Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Hill)   Trump presser: The beatings will continue   (thehill.com) divider line
    More: Live, Donald Trump, President of the United States, White House, Bill Clinton, mobile devices, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Democratic Party, Belarus nominee TikTok  
•       •       •

2323 clicks; posted to Discussion » and Politics » on 12 Aug 2020 at 5:33 PM (15 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-08-12 6:24:18 PM  
31 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:09:16 PM  
26 votes:
this is the Lincoln Project's best one yet.
 
2020-08-12 5:50:25 PM  
23 votes:
FTFA: President Trump is slated to hold a press briefing Wednesday afternoon to give updates on the administration's response to the coronavirus pandemic and other issues.

TRUMP: Yes, we continue to do well, really well, the best ever, really, and if you hear different it's fake news. The fake news just wants to make me look bad, it's all a hoax and I'm not responsible for the hoax, Hillary Clinton should really be in prison, her emails and Kampala isn't a real American, we still haven't seen her birth certificate and Sleepy Joe can barely walk, if he had a brain test, he'd cry for his mother, I mean, really, it's so obvious that he is a loser and children are practically immune, so we should be opening the schools, not my fault, the fake states are the ones to blame, why can't we have football now, it's a shame, really, that's not American, it's the liberal agenda that keeps all the good things from happening, not my fault, Kuala Lumpur was really nasty to Kavawhatever, she's a nasty woman, like all the liberals, Nancy is mean to me, it's really terrible how mean she is, the Democrat hoax continues because you know they want me to fail, things are going really great but the fake media won't tell you that all they ever do is criticize. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! He also said some things African American-y wasn't ready to hear. Even it means me taking a chubby... I will suck it up. One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work...my BOTTOM! Hahahaha. George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or the "OC Disorder." I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. Chickens don't clap! Uncle Gob... was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. What's up, fizz-ellas. Buster, you remember when we were kissing last night? Buster: It was a wild, wild ride. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. I don't care for Gob. I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. I am going to my spin class. I thought you had vertigo. Popcorn shrimp... with club sauce. That's my son, you pothead! He... she... what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money. Well, OK, have sex with this girl. Right now. Get in there, have some sex with her. You just grab that brownish area by its points and you don't let go no matter what your mother tells you! I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans." I'm not a prostitute. Then I shall let you live! There's a new daddy in town. A discipline daddy. I just haven't had sex in a month. You know, you've been here two months. It's hard to gauge time. Don't ask "Can I"... ask "I Can!" Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine. Hair up, glasses off. Hair up, glasses off. Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep] or [bleep] or finger[bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep] or even [bleep]. Mission Accomplished. Mister gay is bleeding! Mister gay! Yes, Annyong. Your name is Annyong! We all know you're Annyong! Taste the happy, Michael! Taste it! Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. Fried cheese... with club sauce. This show was cancelled. I mean, COME ON. Fried cheese... with club sauce. It's one banana Michael, what could it cost, ten dollars? The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? No, Pop-pop does not get a treat. I just bought you a f**king pizza. No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a [bleep]ing pizza. She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. Popcorn shrimp... with club sauce. Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. Of course. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog." Wow. You, sir, are a mouthful! No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. [climbing under trampoline] This shall keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun. Pound is tic-tac-toe right?
 
2020-08-12 5:48:07 PM  
23 votes:

OldRod: Why do they have a task force briefing with no task force present?


To keep the task force numbers down.
 
2020-08-12 6:23:32 PM  
19 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 5:57:50 PM  
19 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:16:04 PM  
18 votes:

brigid_fitch: WTF is this $25 he's going on about?


images.fineartamerica.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 5:51:34 PM  
18 votes:

Smelly Pirate Hooker: FTFA: President Trump is slated to hold a press briefing Wednesday afternoon to give updates on the administration's response to the coronavirus pandemic and other issues.

TRUMP: Yes, we continue to do well, really well, the best ever, really, and if you hear different it's fake news. The fake news just wants to make me look bad, it's all a hoax and I'm not responsible for the hoax, Hillary Clinton should really be in prison, her emails and Kampala isn't a real American, we still haven't seen her birth certificate and Sleepy Joe can barely walk, if he had a brain test, he'd cry for his mother, I mean, really, it's so obvious that he is a loser and children are practically immune, so we should be opening the schools, not my fault, the fake states are the ones to blame, why can't we have football now, it's a shame, really, that's not American, it's the liberal agenda that keeps all the good things from happening, not my fault, Kuala Lumpur was really nasty to Kavawhatever, she's a nasty woman, like all the liberals, Nancy is mean to me, it's really terrible how mean she is, the Democrat hoax continues because you know they want me to fail, things are going really great but the fake media won't tell you that all they ever do is criticize. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! He also said some things African American-y wasn't ready to hear. Even it means me taking a chubby... I will suck it up. One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work...my BOTTOM! Hahahaha. George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or the "OC Disorder." I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. Chickens don't clap! Uncle Gob... was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. What's up, fizz-ellas. Buster, you remember when we were kissing last night? Buster: It was a wild, wild ride. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. I don't ...


FAKE!  Too coherent...
 
2020-08-12 5:35:40 PM  
18 votes:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:00:10 PM  
16 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:16:49 PM  
13 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:20:53 PM  
12 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:06:45 PM  
12 votes:
wow

ballots sent to 3 dogs and 1 cat
such error
very fraud
wow
 
2020-08-12 5:59:53 PM  
12 votes:

OldRod: FAKE!  Too coherent...


OK, here's the real thing:

Despite the constant negative ipsum covfefe. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that wrote Lorem Ipsum, but I don't know, maybe it was. It could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be some wordsmith sitting on their bed that weights 400 pounds. Ok? I'm the best thing that ever happened to placeholder text.

I will write some great placeholder text - and nobody writes better placeholder text than me, believe me - and I'll write it very inexpensively. I will write some great, great text on your website's Southern border, and I will make Google pay for that text. Mark my words. I write the best placeholder text, and I'm the biggest developer on the web by far... While that's mock-ups and this is politics, are they really so different?

When other websites give you text, they're not sending the best. They're not sending you, they're sending words that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing mistakes. They're bringing misspellings. They're typists... And some, I assume, are good words. Lorem Ipsum's father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald's being, you know, shot. It's about making placeholder text great again. That's what people want, they want placeholder text to be great again. If Trump Ipsum weren't my own words, perhaps I'd be dating it.

Lorem Ispum is a choke artist. It chokes! I was going to say something extremely rough to Lorem Ipsum, to its family, and I said to myself, "I can't do it. I just can't do it. It's inappropriate. It's not nice." The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!

