Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   The question of the decade: How can I get my young child to sit patiently through all these Zoom classes?   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Teacher, Education, High school, Private school, School, assortment of teachers, school's distance, new math activity  
•       •       •

247 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 27 Aug 2020 at 2:05 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-08-27 12:02:33 PM  
Decade? How long is this gonna last?
 
2020-08-27 12:03:28 PM  
Duct Tape.
 
2020-08-27 1:22:20 PM  
Super glue. Lots of super glue.
 
2020-08-27 1:23:42 PM  
it's 36 inches long


for the first three whacks.
 
2020-08-27 1:35:51 PM  
Stop feeding it cupcakes and Apple Jacks?
 
2020-08-27 1:50:45 PM  
 I'm not making fun of parents here but DAMN am I glad to be childless. These days it's hard enough just to take care of myself. Even delayed my plans to adopt another dog because I have no idea about my future stability and dogs deserve a real home.

To all of you Farkers with kids, I'm rooting for you. I know this must suck.
 
2020-08-27 2:11:50 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-27 2:12:23 PM  
Why?

A kid who learns early that any meeting or class has only 10 minutes of content worth actually paying attention to, is a kid who is going to use his intelligence on something worthwhile.
 
2020-08-27 2:14:35 PM  
Better question, how are you going to get me, the professor, to sit patiently through them?

If I didn't have a deck of cards to play with it would be awful
 
2020-08-27 2:37:31 PM  
Parents, just plan on expecting your kids (especially younger ones) to not learn anything this year.  If they actually learn anything, be pleasantly surprised.
 
2020-08-27 2:38:34 PM  

gameshowhost: Stop feeding it cupcakes and Apple Jacks?


And, there is the answer of the decade.
 
2020-08-27 2:58:51 PM  
Just e-mail me my assignment I'll figure it out someday, I've got shiat to do.

Fark user image
 
2020-08-27 3:02:43 PM  
Slatted chair?
 
2020-08-27 3:05:12 PM  
images.uline.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-27 3:09:43 PM  
chloroform
 
2020-08-27 3:16:41 PM  
You can't.  Yay!  Seriously though, you can't.  Children have the attention spans of children and are less interested in school work in general because they're missing the tactile experience of being in a classroom.  A normal teacher has to redirect students multiple times a day, you're going to have to do it more frequently in addition to long "recess" breaks and exercise after "school".
 
2020-08-27 3:18:39 PM  
Ummm if male and hetero 
media1.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-27 3:28:55 PM  
The British used opium. Could always try that.
 
2020-08-27 3:29:32 PM  
We gave up on that idea and started homeschooling. It's less work to assign reading time and set goals on Khan for math development. Take advantage of the free time and encourage hobby development and practicing not being an asshole, maybe clean up after yourself and make your own damn sandwich. Social life issues suck tho, sorry dude.
 
2020-08-27 3:36:33 PM  
You guilt them. "Look I carried you for 9 months...and all I have to show for it are these cottage cheese thighs you ruined me and YOUR FAULT...so you better just sit there and STFU while I try to undo the DAMAGE YOU CAUSED YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTRID"
 
2020-08-27 3:43:43 PM  
What's the difference?

Despite my sister and her husband's best efforts, their kids have their faces buried in their laptop or I-pad due to online streaming or gaming all day anyways.   They have to threaten their kids with the carrot or the stick to get them to go outside and do stuff.

Now that I think about it, that's my life as well.  : /
 
2020-08-27 4:21:05 PM  

dickfreckle: I'm not making fun of parents here but DAMN am I glad to be childless. These days it's hard enough just to take care of myself. Even delayed my plans to adopt another dog because I have no idea about my future stability and dogs deserve a real home.

To all of you Farkers with kids, I'm rooting for you. I know this must suck.


Thanks, empathetic farker! Yeah this is the first time in the 8 years of raising kids where I find myself thinking this would be a lot easier without them. Not that I don't love them all but yeah.

