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(Slate)   "My husband hooked up with someone on Tinder during our separation...and brought a little something extra home with him. What should I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, HIV, Dental dam, Sexual intercourse, Safe sex, AIDS, Human sexuality, Human sexual behavior, Oral sex  
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740 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 25 Aug 2020 at 2:00 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



26 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-08-24 11:38:13 PM  
First of all, hubby and his doctor(bottom 1% of his med class) are both morons.
Wife is no genius either; require any re-kindled flame to have blood tests, stat.

/ only good thing is that herpes tracing has advanced enough that you can tell 'who had it first' - so in any divorce that info could come in handy.
 
2020-08-25 12:07:36 AM  
Get a shot
 
2020-08-25 2:12:39 AM  
I didn't read the article, but I'm assuming the something extra is a new dog or cat. Why would anyone be upset or wondering what to do about a new pet?
 
2020-08-25 2:16:48 AM  
recognise that there's a reason you had a trial separation. Convert it to a permanent separation.
He is obviously a man of poor judgement
 
2020-08-25 2:41:22 AM  

Uranus: recognise that there's a reason you had a trial separation. Convert it to a permanent separation.
He is obviously a man of poor judgement


Well he did marry her, so your probably correct.
 
2020-08-25 2:42:18 AM  
I just got out of a 23-year relationship.  I'm terrified of getting an STD.  Good thing nobody wants to have sex with me.
 
2020-08-25 2:47:57 AM  
See a doctor and get rid of it.
Then see a lawyer and get rid of it.
 
2020-08-25 3:51:11 AM  

mobyworm: See a doctor and get rid of it.
Then see a lawyer and get rid of it.


A) HSV is not curable

B) Her description sounds like a canker sore not an HSV sore

C) assuming they got HerpeSelect ELISA IgG1 & IgG2 (the "standard" test these days) and got a positive they should check is index rating, if it is a low positive (<=3.5) they should follow CDC guidelines and get a retest using A DIFFERENT IgG test. Preferably Western Blot IgG1 and IgG2 from University of Washington (global gold standard), as it may be a false positive from HerpeSelect.  It's got like 93% accuracy and 87% specificity, and it's tuned to error towards false positives.  UWash Western Blot on the other hand is 99% accurate and 99% specific.

I get routine STI testing (pretty standard for those of us practicing polyamory) and HerpeSelect has false positived for one strain or another [both never both at once] for me 4 out of the last 7 times I've used it . I no longer use it and go straight to Western Blot.    

The reason that HerpeSelect is standard and WB is not is that the former is like $15 and the latter is $300
 
2020-08-25 4:37:42 AM  

Kazan: mobyworm: See a doctor and get rid of it.
Then see a lawyer and get rid of it.

A) HSV is not curable

B) Her description sounds like a canker sore not an HSV sore

C) assuming they got HerpeSelect ELISA IgG1 & IgG2 (the "standard" test these days) and got a positive they should check is index rating, if it is a low positive (<=3.5) they should follow CDC guidelines and get a retest using A DIFFERENT IgG test. Preferably Western Blot IgG1 and IgG2 from University of Washington (global gold standard), as it may be a false positive from HerpeSelect.  It's got like 93% accuracy and 87% specificity, and it's tuned to error towards false positives.  UWash Western Blot on the other hand is 99% accurate and 99% specific.

I get routine STI testing (pretty standard for those of us practicing polyamory) and HerpeSelect has false positived for one strain or another [both never both at once] for me 4 out of the last 7 times I've used it . I no longer use it and go straight to Western Blot.    

The reason that HerpeSelect is standard and WB is not is that the former is like $15 and the latter is $300


My medical advice(?) was a (lighthearted, but perhaps a bit too obscure) reference to the Steve Martin film "The Jerk".

My legal advice was serious as a heart attack, though. (Tinder? Really?)
 
2020-08-25 6:09:20 AM  
"We continued to have unprotected sex during this time.."


What did you expect, a unicorn?
 
2020-08-25 7:11:55 AM  
confusingmiddle.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-25 7:56:58 AM  
Never use one short paragraph to describe a problem when six will suffice.

If she talks like she writes, I understand the trial separation.
 
2020-08-25 8:06:53 AM  

mobyworm: See a doctor and get rid of it.
Then see a lawyer and get rid of it.


I am also drought and famine resistant.
 
2020-08-25 8:07:49 AM  

I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise: mobyworm: See a doctor and get rid of it.
Then see a lawyer and get rid of it.

