Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Medium)   Tired of standing in the Express Lane at the grocery store while the person in front of you went way over the limit? There's a possible way to fix that. Consider the Asshole Tax   (medium.com) divider line
    More: Cool, Grocery store, Safeway Inc., Supermarket, local grocery store, harm others, grocery stores, Anti-Mask Asshole, field day  
•       •       •

1108 clicks; posted to Food » and Discussion » on 15 Aug 2020 at 2:30 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



46 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-08-15 3:27:42 AM  
Someone tried to stop me at the 9 items or less line because I had two six packs of beer.
 
2020-08-15 3:30:07 AM  
This won't work.  As soon as you put a price on cheating, you not only legitimize it for the assholes, you also open it up to barely assholes, assholes with shame, and literalist non-assholes.  For instance, if there's a 10% surcharge on purchases of over 15 items, and there are these huge lines in the regular aisles and a short express line, I'd happily take the 10% surcharge in some cases.
 
2020-08-15 3:56:07 AM  
Love to think of ways to help Walmart out on their takeover of all grocery stores.
 
2020-08-15 4:00:24 AM  

J.R. 'Bob' Chinaski: Love to think of ways to help Walmart out on their takeover of all grocery stores.


That's the spirit, we should really just have one corporation.

/I feel dirty
 
2020-08-15 6:44:59 AM  
Yeah, I don't really care how many items I have. If the cashier is willing to ring up my 50 items in the express lane then screw you, I'm in. Life is too short to get all twitchy because you have to wait an extra 3 minutes for me.
 
2020-08-15 6:46:36 AM  
"You look like an intelligent person.  Are you a math major who can't read, or an english major who can't count?"
 
2020-08-15 7:14:03 AM  
I always use self-check. Never have to worry about assholes that way.
 
2020-08-15 7:19:09 AM  
Long ranting article just proposes a 10% tax on the total purchase if you go over the limit. The author takes a long, long time to get to the point.
 
2020-08-15 8:29:55 AM  
Pisses me off much more when cashier opens new register, says "next in line" and the last person in line runs over and is allowed to be first.
 
2020-08-15 8:31:58 AM  

aerojockey: This won't work.  As soon as you put a price on cheating, you not only legitimize it for the assholes, you also open it up to barely assholes, assholes with shame, and literalist non-assholes.  For instance, if there's a 10% surcharge on purchases of over 15 items, and there are these huge lines in the regular aisles and a short express line, I'd happily take the 10% surcharge in some cases.


10% for 5 items, 50% for next five, 200% for next 5...  and with surge tax premiums to boot.
 
2020-08-15 8:45:32 AM  

Leader O'Cola: Pisses me off much more when cashier opens new register, says "next in line" and the last person in line runs over and is allowed to be first.


"DO YOU EVEN METAL BRO?!??" -LoC most likely
 
2020-08-15 8:56:43 AM  
You need a social credit system with geolocation, obviously. Once assholes start getting voted down and begin losing their homes to pay the anti-social behaviour fines, everything will improve in a week.
 
2020-08-15 9:04:09 AM  
In the stores here the 15 items or less lines the cashiers will call you over if there is no one in line, even if you have more than 15 items, making it awkward if someone comes up behind you who did not see this happen.

I don't remember the wording but they recently changed the lines to allow for more than some set in stone amount of groceries. basically negating the x items or less line.
 
2020-08-15 9:08:31 AM  
cart corrals and x items or less lines are 2 of the worst things ever invented. I don't use either.
 
2020-08-15 9:12:34 AM  

Leader O'Cola: Pisses me off much more when cashier opens new register, says "next in line" and the last person in line runs over and is allowed to be first.


Just try to feel happy for the person who was last and got to avoid the wait instead of feeling like everything should be rearranged for your benefit.

Always worth a read and listen for perspective even if you are no longer a graduate on the cusp of entering the real world: This Is Water
 
2020-08-15 9:26:46 AM  
I'm pretty sure the grocery stores I go to did away with their express lanes years ago.  The self checkout lanes kinda made them superfluous.  Then again I typically go to the grocery store in the morning and only a couple lanes are open at that time.

One time there was clearly one line feeding into the six self checkout machines, this guy walks right up and starts a new line right behind a lady who was almost done checking out.  I just went up to him and was like "dude, back of the line" and pointed at the people waiting in line, he complied.

20 years ago when I worked at a grocery store, if I was on the express lane I would tell people with full carts to go to another register if we were busy.  Never had anybody not do it, some of them legitimately didn't realize they were in the express lane.

Instead of passive aggressively approaching this situation, maybe we could try just telling them not to be assholes.  Worst case scenario, you're going to have to throw a few punches, but honestly, it's probably won't come up.  Assholes aren't used to being called out on their bullshiat and they typically go into shock when they are.
 