He's not a word hero. He's a word hero because he was captured. I like text that wasn't captured. An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that Barack Obama's placeholder text is a fraud. My text is long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my website. We are going to make placeholder text great again. Greater than ever before.

Lorem Ipsum better hope that there are no "tapes" of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press! Lorem Ipsum is FAKE TEXT! I'm the best thing that ever happened to placeholder text. When other websites give you text, they're not sending the best. They're not sending you, they're sending words that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing mistakes. They're bringing misspellings. They're typists... And some, I assume, are good words.

An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that Lorem Ipsum's birth certificate is a fraud. My placeholder text, I think, is going to end up being very good with women. When other websites give you text, they're not sending the best. They're not sending you, they're sending words that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing mistakes. They're bringing misspellings. They're typists... And some, I assume, are good words.

Lorem Ipsum is the single greatest threat. We are not - we are not keeping up with other websites. We have so many things that we have to do better... and certainly ipsum is one of them.

I write the best placeholder text, and I'm the biggest developer on the web by far... While that's mock-ups and this is politics, are they really so different? Some people have an ability to write placeholder text... It's an art you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't. I know words. I have the best words. Lorem Ipsum best not make any more threats to your website. It will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen. You're disgusting.
 
2020-08-12 6:25:39 PM  
11 votes:
Master salesman at the podium. His charisma is like bottled lightning.
 
2020-08-12 6:03:53 PM  
11 votes:
9 million jobs, 12 million more than predicted.

Ok
 
2020-08-12 5:57:44 PM  
11 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 5:39:05 PM  
11 votes:

VanillaEnvelope: Does he go birther on Kamala today, or does he hold that back for a bit?


"Well, some people are saying that, I'll get back to you on it in two weeks"
 
2020-08-12 6:44:22 PM  
10 votes:
this is like watching a drunk do his taxes.
 
2020-08-12 6:27:28 PM  
10 votes:

Officer Barrelroll: Master salesman at the podium. His charisma is like bottled lightning.


his enthusiasm is infectious. I feel like ANYTHING is possible.
 
2020-08-12 6:25:34 PM  
10 votes:
we can't give money to the union, the union controls pelosi, but I think union isn't bad it is good, in most cases, I like teacher, they're terrific, but not their union, which controls pelosi, but unions i support
 
2020-08-12 6:31:51 PM  
9 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: [Fark user image 850x477]
These seem out of place.


Fark user imageView Full Size


Say, that's a good idea.
 
2020-08-12 6:28:30 PM  
9 votes:

undercurrent: Get the hook, this guy is done. Why on Earth do his enablers allow him to humiliate himself each day like this?


Bring on Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!
 
2020-08-12 5:39:37 PM  
9 votes:

urethra_franklin: Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.

LOL, maybe he thinks he's Axl Rose


Doubtful. Axl actually hooked up with the lingerie models Two Scoops was trying to nail.

That's the best thing 80s rock stars can do to sink Two Scoops. Don't weigh in with personal politics. Instead, tell the world about Trump's embarrassing stint as a Hollywood party crasher.
 
2020-08-12 7:01:18 PM  
8 votes:
**smokebomb**

Joker
Youtube eRaUGLwn_kM
 
2020-08-12 6:23:00 PM  
8 votes:
"we want to follow the child"

Dump talking to his limo driver after the Miss Teen USA pageant.
 
2020-08-12 6:20:19 PM  
8 votes:
FATILITY!!

SUB ZURO WONS~!
 
2020-08-12 6:10:24 PM  
8 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?


Trump is reading Stephen Miller's book report
 
2020-08-12 6:04:01 PM  
8 votes:

Snapper Carr: What are the odds that Trump drops an "N" bomb at some point during a press conference in the next few months?


I bet Biden does it before Trump.  Trump would say something like 'African American...I have to say African American.  You know what I mean but I can't say it, the fake news will get mad'.  Biden would just trip over himself trying to sound folksy and blurt it out.
 
2020-08-12 5:51:57 PM  
8 votes:
I hope they let him do these in prison, too.  If nothing else, it will be entertaining to see him try to duck a flying shiv every so often.
 
2020-08-12 7:07:39 PM  
7 votes:
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:49:30 PM  
7 votes:
Lots of energy.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:39:37 PM  
7 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:30:56 PM  
7 votes:
I think the looking down and reading without ever looking up is a good style. Really shows you know your stuff.
 
2020-08-12 6:18:44 PM  
7 votes:

bobug: I'm watching the Biden/Harris recording, instead. Wow. I couldn't remember what it was like to listen to a politician speak and not want to break my monitor. Hell, I miss Snekretary, and you KNOW that was one rat bastard.


in 2005 if you told me I'd see a president who made bush seem like a rhodes scholar I would have bet you my 401k.

well, jokes on you, since my 401k is basically empty anyways.
 
2020-08-12 6:13:39 PM  
7 votes:

brigid_fitch: WTF is this $25 he's going on about?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:06:11 PM  
7 votes:

fluffy_pope: "I didn't print those charts."
no kidding?


Check the President's schedule for a Kinkos run this afternoon.
 
2020-08-12 6:04:50 PM  
7 votes:
"Where did you get these charts?"

Nobody knows... they just showed up here one day
 
2020-08-12 6:59:56 PM  
6 votes:

QFarker: OK, CBSN just cut away and I don't feel like finding another feed.


https://youtu.be/Kso8pPPuc6E

You're not getting off that easy
 
2020-08-12 6:36:12 PM  
6 votes:

169th Cousin: Fouci on "vacation"?


Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:34:17 PM  
6 votes:
"Im the new guy. I'll be fired next week. I'll take your questions."

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:27:00 PM  
6 votes:
the kids in the basements on their computers don't have computers
 
2020-08-12 6:24:53 PM  
6 votes:
"your brain starts to wither away. we have a lot of experience with that"
 
2020-08-12 6:21:09 PM  
6 votes:
The flu has killed nearly 4 times as many people over the past 5 years combined as covid has this year
 
2020-08-12 5:56:49 PM  
6 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 5:53:50 PM  
6 votes:
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 5:40:09 PM  
6 votes:
media2.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 7:35:18 PM  
5 votes:
Guys I think Trump is gonna need a new VP pick to help with the black vote.
Who does he know... Hey what is Herman Cain up to these days?
He what?
Oh...
 
2020-08-12 6:57:33 PM  
5 votes:
TEST TOO MUCH I BINGO'D
 
2020-08-12 6:57:21 PM  
5 votes:
Ventilator King always gives me a chuckle as I drink my beer.
 
