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(The Onion)   Are we sure the Onion is satire? Really, really sure?   (local.theonion.com) divider line
    More: Satire, Internet, Wealth, Windows XP, Windows Vista, Microsoft Windows, Capital accumulation, press time, Chicago Public Schools  
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8418 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 15 Sep 2020 at 5:05 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-09-15 3:40:52 PM  
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it's a fine line.
 
2020-09-15 4:31:46 PM  
Yes
 
2020-09-15 5:07:23 PM  
 
2020-09-15 5:08:52 PM  
It's got to be challenging to come up with headlines for The Onion these days.
 
2020-09-15 5:12:41 PM  
 
2020-09-15 5:12:54 PM  
That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.
 
2020-09-15 5:14:19 PM  
The Onion just writes about stuff that's been going on for years. It only seems prescient if you haven't been paying attention.
 
2020-09-15 5:15:41 PM  
The Onion is reality.   Fox News is satire.
 
2020-09-15 5:16:13 PM  

akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System


1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the​_​line

/pedantic
 
2020-09-15 5:16:22 PM  

fark'emfeed'emfish: That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.


Why would any company want the metadata and biometrics of low-income families?
 
2020-09-15 5:16:57 PM  

spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic


Not just pedantic, a double-header of pedantry.
 
2020-09-15 5:17:22 PM  
In life things happen as tragedy, repeat as comedy and can come around to being tragedy once again.

/this cycle seems to happen really fast these days.
 
2020-09-15 5:18:55 PM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/


https://tv.avclub.com/the-telecommuni​c​ations-act-of-1996-gave-us-shiatty-cel​l-1798250823
 
2020-09-15 5:19:08 PM  
 
2020-09-15 5:19:36 PM  

Enigmamf: fark'emfeed'emfish: That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.

Why would any company want the metadata and biometrics of low-income families?


The lottery, alcohol, and tobacco industries would probably be interested.

/ and the producers of any other inferior goods
 
2020-09-15 5:23:06 PM  
Bullshiat. Just use the Obama Phone and switch on the HotSpot... to their Obama Phone!

Original Obamaphone Lady: Obama Voter Says Vote for Obama because he gives a free Phone
Youtube tpAOwJvTOio
 
2020-09-15 5:32:33 PM  
Sounds pretty close to real.

And sneezing on a rich person is Still the fastest way to find out if you have the virus.
 
2020-09-15 5:33:10 PM  

Enigmamf: spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic

Not just pedantic, a double-header of pedantry.


Then it's bipedal?
 
2020-09-15 5:34:10 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: My three favorite classic articles from The Onion:
Sinn Fein Leaders Demand Year-Round Shamrock Shake Availability
Taco Bell Introduces New "Morning After" Burrito
Kiss Army Rocked by Allegations of Propriety


Fark user imageView Full Size
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Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-15 5:37:59 PM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/


I live in a rural area not supported by any cable or fiber companies, and no LTE/4G/5G cell coverage; we have Hughes Satellite for internet. Last week it rained hard and we could not keep a signal from the dish. I drove my daughter to a Wal-Mart parking lot to use our cellphones for a hotspot....we were not alone, I saw SEVERAL families in cars doing the same. The accessibility to reliable HSI is going have a big effect on education this year (and beyond). I agree, way too close to reality to be funny and TFA could have been quotes from several school boards around the country.
 
2020-09-15 5:39:53 PM  
You guys just wish that 'The Onion''s Biden was the real one.

Don't blame you, so do I.
 
2020-09-15 5:41:58 PM  
The Simpson Solution. Bart lurks in bushes Old School. Lisa builds a drone out of Malibu Stacy parts and an old radio.
 
2020-09-15 5:43:57 PM  
My all time favorite weed story from The Onion.

/Get off my lawn
 
2020-09-15 5:44:43 PM  
 
2020-09-15 5:46:22 PM  

Vansthing: We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/

I live in a rural area not supported by any cable or fiber companies, and no LTE/4G/5G cell coverage; we have Hughes Satellite for internet. Last week it rained hard and we could not keep a signal from the dish. I drove my daughter to a Wal-Mart parking lot to use our cellphones for a hotspot....we were not alone, I saw SEVERAL families in cars doing the same. The accessibility to reliable HSI is going have a big effect on education this year (and beyond). I agree, way too close to reality to be funny and TFA could have been quotes from several school boards around the country.


Oh lord, you're stuck with Hughes internet?  You have my sympathies.  Years ago my dad signed up for their service because for some unknown reason he thought satellite would be faster.  The service was sporadic at best, even with clear skys, and the monthly bandwidth cap was absurdly low ( less than 10 gigabytes) and if you went over it they slowed your service down to dial-up speeds until you bought more absurdly overpriced data.
 
2020-09-15 5:47:43 PM  

The knight who says EkiEkiPoontang: You guys just wish that 'The Onion''s Biden was the real one.

Don't blame you, so do I.


Next you'll tell me these are shoops? I don't believe you.