2020-08-15 9:45:33 AM  
As a teenager and into my early 20's, I worked at a small appliance parts/repair place.  Its owner had four separate pricing tiers, the highest of which was described to them as our "Special, 'A' Column Pricing" but which, and internally as our "Asshole Tax Column."

It typically was 50-75% higher than any other price for the item or service, and when you told an asshole customer you were "giving them our Special, 'A' Column Pricing tier," they usually stopped being an asshole, thinking they were actually getting a deal.
 
2020-08-15 9:54:17 AM  

Leader O'Cola: Pisses me off much more when cashier opens new register, says "next in line" and the last person in line runs over and is allowed to be first.


If I have a pet peeve, that's the one. I seem to be the only one who lets people go in front of me but that's never reciprocated. My revenge? If I get the chance, I'll put a random item in their cart (or on the conveyor belt). The smaller and more expensive the better, if possible.
 
2020-08-15 10:01:23 AM  
Won't work. If caishers risk losing their jobs from the blowback of asking people with too many items to use another line, than you really think they won't get any flack for charging them more? No, that's just taunting the dynamite money. If anything it slows things down as asshole get rung up in the express, than they realise it's more expensive, either refuse to paid or demand a refund, then recart their items and go back through a regular or leave without purchase.

These work arounds won't work. We need businesses to hold all customers to a standard of behavior towards staff and other customers. And mostly stop giving into asshole, who cares if Karens biatch about shiat on facebook, fark them.
 
2020-08-15 10:03:52 AM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: Someone tried to stop me at the 9 items or less line because I had two six packs of beer.


Only applies if they scan each individual bottle.
 
2020-08-15 10:10:23 AM  
I got to see a little (must have been under 5') lady checker throw a big suburban dad-type (prob 6'6'') off the express lane once..."Sir, this is the Express Lane.  You have way too many items, and you need to use another checkout."  "But, but..."  "Nope." and pointing him off, like he'd just been red-carded.  I could've picked that lady up and kissed her.
 
2020-08-15 10:11:29 AM  

aerojockey: This won't work.  As soon as you put a price on cheating, you not only legitimize it for the assholes, you also open it up to barely assholes, assholes with shame, and literalist non-assholes.  For instance, if there's a 10% surcharge on purchases of over 15 items, and there are these huge lines in the regular aisles and a short express line, I'd happily take the 10% surcharge in some cases.


Sounds a lot like Paris Metro Pricing.  As far as I know, they haven't done it in decades but it gets its name from a pricing scheme for the Paris Subway that had different prices for different cars.  The cars weren't any different, but you would assume the cheaper cars would fill up first and the more expensive cars would be less crowded.  It must not be as well known as I thought, because duckduckgo didn't get a "real" hit until the second page:
https://experts.umn.edu/en/publicatio​n​s/paris-metro-pricing-for-the-internet​

There's also a classic example of day care centers charging a surcharge for being late.  Customers would simply decide to pay extra to not have to deal with little Ethan for another hour or so.
 
2020-08-15 10:24:40 AM  
to put myself in the mindset of the asshole, i realized the only thing i would do is ring up 15 items, pay, then start ringing up the next 15 items.
 
2020-08-15 10:29:24 AM  

pup.socket: You need a social credit system with geolocation, obviously. Once assholes start getting voted down and begin losing their homes to pay the anti-social behaviour fines, everything will improve in a week.


No thanks, China.  You've already shared enough of your culture for one year.
 
2020-08-15 10:29:49 AM  
*fewer
 
2020-08-15 10:46:57 AM  

pup.socket: You need a social credit system with geolocation, obviously. Once assholes start getting voted down and begin losing their homes to pay the anti-social behaviour fines, everything will improve in a week.


Yeah there's no way an anti-social authoritarian asshole would want to be in charge of that program. What could go wrong?
 
2020-08-15 11:09:14 AM  
It doesn't change for the sake reason airlines clearly limit carry on items, yet don't enforce it. Assholes make a scene and they win. Throw a few out of store and off the planes and people will start to get the message. Sorry, sign says 15 items. That's how many I will ring up. Then you can either get in line again or self check out or leave without the other items.
 
2020-08-15 12:52:10 PM  

My Conscience: cart corrals and x items or less lines are 2 of the worst things ever invented. I don't use either.


User name does not exist...
 
2020-08-15 1:05:03 PM  

Puffy McBooze: J.R. 'Bob' Chinaski: Love to think of ways to help Walmart out on their takeover of all grocery stores.

That's the spirit, we should really just have one corporation.