2020-08-12 6:53:31 PM  
5 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:52:11 PM  
5 votes:

Vacation Bible School: HallsOfMandos: Coach O?

Coach O.  Coacho. Coachamunga. Coachismo. Coachamany.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:45:24 PM  
5 votes:

fluffy_pope: this is like watching a drunk do his taxes.


I honestly did that once. Blacked out with my laptop open and the completed page.

Somehow they were right.
 
2020-08-12 6:42:25 PM  
5 votes:

Abox: Wow people are really remembering W wrong. He was dumb. He didn't think anything.


I'll always remember his shoe-dodging skills. The Shiatgibbon would have taken it right to the face.
 
2020-08-12 6:35:54 PM  
5 votes:
When you get lost in your imaginatory vagueness, your foresight will become a nimble vagrant.You gotta go through it to see there ain't nothing to it.You ever roasted doughnuts?It's good to yell at people and tell people that you're from Tennesee, so that way you'll be safe.

Have you urinated? Have you drained your bladder? Are you free? Because if you haven't it will only come out later. I'm giving you some information that your bodily fluids may penetrate your clothing fibre's without warning.I would like to give you a backstage pass to my imagination.

The magic Indian is a mysterious spiritual force, and we're going to Cathedral Rock, and that's the vortex of the heart.It's OK to get Rib-grease on your face, because you're allowing people to see that you're proud of these ribs.Did you feel that? Look at me - I'm not out of breath anymore!

Sometimes horses cough and fart at the same time, so stay out of the range of its butt muscle because a horses butt muscle is thick.I would like to give you a backstage pass to my imagination.I wrestled a bear once. A 750lbs black bear.You ever roasted doughnuts?

When you get lost in your imaginatory vagueness, your foresight will become a nimble vagrant.Have you urinated? Have you drained your bladder? Are you free? Because if you haven't it will only come out later. I'm giving you some information that your bodily fluids may penetrate your clothing fibre's without warning.
 
2020-08-12 6:35:51 PM  
5 votes:
Ask him about the Henweigh!!!
 
2020-08-12 6:31:36 PM  
5 votes:

weddingsinger: Captain_Max_Radius: the Skull day!

OK, I can't watch, but I HAVE to know what the fark that is in reference to?

WHAT IS THE SKULL DAY?

Is he just mispronouncing school?


The skull day was when all the fatilities happened...
 
2020-08-12 6:30:56 PM  
5 votes:
It's like someone put his speech into a blender and then printed it out...
 
2020-08-12 6:30:15 PM  
5 votes:

fluffy_pope: Officer Barrelroll: Master salesman at the podium. His charisma is like bottled lightning.

his enthusiasm is infectious. I feel like ANYTHING is possible.


Have to quote this, cuz yes.
Every.day that I listen to these things...I walk away with hope, unbridled excitement and enthusiasm.
 
2020-08-12 6:29:34 PM  
5 votes:

Vacation Bible School: undercurrent: Get the hook, this guy is done. Why on Earth do his enablers allow him to humiliate himself each day like this?

Bring on Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!


Gene Gene, the Dancing Machine
Youtube ACpNVD5GMUw
 
2020-08-12 6:29:13 PM  
5 votes:
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:22:12 PM  
5 votes:
Ghislane followed the child too
 
2020-08-12 6:19:58 PM  
5 votes:
FATILLITY!
 
2020-08-12 6:18:43 PM  
5 votes:

Abox: Trump clearly thinks reading from a paper on the podium is better than a teleprompter.


Could be worse - could be an entire binder, tabbed by subject, full of pre-chewed bullshiat, as presented by Kayleigh "Binder Tab Barbie" McEnany...

i.dailymail.co.ukView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:14:22 PM  
5 votes:
SHOSHALSHECURETY
 
2020-08-12 6:06:23 PM  
5 votes:
Who did the cat vote for?
 
2020-08-12 5:59:31 PM  
5 votes:
We're apparently doing better than Europe
 
2020-08-12 5:58:45 PM  
5 votes:

Outshined_One: OldRod: VanillaEnvelope: Does he go birther on Kamala today, or does he hold that back for a bit?

"Well, some people are saying that, I'll get back to you on it in two weeks"

He'll convene a task force that'll turn up things you won't believe while on a three month taxpayer funded fact-finding mission to Hawaii.


Joe Arpaio has some free time now.
 
2020-08-12 7:15:42 PM  
4 votes:

optikeye: undercurrent: Holy hell. They googled antifa.com and it's re-directing to Biden's website. Is this domain hosted in St Petersburg or Moscow?

It goes deeper than that....

http://www.fark.ru/


Seems legit. Is it safe to put my credit card info and SSN there - on the World Wide Web, right? And why does it have my AOL username?

/I'm Interneting correctly?
 
2020-08-12 6:59:39 PM  
4 votes:

Corona Cure: WE ALL are looking forward to the Harris/Pence debates.


It'll be a fatility!
 
2020-08-12 6:53:23 PM  
4 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:48:03 PM  
4 votes:
Unless they're cupping his balls, Trump hates women.  Except for Ivanka.  But she cups his balls.
 
2020-08-12 6:45:08 PM  
4 votes:
Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart - you know, if you're a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world - it's true! - but when you're a conservative Republican they try - oh, do they do a number - that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune - you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged - but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me - it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are - nuclear is so powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right, who would have thought? - but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners - now it used to be three, now it's four - but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150 years - but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us, this is horrible.
 
2020-08-12 6:36:16 PM  
4 votes:
he just said your payroll tax cut is on top of your $400 unemployment check.

LMAO.
 
2020-08-12 6:35:50 PM  
4 votes:

undercurrent: Is this quack the new Dr. Fauci?


he's JUST AS GOOD but works for less money.
 
2020-08-12 6:31:05 PM  
4 votes:

Vacation Bible School: undercurrent: Get the hook, this guy is done. Why on Earth do his enablers allow him to humiliate himself each day like this?

Bring on Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:30:57 PM  
4 votes:

OldRod: Lumbar Puncture: Is there weird feedback now or is it my speakers, makes him sound metallic

Robo-Trump


Seriously it's like someone is slightly auto tuning him. If steam starts pouring out his ears and a small man jumps out from his suit because it's overheating I wouldn't be surprised though.
 
2020-08-12 6:28:29 PM  
4 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:25:08 PM  
4 votes:

Officer Barrelroll: How the fark can he call anyone sleepy. His speech pattern is melatonin.