I am also drought and famine resistant.


Cool. Wrong post.
 
2020-08-25 8:08:36 AM  

EasilyDistracted: Never use one short paragraph to describe a problem when six will suffice.

If she talks like she writes, I understand the trial separation.


What I can't understand is the reconciliation.

Totally missing from her missive is how she handled her need for oral stimulation while they were on a break.  If it's killing her this much while together.....no way was she celibate.

Would it be incredibly ironic if she ended up giving it to him?
 
2020-08-25 9:51:59 AM  

EasilyDistracted: Never use one short paragraph to describe a problem when six will suffice.

If she talks like she writes, I understand the trial separation.


That's how I know this one is not a "Dear Penthouse Letters" fabrication...
 
2020-08-25 11:08:36 AM  
Meh its HSV, yes bad for babies but just an akward conversation for adults.
 
2020-08-25 11:46:06 AM  

snoopy2zero: Meh its HSV, yes bad for babies but just an akward conversation for adults.
---


One Canadian study of old dudes (healthy, over 80, still living in own home) had Qs that included asking re: types of VD.  One thing that *all* those healthy old dudes had in common was *none* of them had any form of herpes.
 
2020-08-25 12:06:46 PM  

nanim: snoopy2zero: Meh its HSV, yes bad for babies but just an akward conversation for adults.
---

One Canadian study of old dudes (healthy, over 80, still living in own home) had Qs that included asking re: types of VD.  One thing that *all* those healthy old dudes had in common was *none* of them had any form of herpes.


Interesting, although if they were only asked and not tested we really dont know if they had it or not.  Also correlation and causation and what not but still interesting.

It is not standard test during STD testing.  I learned this after an awkward encounter with a lady and a fun couple of months of accusations and testing.

Surprise, Surprise it wasnt me but the guy she had a crush on and he had promised it wasnt him but refused to get tested to prove it. Until me and every other guy she had slept with in the last year had gotten tested.

Good times
 
2020-08-25 3:37:02 PM  
What kind of doctor knows nothing about STIs, has to google them during an office visit, and tells the patient to see a dentist about a possible herpes lesion? I'd think about getting a new doctor at least.
 
2020-08-25 5:55:00 PM  

Uranus: recognise that there's a reason you had a trial separation. Convert it to a permanent separation.
He is obviously a man of poor judgement


For using tinder?
 
2020-08-25 11:44:44 PM  
No cure for HSV-2.

That shiat sticks with you like luggage.

If you are lucky you will remain asymptomatic. If you aren't you will have to deal with painful outbreaks. Probably no reason to avoid infection if they choose to stay married. If she tests negative she can either divorce him or accept that she will likely be infected sooner or later and just accept it.
 
2020-08-26 2:13:37 AM  

madgonad: No cure for HSV-2.

That shiat sticks with you like luggage.

If you are lucky you will remain asymptomatic. If you aren't you will have to deal with painful outbreaks. Probably no reason to avoid infection if they choose to stay married. If she tests negative she can either divorce him or accept that she will likely be infected sooner or later and just accept it.


I dunno, what are the chances of getting infected from pegging?
 
2020-08-26 9:29:03 AM  

turboke: madgonad: No cure for HSV-2.

That shiat sticks with you like luggage.

If you are lucky you will remain asymptomatic. If you aren't you will have to deal with painful outbreaks. Probably no reason to avoid infection if they choose to stay married. If she tests negative she can either divorce him or accept that she will likely be infected sooner or later and just accept it.

I dunno, what are the chances of getting infected from pegging?


Higher than you think. Condoms and dental dams do not provide good protection against HSV-2. The whole area can transmit the virus, not just the interlocking parts.
 
2020-08-26 9:48:24 AM  

madgonad: turboke: madgonad: No cure for HSV-2.

That shiat sticks with you like luggage.

If you are lucky you will remain asymptomatic. If you aren't you will have to deal with painful outbreaks. Probably no reason to avoid infection if they choose to stay married. If she tests negative she can either divorce him or accept that she will likely be infected sooner or later and just accept it.

I dunno, what are the chances of getting infected from pegging?

Higher than you think. Condoms and dental dams do not provide good protection against HSV-2. The whole area can transmit the virus, not just the interlocking parts.


Gimp suits for all!
 
2020-08-26 1:38:13 PM  
This woman is an idiot.

Cut a condom in half lengthwise and voila, a dental dam.
 
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