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(Slate)   "I am white, my husband is Korean. We have two daughters, 12 and 15. My husband and I both come from big families, but his is tighter-knit. My mother-in-law recently told my youngest to lose weight and criticized her eyes. Am I right to be outraged?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Family, mom's COVID, work challenges, older daughter, beautiful children, school year, last months of eighth grade, Dear Care  
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321 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 01 Sep 2020 at 10:20 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



38 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-09-01 9:07:00 AM  
Yes.
 
2020-09-01 9:11:31 AM  
How fat is the kid?
 
2020-09-01 9:14:28 AM  
Well, bye mom.
 
2020-09-01 10:29:36 AM  
Wait a second.  So, the Korean mom doesn't like it when the grandkids look too Korean?  This is a farked up form of self-hate I was unaware of.
 
2020-09-01 10:30:06 AM  
Next time, loudly point out what's wrong with the MIL's face.
 
2020-09-01 10:35:51 AM  
I am caucasian and my wife is Taiwanese. Don't know about Korean culture but in Taiwan, that kind of criticism is very common. My wife was called fat for most of her young life (she now weighs 126 pounds) by her mother, her grandmother and her aunts. It had a profound impact on her self esteem at a young age and still impacts her today. So tell your MIL to go fark herself and remind her that there is a kimchi pot in the backyard that has her name on it!
 
2020-09-01 10:36:12 AM  
Hey you willingly married into a Korean family. So good luck with that.  All Asians have their craziness.  Koreans are often even crazier.

/Asian
//Not Korean
 
2020-09-01 10:36:42 AM  

PaulRB: Wait a second.  So, the Korean mom doesn't like it when the grandkids look too Korean?  This is a farked up form of self-hate I was unaware of.


Actually, that really is a thing.

https://www.businessinsider.com/the-m​o​st-popular-plastic-surgery-in-korea-20​15-10

Why?  I don't really know.

/Son is half-Korean.
//Adopted, so no Korean in-laws.
///Kinda wish I had a Korean MIL so I don't have to make my own Korean food.
 
2020-09-01 10:49:11 AM  
Your blood type is A negative? Why not A positive?
 
2020-09-01 10:50:15 AM  

SirEattonHogg: Hey you willingly married into a Korean family. So good luck with that.  All Asians have their craziness.  Koreans are often even crazier.

/Asian
//Not Korean


You know what?  Been around an awful lot of different people over the years.  I've got a pretty diverse group of friends, family, foster children, old Army buddies, and co-workers.   Hell, my son is Korean.  My mother-in-law is Thai.  Two of my nieces are Hispanic, as are their children.

I think all ethnicities have their own special craziness.

And thank Invisible Sky Wizard(s) that they do!
 
2020-09-01 10:50:29 AM  
No, you can't be outraged at the culture you chose to marry in to.  Koreans are insanely body-obsessed, and cosmetic surgery is commonplace there.  Grandma was completely within the norms of her culture.  Which you married into.
 
2020-09-01 10:50:34 AM  
ftfa: 'My younger daughter was mortified, and my older daughter didn't even say anything! I was shocked and tried to bring it up in the car, but my older daughter just said it was "how Grandma always was"'

Of course the older daughter was blase'.  A 15 year old looks at grandma she sees an old old person that she and sis don't relate to on a 'beauty scale' anyway.
 
2020-09-01 10:51:30 AM  
South Koreans just have such chip on their shoulder thanks to constantly being compared to their svelte and fit neighbors to the north.
 
2020-09-01 10:55:07 AM  

Meat's dream: No, you can't be outraged at the culture you chose to marry in to.  Koreans are insanely body-obsessed, and cosmetic surgery is commonplace there.  Grandma was completely within the norms of her culture.  Which you married into.


Fark that.  You can be outraged at bullshiat as it appears.  By your logic, if you marry a Christian you can't be pissed if they espouse some weird evil bullshiat?  How about no.

/bullshiat is bullshiat
//"Oh but it's grandma that's talking shiat..."
///so the fark what - grandma needs to STFU then.  Being related to you is not a license for you to ignore (or even worse support) their idiocy
 
2020-09-01 10:55:56 AM  

dittybopper: SirEattonHogg: Hey you willingly married into a Korean family. So good luck with that.  All Asians have their craziness.  Koreans are often even crazier.

/Asian
//Not Korean

You know what?  Been around an awful lot of different people over the years.  I've got a pretty diverse group of friends, family, foster children, old Army buddies, and co-workers.   Hell, my son is Korean.  My mother-in-law is Thai.  Two of my nieces are Hispanic, as are their children.

I think all ethnicities have their own special craziness.

And thank Invisible Sky Wizard(s) that they do!


That they do.  Filipino.  Weird combo of Asian and Hispanic craziness.

Wife, Chinese.... also crazy.
 
2020-09-01 10:57:20 AM  

WTFDYW: Well, bye mom.


But before you go, what's the secret to your kimchi?

