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(Twitter)   Donnie wants his ugly mug on Mt. Rushmore, but George Takei has a better idea: memorialize Donnie with a nursery rhyme. Okay all you farkers with your English degrees, put down the French fries and start poeming   ( divider line
    More: Followup, shot  
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257 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 11 Aug 2020 at 8:44 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2020-08-10 10:53:16 PM  
Original Tweet:

2020-08-10 11:14:42 PM  
There once was a man from Nantucket
I don't know how these things work
So fark it
2020-08-10 11:27:42 PM  
Trump Trump he is what he is
Trump Trump he's the color of whiz
Doesn't know math, doesn't know words
Doesn't know how to flush down turds

/that's more a hand-clapping chant
2020-08-10 11:42:25 PM  
The Little Orange Ass

The little orange ass,
Thought he was the gas,
And begged for the folks to agree..
Little did he know,
He was merely a show,
And soon they were bored of he..
Yet that was just a start,
Cause the AG's got smart,
And filed many charges on thee.
And down with a twirl,
His ego began to curl,
As his life went down the latrine...

/Ehhh, not great...
2020-08-10 11:49:03 PM  
Hey, I've been doing Trump nursery rhymes for years now!

Humpity Dumpity doubled-down on a Wall.
Humpity Dumpity had a great Fall.
And all the "King"'s horses and all the King's men
Were pardonned and and reappointe again.

The Worst of the Best People. Kakistocracy.
2020-08-10 11:50:53 PM  
Mount Rushmore is for expansionist Presidents. The jackets are for closers.

They should put a picture of Trump's giant orange butt on, say Mercury. The Big Orange Butt on Mercury.

No, wait. Mars is the right colour.
2020-08-10 11:52:13 PM  
Donnie was the president
But wanted so much more
America won't back that play
So greedy Donnie gets to stay
Behind a prison door.

2020-08-10 11:56:16 PM  
Fat, dumb Donnie
Stupid as can be
Went to Moscow just for pee

Fat, dumb Donnie
Daddy doesn't love you
Went to the ball game
Everybody booed

Fat, dumb Donnie
All he does is lie
Nobody like you, are you gonna cry?
2020-08-11 12:20:38 AM  
Fat orange doofus
Full of rage and covfefe
Likes hookers pee-pee
2020-08-11 12:24:38 AM  
There once was a man from New York,
His brain was the size of a stork's,
His orange colored hue,
Made all of us blue,
Except I'm Eric, the dork
2020-08-11 12:28:23 AM  
One, two, the 'rona is coming for you
Three, four, rent collector knocking at your door
Five, six, this will take more than a tax cut to fix
Seven, eight, no compassion, only hate
Nine, ten, never vote conservative again
2020-08-11 12:43:38 AM  

GreatGlavinsGhost: Fat, dumb Donnie
Stupid as can be
Went to Moscow just for pee

Fat, dumb Donnie
Daddy doesn't love you
Went to the ball game
Everybody booed

Fat, dumb Donnie
All he does is lie
Nobody like you, are you gonna cry?

Last line is supposed to be:

Nobody likes you,
Are you gonna cry?
2020-08-11 12:58:20 AM  
There once was a man from New York,
His member the size of a cork,
It's said that Ivanka,
Was just one-a,
The women he wanted to pork
2020-08-11 1:06:44 AM  
There once was a man from New York,
Who ate pizza pie with a fork,
When asked about junior,
That son, rather peculiar,
Has a face wrenched with some torque.
2020-08-11 1:37:54 AM  
There once was a man from Manhattan,
Who claimed he wasn't a fat one,
But between you and me,
It's easy to see,
He really does weigh a crap-ton
2020-08-11 1:44:47 AM  
A b c d e f g
Carlson, Dobbs & Hannity
Q anon, tee tweety
Person woman man camera tv
2020-08-11 1:51:33 AM  
I'm a little despot
Tall and stout
Here is my scandal
Here is my pout
When I get steamed up
I just shout
Flip me over
And vote me out
2020-08-11 1:57:58 AM  
The wheels come off the bus, and the country goes down
Country goes down
Country goes down
The wheels come off the bus, and the country goes down
All thanks to a clown
2020-08-11 2:09:37 AM  
There once was a douchebag from Queens
Who banged a lot of underage teens
Then he sued them for libel
With an upside down bible
Said he had to for his COVID vaccines
2020-08-11 2:48:58 AM  
Little Donnie went to DC
Lying and defrauding
Wore a red cap on his head
'Til the DA comes a-calling
2020-08-11 3:10:23 AM  
The red king wears no crown
No mask to keep the coughing down
He has no robes or royal pride
Only holes to run and hide
Enough bodies to build a wall
Is the only thing he has at all.
2020-08-11 5:21:30 AM  
There once was a fat orange POTUS,
Put his interests above those of SCOTUS.
Conflicts great and tall
Have farked over us all
And that's why we call him the COITUS.
2020-08-11 6:57:12 AM  
Imagine if Obama had joked about adding himself to Rushmore. I can hear the shrieking in my mind so clearly.
2020-08-11 7:17:00 AM  
Donald Trump was a horse's rump
And a horse's rump was he.
He'd rally his base and try to save face
But the hanged him and his cohorts three.
2020-08-11 7:27:35 AM  
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Nobody sucks
As bad as Trump do
2020-08-11 8:25:17 AM  
There was a fat Trumpy who lived in a house
It had its own bunker to hide like a mouse
On his porcelain throne he would Tweet full of rage
And demand more brown children be locked in a cage

