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(Reader's Digest)   "Aren't you at least going to buy me dinner first?" didn't make the list   (rd.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, English-language films, The Washington Post, Question, Agent, TSA agents, smoother airport experience, red flags, new destination  
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5875 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Aug 2020 at 1:05 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-08-14 12:41:05 PM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


"Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"
 
2020-08-14 12:45:11 PM  
"It's not like I have a bomb in there!"
 
2020-08-14 12:47:06 PM  
At least 11 of those lines are followed with the rejoiner "That's what SHE said!"
 
2020-08-14 1:06:21 PM  
How do you sleep at night, scum?
 
2020-08-14 1:09:31 PM  
I prefer the syrup.
 
2020-08-14 1:10:15 PM  
And no. 1, yelling "Allahu Akhbar."
 
2020-08-14 1:10:31 PM  
"That reminds me.  I'm due for a colonoscopy."
 
2020-08-14 1:11:18 PM  
TSA precheck is absolutely worth it.
 
2020-08-14 1:11:59 PM  
Do you miss your job at Auschwitz ?
 
2020-08-14 1:13:52 PM  
Also missing: "At what point did you give up on life's ambitions and become a TSA agent?"
 
2020-08-14 1:14:00 PM  
TSA aka sexual predators
 
2020-08-14 1:14:39 PM  
Why you should be kind to TSA agents

By nice to the gestapo, slave.
 
2020-08-14 1:15:26 PM  
Ah....TSA.  My first assumption involved proctology exams.
 
2020-08-14 1:17:39 PM  

lolmao500: Why you should be kind to TSA agents

By nice to the gestapo, slave.


Lulz.

As much as I loathe the TSA, playing nice makes sense because they can ruin your day and cause you to miss your flight.

And I have a hunch that some TSA employees actually enjoy farking with people...probably due to being envious of all those people who are flying out on vacation.
 
2020-08-14 1:17:44 PM  
Hi, Jack!
 
2020-08-14 1:19:01 PM  
"I think that woman next in line has her electric toothbrush stuck on."
 
2020-08-14 1:21:31 PM  
"Congratulations on your nomination for Best Supporting Actor for your role in Travel Security Theater."
 
2020-08-14 1:22:14 PM  
Is this really better than delivering pizzas?
 
2020-08-14 1:24:03 PM  
TFA has a link to an article that lists the worst airports if you are running late....and I knew Sea-Tac would be mentioned, and I was right.

Seriously...TSA in Seattle "could f*ck up a cup of coffee".
 
2020-08-14 1:24:50 PM  

Opacity: Is this really better than delivering pizzas?


Nope.

And pizza delivery employees are well-liked for the most part.
 
2020-08-14 1:24:51 PM  
"Aren't you at least going to buy me dinner first?" didn't make the list

Neither did "Your place or mine, but I only have 15 minutes because I have a flight to catch."
 
2020-08-14 1:25:17 PM  
"Hi, Jack!"

"This airline is da bomb!"

"I need to get through this line. I just ate a bunch of Taco Bell and I'm about to blow up the bathroom."
 
2020-08-14 1:26:59 PM  
"You're not a real cop and everyone here knows it!"
 
2020-08-14 1:28:19 PM  

MythDragon: "Hi, Jack!"

"This airline is da bomb!"

"I need to get through this line. I just ate a bunch of Taco Bell and I'm about to blow up the bathroom."


"I have The Bomb in my carry-on bag."

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-14 1:30:12 PM  
"Don't worry, it's not infectious."
 
2020-08-14 1:30:44 PM  
I just finished TFA, and while there is some good/common sense advice, the rest of it was heavy brown-nosing.
 
2020-08-14 1:32:03 PM  

The_Sponge: Opacity: Is this really better than delivering pizzas?

Nope.

And pizza delivery employees are well-liked for the most part.


Well, we're certainly happy to see them.
 
2020-08-14 1:33:16 PM  
imgs.xkcd.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-14 1:33:42 PM  
15. Is being a high school dropout a requirement for your job or just a preferred characteristic?

16. You guys are like cops but dumber and with worse hygiene.

17. You're doing a cavity search? I had extra spicy chicken marsala, ice cream, and 5 cans of pop for lunch hoping you'd say that!

18. Sorry, the restroom was out of toilet paper.
 
2020-08-14 1:36:06 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"I don't know if this is a good time to ask, but would it be possible for me to get my briefcase back?"
 
2020-08-14 1:36:56 PM  
"So, what's it like being the most useless c-sucker in America?"
 
2020-08-14 1:38:18 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-14 1:39:40 PM  
"My eyes are up here"
i.imgur.comView Full Size


"It's all natural"
parentsdome.comView Full Size


"My zipper doesn't work"
d1gjpyq0w94yrb.cloudfront.netView Full Size
 
2020-08-14 1:43:18 PM  
Wonder what the overlap is between these groups?