/I feel dirty


The spirit is in the article. You know, the one saying grocery stores should make an excuse to charge more
 
2020-08-15 1:22:30 PM  

electricjebus: I'm pretty sure the grocery stores I go to did away with their express lanes years ago.  The self checkout lanes kinda made them superfluous.  Then again I typically go to the grocery store in the morning and only a couple lanes are open at that time.


The store I go to actually removed the self checkout lanes a few years back for some reason. They replaced 6 self checkout lanes with 4 regular "express" lanes of which only one was ever even open. Enough people must have complained because they put the self checkout lanes back in about a year ago. They even added one.

No idea what they were thinking but it wasn't surprising. It's the worst run grocery store I've ever seen. Certain sections frequently look like a store in Florida the day before a hurricane.

I only go there when I need a common item or two. When I do a big monthly shop, I go to a different store.
 
2020-08-15 1:32:03 PM  

MelGoesOnTour: Leader O'Cola: Pisses me off much more when cashier opens new register, says "next in line" and the last person in line runs over and is allowed to be first.

If I have a pet peeve, that's the one. I seem to be the only one who lets people go in front of me but that's never reciprocated. My revenge? If I get the chance, I'll put a random item in their cart (or on the conveyor belt). The smaller and more expensive the better, if possible.


When I was a cashier, the real asshole customers would get items scanned multiple times.

/Managed to do it in a way that they never noticed.
 
2020-08-15 2:10:08 PM  

My Conscience: cart corrals and x items or less lines are 2 of the worst things ever invented. I don't use either.


You sound fat.

Are you concerned that the wind will blow your red hat off your head as you scootypuff train the cart to the corral or do you have it secured to your mesh mask?
 
2020-08-15 2:53:09 PM  

LaChanz: Yeah, I don't really care how many items I have. If the cashier is willing to ring up my 50 items in the express lane then screw you,


And the winner for today's "most farkie notes added" is ...
 
2020-08-15 3:06:52 PM  
kappit.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-15 3:43:02 PM  

theflinx: In the stores here the 15 items or less lines the cashiers will call you over if there is no one in line, even if you have more than 15 items, making it awkward if someone comes up behind you who did not see this happen.

I don't remember the wording but they recently changed the lines to allow for more than some set in stone amount of groceries. basically negating the x items or less line.


Some stores also allow the disabled to use 15 items or less lanes with more items, on the basis that standing around in a long line isn't going to do them any good at all.  Been caught up in that one as the person getting yelled at, when it was the store waving me over there (with good reason.)  Always best to check and see if your asshole is really an asshole - there might be something else going on here.  If they really ARE an asshole, feel free to kick them in the head or similar - but sometimes they're streamlining the entire store process (and sensibly) - it just happens to not be ideal for you personally.

/general you, not you as in Flinx
 
2020-08-15 4:12:26 PM  
TBH, oftentimes paying is the slowest part of the whole process, which means that an express lane with five people (with the proper number of items) in line will still take longer than a regular lane with two people in it.
 
2020-08-15 4:24:37 PM  
I have seen plenty of asshats going into the express line when  they are clearly over the item limit ,

I have also see a fair number that will try to count each item in a package as an item to try to shorten the line. Seen it done with cartons of eggs most often.  It's most often karen types that pull this shiat too.

While a 10% fee for using the express lane when your not in compliance is an interesting idea it would in all likelihood be a nightmare to implement and operate.    I'd expect most if not all stores would view such a policy as more trouble than it is worth.
 
2020-08-15 4:41:15 PM  
This seems kinda dumb at the moment, my local market now has one line and a monitor telling you which lane to use. I ended up in 10 items or less with 3 packed carts and a flatbed loaded with cases of fruit and dairy.
 
2020-08-15 4:44:42 PM  
Program the cash registers to print out the receipt after the 15th item. If the customer has more items, tell them "sorry, you have to pay for these 15 and then go back to the end of the line." If they biatch about it, play dumb and blame it on the programmed register.
 
2020-08-15 5:52:15 PM  
Every single checkout line in the world should adopt In-N-Out Burger's policy:  one line that feeds to multiple cash registers.
 
2020-08-15 10:14:13 PM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: theflinx: In the stores here the 15 items or less lines the cashiers will call you over if there is no one in line, even if you have more than 15 items, making it awkward if someone comes up behind you who did not see this happen.

I don't remember the wording but they recently changed the lines to allow for more than some set in stone amount of groceries. basically negating the x items or less line.

Some stores also allow the disabled to use 15 items or less lanes with more items, on the basis that standing around in a long line isn't going to do them any good at all.  Been caught up in that one as the person getting yelled at, when it was the store waving me over there (with good reason.)  Always best to check and see if your asshole is really an asshole - there might be something else going on here.  If they really ARE an asshole, feel free to kick them in the head or similar - but sometimes they're streamlining the entire store process (and sensibly) - it just happens to not be ideal for you personally.