"The media hates me! It's all so unfair!"
He sniffed with disdain and tossed back his fake hair.
"And Biden is sleepy! And mail votes are fraud!
A vote against me is a vote against God!"

But God only laughed at this idiot's blather
At his Cheeto-like skin and his man-boobs like batter
"Eat more fried chicken, you unhealthy yob.
I made you but damn you're one sickening slob."

"Fine then! Who needs you!" Our Trumpy yelled, mad
But then he remembered his old buddy Vlad
"Putin will help me! He's done it before!"
Excited, he reached out to lock the john's door.

He pulled down his pants and he set down his phone
Admired his reflection with a very small moan
Then grabbed tight his mushroom, his trusty old chonka
And squeezed shut his eyes and dreamed of Ivanka.
2020-08-11 8:42:28 AM  
Twinkie, Twinkie big fat Trump
How I wonder what you pump
Up in prison so damn high
Like a felon on the fly
Twinkie, Twinkie big fat Trump
We can't wait until you're dumped

/eh, it rhymes
2020-08-11 8:49:54 AM  
Twitter man, twitter man
Posts stupid things from the shiatter can.
Just cause he can,
Because he thinks he's the man.
And he really doen't give a damn about his fellow man.
2020-08-11 9:09:08 AM  
Dumb Donnie has no stick; he has no carrot.
He craps on the news like a parrot.
He has a small pair while Vlad holds the aces;
He has no plan except "Be more racist."
If you call him out, Donnie runs away;
Hides in his bunker to tweet another day.
Donnie is a liar, Donnie is a creep;
He has no speed, he's not even fast asleep.
Walks like a centaur, talks like a horse's ass;
Thinks he's gold, is really gaudy brass.
Can't even grift without having to boast;
Donnie looks like he's smelling burnt toast.
Always lying, never anywhere near what's true;
Does he look tired to you?
2020-08-11 9:10:22 AM  
old Doinny Dullard
Went to the cupboard
To give the GOP  a bone
When he got there
He no longer cared
Still they praised him as the chosen one

He went to Mexico
To help build his wall
But the said to fark off
And he had to stall

So he went to the Congress
to get him some bread
But the Wall idea's stupid
So that project was dead

He cut foreign aid
to regions down South
And as governments failed
Refugees headed North

Fearing brown people
He'd secure the border
Put the orphans in cages
By Executive Order

Nazis and clansmen
and cries of White Pride
When American's protested
He saw good on both sides

The Covid then threatened
to rob us of breath
it will just go away
spoke the angel of death
2020-08-11 9:13:59 AM  
Don is so proud of his garden of weeds
He tore out the lawn and pulled out the seeds
He put up a wall and he sits in the mud
and cries no one likes him, while he pulls on his pud.
2020-08-11 9:30:11 AM  
Any of you wealthy first nations folks want to invite me out and give me a Butte and window cleaner rig and a jack hammer, I'd be happy to spend my retirement years carving a larger than life size naked trump in the side of a cliff and showing off his teeny peeny mushroom.
You can call it Butt's Butte, if you want.
2020-08-11 9:34:55 AM  
Donald Trump does not deserve the effort to compose a poem memorializing him.