Masks--I'm not submitting to wearing something, nothing's going to happen, this is authoritarian overreach.  People that wear them are dumb

TSA--I'm not submitting to being scanned, it doesn't protect anyone, this is authoritarian overreach.  People that work for the TSA are dumb
 
2020-08-14 1:43:48 PM  
"Is that a baton in your pocket or are you just happy to-" *thud* *thump* *thwack*

"It's just a baton."
 
2020-08-14 1:44:02 PM  
I took a group of youth overseas a few years ago and, before we went through security, I warned them not to say anything stupid or antagonize the guards. As soon as one of my kids got up to security to hand off his bags, my youth said, "Are you going to look for a bomb in there?" He was pulled from the line (as was his friend who was laughing), very slowly patted down and then the guard went painfully slow through all of his luggage, tossing every last thing out of both of his bags and 'accidentally' dropping a bunch of it on the floor. It took almost 20 minutes. Then the guard said, "You can repack" and walked away.
 
2020-08-14 1:52:06 PM  

drtgb: I took a group of youth overseas a few years ago and, before we went through security, I warned them not to say anything stupid or antagonize the guards. As soon as one of my kids got up to security to hand off his bags, my youth said, "Are you going to look for a bomb in there?" He was pulled from the line (as was his friend who was laughing), very slowly patted down and then the guard went painfully slow through all of his luggage, tossing every last thing out of both of his bags and 'accidentally' dropping a bunch of it on the floor. It took almost 20 minutes. Then the guard said, "You can repack" and walked away.


I'm having trouble identifying the a$$hole in your story. I mean, other than being clear it's not you.

I'm going to go with TSA agent, despite your warning ahead of time. Since you were traveling overseas, I'm guessing the youth were pretty much teenagers and they're not identified by their keen decision making and survival skills.
 
2020-08-14 1:52:51 PM  

vudukungfu: How do you sleep at night, scum?


In their shiatty apartments while they reflect on the fact they are pawns in game of life?

/strike at the roots etc
//everyone needs to take a step back
///third slashie is sad
 
2020-08-14 1:53:34 PM  
Yes, it is too bad that those doggies on duty so we can't pet them.

css: In a U.S. airport I had the cutest little beagle (in its Ag Dept coat) come up to my carry-on bag and sit on its little behind.   His officer asked me if I had any food in there.   "No, but I did have an orange in there that I ate it on the flight', and I opened my bag (it was on the floor) so the doggie could sniff.  Poor little guy there was no evidence in the bag so he didn't get his treat!
 
2020-08-14 1:57:03 PM  
"You have big hands. Me likey!"

"I hope you noticed on my ID that I'm an organ donor" *wink*

"Have you ever been on a Turkish prison?"
 
2020-08-14 1:59:24 PM  
Did you used to work in HR?
 
2020-08-14 2:04:27 PM  

169th Cousin: Hi, Jack!



Airplane! - Hijack deleted scene
Youtube Kf3bw8KEZ44
 
2020-08-14 2:05:10 PM  
Basically: don't give losers with power a chance to mess with you. The problem is that you already did by deciding to fly.
 
2020-08-14 2:05:41 PM  

drtgb: I took a group of youth overseas a few years ago and, before we went through security, I warned them not to say anything stupid or antagonize the guards. As soon as one of my kids got up to security to hand off his bags, my youth said, "Are you going to look for a bomb in there?" He was pulled from the line (as was his friend who was laughing), very slowly patted down and then the guard went painfully slow through all of his luggage, tossing every last thing out of both of his bags and 'accidentally' dropping a bunch of it on the floor. It took almost 20 minutes. Then the guard said, "You can repack" and walked away.


That's great.

That dumb kid is lucky he got off easy.
 
2020-08-14 2:06:15 PM  
Admit it, you got hired here because you have a shoe fetish.

Would you mind giving me a list of which items to replace after you've stolen them?

Repack it yourself, you lazy bastich.
 
2020-08-14 2:06:35 PM  
Little child: "Why are you touching me there, you're not a priest." - Robin Williams.
 
2020-08-14 2:07:36 PM  
I got the "SSS" screening in Dublin coming back from Amsterdam. The guy doing it was being pretty thorough, so I looked down at him and went "Hey, I know this means we should get married now, but I'm not sure your views on abortion or same sex marriage would really mix well seeing as how you're probably Catholic and all..."
He did not find that the least bit funny. He also didn't find any reason to keep me from going thru to the gate area. However, once I got to the special "glass unicorn" area U.S. bound travelers have to wait in, I am sure he was quite happy with my suffering in it. 

/Seriously, don't got thru "U.S. Pre-Check" until you absolutely have to
//Esp in Dublin as it sucks
///rest of the airport is really nice. Just not the U.S. travel part
 
2020-08-14 2:10:33 PM  
Am I the only one struck by an imp of the perverse and wanting to try every single on the list in one go?

I might carry a clipboard or notebook and make little notes, to make them think I'm evaluating their response.
 
2020-08-14 2:12:36 PM  
"You have really soft hands."
 
2020-08-14 2:24:57 PM  
"They told me to leave the whips and chains at home."

Have items in the bag for x-ray spell out "TACO BELL". (bonus if you pass wind as they see it)
 
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