Fark user imageView Full Size



media.makeameme.orgView Full Size
 
2020-09-01 11:12:27 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Meat's dream: No, you can't be outraged at the culture you chose to marry in to.  Koreans are insanely body-obsessed, and cosmetic surgery is commonplace there.  Grandma was completely within the norms of her culture.  Which you married into.

Fark that.  You can be outraged at bullshiat as it appears.  By your logic, if you marry a Christian you can't be pissed if they espouse some weird evil bullshiat?  How about no.

/bullshiat is bullshiat
//"Oh but it's grandma that's talking shiat..."
///so the fark what - grandma needs to STFU then.  Being related to you is not a license for you to ignore (or even worse support) their idiocy


Nope.  You're wrong.  If you marry a Christian, you know in advance that comes with weird evil bullshiat.  If you build your house across the street from a pig farm, you don't get to complain about the smell.  You don't have to like or support Grandma's lunacy, but you knew in advance it was coming.
 
2020-09-01 11:17:11 AM  

Meat's dream: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Meat's dream: No, you can't be outraged at the culture you chose to marry in to.  Koreans are insanely body-obsessed, and cosmetic surgery is commonplace there.  Grandma was completely within the norms of her culture.  Which you married into.

Fark that.  You can be outraged at bullshiat as it appears.  By your logic, if you marry a Christian you can't be pissed if they espouse some weird evil bullshiat?  How about no.

/bullshiat is bullshiat
//"Oh but it's grandma that's talking shiat..."
///so the fark what - grandma needs to STFU then.  Being related to you is not a license for you to ignore (or even worse support) their idiocy

Nope.  You're wrong.  If you marry a Christian, you know in advance that comes with weird evil bullshiat.  If you build your house across the street from a pig farm, you don't get to complain about the smell.  You don't have to like or support Grandma's lunacy, but you knew in advance it was coming.


And she's got every right to her lunacy, just like you have to yours.
 
2020-09-01 11:19:01 AM  
So... it took her 15 years to discover that her mother-in-law is a coont?
 
2020-09-01 11:31:07 AM  

SirEattonHogg: That they do.  Filipino.  Weird combo of Asian and Hispanic craziness.

Wife, Chinese.... also crazy.


Heh.   Both my wife and I are White, but we're crazy in different ways.  We're completely different.  I'm more analytical, she's more emotional.  I'm more fiscally conservative, she's more spendthrift.   She'll binge watch some show (I think "Prison Break" is the latest one she's latched onto), and I'll take in lectures from the Royal Institute or something like that on YouTube.

I like to tell people when they notice that we're pretty different that "we complement each other".   Then I usually have to explain it's not that we compliment each other, as in saying nice things about each other, but we average out, making a whole out of incompletes.
 
2020-09-01 11:32:18 AM  
Meat's dream: Nope.  You're wrong.  If you marry a Christian, you know in advance that comes with weird evil bullshiat.  If you build your house across the street from a pig farm, you don't get to complain about the smell.  You don't have to like or support Grandma's lunacy, but you knew in advance it was coming.

dittybopper: And she's got every right to her lunacy, just like you have to yours.

Y'all smoking shiat.  You're hassling a damn child about stuff that makes no sense, that's crap.  I don't care where the fark you're from.  No.  Your right to be a doof ends when you're farking other people with it.  Extra fark you points when the person being harmed is a kid.  There isn't any "so much for the tolerant left" that's gonna suffice to try to handwave real evil away - no matter who is engaging in it.
 
2020-09-01 12:13:04 PM  
Some Junkie Cosmonaut:  Y'all smoking shiat.  You're hassling a damn child about stuff that makes no sense, that's crap.  I don't care where the fark you're from.  No.  Your right to be a doof ends when you're farking other people with it.  Extra fark you points when the person being harmed is a kid.  There isn't any "so much for the tolerant left" that's gonna suffice to try to handwave real evil away - no matter who is engaging in it.

This kind of explains colonialism in a nutshell.

"Your culture is *WRONG*.  Let me fix it for you."
 
2020-09-01 12:45:09 PM  
"Right to be outraged"? Why would you want to be outraged?
 
2020-09-01 1:02:01 PM  

dittybopper: Some Junkie Cosmonaut:  Y'all smoking shiat.  You're hassling a damn child about stuff that makes no sense, that's crap.  I don't care where the fark you're from.  No.  Your right to be a doof ends when you're farking other people with it.  Extra fark you points when the person being harmed is a kid.  There isn't any "so much for the tolerant left" that's gonna suffice to try to handwave real evil away - no matter who is engaging in it.

This kind of explains colonialism in a nutshell.

"Your culture is *WRONG*.  Let me fix it for you."


body shaming children is now culture.
 
2020-09-01 1:07:47 PM  

Meat's dream: No, you can't be outraged at the culture you chose to marry in to.  Koreans are insanely body-obsessed, and cosmetic surgery is commonplace there.  Grandma was completely within the norms of her culture.  Which you married into.


"This practice cannot ever be questioned" is not a good way to go through life.
 
