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(Fox 16 Little Rock)   Secretary Of Corrections wants to put an end to assphones   (fox16.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Crime, Arkansas Secretary of Corrections Solomon Graves, Arkansas Senators Tom Cotton, Arkansas, Arkansas Department of Corrections family, Criminal justice, Prison, Federal Communications Commission  
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3317 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2020 at 2:30 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-09-22 8:42:54 PM  
When assphones are outlawed, only outlaws will have phones shoved up their butt cheeks.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2020-09-22 8:44:13 PM  
I thought the increasing size of cellphones was already leading to that.
 
2020-09-22 8:44:32 PM  
The prisoners have already put an end to their assphones.  Qa'pla!
 
2020-09-22 8:57:20 PM  
I believe the correct term in this new age of technology is "Fartphones"
 
2020-09-22 9:34:40 PM  
Letting inmates have phones greatly reduces the revenue they make from our fellow citizens making phone calls.  That hurts profitability.
 
2020-09-23 12:54:24 AM  
So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....
 
2020-09-23 1:21:54 AM  

bdub77: So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....


There is.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-23 2:32:03 AM  
Airport scannerish things at all prisons and jails should solve it
 
2020-09-23 2:34:51 AM  
Wow. That seems like over kill. WTF
 
2020-09-23 2:36:26 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-23 2:43:01 AM  
i notice none of those bullet points of proposed ways to address this does not include ceasing price-gouging on official prison phones for inmates.

not directly related, but a good jam
Slick Rick - Behind Bars
Youtube AVRv1dA5Byc
 
2020-09-23 2:44:37 AM  

WillofJ2: Airport scannerish things at all prisons and jails should solve it


You can hide stuff in rolls of fat from them. The ass is definitely to deep to scan.
 
2020-09-23 2:47:22 AM  
Yes, cell phone jammers are illegal in this country, but they exist.  Put them in prisons.
 
2020-09-23 2:48:34 AM  

Gordon Bennett: bdub77: So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....

There is.

[Fark user image 640x852]


Gross looks like he forgot to wash his hands.
 
2020-09-23 2:51:28 AM  
What are the velvet things in the top right? D&D dice?
 
2020-09-23 2:52:31 AM  
"How can you tell what type of cellphone an inmate uses," he asked, "based on what's in his cell?" He let me think for about two seconds before cheerily giving me the answer: you examine the bar of soap on the prisoner's sink. The safest place for an inmate to store anything is in his rectum, and to keep the orifice supple and sized for the (contraband) phone, inmates have been known to whittle their bars of soap and tuck them away as a placeholder while their phones are in use. So a short and stubby bar means a durable old dumbphone; broad and flat means a BlackBerry or an iPhone. Pity the poor guy whose bar of soap is the size and shape of a Samsung Galaxy Note.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/​a​rchive/2014/10/how-gangs-took-over-pri​sons/379330/

Good read.  Long but fascinating.
 
2020-09-23 3:01:45 AM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: Yes, cell phone jammers are illegal in this country, but they exist.  Put them in prisons.


It's around a $50,000 fine if you are caught with one.

That's basically what this proposal does.  That said, I'm not sure if the guards would be excited about this as it would block their cell phones too.
 
2020-09-23 3:07:10 AM  
It would be easier and cheaper to stop prison employees from bringing the phones into the prisons. That would require admitting that the people who aren't locked up are the problem, so that idea won't go anywhere.
 
2020-09-23 3:10:59 AM  
We see every day the dangerous ramifications of inmates using contraband cellphones to conduct illegal activities and engage in extortion and fraud schemes from inside the walls of our units.

i got a call from an investment firm. the office sounded very echo-ey, and one of the salemen in the background kept yelling "i an't got nothin up my ass" over and over
 
2020-09-23 3:14:25 AM  
After all, they really are CELLphones, right?
 
2020-09-23 3:15:19 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-23 3:18:43 AM  
A big part of the problem is that access to legitimate telecommunications between inmates and their families and legal counsel is so expensive and restricted. Make normal (monitored) calls cheaper and easier, and there will be less demand for mobile phones in prisons. It would virtually guarantee that mobile phones are being put to nefarious use, and those who would claim legitimate purpose would no longer have that excuse.

But, when cruelty is the point, that's not gonna happen.
 
2020-09-23 3:23:32 AM  

zimbach: A big part of the problem is that access to legitimate telecommunications between inmates and their families and legal counsel is so expensive and restricted. Make normal (monitored) calls cheaper and easier, and there will be less demand for mobile phones in prisons. It would virtually guarantee that mobile phones are being put to nefarious use, and those who would claim legitimate purpose would no longer have that excuse.