Trump sounds like he's been drinking Ben Carson's blood.
 
2020-08-12 6:23:01 PM  
4 votes:

Leader O'Cola: bobug: I'm watching the Biden/Harris recording, instead. Wow. I couldn't remember what it was like to listen to a politician speak and not want to break my monitor. Hell, I miss Snekretary, and you KNOW that was one rat bastard.

in 2005 if you told me I'd see a president who made bush seem like a rhodes scholar I would have bet you my 401k.

well, jokes on you, since my 401k is basically empty anyways.


i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:18:41 PM  
4 votes:

HallsOfMandos: Coach O?


Coach O.  Coacho. Coachamunga. Coachismo. Coachamany.
 
2020-08-12 6:17:01 PM  
4 votes:
"Mr President, explain what the payroll tax is and what it does. Show your work for the rest of the class. Here's a sharpie."
 
2020-08-12 6:12:51 PM  
4 votes:
"It came out of China and THEY should have stopped it. We were powerless to do anything. We couldn't do anything at all. Anything at all."
 
2020-08-12 6:10:15 PM  
4 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?


A whine fountain. A whine supervolcano that just won't stop erupting.
 
2020-08-12 6:09:08 PM  
4 votes:
Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?
 
2020-08-12 6:04:58 PM  
4 votes:
"I didn't print those charts."
no kidding?
 
2020-08-12 5:37:43 PM  
4 votes:
I'm just strongly assuming that Trump is right behind that door shiatting himself at the idea of following Kamala.
 
2020-08-12 5:35:38 PM  
4 votes:

Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.


LOL, maybe he thinks he's Axl Rose
 
2020-08-12 5:34:43 PM  
4 votes:
Does he go birther on Kamala today, or does he hold that back for a bit?
 
2020-08-12 7:02:23 PM  
3 votes:
The Harris/Pence debates will be the first and hopefully only time I root for a cop being brutal. I hope she treats him like a peaceful protester
 
2020-08-12 7:01:08 PM  
3 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 7:00:52 PM  
3 votes:

nic_naprawda: what the fark does "weak on facts" mean?


Her facts skipped leg day.
 
2020-08-12 6:55:24 PM  
3 votes:
STOOP KID IS AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS STOOP!

 
2020-08-12 6:49:28 PM  
3 votes:
We did it! We took down antifa! But go to joebiden.com to get this jackass off the air!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:45:22 PM  
3 votes:

Corona Cure: Oooo. Wise guy question.


That's an oldie but goodie.



Yeaaah, what about the covid response you lousy copper, see?
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:44:39 PM  
3 votes:
How long as this presser been going on?

It's been 'years', right?
 
2020-08-12 6:43:50 PM  
3 votes:

Officer Barrelroll: This is a long answer


We're like billions and billions of miles from the question. OANN cupped his balls here on earth and his answer is somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy.
 
2020-08-12 6:42:02 PM  
3 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: [Fark user image 850x476]
She is evil.
Also this is the RT direct conduit to "ask" trump questions, goddamned Russians.


Ladder looks like it's on its way to smack a biatch.
 
2020-08-12 6:41:01 PM  
3 votes:
DEFUND ANTIFA
 
2020-08-12 6:39:36 PM  
3 votes:
Trump told Fox today that the Portland courthouse is a $500 million building. Last week he said it is a $1 billion building and that it is a $600 million building. (It cost $129 million in the 1990s, about $200 million in today's dollars.)

- Daniel Dale (@ddale8) August 5, 2020
 
2020-08-12 6:34:20 PM  
3 votes:
Dr Atlas has the weight of the world on his back.
/rimshot
 
2020-08-12 6:34:01 PM  
3 votes:

Corona Cure: OMG he just sucked in his saliva!!!


Farkinggggbarfffff


"Gonna save that guy for later!"
 
2020-08-12 6:33:20 PM  
3 votes:
It makes you wonder how many of the reporters in the room have mentally pulled out their suicide kits.
 
2020-08-12 6:30:01 PM  
3 votes:

Vacation Bible School: undercurrent: Get the hook, this guy is done. Why on Earth do his enablers allow him to humiliate himself each day like this?

Bring on Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!


i.makeagif.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:29:16 PM  
3 votes:
9. Wear gloves while clapping high-risk erasers.
 
2020-08-12 6:24:07 PM  
3 votes:
I'm recording this so if I have insominia, I'll just play this on a loop.
 
2020-08-12 6:22:41 PM  
3 votes:

Calypsocookie: He's giving money to kids?

That's not creepy at all!


He has a windowless van that says "free money!" on the side
 
2020-08-12 6:21:38 PM  
3 votes:

King Something: JustToLetYouKnowFriend: EVERY ACCUSATION IS A CONFESSION
There will be election fraud this year, it will be republicans solo and organized destroying and losing ballots.

We need election monitors

/says he's gonna protect Social Security


Sometimes to make an omelet you gotta throw it in the trash and give your rich friends a tax break
 
2020-08-12 6:21:29 PM  
3 votes:
Fat Ol' Tiddies
 
2020-08-12 6:20:46 PM  
3 votes:
fatal titties.
 
2020-08-12 6:20:18 PM  
3 votes:
Fate till it tees
 
2020-08-12 6:19:46 PM  
3 votes:
99.95 % of all fayt-ILITIES
 
2020-08-12 6:19:41 PM  
3 votes:
fatilities.
 
2020-08-12 6:18:32 PM  
3 votes:

Sergeant Angle: What's Trevor's last name you moron!


Trevor, uh, Glass!

Trevor Glass!
 
2020-08-12 6:18:20 PM  
3 votes:

King Something: FOOTBALL!!!


let 'em play. so they don't stand around the field doing nothing.
 
2020-08-12 6:09:43 PM  
3 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?


His greatest hits, but with charts.
 
2020-08-12 6:09:16 PM  
3 votes:

FreakyBunny: fluffy_pope: "I didn't print those charts."
no kidding?

Check the President's schedule for a Kinkos run this afternoon.


Trump does those runs without Jeffrey Epstein now.
 
2020-08-12 6:08:26 PM  
3 votes:

JustToLetYouKnowFriend: Sergeant Angle: He's meandering.  Mini stroke is coming.

I would give anything to watch him stroke out on live TV


Did you ever consider that you've never seen him not having a stroke?
 
2020-08-12 6:02:15 PM  
3 votes:
even his contractions are shallow.
 
2020-08-12 5:36:46 PM  
3 votes:
How bad will he screw up trying to say Harris?
 
2020-08-12 9:16:11 PM  
2 votes:

AngryTeacher: Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.