Fark user imageView Full Size


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/I really wish he would show up like that to debate Trump
 
2020-09-15 5:50:36 PM  

Vansthing: We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/

I live in a rural area not supported by any cable or fiber companies, and no LTE/4G/5G cell coverage; we have Hughes Satellite for internet. Last week it rained hard and we could not keep a signal from the dish. I drove my daughter to a Wal-Mart parking lot to use our cellphones for a hotspot....we were not alone, I saw SEVERAL families in cars doing the same. The accessibility to reliable HSI is going have a big effect on education this year (and beyond). I agree, way too close to reality to be funny and TFA could have been quotes from several school boards around the country.


Oh it's much better in our district.  They're letting families come sit in their car in the school's parking lot, and use their WiFi.
 
2020-09-15 5:52:28 PM  
Actually I just realized Biden's TA is an Indy 500 pacecar edition.

Sweet! But it's still a Turbo 301, Worst of the whale tails, by far.

If he _actually_ had the 'Super Duty TA' and partied like Archower he win.
 
2020-09-15 5:54:37 PM  

Vansthing: We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/

I live in a rural area not supported by any cable or fiber companies, and no LTE/4G/5G cell coverage; we have Hughes Satellite for internet. Last week it rained hard and we could not keep a signal from the dish. I drove my daughter to a Wal-Mart parking lot to use our cellphones for a hotspot....we were not alone, I saw SEVERAL families in cars doing the same. The accessibility to reliable HSI is going have a big effect on education this year (and beyond). I agree, way too close to reality to be funny and TFA could have been quotes from several school boards around the country.


I'm in a similar situation. I have rural cable, but it acts up in rain or humidity, sometimes for no discernible reason at all.

(I moved in close to six years ago and they said they were working on a plan to supply DVRs "soon." Not happening, now the plan is they're cancelling cable TV altogether at the end of the year and telling us to subscribe to a streaming service. Thank Todd Comcast keeps inching closer buying out other area companies...)
 
2020-09-15 5:55:08 PM  
Private_Citizen

And sneezing on a rich person is Still the fastest way to find out if you have the virus.

Can I borrowe this idea. I'll let you know how it works.
 
2020-09-15 5:56:51 PM  

spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic


Sometimes they completely blow away the line, as though they blasted it with a TOW missile.
 
2020-09-15 5:57:34 PM  

Enigmamf: fark'emfeed'emfish: That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.

Why would any company want the metadata and biometrics of low-income families?


That they learn to better recognize them and not needlessly expend resources marketing to them?
 
2020-09-15 5:58:06 PM  

Vansthing: We Ate the Necco Wafers: It's too close to this story to be funny. It's just farking sad.
https://abc13.com/girls-sit-outside-ta​co-bell-for-wifi-salinas-eviction-onli​ne-school/6407892/

I live in a rural area not supported by any cable or fiber companies, and no LTE/4G/5G cell coverage; we have Hughes Satellite for internet. Last week it rained hard and we could not keep a signal from the dish. I drove my daughter to a Wal-Mart parking lot to use our cellphones for a hotspot....we were not alone, I saw SEVERAL families in cars doing the same. The accessibility to reliable HSI is going have a big effect on education this year (and beyond). I agree, way too close to reality to be funny and TFA could have been quotes from several school boards around the country.


It was a very forward-thinking election promise up here in the GWN. A huge government push to get usable broadband coverage to every inch of livable Canada ASAP. It'll still take years (I mean... it's Canada, right?) but hints have improved immensely, even out in the boonies in cow/corn country - I gave 1gb home service. More than enough to allow me to work entirely from home for the last 6 months. (Fed. programmer)

They've invested billions in LD wireless across rural Ontario. Every little town or village has a cluster of antennae on the local water towers (of which there are thousands across the province). In at least Eastern Ontario, I don't think there are many places a college student couldn't earn his Computer Science degree completely online, attending full multimedia events, etc.

I can't speak for the rest of Canada but all around me, it looks like SOMEBODY is taking it seriously. Even the backest backwoods (mostly) now have some sort of broadband access. Thankfully... Almost every parent I know has elected to have their kids do as much online as they possibly can until we've got a better handle on the whole Covid thing. I'm sure it's still a long way until 100% coverage but at least they're seriously working on it, driven by government mandates rather than ISP profits.
 
2020-09-15 5:59:45 PM  

Enigmamf: spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic

Not just pedantic, a double-header of pedantry.


Hey what's good for the penny is good for the pound, amirite?
 
2020-09-15 6:01:13 PM  

Cockpuncher to the Stars: Enigmamf: spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic

Not just pedantic, a double-header of pedantry.

Hey what's good for the penny is good for the pound, amirite?


Um, it's "What's good for the goose is in for a penny". <sigh>
 
2020-09-15 6:20:43 PM  

fark'emfeed'emfish: That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.


5G? HAH! 3G maybe, 2G likely.
 
2020-09-15 6:20:44 PM  
Well, it's 2020, so the line for "satire" has moved over significantly.
 
