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    More: Obvious, Hunting, Thumb, Friendship, Primate, stationary bear, 2008 singles, American Black Bear, Thought  
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8549 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2020 at 6:35 PM (30 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-08-06 8:09:34 PM  
34 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 6:27:01 PM  
30 votes:
In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?
 
2020-08-06 7:26:43 PM  
22 votes:

MindStalker: Original: National Park Service

READ: Please don't run from bears or push your slower friends down in attempts of saving yourself.

As a follow-up to a previous post, if you come upon a stationary bear, move away slowly and sideways; this allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping. Moving sideways is also non-threatening to bears. Do NOT run, but if the bear follows, stop and hold your ground. Like dogs, they will chase fieeing animals. Do NOT climb a tree. Both grizzlies and black bears can climb trees. Do NOT push down a slower friend (even if you think the friendship has run its course).

Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone. Don't we all? Identify yourself by making noise so the bear knows you are a human and not a prey animal. Help the bear recognize you as a human. We recommend using your voice. (Waving and showing off your opposable thumb means nothing to the bear) The bear may come closer or stand on its hind legs to get a better look or smell. A standing bear is usually curious, not threatening.

Find more tips, check out https://www.nps.gov/subjects/bears/ind​ex.htm
P.S. We apologize to any "friends" who were brought on a hike as the "bait" or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed.

Image: Bear resting on a log thinking bear things at Katmai National Park & Preserve. NPS/ J. Ehrlenbach

#FindYourPark #RecreateResponsibly


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 7:17:36 PM  
19 votes:

TrashcanMan: bear's scientific name when translated is bear bear.


Orso you say.
 
2020-08-06 7:36:01 PM  
17 votes:
lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 8:22:36 PM  
15 votes:
Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the National Park Service is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field.
They advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advanced warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise.
They also advise anyone using the out-f-doors to carry "Pepper Spray" with him is case of an encounter with a bear.
Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear feces and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear shiat has bells in it and smells like pepper.
 
2020-08-06 7:47:21 PM  
13 votes:
If you're in "Yo semite", be sure to bring some Jewish friends.
 
2020-08-06 6:54:18 PM  
13 votes:
That's why I always carry a tire iron when hiking with friends.  So after I kneecap 'em I know I can outrun them in a emergency bear situation.
 
2020-08-06 6:54:31 PM  
12 votes:

Hypnotic Harlequin: No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.


Just yell "Run" and give a little push to get them started running while you stand there.
 
2020-08-06 7:40:57 PM  
9 votes:

baron von doodle: The old D&D mantra. You don't have to be faster than the monster, you just have to be faster than the slowest party member.


Owlbear chasing you?  Hide behind something bigger and scarier.  Like a gazebo.
 
2020-08-06 6:57:28 PM  
9 votes:
Original: National Park Service

READ: Please don't run from bears or push your slower friends down in attempts of saving yourself.

As a follow-up to a previous post, if you come upon a stationary bear, move away slowly and sideways; this allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping. Moving sideways is also non-threatening to bears. Do NOT run, but if the bear follows, stop and hold your ground. Like dogs, they will chase fieeing animals. Do NOT climb a tree. Both grizzlies and black bears can climb trees. Do NOT push down a slower friend (even if you think the friendship has run its course).

Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone. Don't we all? Identify yourself by making noise so the bear knows you are a human and not a prey animal. Help the bear recognize you as a human. We recommend using your voice. (Waving and showing off your opposable thumb means nothing to the bear) The bear may come closer or stand on its hind legs to get a better look or smell. A standing bear is usually curious, not threatening.

Find more tips, check out https://www.nps.gov/subjects/bears/in​d​ex.htm
P.S. We apologize to any "friends" who were brought on a hike as the "bait" or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed.

Image: Bear resting on a log thinking bear things at Katmai National Park & Preserve. NPS/ J. Ehrlenbach

#FindYourPark #RecreateResponsibly
 
2020-08-06 3:40:51 PM  
8 votes:
I remember that ranger was really pissed at me lat year.
 
2020-08-06 7:34:59 PM  
7 votes:
Two business men walking in a forest when they see a bear coming at the. One open hi briefcase and starts putting on running shoes. The other asks,

" You think you can outrun a bear?"

"No" he replies, "But, I think I can out run you."
 
2020-08-06 6:53:20 PM  
6 votes:

Exluddite: Link to bookface? I don't know if it is wrong, just sort of a faux pas.


