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(McSweeney's)   The banality of sharpies   (mcsweeneys.net) divider line
    More: Sick, Marker pen, Education, Sharpie, High school, classroom teachers, School, Sharpies, national leadership urging schools  
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4877 clicks; posted to Politics » on 09 Aug 2020 at 8:05 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-08-09 1:42:27 PM  
Horrifying

I couldn't read past the first testimony
 
2020-08-09 1:52:25 PM  
F*cking hell
 
2020-08-09 6:34:25 PM  
I just wish Jonathan Swan had pulled out a sharpie and corrected that graph printout that Trump showed him.
 
2020-08-09 7:15:55 PM  
teachers are weighing the dangers of in-person instruction against the effectiveness of online learning, with little certainty about either.

What I largely remember about school is each year we spent at least half the year relearning everything we forgot because it wasn't important enough to remember over summer break. That was in-person, every day. Online learning can be anywhere from 0 percent effective to 100% effective; we'll still go over it all again next year--assuming there are even enough healthy teachers to go around.  The availability of healthy teachers is going to be the main question--far more important than "is are children learning."
 
2020-08-09 8:09:52 PM  
They are equipped for triaging.  They're going to need it at this rate.
 
2020-08-09 8:10:54 PM  
JFC
 
2020-08-09 8:15:56 PM  
You know else who else likes Sharpies?

cdn.vox-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 8:16:38 PM  
Opening the schools is just idiotic.

Sooo...of course we are.
 
2020-08-09 8:17:12 PM  
We COULD HAVE spent the summer practicing wearing masks and getting used to being socially distant. We COULD HAVE spent TWO FULL WEEKS on TOTAL LOCKDOWN of the WHOLE COUNTRY (sans utilities). But, no. People couldn't sacrifice TWO farkING WEEKS from their lives to LET THE WORLD HEAL.

Movement is what this virus thrives on. Movement and open respiratory systems.

All my teacher friends are talking about WHAT they WOULD HAVE been doing RIGHT NOW (buying things for their classrooms, etc.), but few of us know what is ahead.

Many of us have been INSIDE for five months...

Our power went out and we had to stay in a hotel and then at my father in law's house. Scared the shiat outta us. But hopefully we didn't contract anything from being unmasked inside the room. I wasn't used to being so mobile so I forgot my mask a few times. So weird. Felt horrible. Apologized so much.

We are deep into August and I've gotten to the point where I don't know what day it is. I get like this every year...but usually we are traveling.

I AM worried about upcoming school year. I voted for a contract that has no raise yet no layoffs. I hope they spend some of the money they don't have on a mask for me that is CDC compliant. I don't want my job to kill me.
 
2020-08-09 8:20:20 PM  

Snapper Carr: You know else who else likes Sharpies?


theboeskool.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 8:27:30 PM  
That one (well, two) line says it all:

"We're going to treat COVID the same way we treat school shootings. An unfortunate but unavoidable cost to doing business."

What the fark have we become?
 
2020-08-09 8:28:08 PM  
Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.
 
2020-08-09 8:28:40 PM  
See? I'll bet not a single teacher in the socialist European paradises you liberals love so much ever even thinks to carry a sharpie with them at all times to identify the dead. This is the kind of pragmatic preplanning only conservatives embrace.
 
2020-08-09 8:31:33 PM  
FTA:

She was vague, but we all knew exactly what she was saying. You have a marker in case someone armed with a military-style assault rifle strolls onto campus and starts murdering your co-workers and students. When the shooting stops, we need you to walk through the carnage of your classroom, checking for signs of life. And where there is none, take out that marker and write the name of that precious child, that beautiful life snuffed out too early. She didn't tell us where we were supposed to write the name - on an arm? A leg? But nobody asked any more questions. We shuffled out of the library silently.

Couldn't read past that.  We are expecting teachers to act like military officers and survey the remains of dead children and ID them.

What has this country come to?
 