2020-09-15 6:27:02 PM  

Enigmamf: fark'emfeed'emfish: That's preposterous. Low income students will be offered free 5g in return for family metadata and biometrics.

Why would any company want the metadata and biometrics of low-income families?


To better determine which areas will have what quality organs that can be harvested for the benefit of the wealthy.  You likely wouldn't want a liver from Flint, and you wouldn't want a skin graft from South Tuscon.
 
2020-09-15 6:28:33 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-15 6:32:50 PM  

The knight who says EkiEkiPoontang: Actually I just realized Biden's TA is an Indy 500 pacecar edition.

Sweet! But it's still a Turbo 301, Worst of the whale tails, by far.

If he _actually_ had the 'Super Duty TA' and partied like Archower he win.


My college roommate's dad had the 10th anniversary one... dear FSM was that thing turds. The horrible interior was classic. AND THE SILVER LEATHER, SERIOUSLY?

/roomie got mad at me when i called them vinyl. sorry dude but it looked and felt more like vinyl than leather. get a less embarrassing car.
 
2020-09-15 6:33:39 PM  

jimjays: Thank Todd Comcast keeps inching closer buying out other area companies...)


Holy crap!  That's like saying "Thank Todd my HIV is progressing so quickly so the agony of my tertiary syphilis will end soon."
 
2020-09-15 6:48:33 PM  

Biser: jimjays: Thank Todd Comcast keeps inching closer buying out other area companies...)

Holy crap!  That's like saying "Thank Todd my HIV is progressing so quickly so the agony of my tertiary syphilis will end soon."


No. I've had Comcast before. It gets much worse.

But I did always chuckle walking the dog by the neighborhood office, seeing the boxes and controllers busted on the sidewalk and driveway--understanding the frustration of the people that apparently drove by and slung them out the window at the building that wouldn't answer their phones and didn't keep the posted business hours despite seeing the lights on inside: "There. I've returned your equipment. Now let me out of my contract."
 
2020-09-15 6:52:10 PM  
I anticipate certain people watching The NFL this way.

/bonus would be not having to listen to the fake crowd...
 
2020-09-15 6:54:49 PM  
Today's BBC news website:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-15 6:55:21 PM  

spiralscratch: akya: Also towing the line between satire and reality:

Conservative Evangelical Asks God To Give Her Strength To Incorporate Forced Hysterectomies Into Belief System

1. It's "toe the line", not "tow".

2. You're using the phrase wrong. "Straddling the line" is more correct.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_​line

/pedantic


It's 2020. The line's been towed to the junkyard.

/the line has been crushed into a cube
//you have 30 minutes to collect your cube
 
2020-09-15 6:55:41 PM  

gameshowhost: The knight who says EkiEkiPoontang: Actually I just realized Biden's TA is an Indy 500 pacecar edition.

Sweet! But it's still a Turbo 301, Worst of the whale tails, by far.

If he _actually_ had the 'Super Duty TA' and partied like Archower he win.

My college roommate's dad had the 10th anniversary one... dear FSM was that thing turds. The horrible interior was classic. AND THE SILVER LEATHER, SERIOUSLY?

/roomie got mad at me when i called them vinyl. sorry dude but it looked and felt more like vinyl than leather. get a less embarrassing car.


By then they were really, really lame, only 200 ponies from a 400. Easy enough to fix though. Nothing anybody could do with the turbo 301, except motor and hood swap.

Interior was standard Generic Motors plastic. But if that's how you judge a fast car I don't know what to say to you.

Late 70s-80s were just a terrible era for cars.
Something to make the car guys eyes twitch: 'Computer controlled quadrajunk'.
 
2020-09-15 6:58:36 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: My three favorite classic articles from The Onion:

Sinn Fein Leaders Demand Year-Round Shamrock Shake Availability

Taco Bell Introduces New "Morning After" Burrito

Kiss Army Rocked by Allegations of Propriety


My favourite:

Man With Complete Mama's Family Video Library Never Going On eBay Drunk Again
 
2020-09-15 7:01:23 PM  

Ganon D. Mire: I anticipate certain people watching The NFL this way.

/bonus would be not having to listen to the fake crowd...


You know you can mute the TV right?  Then you don't have to hear the frequently awful commentators as well.  Or the commercials.
 
2020-09-15 8:11:47 PM  

Gordon Bennett: The Pope of Manwich Village: My three favorite classic articles from The Onion:

Sinn Fein Leaders Demand Year-Round Shamrock Shake Availability

Taco Bell Introduces New "Morning After" Burrito

Kiss Army Rocked by Allegations of Propriety

My favourite:

Man With Complete Mama's Family Video Library Never Going On eBay Drunk Again


I *still* reference that wonderful 'article' in conversation - usually about how I don't want to get so drunk I go on eBay and do that.

And nowadays you've got to be a certain age to even know what Mama's Family was.
 
2020-09-15 8:12:03 PM  

hissatsu: /I really wish he would show up like that to debate Trump


A Trump/Biden debate. Great, a senile old white guy who molests women debating an elderly white guy who's a serial groper with dementia.

I am so proud of American Democracy right now.
 
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