\I memorialize him every time I flush...
2020-08-11 9:51:29 AM  
There once was a terrible President
Whose crimes set a dangerous precedent
Executive lackeys
And an absentee Press
Lead us into a deepening mess.
2020-08-11 10:06:08 AM  
There was a crooked man
and he had a crooked smile
and he made some crooked millions
in a very crooked style

and the people made him president
we don't know for for what
but when the bastard's done with them
he'll have killed an awful lot....
2020-08-11 11:24:48 AM  
i think the better move is to make his name synonymous with something absolutely abhorrent or disgusting.  He needs the santorum treatment.

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2020-08-11 11:58:17 AM  
there once was a fat man from new york,
he then became president
and farked everything up,
fark him
stab him in the eye with a fork.
2020-08-11 1:32:23 PM  
Trumpty Dumpty wanted a wall
But Trumpty Dumpty lost in the fall
So all the good judges & congressmen put Trumpty Dumpty's family together in the pen
2020-08-11 1:33:18 PM  
Trumpty Dumpty wanted a wall
Trumpty Dumpty wanted it tall
During the build courses
He diverted resources
Which wasn't quite legal at all.
2020-08-11 1:34:57 PM  

MiddleAgedWoman: Trumpty Dumpty wanted a wall
Trumpty Dumpty wanted it tall
During the build courses
He diverted resources
Which wasn't quite legal at all.

Hey get outta my head!
2020-08-11 1:40:03 PM  
LOL Didn't see Cardinal Ximenez ahead of me while I was composing.  Kudos.
2020-08-11 1:47:39 PM  
Hiding in a Bunker

I'm hiding in a bunker,
all the live-long day.
Nobody can stop me.
I'm the President of the USA.

First  Corona, then George dies.
I can't catch a break.
Why does reality hate me?
I'm a fantastic guy!

I walked across the street to church,
sprayed protestors with pepper spray.
I did it because of optics,
Joe Biden looked so strong!

I keep working on my numbers,
Why do they go down?
Massive crisis in America,
I don't take responsibility.

I'm not responsible for anything,
I'm just the President.
I give corporations billions,
But can't help you pay rent!

Don't they know I'm their savior?
Not some reality TV clown.
Things are going to get better.
Once jackboots hit the ground!

Why won't they love me?
I rate myself a 10.
If they're not going to love me,
Let's pepper spray them again!

The secret service will protect me,
just look at that show of force!
Now I have to rage tweet,
before I hit the golf course!
2020-08-11 1:48:20 PM  

MiddleAgedWoman: LOL Didn't see Cardinal Ximenez ahead of me while I was composing.  Kudos.

I'm sure mine wasn't there when you started & it was close to a simalpost.  Odd that we both used trumpty dumpty though, great minds & all that.
DPF [TotalFark]
2020-08-11 1:58:58 PM  
I know it's not a limerick thread, but....

Paging MaxxLarge... MaxxLarge you're presence is critically needed in a thread....
2020-08-11 2:12:37 PM  

DPF: I know it's not a limerick thread, but....

Paging MaxxLarge... MaxxLarge you're presence is critically needed in a thread....

To summon MaxxLarge to a thread...
Will risk this post getting nuked dead
Of limericks it's not
And this thread has still got
Pocket Ninja and others instead
2020-08-11 2:15:55 PM  
Old Farker Trumpard,
Didn't care to get rubbered,
when he slipped a porn star the bone.

When he came there,
'twas such a quick fare,
that pleasure the poor girl had none.

She worked on the ballsack,
she gave him some head,
she offered her backside,
the mushroom was dead!

She called up the Cohen,
who paid for the smashing
and all of the way to the bank
she was laughing.
2020-08-11 2:41:16 PM  
There was an old woman who ICE tried to deport,
she has too many children, was ruled by the court.
"Chain migration," yelled Trump, "this is truly outrageous!"
So he whipped them all soundly, and put them in cages.
2020-08-11 3:54:18 PM  
violets are blue
roses are red
re-elect Trump?
you're better off dead!
2020-08-11 4:48:12 PM  
Shiatty moderation is the cancer that's killing fark. I'm sorry the mods don't have a sense of humor.
2020-08-11 5:04:52 PM  
I had a pretty good one based off Wee Willie Winkie, but now that I've read the whole thread it's too close to Pocket Ninja's

So here's my second best for that one.

Wee Willie Winkie, danglin' above his nuts.
Can't even see it, cause of his fat guts.
Looked right at the urinal, face went white with shock.
Cause he's got a winkie; Obama's got a cock.
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