2020-09-01 1:11:00 PM  
Yes, its cultural. Not all Koreans/Chinese/etc behave that way, but many do. To those, it is perfectly normal behavior. If you become outraged, grandma won't understand. It really wouldn't help anything.

Are you planning on singlehandededly mouthing off at every single person from those cultures, who your daughters come across in their lives? It's exhausting, there are billions of them. And to people around you you'll just seem like an endlessly short-tempered biatch.

Instead, teach your daughters why you think it's not right for people to be openly criticized that way.

Explain to your daughters the much BETTER way female criticism of females works in North America: passive-aggressively behind each other's back, so that the news eventually hits it's target anyways, and that way is much more effective at eroding away the target's soul
 
2020-09-01 1:12:34 PM  

NikolaiFarkoff: Your blood type is A negative? Why not A positive?


He didn't study hard enough!
 
2020-09-01 1:49:11 PM  
Coming from a culture where moms, aunts, etc. WILL call you "fat" and find other ways to criticize you just for living, I feel this.

Place this phrase into heavy rotation: "F*ck off."
 
2020-09-01 1:58:44 PM  

kindms: dittybopper: Some Junkie Cosmonaut:  Y'all smoking shiat.  You're hassling a damn child about stuff that makes no sense, that's crap.  I don't care where the fark you're from.  No.  Your right to be a doof ends when you're farking other people with it.  Extra fark you points when the person being harmed is a kid.  There isn't any "so much for the tolerant left" that's gonna suffice to try to handwave real evil away - no matter who is engaging in it.

This kind of explains colonialism in a nutshell.

"Your culture is *WRONG*.  Let me fix it for you."

body shaming children is now culture.


It's *ALWAYS* been culture.

My mother called me fat.

OMG, SHE'S WORSE THAN FARKING HITLER!
 
2020-09-01 2:43:11 PM  

PaulRB: Wait a second.  So, the Korean mom doesn't like it when the grandkids look too Korean?  This is a farked up form of self-hate I was unaware of.


Well she split the difference between criticism of the white side's fatness and the Asian side's eyes. The Koreans have a lot of hates to go around. Especially a mother in law.
 
2020-09-01 2:44:45 PM  

dittybopper: PaulRB: Wait a second.  So, the Korean mom doesn't like it when the grandkids look too Korean?  This is a farked up form of self-hate I was unaware of.

Actually, that really is a thing.

https://www.businessinsider.com/the-mo​st-popular-plastic-surgery-in-korea-20​15-10

Why?  I don't really know.

/Son is half-Korean.
//Adopted, so no Korean in-laws.
///Kinda wish I had a Korean MIL so I don't have to make my own Korean food.


Used to have fun in college parties with a Roommate's friend who was a Korean girl with big tits. Asking a person to bet where she'd had plastic surgery was a sucker's game.
 
2020-09-01 2:48:17 PM  
Daughter is well old enough to learn to roll her eyes at and then ignore crazy people who say rude things. Teach her how to build self-esteem and self-confidence now, and she will never internalise anyone else's impertinent opinions of her appearance.
 
2020-09-01 2:56:11 PM  
Ah yes, the old "you can't criticize their behavior because it's part of their culture" defense.

Next up: Americans spending all their money on guns to fight off imaginary threats is okay because it's part of their culture!
 
2020-09-01 3:11:06 PM  
Came here to say that it sounds like a normal Korean MIL to me and I see that has been covered.
 
2020-09-01 3:14:26 PM  

dittybopper: kindms: dittybopper: Some Junkie Cosmonaut:  Y'all smoking shiat.  You're hassling a damn child about stuff that makes no sense, that's crap.  I don't care where the fark you're from.  No.  Your right to be a doof ends when you're farking other people with it.  Extra fark you points when the person being harmed is a kid.  There isn't any "so much for the tolerant left" that's gonna suffice to try to handwave real evil away - no matter who is engaging in it.

This kind of explains colonialism in a nutshell.

"Your culture is *WRONG*.  Let me fix it for you."

body shaming children is now culture.

It's *ALWAYS* been culture.

My mother called me fat.

OMG, SHE'S WORSE THAN FARKING HITLER!


no but its still pretty shiatty for a parent to call their kid fat.
 
2020-09-01 5:41:50 PM  

NikolaiFarkoff: Your blood type is A negative? Why not A positive?


I'm feeling personally attacked right now.
 
2020-09-01 6:00:20 PM  
Yes, you're right to be outraged.
But don't expect that to change a farking thing, if the family is old school Korean.
Apparently emotionally brutalizing daughters and granddaughters is a "cultural value".

/Just wait, it will get more outrageous. My fav; Korean parents telling older daughter to skip college classes to take little brother to a party.  Because he's the boy, and her education doesn't matter anyways, so how dare she be so selfish.
 
2020-09-01 7:00:02 PM  
This is normal in Korean families. Typically, they do not like the way their eyes are, and getting plastic surgery on their eyes is extremely common for young women in South Korea. Likewise, it is extremely common to bleach their hair brown. Criticism for being fat is also normal. The family in the article is in the USA, I think, so should ask granny to tone it down.
 
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