But, when cruelty is the point, that's not gonna happen.


Why does it cost anything at all? Give them all an hour of skype per week or something.
 
2020-09-23 3:28:46 AM  
Expand studies on how prisons can safely use jammers and micro-jammers, including the creation of regulatory guardrails that would assure this technology is strictly limited to a facility's boundaries

.
This has to be the shortest route to solving the ass-phone problem.
 
2020-09-23 4:00:30 AM  
Anyone else wonder why it's caviar circled (not the phones)?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-23 4:08:48 AM  

Samsonite Swan: Anyone else wonder why it's caviar circled (not the phones)?
[Fark user image image 850x550]


Lol that's why I viewed this thread. So weird.

Also, I wondered if those 1 lb bags of tobacco was shoved up someone's ass, too.
 
2020-09-23 4:10:13 AM  

leeksfromchichis: zimbach: A big part of the problem is that access to legitimate telecommunications between inmates and their families and legal counsel is so expensive and restricted. Make normal (monitored) calls cheaper and easier, and there will be less demand for mobile phones in prisons. It would virtually guarantee that mobile phones are being put to nefarious use, and those who would claim legitimate purpose would no longer have that excuse.

But, when cruelty is the point, that's not gonna happen.

Why does it cost anything at all? Give them all an hour of skype per week or something.


It doesn't need to cost what it does, but inmate phone service is one of the most profitable businesses prisons have, and people are mad about it.
Even before the pandemic cut prison visits, a third of families went into debt to communicate with incarcerated loved ones.
 
2020-09-23 4:16:50 AM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Expand studies on how prisons can safely use jammers and micro-jammers, including the creation of regulatory guardrails that would assure this technology is strictly limited to a facility's boundaries

.
This has to be the shortest route to solving the ass-phone problem.


Actually giving them basic human rights and utilities would be easier.
 
2020-09-23 4:20:53 AM  
How do you charge an ass phone?
 
2020-09-23 4:45:37 AM  

Harry Wagstaff: How do you charge an ass phone?


Jumping jacks.
 
2020-09-23 4:48:36 AM  

leeksfromchichis: zimbach: A big part of the problem is that access to legitimate telecommunications between inmates and their families and legal counsel is so expensive and restricted. Make normal (monitored) calls cheaper and easier, and there will be less demand for mobile phones in prisons. It would virtually guarantee that mobile phones are being put to nefarious use, and those who would claim legitimate purpose would no longer have that excuse.

But, when cruelty is the point, that's not gonna happen.

Why does it cost anything at all? Give them all an hour of skype per week or something.


But that would nice.  And have you *seen* America?
 
2020-09-23 5:16:18 AM  
Just build the jails like a Wal-mart. My damn phone never works inside. :-(
 
2020-09-23 6:03:03 AM  

leeksfromchichis: zimbach: A big part of the problem is that access to legitimate telecommunications between inmates and their families and legal counsel is so expensive and restricted. Make normal (monitored) calls cheaper and easier, and there will be less demand for mobile phones in prisons. It would virtually guarantee that mobile phones are being put to nefarious use, and those who would claim legitimate purpose would no longer have that excuse.

But, when cruelty is the point, that's not gonna happen.

Why does it cost anything at all? Give them all an hour of skype per week or something.


You mean for FREE?  Yeah, that's not happening.
 
2020-09-23 6:03:53 AM  

leeksfromchichis: sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Expand studies on how prisons can safely use jammers and micro-jammers, including the creation of regulatory guardrails that would assure this technology is strictly limited to a facility's boundaries

.
This has to be the shortest route to solving the ass-phone problem.

Actually giving them basic human rights and utilities would be easier.


This is the correct answer.  Sadly, we don't do those things here.
 
2020-09-23 6:30:07 AM  

Harry Wagstaff: How do you charge an ass phone?


Power walking
 
2020-09-23 7:23:00 AM  
I think we are missing a key point.  Arkansas has a Secretary of Corrections.  Not an under secretary to justice, or an agency head, a full on secretary.  Meaning prisons are as important to Arkansas as education, public safety, commerce, agriculture and all the things you would expect to find in the governor's cabinet.

And you know that position does not exist because the state cares about prisoner welfare or rehabilitation.
 
2020-09-23 7:34:01 AM  
The phones, along with drugs,  are brought in by guards and prison workers. Those people need to be searched better and fired on their first offense, problem solved.
 
2020-09-23 7:35:47 AM  

Samsonite Swan: Anyone else wonder why it's caviar circled (not the phones)?
[Fark user image 850x550]


Miscommunication between the field reporter and copy editor. Field reporter sent in a photo of pooled anal contraband from multiple seizures, the copy editor wrote back "ALL that was up one guy's ass? Something smells fishy"... Reported replied with the updated photo.
 
