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(Gizmodo)   This smart tape measure is an asshole and the toaster's been laughing at me   (gizmodo.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Body mass index, Adipose tissue, Body fat percentage, Obesity, Nutrition, Health, connected tape measure, Ruler  
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2446 clicks; posted to Fandom » on 30 Aug 2020 at 1:12 PM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



36 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-08-30 9:43:00 AM  
Can't quite make up my mind about the waffle iron.
 
2020-08-30 9:45:22 AM  
No, it's laughing with you.

/(stole that paraphrase, but forgot who from)
 
2020-08-30 10:08:13 AM  
My paper wants some coffee and my mother needs recycling
My fax is getting acne and it needs some tetracycline
My dog is late for school and my son pissed on the floor
The percolator's drooling and the baby's at the store

My Carphone's on the Pill
Youtube PAEfJP1T-nI
 
2020-08-30 10:25:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 10:36:36 AM  
static.independent.co.ukView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 11:14:34 AM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: [Fark user image image 360x270]


I see this been covered.
 
2020-08-30 11:30:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 11:53:16 AM  
Laughing toaster?
www4.pictures.zimbio.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 1:04:58 PM  
OK, did TFA ever get to the part about why the tape measure is so mean?
 
2020-08-30 1:09:48 PM  

Mikey1969: OK, did TFA ever get to the part about why the tape measure is so mean?


It called her fat.
 
2020-08-30 1:18:31 PM  

Nonpo: Mikey1969: OK, did TFA ever get to the part about why the tape measure is so mean?

It called her fat.


So tape measure says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cause your waist is small
And your curves are kickin....
 
2020-08-30 1:29:37 PM  
You call that a dick?
 
2020-08-30 1:33:27 PM  
It's like when they tell you that you're not supposed to eat an entire bag of cookies, and you do it anyway, because what the fark. Then when they tell you not to use "smart" devices because they're recording you and tracking you and manipulating your behavior, you say, Oh yeah, FARK that, I have FREEDOMS, and you get all of them.

Then you drop dead four years later, because it kept telling you to eat bags of cookies, as well as everything else, and you did it, even though all you ever did was tell your friends about how handy and convenient everything is now, with your smart devices just mailing you cookies, and streaming services, and new clothes (you keep getting fatter, for some reason), and porn, and cleaning services, and you never do a thing anymore, because your smart devices just do everything for you, and when you die from all the inertia and lack of will, your smart devices will be sooooooo happy.

Because you gave it your all. You almost made your devices happy. Maybe next generation.  Your kids just have to consume more. Luckily, our smart devices are training them. Right now.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 2:01:17 PM  
Nobody cares about your blog, stupid.
 
2020-08-30 2:05:48 PM  
Fallout New Vegas: Old World Blues - Toaster
Youtube U6kp4zBF-Rc
 
2020-08-30 2:16:58 PM  
If you pay $80 for a measuring tape you should be laughed at.
 
2020-08-30 2:29:47 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 2:29:53 PM  
I didn't have to try and remember what each little mark on the analog tape was an eighth or a sixteenth of an inch.

Jeebus, we are most certainly doomed.
 
2020-08-30 2:30:58 PM  
Was worried there for a second. Thought it was like a construction tape measure and thinking "great, people already suck at reading a tape, im gonna start throwing away peoples 100 dollar smart tapes in addition to those stupid easy reads"

Man that kid looked like he was gonna cry when he kept cutting my stuff wrong and I threw that easy read into the jobsite dumpster.
 
2020-08-30 2:31:48 PM  

midigod: I didn't have to try and remember what each little mark on the analog tape was an eighth or a sixteenth of an inch.

Jeebus, we are most certainly doomed.


FARKING CONTRACTOR'S CANT READ A TAPE. if this is Armageddon can we speed it up already?
 
2020-08-30 2:39:00 PM  

midigod: I didn't have to try and remember what each little mark on the analog tape was an eighth or a sixteenth of an inch.

Jeebus, we are most certainly doomed.


"Measure twice, cut once, dumbass!"

"Looks like you're trying to find a stud... good luck with that piggy."

"Oh, sorry about your finger.  I thought you were gonna press the retract button so I did it for you."
 
2020-08-30 2:45:27 PM  
Who needs a smart tape and why? Been building things for 3 decades and the good ol dumb tape works just fine.

About 30 years ago i helped wire a "smart" house. Thermostat, individual room heat control, oven, garage door, the whole bit. Struck me as kinda "what's the point? " way back then.  I have to wonder how all that stuff's holding up for them now?
 
2020-08-30 2:56:41 PM  
Bogdan: The A.I. is an asshole!
 
2020-08-30 3:10:19 PM  
This smart tape measure is an asshole

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-30 3:13:03 PM  
Just last week, my wife informed me that her new scale was IoT and links to her wellness program's server.  So, I am not allowed to use it.
 
2020-08-30 3:22:30 PM  
The only smart device I have in my house is my cat.
 
2020-08-30 3:29:56 PM  

bughunter: midigod: I didn't have to try and remember what each little mark on the analog tape was an eighth or a sixteenth of an inch.

Jeebus, we are most certainly doomed.

"Measure twice, cut once, dumbass!"

"Looks like you're trying to find a stud... good luck with that piggy."

"Oh, sorry about your finger.  I thought you were gonna press the retract button so I did it for you."


"Measure twice, cut once, dumbass!"

/Dammit
 
2020-08-30 3:50:51 PM  
Speaking of assholes, we're all agreed that that's the standard point to begin measuring from, right fellas?
 
2020-08-30 4:02:30 PM  

coffeetime: Can't quite make up my mind about the waffle iron.


Your waffle maker is a jerk if it only gives you blue waffles.
 
2020-08-30 4:22:25 PM  
In the grand scheme of fitness goals, measuring progress can be tricky. The number on a regular old scale doesn't account for the actual composition of your body. You could gain weight, but you would have no way of knowing if that weight is muscle, fat, or water.


It's fat. Okay? If you have to ask, no, you have not been somehow putting on muscle faster than you've been burning fat. You just haven't burned any fat.
 
2020-08-30 5:04:58 PM  
She was disappointed that the tape measure was only 5 feet long and not at least 6 feet long so she could plot out the minimum social distancing measurement. It's a tape measure for your body. If any part of your body, other than for your height, is over 60 inches, that's obviously a serious health issue. You don't need a doctor, a scale, or anything or anyone else to tell you that.

And seriously. Measuring tape is cheap. You can buy 5 foot measuring tape for a dollar or two at a craft store. They probably have longer ones for less than $10.
 
2020-08-30 5:39:38 PM  
The toaster is also confused. It doesn't know why we put bagels in it.
 
2020-08-30 7:36:13 PM  

lifeslammer: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/U6kp4zBF​-Rc]


Muggy is my favourite.

Fallout New Vegas: Old World Blues - Muggy
Youtube 3sWzrmIoCac
 
2020-08-30 10:10:30 PM  
I laughed.  My wife laughed.  The toaster laughed.  I shot the toaster.  Farking decepticon!
 
2020-08-30 10:23:42 PM  
I'm not worried about the toaster...but the garbage disposal has been giving me the side-eye all day. Dunno what his problem is, farker eats better than I do.
 
2020-08-31 5:34:43 AM  
Look, 3 inches is 3 inches. You can't blame the tape measure for that.
 
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