It's a classic 1980s power move.  You make them wait.  Show them your time is more important than their time.

Unfortunately for Trump, it's 2020. Being late just shows you are a rude and inconsiderate jackass.


You're either a sheep, or a shark, and Trump's a shark!
(a stupid, stupid, shark who will forget to cure his bone-itis)
Futurama - Boneitis
Youtube 6w-QIgMIydo
 
2020-08-12 8:34:22 PM  
2 votes:

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Apparently you can copy and paste any random gibberish and it sounds no worse than the gibberish he's vomiting up right now. Try it, it's fun:

[TrumpSpeak]


You deserve this farkie:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 7:54:48 PM  
2 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: Guys I think Trump is gonna need a new VP pick to help with the black vote.
Who does he know... Hey what is Herman Cain up to these days?
He what?
Oh...


OK,
Fark user imageView Full Size
1 more time...
 
2020-08-12 7:29:21 PM  
2 votes:

Markoff_Cheney: [Fark user image 850x477]
Football!
Go play football!
Trevor... and a lotta great...
Players.
Coach called.
Fantastic.

WOw Sarah whats her face has this one sewn up for a bit holy fark.


Because if there's something I trust intimately, it's a 5 year old's self-assessment of their health and hygeine.
 
2020-08-12 7:02:26 PM  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 7:01:02 PM  
2 votes:

Lumbar Puncture: TEST TOO MUCH I BINGO'D


Phrasing, much?
 
2020-08-12 6:58:32 PM  
2 votes:

Jake Havechek: Lumbar Puncture: Where does he think the general fund comes from

The same magical place the virus is supposed to disappear to.


it comes from the genital fund.
 
2020-08-12 6:58:03 PM  
2 votes:

Vacation Bible School: "WERE GOING TO HAVE TREMENDOUS GROWTH! What don't you understand? TREMENDOUS! GROWTH!"


i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:52:23 PM  
2 votes:
Those are some great words of encouragement
 
2020-08-12 6:51:26 PM  
2 votes:

King Something: Sergeant Angle: If this guy was a drunk rambling at the end of a bar, I'd walk over, pick him up and throw him out the door.

He weighs close to 400 pounds. Do it without help and you'll get a hernia.


Join me and I'll buy you a drink.
 
2020-08-12 6:51:24 PM  
2 votes:

thehobbes: blondambition: OldRod: A wiseguy question?

What was the question?

Comments about the Federal Reserve chiefs in Boston and Dallas saying that there is no economic recovery because there is no containment.


I wouldn't take that either.
 
2020-08-12 6:50:57 PM  
2 votes:

Sergeant Angle: If this guy was a drunk rambling at the end of a bar, I'd walk over, pick him up and throw him out the door.


He weighs close to 400 pounds. Do it without help and you'll get a hernia.
 
2020-08-12 6:50:44 PM  
2 votes:
"she went down in a terrible way"
 
2020-08-12 6:48:01 PM  
2 votes:
"that's a big fracking state!"
 
2020-08-12 6:47:49 PM  
2 votes:
THAT'S A BIG FRACKING STATE
lol
 
2020-08-12 6:46:01 PM  
2 votes:

BinderWoman: Now Brett Baier at Fox just cut away to talk about Joe & Kamala.


LOL. CNN just turned it on.
 
2020-08-12 6:45:36 PM  
2 votes:
Those charts are at a level that no one thought possible!

Nobody's ever said that about my power points...
 
2020-08-12 6:43:33 PM  
2 votes:
Do they give the OANN lady a flashlight to shine at him when he rambles too long?
 
2020-08-12 6:43:32 PM  
2 votes:
I hope the next question is, "What was the last question?"
 
2020-08-12 6:43:16 PM  
2 votes:
I just searched for antifa and a Don, Jr. article came up first.  WHAT DOES IT MEAN ??
 
2020-08-12 6:43:11 PM  
2 votes:

Officer Barrelroll: Sure, nobody wants to go to NY


It's too crowded
 
2020-08-12 6:41:02 PM  
2 votes:

169th Cousin: Portland prosecutor refused to prosecute, Dum Dum.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:36:41 PM  
2 votes:

undercurrent: Is this quack the new Dr. Fauci?


He's more of the Dr. Nick type...
 
2020-08-12 6:35:00 PM  
2 votes:
I just got back from buying and ounce of banana/strawberry couch lock indica.


My timing is impeccable.
 
2020-08-12 6:33:14 PM  
2 votes:
This is a chaotic clusterfark.
He's so horrible at speaking, reading, enunciating, engaging, and well, everything.
It's torturous listening to him.
 
2020-08-12 6:31:36 PM  
2 votes:

SoCalChris: Safer for kids to live at school than with their older parents and grandparents? WTF?


Under 24.  I think he meant college.  And now I have to get tested for something because I actually followed a Trump chain of thought.
 
2020-08-12 6:26:52 PM  
2 votes:

OldRod: I think my brain is bleeding...


It's okay, so is his
 
2020-08-12 6:26:46 PM  
2 votes:
Sorry, my phone.
 
2020-08-12 6:26:34 PM  
2 votes:
I think my brain is bleeding...
 
2020-08-12 6:23:38 PM  
2 votes:

169th Cousin: Ride the Covid bus?


Tell Trump it's the Bang Bus.  He'll board it.
 
2020-08-12 6:23:20 PM  
2 votes:
Oh, yeah... teachers just *love* you right now (eye roll)
 
2020-08-12 6:20:02 PM  
2 votes:
Fatilities
 
2020-08-12 6:18:12 PM  
2 votes:
Stand and repeck are anthem/flag
 
2020-08-12 6:17:01 PM  
2 votes:
coach called coacho
 
2020-08-12 6:16:42 PM  
2 votes:
That's great, Donnie.  Now do your "plasma" sketch.
 
2020-08-12 6:15:14 PM  
2 votes:
Trump clearly thinks reading from a paper on the podium is better than a teleprompter.
 
2020-08-12 6:15:04 PM  
2 votes:

Rann Xerox: fluffy_pope: this is the Lincoln Project's best one yet.

The Lincoln Project won't have to do any videos for a week.


Sarah Cooper should do these in real time.
 
2020-08-12 6:11:43 PM  
2 votes:
He sounds more like my cousin Vinny than usual.
 
2020-08-12 6:10:53 PM  
2 votes:

No Line For Beer: Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?

His greatest hits, but with charts.


OldRod: Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?

10 minutes of incoherent rambling so far


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:10:05 PM  
2 votes:
"Voter frog"?
 
