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(Guardian)   Simon Cowell decides he no longer needs an intact spine   (amp.theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Simon Cowell, American Idol, Pop Idol, Got Talent series, Dannii Minogue, regular exercise, English-language films, The X Factor  
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2888 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 09 Aug 2020 at 11:16 AM (11 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-08-09 9:17:59 AM  
If you can't drive with a broken back, at least you can polish the fenders.
 
2020-08-09 9:24:34 AM  
Ouch
 
2020-08-09 9:25:22 AM  
Well now he's partially qualified to own Something Awful. Do we know how history on domestic abuse and/or the status of his sweaty toes?
 
2020-08-09 9:26:56 AM  
See. Ebikes are dangerous.
 
2020-08-09 9:57:18 AM  
He deserved it.
 
2020-08-09 10:01:21 AM  
His bike riding is absolutely dreadful. Just the worst.
 
2020-08-09 10:50:45 AM  
Simple Simon met a spineman going to the fair
 
2020-08-09 10:54:55 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 11:22:06 AM  
I'm gonna have to go with no dawg
 
2020-08-09 11:24:52 AM  
Good. He had it coming.
 
2020-08-09 11:28:14 AM  
It's a little pitchy, dawg.
 
2020-08-09 11:31:39 AM  
"When I became a man I put away childish things."

But, then I became a super rich game show host and I forgot that I'm not superhuman.
 
2020-08-09 11:38:11 AM  
Is there a video because I'd dearly like to watch that.
 
2020-08-09 11:47:24 AM  
Too bad he didn't land on his jaw.
Better luck next time, gravity.
 
2020-08-09 11:53:55 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

"We will destroy Gotham... then you will have my permission to ride..."
 
2020-08-09 12:02:27 PM  
Mike Tyson - I broke my back. Spinal.
Youtube GP_0BhCw2rg
 
2020-08-09 12:19:01 PM  

Funkywooly: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/GP_0BhCw​2rg]


Damnit.  I was getting in this thread just to post this;  well played.
 
2020-08-09 12:35:55 PM  

question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.


Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.
 
2020-08-09 12:42:44 PM  
Mikey1969:

It's also best not to ride while coked up and self important
 
2020-08-09 12:44:01 PM  
i.guim.co.ukView Full Size

Did he get those caps from a joke shop? I mean any competent dentist would at least tone them down a bit ...these look they just pulled them out of a doll and stuck them on.
 
2020-08-09 1:07:00 PM  
Now this IS entertaining.
 
2020-08-09 1:09:43 PM  

optikeye: [i.guim.co.uk image 850x510]
Did he get those caps from a joke shop? I mean any competent dentist would at least tone them down a bit ...these look they just pulled them out of a doll and stuck them on.


I've always wondered if his hair is the result of an oddly shaped head or if he goes to his stylist and says 'make it symmetrical'.
 
2020-08-09 1:29:56 PM  

The Googles Do Nothing: He deserved it.


His kid didn't if Simon ends up paralyzed.
 
2020-08-09 1:31:56 PM  

AuralArgument: Mikey1969:

It's also best not to ride while coked up and self important


Yeah, I don't cheer injuries to anyone, but I have a seriously hard time feeling sympathy for Cowell here. Fark that asshat.
 
2020-08-09 1:49:18 PM  

Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.


So... You are saying that ebikes are dangerous...
 
2020-08-09 2:10:58 PM  

optikeye: [i.guim.co.uk image 850x510]
Did he get those caps from a joke shop? I mean any competent dentist would at least tone them down a bit ...these look they just pulled them out of a doll and stuck them on.


He has a "British" Hollywood smile.
 
2020-08-09 2:12:30 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-09 2:12:34 PM  

Fark_Guy_Rob: Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.

So... You are saying that ebikes are dangerous...


No more dangerous than any other kind of bike, you just can't be a moron. So we get the Simon Cowell scenario...
 
2020-08-09 2:55:03 PM  

Mikey1969: Fark_Guy_Rob: Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.

So... You are saying that ebikes are dangerous...

