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(Nottingham Post)   Britain now under attack from freaky-legged sex-crazed nopes "the size of your hand." Look out humans in homes, their only mission is to have sex   (nottinghampost.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Spider, Male house spiders, time of year, Dr Chris Terrell-Nield, people's homes, female spiders, Nottingham Trent University, spiders  
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6510 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2020 at 3:42 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-08-29 1:12:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 1:51:20 PM  
"The males are up to 10cm across the leg span and can be the size of your hand" !

10cm = 3.9 inches. the size of your hand.

so TIL trump has been a brit this entire time! he was never eligible to be president!
 
2020-08-29 2:58:31 PM  
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenar​i​a_domestica
barn funnel web spiders (NA) or house spider (EU) = max size a little over a cm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenar​i​a_parietina
cardinal spider (EU) = actually fairly rare in Europe. body size... well, here's the picture supplied in wiki

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common. The cardinal spiders are not house spiders. If the invasion is big spiders, then that's what they are.

Of a related note, the species are closely related, and that may be where the author stumbled while getting the story from the article's entomologist. Both species are reluctant to bite humans, and pose no danger.
 
2020-08-29 3:32:16 PM  

JohnnyApocalypse: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenar​i​a_domestica
barn funnel web spiders (NA) or house spider (EU) = max size a little over a cm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenari​a_parietina
cardinal spider (EU) = actually fairly rare in Europe. body size... well, here's the picture supplied in wiki

[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x300]

So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common. The cardinal spiders are not house spiders. If the invasion is big spiders, then that's what they are.

Of a related note, the species are closely related, and that may be where the author stumbled while getting the story from the article's entomologist. Both species are reluctant to bite humans, and pose no danger.


Good thing the article is talking about spider rape on humans.
 
2020-08-29 3:45:40 PM  
They're coming in because it's cold outside. Let them in. The coins you find in your couch cushions are just spiders trying to pay rent.
 
2020-08-29 3:46:29 PM  
"Their only mission is to have sex."

So? According to Richard Dawkins, an elephant is nothing more than a device to replicate elephant DNA.
 
2020-08-29 3:50:12 PM  
i2-prod.nottinghampost.comView Full Size

I have had SO MUCH SEX with these spiders.
 
2020-08-29 3:54:25 PM  
I didn't realize this fantasy would become reality!

NSFW!  https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/ NSFW!
 
2020-08-29 4:00:47 PM  
Sexy spiders...mmmm...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 4:01:06 PM  

kyleaugustus: I didn't realize this fantasy would become reality!

NSFW!  https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/ NSFW!


Dude... WTF.

/got nothin' else
 
2020-08-29 4:01:25 PM  

JohnnyApocalypse: So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common.


House spider is not a strict definition and varies from place to place.

As does daddy long-legs, btw.
 
2020-08-29 4:03:50 PM  
They're drawn in looking for the House music, and all they find is Grime
 
2020-08-29 4:04:00 PM  

EJ25T: kyleaugustus: I didn't realize this fantasy would become reality!

NSFW!  https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/ NSFW!

Dude... WTF.

/got nothin' else


You're welcome!
 
2020-08-29 4:05:11 PM  

kyleaugustus: I didn't realize this fantasy would become reality!

NSFW!  https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/ NSFW!


Welp, I've been having a bit of a dry spell, I suppose...
 
2020-08-29 4:05:41 PM  

EJ25T: kyleaugustus: I didn't realize this fantasy would become reality!

NSFW!  https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/ NSFW!

Dude... WTF.



It's Oglaf.

You have to start from the beginning.  (very NSFW)

/you're welcome
 
2020-08-29 4:09:11 PM  
I'm already having sex with something the size of my hand.
 
2020-08-29 4:12:02 PM  

iron de havilland: JohnnyApocalypse: So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common.

House spider is not a strict definition and varies from place to place.

As does daddy long-legs, btw.


Is that a kinky thing?  Calling the spider daddy?
 
2020-08-29 4:14:47 PM  
humoncomics.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 4:15:19 PM  

khatores: Sexy spiders...mmmm...

[Fark user image 425x599]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 4:17:31 PM  
/Mommy long-legs
 
2020-08-29 4:23:10 PM  

JohnnyApocalypse: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenar​i​a_domestica
barn funnel web spiders (NA) or house spider (EU) = max size a little over a cm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenari​a_parietina
cardinal spider (EU) = actually fairly rare in Europe. body size... well, here's the picture supplied in wiki

[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x300]

So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common. The cardinal spiders are not house spiders. If the invasion is big spiders, then that's what they are.

Of a related note, the species are closely related, and that may be where the author stumbled while getting the story from the article's entomologist. Both species are reluctant to bite humans, and pose no danger.


Hey everybody, look who has a 3.5" dick!

Oh...huh, right.
 
2020-08-29 4:24:24 PM  

JohnnyApocalypse: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenar​i​a_domestica
barn funnel web spiders (NA) or house spider (EU) = max size a little over a cm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tegenari​a_parietina
cardinal spider (EU) = actually fairly rare in Europe. body size... well, here's the picture supplied in wiki

[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x300]

So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common. The cardinal spiders are not house spiders. If the invasion is big spiders, then that's what they are.