Luckily we got the preschooler in a good preschool. The kindergartner in a private full day K (our district is part time K) and the oldest doesn't mind the Zoom schooling in the least. I can't imagine the hell this must be for parents who can't work from home or don't have the resources that we do.
 
2020-08-27 4:56:29 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: The British used opium. Could always try that.


This is America! We wouldn't do something as vile as that.

...we'll use Benadryl.
 
2020-08-27 5:16:50 PM  
My wife has tutored a kid for the last several years. He's now in 7th grade. Throughout the summer, they tried to connect for his lessons via Zoom or Hangout or something. I had to clear out of the room while school was in session but I would regularly hear, "I can SEE you." (He'd be goofing off.) Reports from a niece about her 5 year old and virtual classrooms for kindergarten sounded even less promising.
 
2020-08-27 5:18:09 PM  

darkmythology: Sum Dum Gai: The British used opium. Could always try that.

This is America! We wouldn't do something as vile as that.

...we'll use Benadryl.


Or do what we did: put 'em in the kiddie car seat and drive around for around 20 minutes. (We can't be the only people whoever used driving as a sleep aid for children.)
 
2020-08-27 5:20:33 PM  
Beat the living daylights out of them.
 
2020-08-27 5:27:36 PM  
A lot of what goes on in school is geared to controlling a classroom of children. With the kids at home, less time should be needed to get them to learn what they are supposed to learn, because less time is wasted on classroom control. If your child can read, reading a lot will result in them learning more than they would have at school.
 
2020-08-27 5:30:09 PM  

cherryl taggart: Beat the living daylights out of them.


Dad?
 
2020-08-27 5:54:51 PM  
I just sat through a three-hour seminar about this on Monday. The presenter, a leading researcher in early childhood development (and former teacher of every grade from kindergarten through high school) said, quite plainly: for every year old a child is, up to about 12, that's how many minutes of uninterrupted, direct instruction they can handle, on average, before needing a break.

Five years old? Can handle about five minutes of being talked at before needing to do some kind of activity either related to the topic at hand, or taking a break entirely, preferably one that involves no screen time and some amount of physical movement.

The logistics of this are Sisyphean, but if one parent is home all day with the child, it's possible. Completely mentally draining for all parties involved, but possible. This school year is going to be very hard on teachers and working parents.
 
2020-08-27 6:00:16 PM  
Benadryl
 
2020-08-27 6:19:04 PM  

SirMadness: Why?

A kid who learns early that any meeting or class has only 10 minutes of content worth actually paying attention to, is a kid who is going to use his intelligence on something worthwhile.


The difficulty, of course, is that you don't know which 10 of those many minutes are the important part.
 
2020-08-27 6:21:52 PM  

Flincher: Ummm if male and hetero [media1.giphy.com image 304x504] [View Full Size image _x_]


I ain't teaching the next generation to be into fake balloon tiddays.
 
2020-08-27 8:53:11 PM  
Do you expect teachers to do it with a class of 20-30? If yes, then external genitalia up and control your spawn.
 
2020-08-28 12:25:08 AM  
DON'T!

Take out a cook book and make your child do all the measuring while stating the amount out loud. Have him fill the a 2 cup measuring cup using a quarter cup measuring cup, then a third cup, and a half cup.

Teach him to master a simple recipe. Then have him double it; divide it in half; and make a batch and half. Make sure he does the math!

Teach him to count money and make change. Give him an allowance and piggy bank.

Have him read aloud to the dog or cat everyday. Read aloud to him - something a bit above his grade level - every day.

Look up science experiments online. Use the outdoors to teach basics of biology.

Mask up and visit historical sites and museums where possible.

Teach him to use tools. Start by teaching him to hammer open nuts. Move up to small projects that require him to measure.

Give him music lessons. Buy art supplies. Dig up the backyard and build a mud oven. Teach him to build the fire.

Do a thousand other things I didn't suggest, but don't force a young child to sit in front of a computer all day.
 
2020-08-28 12:38:05 AM  
Why not load them up on Ritalin or Adderall. That's what parents did in the 90s.
 
Displayed 35 of 35 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.