No more dangerous than any other kind of bike, you just can't be a moron. So we get the Simon Cowell scenario...


Actual studies show that ebikes are more dangerous than traditional bicycles...

Not only are ebikes more likely to be involved in an accident, the injuries are more likely to be severe:

Most significantly, the study found injuries from e-bikes in particular were more serious, said DiMaggio, who directs the injury research program in the division of trauma and surgical critical care at NYU Langone Health in New York City.
 
2020-08-09 2:57:04 PM  

Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.


Please wear a helmet, Farker.
 
2020-08-09 3:35:32 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"Fell off the back of an electric bicyclist, most likely," quipped ace drummer Jumbo McClooney on hearing of the accident...

/slipping, y'all
 
2020-08-09 3:40:10 PM  

Mikey1969: you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly


??
 
2020-08-09 4:25:59 PM  

lindalouwho: Mikey1969: you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly

??


The Ebike had a governor that kept its max speed at 21 mph. I have ridden that fast, it just got from 0-21 much more quickly than my skinny legs could have done.
 
2020-08-09 4:44:29 PM  

Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.


Yep, you think it's nothing and then you take a turn and now you're swinging out twice as wide  (particularly fun when sharing the road with cars) because you didn't notice the assist had you zooming along effortlessly.
 
2020-08-09 5:02:06 PM  

sotua: Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.

Yep, you think it's nothing and then you take a turn and now you're swinging out twice as wide  (particularly fun when sharing the road with cars) because you didn't notice the assist had you zooming along effortlessly.


Not really, I know how to ride a bike. Pedaling isn't how I know how fast I'm going. I also have things like depth perception. It's weird that people have been riding bikes for a hundred years, and motorcycles pretty much as long, and they figured out how fast they were going without pedaling.
 
2020-08-09 6:02:29 PM  
Hilarious! Hopefully he's paralyzed from the neck down and can't feel anything. I would laughhh...
 
2020-08-09 6:10:44 PM  
I'd have gone with 'X-Fracture'.
 
2020-08-09 6:40:49 PM  
Great, I look forward to his campaign for public office. Americans in particular have shown for generations that they'll vote for someone without an intact spine.
 
2020-08-09 6:45:32 PM  
Doctor said he need a backiotomy.
 
2020-08-09 8:21:03 PM  
Well it doesn't sound like he's going to be able to outrun a pissed husband on that bike. Time for an upgrade.
 
2020-08-09 8:33:40 PM  

Boondock3806: His bike riding is absolutely dreadful. Just the worst.


And the tires were a bit flat.
 
2020-08-10 5:38:39 AM  

sotua: Mikey1969: question_dj: See. Ebikes are dangerous.

Not really, they have a learning curve. Otherwise, they're just bikes. You definitely have to learn how to handle the acceleration when they start out, but they are perfectly safe, you don't go any faster than I did pedaling a bike, they just get there more quickly, and with a lot less effort.

Of course, that's where he farked up. You really need to learn this initial bit while at the e-bike store with someone present. That's how we did it, one of the dads in our daughter's Girl Scout troop owned a couple of these stores, and was there to give these warnings and advice. The farking bike was the coolest thing I've ridden, even better than a motorcycle, only because of its lack of noise, the fact that it didn't weigh 500 pounds, I didn't need a helmet, I could ride on off-road bike trails, etc. But it took me all of 30 seconds to get the hang of the power assist.

Yep, you think it's nothing and then you take a turn and now you're swinging out twice as wide  (particularly fun when sharing the road with cars) because you didn't notice the assist had you zooming along effortlessly.


I've been using my ebike to make the 35 mile commute to work over the last 18 months. As noted, there's a short learning curve to get used to the quick acceleration and turning while a higher speeds at first, but the brakes on most ebikes are decent disc brakes that do a good job of stopping te heavier bikes quickly. You also have to note that you'll (generally) be going faster than most people in cars are used to seeing cyclists go, especially when you are approaching them at cross streets.
 
2020-08-10 6:03:34 AM  
my god, the owls finally got him.
 
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