2020-08-09 8:34:45 PM  
The GOP just doesn't care about people. The Federal government should have been out front on this thing. But since the Republicans are all in on Trump and his craziness, there's been no leadership.

The GOP isn't a viable governing party anymore. I get a headache trying to understand why these assholes campaigned to be in Congress, just to turn around and do nothing for the citizens.
 
2020-08-09 8:35:04 PM  
Teachers,please educate our children,protect them from mass shooters and infectious diseases.  Oh and by the way,we're not going to pay you back for the classroom supplies you had to purchase.

In return we will continue to not pay you anywhere near enough and we will  complain about your Union.
 
2020-08-09 8:36:01 PM  

Fern Crest: That one (well, two) line says it all:

"We're going to treat COVID the same way we treat school shootings. An unfortunate but unavoidable cost to doing business."

What the fark have we become?


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 8:37:07 PM  

koder: teachers are weighing the dangers of in-person instruction against the effectiveness of online learning, with little certainty about either.

What I largely remember about school is each year we spent at least half the year relearning everything we forgot because it wasn't important enough to remember over summer break. That was in-person, every day. Online learning can be anywhere from 0 percent effective to 100% effective; we'll still go over it all again next year--assuming there are even enough healthy teachers to go around.  The availability of healthy teachers is going to be the main question--far more important than "is are children learning."


Oh, they are learning. They are constantly learning. But they are not going to learn the approved curriculum very well in an environment where their lives, their friends' lives, and their family's lives are in constant danger. The value of X will take a back seat to whatever knowledge they need to stay alive. That is why young brains are so good at learning, they are adapting to their environment to keep themselves alive.

It's rather silly to expect them to assign more importance to English Literature than containment procedures.

We don't retain knowledge when we don't use it. All this abstract stuff we like to pretend makes us smart, stuff that these days we can look up on our phones when we need it, doesn't even stay put over the summer. We are going to have to reorder our priorities and decide if a kid that lost a few years of higher math to a pandemic can still do a job and make a living. How much of what we teach in school do we really need to call ourselves "smart" or "educated?" And what standard do we need to meet to deserve a living wage?

No matter where we store the children, they are not going to do very well in school right now. The idea that we can prevent them from losing their education by sending them into a situation they know is not safe is ridiculous.

This generation, whatever is left of it after our criminal mismanagement of the situation, is going to get super good at surviving a pandemic. That's priority number one. Our desire to fake like it's not, and like everything is going to go back to "normal" is just going to result in more deaths.

We can't make it be normal by refusing to see how it's not.
 
2020-08-09 8:42:58 PM  

Glitchwerks: .....

We are expecting teachers to act like military officers and survey the remains of dead children and ID them.

What has this country come to?


No. It's a bunch of made up BS.
 
2020-08-09 8:43:24 PM  

abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.


Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.
 
2020-08-09 8:44:53 PM  
Hey Americans,

What the fark is wrong with you?

Seriously.

from Every Other Country on Earth
 
2020-08-09 8:49:39 PM  
People should be reading this out loud over the radio. On TV talkshows. On every platform. Kids need to read it out loud. Parents need to read it out loud. It needs to be EVERYWHERE.
 
2020-08-09 8:49:41 PM  

Murflette: Horrifying

I couldn't read past the first testimony


You got THAT far?  You're a tough babe.
 
2020-08-09 8:53:33 PM  

Russ1642: Hey Americans,

What the fark is wrong with you?

Seriously.

from Every Other Country on Earth


Oh, you think we've peaked? Hell, we're just getting started
https://www.distractify.com/p/freedom​-​to-breathe-agency-face-mask-card
 
2020-08-09 8:58:27 PM  

Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.


No. I'm not going anywhere near one of those germ factories. But I don't see what that has to do with her bullshiat claim that she might have to right names on the dead bodies of children in a school. That's not even close to being a real thing.
 
2020-08-09 9:00:11 PM  

abhorrent1: Glitchwerks: .....

We are expecting teachers to act like military officers and survey the remains of dead children and ID them.