2020-08-12 6:07:47 PM  
2 votes:

Sergeant Angle: He's meandering.  Mini stroke is coming.


Did somebody spray that column with WD-40 so that when the Hate Yam grabs it on his way out, he slips and falls?
 
2020-08-12 6:05:51 PM  
2 votes:
He's meandering.  Mini stroke is coming.
 
2020-08-12 6:02:21 PM  
2 votes:
So.  70 homes built in the US this month?
 
2020-08-12 5:57:33 PM  
2 votes:
Penis
 
2020-08-12 5:51:07 PM  
2 votes:

169th Cousin: [Fark user image 320x240] [View Full Size image _x_]


It's funny because it's true!
 
2020-08-12 11:42:40 PM  
1 vote:

lindalouwho: Mister Buttons: That's a big fracking state!

Holy shiat balls... Lol.


/PA resident.

An anti-Uncle Joe ad just ran on TV, featuring a mad fracker.

Lol autocorrect tried to change it to cracker... same difference, I guess.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 9:56:47 PM  
1 vote:

ecmoRandomNumbers: stoli n coke: urethra_franklin: Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.

LOL, maybe he thinks he's Axl Rose

Doubtful. Axl actually hooked up with the lingerie models Two Scoops was trying to nail.

That's the best thing 80s rock stars can do to sink Two Scoops. Don't weigh in with personal politics. Instead, tell the world about Trump's embarrassing stint as a Hollywood party crasher.

Nobody can tell me that Dumpy hasn't Cosby'd a girl and taken advantage while she was unconscious. He's exactly the person who would do that. By hook or by crook.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 9:18:57 PM  
1 vote:

weddingsinger: King Something: We're apparently doing better than Europe

Unless he means the band he's pooped his diaper again.  The only things the U.S. does better than Europe are eat fast food, blow up foreigners with drone strikes, and abuse our poor and/or minorities.


Dude....  I have it on good authority that Joey Tempest is totally living his best life, so, I bet Europe, the band, is even doing better than the US.
 
2020-08-12 9:08:52 PM  
1 vote:

casey17: lindalouwho: lardweasel: Jesus Hannibal Christ our media sucks.  They just let him roll over them and lie with impunity.

Walter Cronkite weeps in heaven.

Peter Jennings is facepalming.


Dan Rather finally knows what the frequency is.
 
2020-08-12 8:15:34 PM  
1 vote:

urethra_franklin: Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.

LOL, maybe he thinks he's Axl Rose


Please let this summon Axl Rose to the Fark boards...please oh please...
 
2020-08-12 7:07:45 PM  
1 vote:
fox had on a disgruntled Dem who was yaking something something Kamala. I bailed real fast.
 
2020-08-12 7:07:25 PM  
1 vote:

undercurrent: Holy hell. They googled antifa.com and it's re-directing to Biden's website. Is this domain hosted in St Petersburg or Moscow?


It goes deeper than that....

http://www.fark.ru/
 
2020-08-12 7:03:20 PM  
1 vote:

Mister Buttons: That's a big fracking state!

Holy shiat balls... Lol.


/PA resident.


An anti-Uncle Joe ad just ran on TV, featuring a mad fracker.

Lol autocorrect tried to change it to cracker... same difference, I guess.
 
2020-08-12 7:02:34 PM  
1 vote:
For the first debate, can we just play Biden's speech from earlier today, and then play Trump''s speech just now... the difference is horrific
 
2020-08-12 7:01:40 PM  
1 vote:

King Something: **smokebomb**

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/eRaUGLwn​_kM]


Thank you.
 
2020-08-12 7:01:27 PM  
1 vote:
He specifically said "death", you acknowledged it, and then switched it to "cases".
fark you, Trump you DICK.
 
2020-08-12 7:00:35 PM  
1 vote:

Thrag: Did he just accused the democrats of not allowing aid to the post office? The thing he complained earlier that the democrats wanted to do?


To his credit that was like... minutes ago.
 
2020-08-12 7:00:15 PM  
1 vote:
Dude can't help himself, he NEEDS to hear himself talk. This is really tragic, people who actually care about him need to step in and throw in the towel.
 
2020-08-12 6:59:26 PM  
1 vote:
Man! The contrast from the Biden/Harris show is amazing.
 
2020-08-12 6:57:48 PM  
1 vote:

Corona Cure: He's spitballing whatever comes to his mind about Kamala...  Trying everything out all at once.  Not one single thi g to stick with..can't seem to zero in on anything.  Just everything.


Oh, The big K wants to kill him. That is the headline.

At the time of the appearance, April 2018, Harris remained mum on her presidential aspirations but answered a series of amusing questions about her first celebrity crush, nicknames, and the most "rebellious" thing she did as a teen. Then DeGeneres asked, "If you had to be stuck in an elevator with either President Trump, Mike Pence, or Jeff Sessions, who would it be?"

Harris looked away then responded, "Does one of us have to come out alive?" laughing hysterically at her own answer. The audience roared with laughter as DeGeneres put down her questions to clap her hands:
 
2020-08-12 6:57:48 PM  
1 vote:
She's very bad on facts. She's very weak on facts.

I scrolled back to hear this again.
Kamala Harris is weak on facts, according to bigly brain stable genius.
 
2020-08-12 6:57:34 PM  
1 vote:
KING OF VENTS.

"YOU GET A VENT, YOU GENT A VENT, EVERYONE....GETS..A......VENT!" - Oprah, probablly
 
2020-08-12 6:57:32 PM  
1 vote:

OldRod: Baiting him with a Kamala question... come on, call her "nasty" you can do it!


that's not the N word I'm hoping for. . It's not even the word with "n" and "t" I'm hoping for.
 
2020-08-12 6:56:51 PM  
1 vote:

cooldaddygroove: Please do Gettysburg.


Nuremberg is a definite "NEIN!"
 
2020-08-12 6:56:21 PM  
1 vote:
Baiting him with a Kamala question... come on, call her "nasty" you can do it!
 
2020-08-12 6:55:05 PM  
1 vote:

King Something: Question about suburbia invasion


Suburbia Invasion is my all Dave Matthews musica nortena cover band
 
2020-08-12 6:54:35 PM  
1 vote:
Site of Bowling Green Massacre?
 
2020-08-12 6:54:15 PM  
1 vote:
Suburban rant... damn u phone
 
2020-08-12 6:53:22 PM  
1 vote:
He likes reducing the number of minorities
 
2020-08-12 6:50:57 PM  
1 vote:

King Something: The military was depleted when he came in


They didn't have guns until he came riding in on a bald eagle.
 