/general you, not you as in Flinx


So, the disabled can break rules....lol. I thought everyone just wanted to be equal. Bullshiat. Every body want a way for special treatment.
 
2020-08-15 10:14:59 PM  

drewogatory: This seems kinda dumb at the moment, my local market now has one line and a monitor telling you which lane to use. I ended up in 10 items or less with 3 packed carts and a flatbed loaded with cases of fruit and dairy.


Sounds like you live in shiat hole area.
 
2020-08-15 10:40:08 PM  

bfh0417: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: theflinx: In the stores here the 15 items or less lines the cashiers will call you over if there is no one in line, even if you have more than 15 items, making it awkward if someone comes up behind you who did not see this happen.

I don't remember the wording but they recently changed the lines to allow for more than some set in stone amount of groceries. basically negating the x items or less line.

Some stores also allow the disabled to use 15 items or less lanes with more items, on the basis that standing around in a long line isn't going to do them any good at all.  Been caught up in that one as the person getting yelled at, when it was the store waving me over there (with good reason.)  Always best to check and see if your asshole is really an asshole - there might be something else going on here.  If they really ARE an asshole, feel free to kick them in the head or similar - but sometimes they're streamlining the entire store process (and sensibly) - it just happens to not be ideal for you personally.

/general you, not you as in Flinx

So, the disabled can break rules....lol. I thought everyone just wanted to be equal. Bullshiat. Every body want a way for special treatment.


Yep, we're all about that.  Just yesterday I murdered a few people and molested some aardvarks.  Crip life yo!
 
2020-08-16 6:20:09 AM  

Leader O'Cola: aerojockey: This won't work.  As soon as you put a price on cheating, you not only legitimize it for the assholes, you also open it up to barely assholes, assholes with shame, and literalist non-assholes.  For instance, if there's a 10% surcharge on purchases of over 15 items, and there are these huge lines in the regular aisles and a short express line, I'd happily take the 10% surcharge in some cases.

10% for 5 items, 50% for next five, 200% for next 5...  and with surge tax premiums to boot.


Double it every time they pull that shiat.
 
2020-08-16 12:38:51 PM  
A few weeks ago I was at a Safeway with my daughter shopping for groceries. We had about $300 or so in goods in our cart when we got to checkout, so it was a very full shopping basket.

I get in line behind a woman who is just about finished emptying her basket onto the conveyor, and patiently wait my turn until all of her items are past the conveyor so that I can start unloading my groceries onto the belt, as is the new COVID company policy.

That's when she whips out her book of coupons. I spend the next ten minutes as the cashier has to call th manager over to hunt down and find the products that the coupons actually go to instead of what she grabbed off the shelf.  After tht is all done, she complains to the manager that she wants to buy a watermelon. The manager then tells her to hold on a minute and he will go find one for her.

I did the only thing a shopper can do when they witness poor treatment of customers. I grabbed my daughters hand and walked out and went to a competitor.

In my opinion, the coupons were a hassle, but not unforgivable. The manager prompting to go find a watermelon for her instead of asking her to complete her transaction and having her purchase the melon at the customer service counter is what got me to leave.
 
2020-08-16 2:19:40 PM  

drewsfarkthrowaway: A few weeks ago I was at a Safeway with my daughter shopping for groceries. We had about $300 or so in goods in our cart when we got to checkout, so it was a very full shopping basket.

I get in line behind a woman who is just about finished emptying her basket onto the conveyor, and patiently wait my turn until all of her items are past the conveyor so that I can start unloading my groceries onto the belt, as is the new COVID company policy.

That's when she whips out her book of coupons. I spend the next ten minutes as the cashier has to call th manager over to hunt down and find the products that the coupons actually go to instead of what she grabbed off the shelf.  After tht is all done, she complains to the manager that she wants to buy a watermelon. The manager then tells her to hold on a minute and he will go find one for her.

I did the only thing a shopper can do when they witness poor treatment of customers. I grabbed my daughters hand and walked out and went to a competitor.

In my opinion, the coupons were a hassle, but not unforgivable. The manager prompting to go find a watermelon for her instead of asking her to complete her transaction and having her purchase the melon at the customer service counter is what got me to leave.


So... you expect people to wait behind you while the clerk rings out your $300 shopping cart, but you have no patience for one more watermelon. And you just left your cart there, causing store staff to waste more time restocking or just plain tossing $300 worth of groceries. I think you need to reexamine who the asshole was in this scenario.

Let's face it pal - sometimes you draw the short straw and end up behind coupon lady, sometimes you end up behind someone like you.
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.