Link away:

% egrep 'facebook|fbcdn' /etc/hosts | sort
127.0.0.1 ads.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 connect.facebook.net
127.0.0.1 creative.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 facebook.com
127.0.0.1 m.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 static.xx.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
 
2020-08-06 6:40:22 PM  
6 votes:

Majin_Buu: gameshowhost: In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?

Hey, it was a good test to make see if my StateBook blocker extensions are still working. Turns out they are.


StateBook blocker extension... huh.  I'm gonna look that up on Twitter. That place is money, baby!
 
2020-08-06 7:10:58 PM  
5 votes:
Zoochosis: Bears
Youtube DFvl7_q51ew
 
2020-08-06 6:42:34 PM  
5 votes:
Whaaaaa? That's why we take slow friends with us. Or is it just me?
 
2020-08-06 8:36:23 PM  
4 votes:

Acidicnads: Two business men walking in a forest when they see a bear coming at the. One open hi briefcase and starts putting on running shoes. The other asks,

" You think you can outrun a bear?"

"No" he replies, "But, I think I can out run you."


"Wait, why the fark are we walking in a forest carrying briefcases to begin with?"

"I dunno, I think we're in Acidicnads' imagination, it's a story he's posting on Fark."

"Oh, you don't say. Is that the forum with the squirrel that has huge testicles?"

"Yes, yes...I believe it is."
 
2020-08-06 9:19:08 PM  
3 votes:
doomjesse:

Fark user imageView Full Size


But what about family? Like really snarky teenagers who think they know everything?
 
2020-08-06 8:55:18 PM  
3 votes:
Don't push down your slower friend

Push down your faster friend
 
2020-08-06 7:40:52 PM  
3 votes:
I enjoy this very much.

Interestingly, since bears tend to Chase a person who runs, if you toss a friend down, the bear will probably run past them to get to you.

So afterwards as you are recovering from the mauling in the hospital, you can tell that former friend that actually you were doing them a big favour.
 
2020-08-06 7:04:49 PM  
3 votes:
bear's scientific name when translated is bear bear.
 
2020-08-06 11:32:00 PM  
2 votes:
Go for the nuts.
INSTANT KARMA bear gets hit in the nuts for messing with my water tank
Youtube 8kjY9sKdHlY
 
2020-08-06 11:05:43 PM  
2 votes:
The tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo is older than KotDT, and independently famous. Here is a version that claims to be the original:

https://web.archive.org/web/200808041​4​0516/http://www.dreadgazebo.com/index.​php?name=News&file=article&sid=8

Lots of copies of this, with small variations, were being forwarded around the world by email, circa 1990.  (I may have participated.)
 
2020-08-06 8:46:34 PM  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 8:08:57 PM  
2 votes:
Or don't go into the woods?
Like, we bulit cities for like a damn reason. And considering people die during infrastructure building and buildings of buildings maybe not staying in the city spits in the face of those sacrifices?
 
2020-08-06 7:47:22 PM  
2 votes:
Why would you push down the slower friend? The bear will get him first without your help. Push down your faster friend. This is just common sense, folks.
 
2020-08-06 6:37:49 PM  
2 votes:

gameshowhost: In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?


Hey, it was a good test to make see if my StateBook blocker extensions are still working. Turns out they are.
 
2020-08-07 12:13:57 AM  
1 vote:
Dnrtfa. Was it something like this?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 9:35:32 PM  
1 vote:

gameshowhost: Majin_Buu: gameshowhost: In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?

Hey, it was a good test to make see if my StateBook blocker extensions are still working. Turns out they are.

StateBook blocker extension... huh.  I'm gonna look that up on Twitter. That place is money, baby!


The real money is in Tik Tok !
 
2020-08-06 8:49:57 PM  
1 vote:

khatores: Acidicnads: Two business men walking in a forest when they see a bear coming at the. One open hi briefcase and starts putting on running shoes. The other asks,

" You think you can outrun a bear?"

"No" he replies, "But, I think I can out run you."

"Wait, why the fark are we walking in a forest carrying briefcases to begin with?"

"I dunno, I think we're in Acidicnads' imagination, it's a story he's posting on Fark."

"Oh, you don't say. Is that the forum with the squirrel that has huge testicles?"

"Yes, yes...I believe it is."


The original joke I heard had two lawyers walking through the forest, but I changed it because lawyers in a forest is just silly. They would be suing every fallen tree for negligence.
 
2020-08-06 7:18:30 PM  
1 vote:
The old D&D mantra. You don't have to be faster than the monster, you just have to be faster than the slowest party member.
 
2020-08-06 6:52:58 PM  
1 vote:
Wanted for questioning:
y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 6:46:21 PM  
1 vote:
No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.
 
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