2020-08-12 6:50:15 PM  
1 vote:
The military was depleted when he came in
 
2020-08-12 6:50:01 PM  
1 vote:
If this guy was a drunk rambling at the end of a bar, I'd walk over, pick him up and throw him out the door.
 
2020-08-12 6:48:53 PM  
1 vote:
People love fracking

Mm, thirsty, let me just Yaaaahhhh!
i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2020-08-12 6:47:46 PM  
1 vote:
Pennsylvania is a big frakking state!
 
2020-08-12 6:47:31 PM  
1 vote:
he is such a mother fracker.
 
2020-08-12 6:46:55 PM  
1 vote:
"I didn't watch.. but I saw a minute of his, and a minute of her speech"

Then, you were watching?
 
2020-08-12 6:46:26 PM  
1 vote:
He says he didn't watch Biden and Harris
 
2020-08-12 6:46:12 PM  
1 vote:
Uh oh, she sounds like a woman.
This could go bad.
 
2020-08-12 6:45:17 PM  
1 vote:

El_Swino: Wise guy question!


bordering on "cutie-pie."
 
2020-08-12 6:44:31 PM  
1 vote:

HallsOfMandos: Do they give the OANN lady a flaEshlight to shine at him when he rambles too long?

 
2020-08-12 6:44:11 PM  
1 vote:
Now Brett Baier at Fox just cut away to talk about Joe & Kamala. LOL
 
2020-08-12 6:44:09 PM  
1 vote:
antifa.com

Dates
Registry Expiration: 2021-04-24 12:35:10 UTC
Created: 2002-04-24 12:35:11 UTC
Someone with a time machine!
 
2020-08-12 6:43:45 PM  
1 vote:
And FoxNews cuts away at the first non-OANN reporter
 
2020-08-12 6:43:09 PM  
1 vote:

OldRod: OAN!

WTF?  Googling JoeBiden.com takes you to Antifa?  LOL


It's the opposite. Googling antifa takes you to Joebiden.com  where you can donate $5 to get this ASSHOLE OFF THE TV!
 
2020-08-12 6:42:55 PM  
1 vote:
Sure, nobody wants to go to NY
 
2020-08-12 6:42:13 PM  
1 vote:
You know that the reporters are all either staring at the ceiling or at their shoes while he "answers" this question
 
2020-08-12 6:42:12 PM  
1 vote:

El_Swino: I love that he can't even answer OAN's softball question.


He clearly forgot the question and is just stuck in autoplay.
 
2020-08-12 6:41:25 PM  
1 vote:
I love that he can't even answer OAN's softball question.
 
2020-08-12 6:40:45 PM  
1 vote:
Give the honor back!
 
2020-08-12 6:39:47 PM  
1 vote:
antifa dot com seems to be slashdotted farked reddit hug of death.

I guess it doesn't forward to Biden's campaign...
 
2020-08-12 6:39:41 PM  
1 vote:
antifa.com (nice and short and sweet) just crashed.
 
2020-08-12 6:39:39 PM  
1 vote:
anti-fascists wanted to knock down a $500 million courthouse by spray-painting the facade at ground level
 
2020-08-12 6:36:46 PM  
1 vote:

Dusk-You-n-Me: If he's concerned about what children will earn in the future,

A higher pollution level in the year a baby is born has been shown to reduce earnings and labor force participation at age thirty (PDF)

not gutting the EPA and allowing polluters free rein would be a good start.


We find that an individual's exposure to lower ambient air pollution levels in the year of birth
positively impacts earnings 30 years later. Specifically, we show that the approximate ten percent
reduction in TSP that resulted from CAAA implementation is associated with a one percent increase
in age-30 earnings among affected cohorts in our sample states. Assuming a constant effect over the
lifecycle, we calculate an approximate $4300 average cumulative lifetime income gain in present value
terms, implying that early-life air quality contributes a total of $6.5 billion in lifetime earnings for each
affected cohort. We present suggestive evidence that these labor market effects manifest through both
improvements in educational attainment (perhaps through improvements in cognitive ability) and
improvements in later life health measures (as identified through reductions in disability receipts).

EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE - EVERY DOLLAR YOU'LL MAKE:
THE LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES OF THE CLEAN AIR ACT OF 1970 (PDF)
 
2020-08-12 6:36:15 PM  
1 vote:
This comes to mind listening to Trump today..


Just kept talking...
Youtube He02Z5YdZbg
 
2020-08-12 6:35:42 PM  
1 vote:

Lumbar Puncture: He spent more time blowing Trump than talking about any subject, great guy there.


Hey, go with what they hired you for!
 
2020-08-12 6:34:32 PM  
1 vote:

OldRod: I think my brain is bleeding...


You and me both...
 
2020-08-12 6:33:16 PM  
1 vote:
OMG he just sucked in his saliva!!!


Farkinggggbarfffff
 
2020-08-12 6:33:09 PM  
1 vote:
California is not going down at all, in fact we are peaking (and it is far from a good trip)
 
2020-08-12 6:28:46 PM  
1 vote:

SpecialSnowFlake: Fay-tilities?

Phat-tiddies?


Fatellite of Love.
 
2020-08-12 6:28:37 PM  
1 vote:
Liberally post instructions is hilarious.
 
2020-08-12 6:28:28 PM  
1 vote:

King Something: the kids in the basements on their computers don't have computers


Damn, we must take the computers from the kids that have them, and give them to the kids that don't!  Even if it's the same kid!
 
2020-08-12 6:28:23 PM  
1 vote:
the Skull day!
 
2020-08-12 6:28:08 PM  
1 vote:

Sergeant Angle: I'm recording this so if I have insominia, I'll just play this on a loop.


Have fun with the nightmares.
 
2020-08-12 6:27:09 PM  
1 vote:
Telehealth works, but remote leaning doesn't?  the logic!
 
2020-08-12 6:26:18 PM  
1 vote:
35,000 percent?!?
 
2020-08-12 6:25:52 PM  
1 vote:
Hey!!! basement computers? now he's gone too far!!!
 
2020-08-12 6:25:51 PM  
1 vote:

Leader O'Cola: "your brain starts to wither away. we have a lot of experience with that"


This should be his campaign slogan.
 
2020-08-12 6:24:42 PM  
1 vote:
The Doctures
 
2020-08-12 6:23:17 PM  
1 vote:
How the fark can he call anyone sleepy. His speech pattern is melatonin.
 
2020-08-12 6:22:12 PM  
1 vote:
stop following my child.
 