2020-09-23 7:38:27 AM  

Gordon Bennett: bdub77: So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....

There is.

[Fark user image 640x852]


Once again, this is where knowing Morse code can save you some discomfort:

i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-09-23 7:48:12 AM  

winedrinkingman: I think we are missing a key point.  Arkansas has a Secretary of Corrections.  Not an under secretary to justice, or an agency head, a full on secretary.  Meaning prisons are as important to Arkansas as education, public safety, commerce, agriculture and all the things you would expect to find in the governor's cabinet.

And you know that position does not exist because the state cares about prisoner welfare or rehabilitation.


I got bad news for you, Sunshine.....

https://www.cdcr.ca.gov/about-cdcr/se​c​retary/

California also has a Secretary of Corrections.  Must be all those inbred hicks that live there, right?
 
2020-09-23 8:10:46 AM  

dittybopper: winedrinkingman: I think we are missing a key point.  Arkansas has a Secretary of Corrections.  Not an under secretary to justice, or an agency head, a full on secretary.  Meaning prisons are as important to Arkansas as education, public safety, commerce, agriculture and all the things you would expect to find in the governor's cabinet.

And you know that position does not exist because the state cares about prisoner welfare or rehabilitation.

I got bad news for you, Sunshine.....

https://www.cdcr.ca.gov/about-cdcr/sec​retary/

California also has a Secretary of Corrections.  Must be all those inbred hicks that live there, right?


No that is a problem too.  I believe that should have someone over corrections, I just do not see why that person should be a full cabinet official.  It suggests way too many people in the state are behind bars that they feel they need him to be such a senior position.
 
2020-09-23 8:13:55 AM  

winedrinkingman: dittybopper: winedrinkingman: I think we are missing a key point.  Arkansas has a Secretary of Corrections.  Not an under secretary to justice, or an agency head, a full on secretary.  Meaning prisons are as important to Arkansas as education, public safety, commerce, agriculture and all the things you would expect to find in the governor's cabinet.

And you know that position does not exist because the state cares about prisoner welfare or rehabilitation.

I got bad news for you, Sunshine.....

https://www.cdcr.ca.gov/about-cdcr/sec​retary/

California also has a Secretary of Corrections.  Must be all those inbred hicks that live there, right?

No that is a problem too.  I believe that should have someone over corrections, I just do not see why that person should be a full cabinet official.  It suggests way too many people in the state are behind bars that they feel they need him to be such a senior position.


Well at least you've got a consistent philosophy, and for that I salute you.   Far too few people have that these days.

It's more important, at least for most people, to agree with "their side" than to take a stand on an issue and stick with it.
 
2020-09-23 8:24:00 AM  

Samsonite Swan: Anyone else wonder why it's caviar circled (not the phones)?
[Fark user image image 850x550]


Many questions...

Like... "caviar comes in a bag?" For starters...
 
2020-09-23 8:26:41 AM  
They can take my assphone out of my cold, dead.....ass?
 
2020-09-23 8:30:31 AM  

Harry Wagstaff: How do you charge an ass phone?


First, make sure the charging port is at the bottom. That's a mistake I'm not making twice.
 
2020-09-23 8:31:13 AM  
If you provided inmates reasonable and affordable access to phone services then this wouldn't be happening.
 
2020-09-23 8:33:38 AM  

dittybopper: Gordon Bennett: bdub77: So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....

There is.

[Fark user image 640x852]

Once again, this is where knowing Morse code can save you some discomfort:

[i.pinimg.com image 750x563]


1.8 MHz? Gonna be kinda hard to disguise that antenna, even at 1/4 wavelength...
 
2020-09-23 8:48:18 AM  

Harry Wagstaff: How do you charge an ass phone?


They charge them using home-made(?) battery packs. A, um...friend of mine was in prison, and not only saw a number of those tiny cell phones, but also AA/AAA batteries rigged in series to charge them. There are usually no outlets to use, and you'd have to hide the charger as well, if you used one. Most weren't used to scam shiat, just to talk to family without being recorded...the battery life was too short..


/ a friend, dammit, not me
//some switched outlets for CPAP using inmates, who were popular therefore
///okay, me, but I was framed
 
2020-09-23 8:54:58 AM  

Gordon Bennett: bdub77: So what you're saying is that there is a market for form factors that can be stuffed up one's anus?

Hmm....

Hmmmmmmm....

There is.

[Fark user image image 640x852]


Do they make folders? I'd hate to colon dial someone.
 
2020-09-23 9:15:07 AM  
I am disappointed. An article about assphones and not one buttdailed joke? For shame Fark, I expected better.
 
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