koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.


Won't work. Trust me on this.

/ Black man
// White name
/// always
 
2020-09-25 4:57:22 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: MattytheMouse: Martian_Astronomer: MattytheMouse: The Onion was ahead of the game on this.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/K5CCUdu7​xFI?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]

The Orion apparently stopped doing satire a while ago.

Another one of my favorites from The Onion.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/84phU8of​02U]

This was probably when they started doing straight-up news reporting:

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/jjonGtrC​yVE]

Although, some regular connoisseurs think it happened more than a decade earlier:

[Fark user image 850x286]


This article was a stroke of genius, too.
Fark user imageView Full Size

Like, the fact that they predicted the rise of ISIS in 2003, all the while parodying the 24 hour news format of legitimizing "both sides" has aged beautifully, and is still relevant to this day.
 
2020-09-25 4:58:03 PM  

Snapper Carr: Police officer [Northern European last name]

My brain initially decoded that as [Northern Exposure last name] and for a brief instant, I would going through the list of characters of that show looking for the joke.


Hell, you are not the only one
 
2020-09-25 5:06:40 PM  

SoupGuru: Like Uruguay or Congo.


Uruguay ranks high in press freedom, has the highest GDP per capita of any South American country, is the least religious nation of any in the Americas, and has heavily invested in green energy. They're actively courting immigrants and you can become a permanent resident with the lowest amount of money invested of any nation in the Americas.

Like, Uruguay is on my list of "places probably worth emigrating to".
 
2020-09-25 5:15:22 PM  

koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.


I get the sentiment, but respectability politics doesn't really help.
 
2020-09-25 5:19:33 PM  

koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.


That is what a lot of Black parents do in the hopes of giving their kids an easier life in white America. It's a method of survival, along with developing "caucasian phone voice" for when you have the luxury of interacting with people who can't see the color of your skin.
 
2020-09-25 5:20:51 PM  

Algebrat: In fairness, the officer might also have an Irish last name.


That's racist.
 
2020-09-25 6:32:54 PM  

Slypork: Hey, this is the plus side of COVID! No more school shootings happening every week! Isn't life wonderful! We should be glad to be living in this great country in these marvelous times! I'm glad that my medication is keeping me from seeing what a total shiatshow everything has become!


As someone self-medicating right now...cheers!
 
2020-09-25 6:51:09 PM  

Peter von Nostrand: Remember when we just had to worry about the cops sodimizing people with their night sticks? Not so good but better than times, not so good but better than now times.


No I dont remember when that was the only thing but I'm brown so I've been aware of this crap my entire life.
 
2020-09-25 8:09:52 PM  
Pretty much word for word what the KY AG said, ain't it?
 
2020-09-25 9:04:04 PM  

RogueWallEnthusiast: RogueWallEnthusiast: Only issue I have is the "Northern European" thing; lots of Italian Cops, not sure there are a lot of Scandinavian.

Oh, and how horribly accurate it is of course.


Oh no I'm repressed. Feels fine as usual, nobody's shooting my white ass here in Sweden.
 
2020-09-25 10:10:00 PM  
Well, when you start going down memory lane for your Onion references, you know McSweeney's
knocked it out of the park with this one.
 
2020-09-25 10:33:24 PM  

koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.


Nope, gotta change the last name to something vaguely Germanic, Nordic, or Eastern European...the English, Scots, Irish, and French last names are dual purpose (thanks, slave trade!)

Names like:

James Bauer, Jenny Vandergren, Matt Paulsen, Carrie Schecter, Josh Schmidt, Brandon Olansky.
 
2020-09-25 10:34:16 PM  

special20: I've got the sneaking suspicion that the writer of the article was somehow never told when to stop before ruining a good joke.


Probably did that purposefully because being funny wasn't the point.
 
2020-09-25 11:10:44 PM  

Ketchuponsteak: koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.

Your name doesn't change your skin colour.


Your resume doesn't show your skin-tone unless it contains a picture.
 
2020-09-25 11:15:13 PM  

Alley Rat: koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.

Won't work. Trust me on this.

/ Black man
// White name
/// always


My brother is a White man with a Black name, and he's noticed it's gotten him interviews that are clearly token.

They do a double take when he walks in.
 
2020-09-25 11:28:04 PM  

Bonzo_1116: Alley Rat: koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.

Won't work. Trust me on this.

/ Black man
// White name
/// always

My brother is a White man with a Black name, and he's noticed it's gotten him interviews that are clearly token.

They do a double take when he walks in.


Whitey McBlackface?
 
2020-09-26 7:18:24 AM  

Bonzo_1116: Ketchuponsteak: koder: If I were black, I'd name my kids "Joshua," "Matt," et al and change my last name to "McWhite." Sure, I'd be ditching my heritage, but I'd also be protecting my child from a racist country.

Your name doesn't change your skin colour.

Your resume doesn't show your skin-tone unless it contains a picture.


But a traffic stop does.
 
Displayed 48 of 48 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.