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(Cracked)   This is a crime against chocolate   (cracked.com) divider line
    More: Weird, Processed cheese, Chocolate, Desserts, Butter, Cheese, Milk, Cheese Fudge, first taste  
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1055 clicks; posted to Food » on 18 Sep 2020 at 6:17 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



17 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-09-17 9:45:32 PM  
The fudge sounds horrible. That long flowing mane next to the sauce pan, that makes me gag.
 
2020-09-17 10:49:35 PM  
Coincidentally, Velveeta is a crime against cheese.
 
2020-09-18 1:57:29 AM  
it's also the story of a very young woman who doesn't know how to cook, doesn't know how to follow recipe directions (key comment: "this is not a dump cake"), doesn't know where grocery stores keep the velveeta (excusable), but also doesn't know how to ask an employee where it is, so she visits 5 different stores before stumbling upon it (inexcusable).

i personally have NO idea why people started making "velveeta fudge" -was the "traditional method" too hard, the "marshmallow fluff method" too hard, AND the "pour one can of sweetened condensed milk and one bag of chocolate chips into a microwave safe dish. nuke and stir until combined. cool. eat. method" too hard?

but yeah, weird fudge recipes probably taste much worse when made wrong and stirred only until "chunky".
 
2020-09-18 5:54:56 AM  
No, Smitty, this is a crime against all cuisine.
 
2020-09-18 6:28:28 AM  

LordOfThePings: Coincidentally, Velveeta is a crime against cheese.


truer words never spoken
 
2020-09-18 7:13:42 AM  

Be polite walk on the right: LordOfThePings: Coincidentally, Velveeta is a crime against cheese.

truer words never spoken


Velveeta is fine. The food rage a while back when people were using the salts to make queso was just people making homemade Velveeta.

/the sad thing is that there are lesser brands of processed cheese foods that are way worse than Velveeta.
 
2020-09-18 7:21:41 AM  

McGrits: Be polite walk on the right: LordOfThePings: Coincidentally, Velveeta is a crime against cheese.

truer words never spoken

Velveeta is fine. The food rage a while back when people were using the salts to make queso was just people making homemade Velveeta.

/the sad thing is that there are lesser brands of processed cheese foods that are way worse than Velveeta.


actually Whiz is more of a cheese crime get the hell out of here with that amalgamation
 
2020-09-18 7:31:22 AM  

McGrits: Be polite walk on the right: LordOfThePings: Coincidentally, Velveeta is a crime against cheese.

truer words never spoken

Velveeta is fine. The food rage a while back when people were using the salts to make queso was just people making homemade Velveeta.

/the sad thing is that there are lesser brands of processed cheese foods that are way worse than Velveeta.


No... no it is not fine.  Neither is the abomination commonly referred to as queso.  You want to eat it, go ahead - but yrrrrghh no.
 
2020-09-18 8:55:31 AM  
Recipe I use is a lot like this one, I've shared it here before and probably gonna share it again every time someone mentions fudge:

content.mpl.orgView Full Size


- credit: Milwaukee Public Library

One "square" of chocolate = 1 oz or 28.4g

It's far from foolproof. If you're careless or if you beat it too soon or too late it could turn into a grainy mess, which is why old recipes like this one are mostly replaced by recipes with condensed milk or marshmallow fluff. The texture's way superior though -- it's not simply a chocolate-flavored paste, its texture is indescribable and melts in your mouth in a way that the 'foolproof' kind doesn't.

A KitchenAid really helps take a lot of drudgery out of the long beating stage, it takes about 20 minutes. And you'll be more successful if you read a little background on sugar cookery and crystal growth. Come to think of it, "Crystal Growth in Fudge" would be an awesome science fair project for kids if science fairs ever exist in the future. Have the kid compare a good batch to a grainy one & describe what went right and what went wrong.
 
2020-09-18 9:38:11 AM  
Legit deli counter American cheese like Boar's Head is good for some applications, like Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, soup, etc. Especially if combined with a more flavorful cheese like aged cheddar.

It has no business being anywhere NEAR chocolate, though. Gawds. My mom used to make fudge with cream cheese, and I could obviously see something similar like mascarpone working well, but Velveeta in fudge is a far king war crime.
 
2020-09-18 10:25:13 AM  
I've had this before because I'm a Midwestern. It's not as bad as it sounds, but I'd only make this in a pure act of desperation.
 
2020-09-18 10:25:15 AM  
I'm in the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chip group.  I like how easy it is to make different fudges by varying the chip type and quantity.
 
2020-09-18 10:44:30 AM  

natazha: I'm in the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chip group.  I like how easy it is to make different fudges by varying the chip type and quantity.


Marshmallow fluff here - but that's mostly because that particular recipe hides the weed flavor a lot more efficiently I've found.  Fudge is pretty literally my medicine - we've found it to be the easiest way to do edibles that don't taste like the inside of a bong.
 
2020-09-18 12:24:24 PM  
Back in the keto days, my wife made bacon fudge - cocoa, erithrytol/xylitol/stevia mix, vanilla all mixed into bacon grease.  Tastes way better than it sounds.
 
2020-09-18 1:15:38 PM  
Velveeta and similar "cheese" products are mostly garbage but they have their uses.  This probably isn't one of them.  But I do have to wonder if most of the commenters here tried it blind, not knowing what it was made from, that they would have the same vitriol.
 
zez
2020-09-18 2:45:33 PM  
Looked tasty to me, was there a fudge recipe?
 
2020-09-18 6:35:21 PM  

Golden Brown Delicious: Legit deli counter American cheese like Boar's Head is good for some applications, like Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, soup, etc. Especially if combined with a more flavorful cheese like aged cheddar.


Boar's Head: Low grade cheese and meats trying desperately to reinvent themselves as quality.

It has no business being anywhere NEAR chocolate, though. Gawds. My mom used to make fudge with cream cheese, and I could obviously see something similar like mascarpone working well, but Velveeta in fudge is a far king war crime.
On that we are in complete agreement
 
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