Of a related note, the species are closely related, and that may be where the author stumbled while getting the story from the article's entomologist. Both species are reluctant to bite humans, and pose no danger.


Because of climate change, there's now 6* species of spider in the UK that have a bite you can feel.

*think I've remembered that correctly, either 6 or 4
 
2020-08-29 4:25:42 PM  
Sex-Crazed Spiders is the name of my Sex Pistols/Iron Butterfly mashup coverband.
 
2020-08-29 4:36:52 PM  
Fark user image

Do they give you time to lube up or should one just be slipping around ready for action?
 
2020-08-29 4:39:30 PM  
comicvine1.cbsistatic.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 4:43:05 PM  

LewDux: khatores: Sexy spiders...mmmm...

[Fark user image 850x567]


Miss Ukraine 2020 is really hot!*.

*not good, not terrible
 
2020-08-29 4:45:19 PM  
What is it with people fearing spiders?

FunkJunkie: [humoncomics.com image 660x926]


Sounds like my life...
 
2020-08-29 5:02:13 PM  

studebaker hoch: LewDux: khatores: Sexy spiders...mmmm...

[Fark user image 850x567]

Miss Ukraine 2020 is really hot!*.

*not good, not terrible


That's Sophie Ellis-Bextor
 
2020-08-29 5:06:03 PM  
The Brits run these spider stories, what every 5 days?
 
2020-08-29 5:08:49 PM  

weapon13: studebaker hoch: LewDux: khatores: Sexy spiders...mmmm...

[Fark user image 850x567]

Miss Ukraine 2020 is really hot!*.

*not good, not terrible

That's Sophie Ellis-Bextor


Did you hear Sophie Ellis-Bextor's been found dead in the hotel room of a famous French football manager?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Police are saying it's Murder on Zidane's Floor.

/First heard that joke during the 2002 World Cup.
//Bad dad jokes never die, they just get updated to reflect the current profession of Zinedine Zidane.
 
2020-08-29 5:24:37 PM  

maxandgrinch: [Fark user image image 850x83]

Do they give you time to lube up or should one just be slipping around ready for action?


It'll fark my bagpipes eight ways from Sunday if it could get those plaid pajamas off.
 
2020-08-29 5:26:45 PM  
Still waiting for the giant microbes
 
2020-08-29 5:30:39 PM  
Different species, but every time I visited my erstwhile in-laws in Northants my job seemed to be to escort the large wolf spiders out of the lounge and into the back garden. Only because I am always the first one up, and I like to make myself useful.

It wasn't the in-laws who gave me the job; it was the spiders.
 
2020-08-29 5:34:48 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Johnny Quest was my favourite cartoon in the '60s. The invisible monster was so cool.
 
2020-08-29 5:35:11 PM  
Who are you calling House Spider?
 
2020-08-29 5:36:11 PM  
What an appropriate ad photo for this story.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 5:37:45 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 5:40:55 PM  

goatharper: The invisible monster was so cool.


The Fast Show - That's Amazing -3- Monster
Youtube 9zdmqV2iDN8
 
2020-08-29 5:42:50 PM  
I'd consider it...

c2.staticflickr.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 5:49:43 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: The Brits run these spider stories, what every 5 days?


It's in the late summer rotation along with the year-round HURRICANE WINDS, MIGRANT TERRORISTS, and ROYAL BICKERING stories. We should be getting the "COLDEST BANK HOLIDAY EVAR" stories tomorrow and Monday, which will be a nice change from "FLAMETHROWER IN HELL HEATWAVE" from last month.
 
2020-08-29 6:08:49 PM  
I am predicting a rash of house fires in Nottighamshire
 
2020-08-29 6:10:27 PM  
Only mission is to have sex? Perhaps they're related to sex robot?

/Sex robot, sex robot
//What does it want?
 
2020-08-29 6:21:35 PM  

khatores: Sexy spiders...mmmm...

[Fark user image image 425x599]


"Pictocum.com"????
 
2020-08-29 6:26:15 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 6:38:36 PM  

iron de havilland: JohnnyApocalypse: So the article is sloppy. It claims "house spiders", which is wrong. House spiders are small brown spiders. Everyone has seen those as they're extremely common.

House spider is not a strict definition and varies from place to place.

As does daddy long-legs, btw.


Brown recluse is our "house spider."

They aren't evil, and are pretty good hunters. They are just creepy when they move. Don't spook em and your hand won't rot off if they bite. They seem to understand human cohabitation and try to stay out of the way.
 
2020-08-29 6:39:45 PM  
And then there was...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-29 7:14:25 PM  
Ever driven for a long distance in late summer, when the fark bugs are busy farking, and fly into your windows, and inside the car, and....?
 
2020-08-29 7:19:21 PM  

kyleaugustus: And then there was...

[Fark user image 294x220]


Porpoise + spider + (??) shark?
 
2020-08-29 7:24:44 PM  
Eight Legged Freaks (2002) Chased By Giant Spiders
Youtube 5rXoq2e-Ots


Warning:  A tad graphic
 
2020-08-29 8:29:56 PM  

goatharper: [Fark user image 836x899]
Johnny Quest was my favourite cartoon in the '60s. The invisible monster was so cool.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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