What has this country come to?

No. It's a bunch of made up BS.


So what are the made up parts?  Please provide details.
 
2020-08-09 9:05:22 PM  

Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.


I just taught the summer session,prepping for the fall semester. What now?
 
2020-08-09 9:07:16 PM  

CthulhuCalling: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

I just taught the summer session,prepping for the fall semester. What now?


Do you carry a sharpie to write the names of students on their dead bodies?
 
2020-08-09 9:07:55 PM  
Well, they're just women and kids, so who cares what happens to them.
 
2020-08-09 9:08:15 PM  
My wife and I decided to keep our daughter home for distance learning this year. Whatever inconvenience it is pales in comparison to one of us getting sick (or worse). This is a middle school year, so she's certain to be upset, but that sure beats being dead.

This farking country had a chance to beat the pandemic in farking APRIL by doing the right thing for two goddamned weeks.

Now, because a vocal group of idiots couldn't bear to wear strips of cloth over their faces, we're actually debating whether or not to send children to their deaths at school.

Farking pieces of shiat.
 
2020-08-09 9:09:23 PM  

skinink: The GOP just doesn't care about people. The Federal government should have been out front on this thing. But since the Republicans are all in on Trump and his craziness, there's been no leadership.

The GOP isn't a viable governing party anymore. I get a headache trying to understand why these assholes campaigned to be in Congress, just to turn around and do nothing for the citizens.


Republicans haven't given a single flying fark about anyone but themselves since at least before Nixon sabotaged Vietnam peace talks to get elected.

Republicans are fascists. They desire wealth and power at all costs, and will happily lie, cheat, and send shiatloads of people to their deaths to achieve that goal.

They can never have enough wealth, or enough power. They can never be too cruel to the 'inferior' classes. They will keep lying, cheating, stealing and murdering, all getting worse and more blatant until they are forced out of power, because that is the very nature of their ideology.

This November may very well be America's last chance to kick them out, if we aren't already too far gone.
 
2020-08-09 9:24:17 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 9:30:32 PM  

abhorrent1: CthulhuCalling: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

I just taught the summer session,prepping for the fall semester. What now?

Do you carry a sharpie to write the names of students on their dead bodies?


No, I do not. I don't clutch at pearls that large.
 
2020-08-09 9:32:31 PM  

Fern Crest: That one (well, two) line says it all:

"We're going to treat COVID the same way we treat school shootings. An unfortunate but unavoidable cost to doing business."

What the fark have we become?


Face it, the conservatives are using their same approach to school shootings to the entire American society now.

Rather than change behaviour to stop people dying, they choose to make it a political virtue to allow people to continue to die rather than get people to change behaviour.
 
2020-08-09 9:32:44 PM  

RI_Red: My wife and I decided to keep our daughter home for distance learning this year. Whatever inconvenience it is pales in comparison to one of us getting sick (or worse). This is a middle school year, so she's certain to be upset, but that sure beats being dead.

This farking country had a chance to beat the pandemic in farking APRIL by doing the right thing for two goddamned weeks.

Now, because a vocal group of idiots couldn't bear to wear strips of cloth over their faces, we're actually debating whether or not to send children to their deaths at school.

Farking pieces of shiat.


I don't think we're debating, we are being dragged along by a small vocal, white minority that believes their right to guns, not wearing a face cloth and getting YOU sick, are what is good for everyone, and we are constantly caving into them.
 
2020-08-09 9:37:28 PM  

abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.


User name checks out.
 
2020-08-09 9:38:43 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Well, they're just women and kids, so who cares what happens to them.


Sheep aren't important. Wolves and shepherds call the shots. At least, that's what I saw the police saying in an actual training video a couple weeks ago. Police states are sexist states. Police states also have no farking idea how daily life works, but what do you expect from men who have never done their own laundry or dishes in their lives, never made a shopping list for more people than just themselves, but think they know how the world works? They believe it is made for them.
 