2020-08-12 6:21:52 PM  
1 vote:

Vacation Bible School: HallsOfMandos: Coach O?

Coach O.  Coacho. Coachamunga. Coachismo. Coachamany.


Coachella. Duh.
 
2020-08-12 6:20:54 PM  
1 vote:
someone please unleash the Mortal Kombat memes..........
 
2020-08-12 6:20:54 PM  
1 vote:
FAT TITTIES
 
2020-08-12 6:20:30 PM  
1 vote:
Fatility, twice.
 
2020-08-12 6:20:14 PM  
1 vote:
Fatilities??
 
2020-08-12 6:20:04 PM  
1 vote:
Fatilities
 
2020-08-12 6:20:04 PM  
1 vote:
Fatilitees
 
2020-08-12 6:20:03 PM  
1 vote:
Fatilities?
 
2020-08-12 6:19:56 PM  
1 vote:
How does he think this is helping him win voters?
 
2020-08-12 6:19:51 PM  
1 vote:
Faitilities.
 
2020-08-12 6:18:47 PM  
1 vote:
words hard
 
2020-08-12 6:18:40 PM  
1 vote:
He's got nothing to campaign on.
 
2020-08-12 6:17:56 PM  
1 vote:

Rann Xerox: That's great, Donnie.  Now do your "plasma" sketch.


Plaaaaausmahhh
 
2020-08-12 6:15:45 PM  
1 vote:

The Iconoclast: SpecialSnowFlake: Compare this "speech" to Unca Joe's or Kamala's from a few minutes ago.

Trump sounds like a five year-old.


Reading a tenth graders book report.
 
2020-08-12 6:13:55 PM  
1 vote:

The Iconoclast: SpecialSnowFlake: Compare this "speech" to Unca Joe's or Kamala's from a few minutes ago.

Trump sounds like a five year-old.


A five year-old on Ritalin
 
2020-08-12 6:12:31 PM  
1 vote:

Leader O'Cola: "21 different names" ?
wtf


Corona Virus, and twenty anti-Chinese racial and ethnic slurs
 
2020-08-12 6:11:51 PM  
1 vote:

SpecialSnowFlake: Compare this "speech" to Unca Joe's or Kamala's from a few minutes ago.


There is no comparison... that's like comparing a Hattori Hanso sword to every other sword ever made
 
2020-08-12 6:11:50 PM  
1 vote:
Gawd, he's the rambling drunk at the end of the bar.
 
2020-08-12 6:11:37 PM  
1 vote:

fluffy_pope: this is the Lincoln Project's best one yet.


The Lincoln Project won't have to do any videos for a week.
 
2020-08-12 6:10:35 PM  
1 vote:
LOL, "How are they going to do it if they don't have the money to do it?"

I dare you to give them the money!
 
2020-08-12 6:09:50 PM  
1 vote:
The timing is very bad.  We just saw Mr. Biden and Ms. Harris......and now this shambolic display.

Car Salesperson:  Here's a Trans-Am all ready to go.  It's got a few miles on 'er but in good shape. Ah, I also do have a junker Lada over here....noisy, won't start most days, lots of smoke.
 
2020-08-12 6:09:50 PM  
1 vote:

Markoff_Cheney: Sorry I am late, I was buying a car.
What the fark is going on now?


10 minutes of incoherent rambling so far
 
2020-08-12 6:09:02 PM  
1 vote:
Numbers repeat big numbers.
 
2020-08-12 6:07:56 PM  
1 vote:
he's hoping for another shooting on the WH lawn.
 
2020-08-12 6:07:26 PM  
1 vote:
Aneurysm!

Aneurysm!

Aneurysm!
 
2020-08-12 6:07:10 PM  
1 vote:
Man, they drugged the shiat out of him to get him out here today.
 
2020-08-12 6:07:01 PM  
1 vote:

stoli n coke: urethra_franklin: Leishu: Trump being late (again) right after Biden/Harris are punctual and badass is a weak look.

LOL, maybe he thinks he's Axl Rose

Doubtful. Axl actually hooked up with the lingerie models Two Scoops was trying to nail.

That's the best thing 80s rock stars can do to sink Two Scoops. Don't weigh in with personal politics. Instead, tell the world about Trump's embarrassing stint as a Hollywood party crasher.


Oh, yeah... We should start a collection to purchase some cameos of 80s/90s celebs to dish about all the actresses, models, etc. they stole out of Donald's tiny grasp.
 
2020-08-12 6:06:28 PM  
1 vote:
go on ahead and cry, big fella. you'll feel better.
 
2020-08-12 6:05:44 PM  
1 vote:
lol he's already trying to overturn elections
 
2020-08-12 6:05:44 PM  
1 vote:
Ballot fraud lol
 
2020-08-12 6:04:57 PM  
1 vote:
Larry...where did you get those numbers???  Those are huge numbers....massive numbers...
 
2020-08-12 6:04:56 PM  
1 vote:
"We took those numbers from somebody..."
 
2020-08-12 6:03:49 PM  
1 vote:

SpecialSnowFlake: He sounds tired. Doesn't he sound tired?


Tired. Drunk on nyquil. Sedated. "Oh God, I did one of these yesterday. Why do I need to do another?"
 
2020-08-12 6:03:36 PM  
1 vote:
Is this happening? or just a rerun.  Fake news.
 
2020-08-12 6:03:32 PM  
1 vote:

SoCalChris: Anyone have a youtube link that's not Fox?


The White House
 
2020-08-12 6:03:24 PM  
1 vote:
"These are numbers that I totally made up!"
 
2020-08-12 6:03:16 PM  
1 vote:

SoCalChris: Anyone have a youtube link that's not Fox?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kso8p​P​Puc6E

White House feed.
 
2020-08-12 6:02:34 PM  
1 vote:

King Something: We're apparently doing better than Europe


Unless he means the band he's pooped his diaper again.  The only things the U.S. does better than Europe are eat fast food, blow up foreigners with drone strikes, and abuse our poor and/or minorities.
 
2020-08-12 6:02:26 PM  
1 vote:
He sounds tired. Doesn't he sound tired?
 
2020-08-12 6:01:08 PM  
1 vote:
Thank God we beat that virus.
 
2020-08-12 5:56:28 PM  
1 vote:

Gyrfalcon: I take it he hasn't started yet.


Not even a half hour late yet... it takes time to lumber down that long hallway
 
2020-08-12 5:34:52 PM  
1 vote:
Clearly, he's beating the wrong people... Maybe he should start with his kids and son in law.
 
Displayed 272 of 272 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.