2020-08-09 9:39:32 PM  

Jaws_Victim: RI_Red: My wife and I decided to keep our daughter home for distance learning this year. Whatever inconvenience it is pales in comparison to one of us getting sick (or worse). This is a middle school year, so she's certain to be upset, but that sure beats being dead.

This farking country had a chance to beat the pandemic in farking APRIL by doing the right thing for two goddamned weeks.

Now, because a vocal group of idiots couldn't bear to wear strips of cloth over their faces, we're actually debating whether or not to send children to their deaths at school.

Farking pieces of shiat.

I don't think we're debating, we are being dragged along by a small vocal, white minority that believes their right to guns, not wearing a face cloth and getting YOU sick, are what is good for everyone, and we are constantly caving into them.


Yeah, I know. We need that shiat to stop.
 
2020-08-09 9:59:39 PM  
abhorrent1:

I hate Illinois Fascists.
 
2020-08-09 10:06:34 PM  

abhorrent1: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

No. I'm not going anywhere near one of those germ factories. But I don't see what that has to do with her bullshiat claim that she might have to right names on the dead bodies of children in a school. That's not even close to being a real thing.


For the coming school year, some teachers within the district were also given first aid items, as well as a Sharpie marker so they can write down the time they put a tourniquet on a bleeding student.

That's oh so much better.

Being that sharpies are very much a part of "go-bags" and "go-buckets" being issued to teachers in case of disasters and lockdowns, and there's at least one example of a sharpie specifically issued for the purpose of use as part of emergency medical treatment in one of these disasters, I do not find the idea of writing names on students' dead bodies to be that far-fetched.

Some special education teachers are instructed to do this with nonverbal students in an emergency - name, teacher's name, and essential medical info (diabetes, epilepsy, etc).

So yeah, it *is* a thing.
 
2020-08-09 10:34:09 PM  

ox45tallboy: abhorrent1: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

No. I'm not going anywhere near one of those germ factories. But I don't see what that has to do with her bullshiat claim that she might have to right names on the dead bodies of children in a school. That's not even close to being a real thing.

For the coming school year, some teachers within the district were also given first aid items, as well as a Sharpie marker so they can write down the time they put a tourniquet on a bleeding student.

That's oh so much better.

Being that sharpies are very much a part of "go-bags" and "go-buckets" being issued to teachers in case of disasters and lockdowns, and there's at least one example of a sharpie specifically issued for the purpose of use as part of emergency medical treatment in one of these disasters, I do not find the idea of writing names on students' dead bodies to be that far-fetched.

Some special education teachers are instructed to do this with nonverbal students in an emergency - name, teacher's name, and essential medical info (diabetes, epilepsy, etc).

So yeah, it *is* a thing.


Yeah, but the idea of that upsets him, so it's obviously bullshiat.
 
2020-08-09 10:36:54 PM  
I wish every teacher in this country... I mean 100%. Every teacher... would walk away.

What are they going to do? Just don't show up. None of you. Don't you let these farking sociopaths murder you, destroy your family, and ravage your community.

Find something else. Anything else. Anything safer. Please.

Maybe next year we'll be able to teach arts and sciences again.

This year a very different and very valuable lesson needs to be taught.

Please, teach this lesson to all of us.
 
2020-08-09 10:43:28 PM  

abhorrent1: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

No. I'm not going anywhere near one of those germ factories. .


Ah. So brave.

From a teacher, kindly fark off.

Also: I guess you know how every district in every state functions, then? Being someone in that environment, that essay is absolutely within the realm of possibility.
 
2020-08-09 10:49:48 PM  
    I was never a very good student. I had some very good teachers. Teachers who believed in me, when nobody else on the planet (my parents included) did. Teachers who inspired me to try. To not be afraid of failure. To never accept of myself the idea that I could not learn, or could not do.

What my life could have become, following in the footsteps of the wrong crowd, making the mistakes my parents made, becoming someone deeply broken by bad choices and systemic failures from the very beginning... I owe my teachers for helping me avoid.

I would repay that debt if I could.

I implore you, every educator in America, I beg of you, I beseech you; please do not return to schools this year. Perhaps not even next. Do not allow the sociopaths in charge who think that five million (and counting) confirmed cases and one hundred fifty thousand (and counting) confirmed deaths is "the cost of doing business" to murder you.

And that is all it would be; murder. Premeditated. Callous. Indifferent. Murder.

They would kill you, destroy your family, hurt your loved ones in one of the most profound and lasting ways possible. They would do the same to those children, hundreds? Thousands? How many this year?

It does not take an epidemiologist to say where it leads.
We cannot afford to look away. I cannot afford to look away.
If you return to those classrooms, one thing is certain; communities will be shattered. Lives will be lost. The opportunity to reach troubled students like I was? Will be lost forever.

For what? For political clout? For a reelection campaign?

Your lives, your families and your communities are worth more than this.
Do not go back.
Find something else. Find anything safer. Do the best you can to get by for a year.

Then, when the halls are empty and no classes have an instructor in the entire nation?

Don't go back until you have proper equity in the situation. Never again allow a politician to treat your lives or the lives of your students as a bargaining tool or a campaign platform.
 
2020-08-09 11:01:59 PM  

Fern Crest: What the fark have we become?


Human beings - my fourth favorite of the five Great Apes.
 
2020-08-09 11:05:04 PM  
I wrote my governor. Here is what I wrote. Please feel free to steal as much of this as you need. Write your own. ----
Governor DeWine, as you have no doubt witnessed unfolding across the nation; there is a direct correlation between the reopening of schools and surges in the Covid-19 virus. In addition to being a deadly virus, with a confirmed 3669 deaths in the great state of Ohio as of this writing, we are discovering potentially life-long complications tied to this illness, including heart and respiratory damage, as well as brain damage.

Thanks in part to your leadership and efforts by our community, we have as of yet been spared the worst ravages of this illness. But this does not mean we should grow complacent. It does not take an epidemiologist to spell out what would happen if we were to reopen our schools.

We do not have the resources, the staff, the space, or the time to do this safely.

If you reopen those schools only one thing is going to happen. People are going to get sick. Teachers and students alike. Some of these people will die. You will be responsible for these deaths, and for the profound heartache that each family will have to face for what could easily have been prevented. For ignoring what anyone of even the most rudimentary reason could have seen coming.

Reopening schools at this juncture is tantamount to murder, and will shatter communities throughout our great state.

I implore you, Governor DeWine. I Beseech you. Spare our state this heartache. Spare our state this pain. Hold firm to science, and reason, and protect our educators, and our children.

We, as a community, can easily make up for a year of missing essays and homework.

There is not a person on this planet who can return a life, or take away the heartache of those who have lost.
 
2020-08-09 11:05:08 PM  

abhorrent1: she might have to right names on the dead bodies of children in a school


Once again, my theory that sloppy language correlates with sloppy thinking is confirmed.
 
2020-08-09 11:05:36 PM  

abhorrent1: Glitchwerks: .....

We are expecting teachers to act like military officers and survey the remains of dead children and ID them.

What has this country come to?

No. It's a bunch of made up BS.


So you identify with the many Americans who are dead inside and don't care about the fallout from so many children being murdered. Well that's interesting
 
2020-08-10 12:02:49 AM  
Mcsweeneys is pretty great. This was smart rather than funny. Their funny stuff can be rock solid...

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/m​i​tt-romney-writes-erotic-fiction-about-​himself

Great read...
 
2020-08-10 12:14:37 AM  

abhorrent1: Calypsocookie: abhorrent1: Well that wasn't overly dramatic at all.

Go be a teacher this year then and let us know how it goes.

No. I'm not going anywhere near one of those germ factories. But I don't see what that has to do with her bullshiat claim that she might have to right names on the dead bodies of children in a school. That's not even close to being a real thing.


Well, it's a good thing you're not an English teacher.
 
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