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    More: Obvious, Hunting, Thumb, Friendship, Primate, stationary bear, 2008 singles, American Black Bear, Thought  
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8531 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2020 at 6:35 PM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-08-06 6:22:56 PM  
40 votes:
Link to bookface? I don't know if it is wrong, just sort of a faux pas.
 
2020-08-06 6:46:21 PM  
23 votes:
No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.
 
2020-08-06 6:53:20 PM  
13 votes:

Exluddite: Link to bookface? I don't know if it is wrong, just sort of a faux pas.


Link away:

% egrep 'facebook|fbcdn' /etc/hosts | sort
127.0.0.1 ads.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 connect.facebook.net
127.0.0.1 creative.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 facebook.com
127.0.0.1 m.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 static.xx.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
 
2020-08-06 7:47:22 PM  
11 votes:
Why would you push down the slower friend? The bear will get him first without your help. Push down your faster friend. This is just common sense, folks.
 
2020-08-06 6:48:47 PM  
11 votes:
That picture is adorable. Dammit.
 
2020-08-06 6:27:01 PM  
7 votes:
In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?
 
2020-08-06 7:26:43 PM  
6 votes:

MindStalker: Original: National Park Service

READ: Please don't run from bears or push your slower friends down in attempts of saving yourself.

As a follow-up to a previous post, if you come upon a stationary bear, move away slowly and sideways; this allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping. Moving sideways is also non-threatening to bears. Do NOT run, but if the bear follows, stop and hold your ground. Like dogs, they will chase fieeing animals. Do NOT climb a tree. Both grizzlies and black bears can climb trees. Do NOT push down a slower friend (even if you think the friendship has run its course).

Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone. Don't we all? Identify yourself by making noise so the bear knows you are a human and not a prey animal. Help the bear recognize you as a human. We recommend using your voice. (Waving and showing off your opposable thumb means nothing to the bear) The bear may come closer or stand on its hind legs to get a better look or smell. A standing bear is usually curious, not threatening.

Find more tips, check out https://www.nps.gov/subjects/bears/ind​ex.htm
P.S. We apologize to any "friends" who were brought on a hike as the "bait" or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed.

Image: Bear resting on a log thinking bear things at Katmai National Park & Preserve. NPS/ J. Ehrlenbach

#FindYourPark #RecreateResponsibly


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 6:57:28 PM  
6 votes:
Original: National Park Service

READ: Please don't run from bears or push your slower friends down in attempts of saving yourself.

As a follow-up to a previous post, if you come upon a stationary bear, move away slowly and sideways; this allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping. Moving sideways is also non-threatening to bears. Do NOT run, but if the bear follows, stop and hold your ground. Like dogs, they will chase fieeing animals. Do NOT climb a tree. Both grizzlies and black bears can climb trees. Do NOT push down a slower friend (even if you think the friendship has run its course).

Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone. Don't we all? Identify yourself by making noise so the bear knows you are a human and not a prey animal. Help the bear recognize you as a human. We recommend using your voice. (Waving and showing off your opposable thumb means nothing to the bear) The bear may come closer or stand on its hind legs to get a better look or smell. A standing bear is usually curious, not threatening.

Find more tips, check out https://www.nps.gov/subjects/bears/in​d​ex.htm
P.S. We apologize to any "friends" who were brought on a hike as the "bait" or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed.

Image: Bear resting on a log thinking bear things at Katmai National Park & Preserve. NPS/ J. Ehrlenbach

#FindYourPark #RecreateResponsibly
 
2020-08-06 6:37:49 PM  
6 votes:

gameshowhost: In before someone complains about the FB greenli... oh christ, this soon?


Hey, it was a good test to make see if my StateBook blocker extensions are still working. Turns out they are.
 
2020-08-06 7:48:27 PM  
5 votes:

Hypnotic Harlequin: No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.


No, at that point they start chasing you because you are a dick that threw his buddy under the bus and you should be taught a lesson.
 
2020-08-06 7:40:52 PM  
5 votes:
I enjoy this very much.

Interestingly, since bears tend to Chase a person who runs, if you toss a friend down, the bear will probably run past them to get to you.

So afterwards as you are recovering from the mauling in the hospital, you can tell that former friend that actually you were doing them a big favour.
 
2020-08-06 8:46:34 PM  
3 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 8:30:55 PM  
2 votes:

Smelly Pirate Hooker: That picture is adorable. Dammit.


This is a great follow this time of year. I tune it for a few minutes here and there throughout the day. It's cathartic.
 
2020-08-06 7:18:30 PM  
2 votes:
The old D&D mantra. You don't have to be faster than the monster, you just have to be faster than the slowest party member.
 
2020-08-06 6:54:31 PM  
2 votes:

Hypnotic Harlequin: No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.


Just yell "Run" and give a little push to get them started running while you stand there.
 
2020-08-06 6:42:34 PM  
2 votes:
Whaaaaa? That's why we take slow friends with us. Or is it just me?
 
2020-08-07 6:27:21 AM  
1 vote:

Sandelaphon: Go for the nuts.
[YouTube video: INSTANT KARMA bear gets hit in the nuts for messing with my water tank]


Its amazing how almost every male mammal on this planet have this vulnerability. It is as if we are all related or something.
 
2020-08-06 11:14:04 PM  
1 vote:
I LOLed at "...even if you think the friendship has run its course."  Kudos, NPS.
 
2020-08-06 11:05:43 PM  
1 vote:
The tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo is older than KotDT, and independently famous. Here is a version that claims to be the original:

https://web.archive.org/web/200808041​4​0516/http://www.dreadgazebo.com/index.​php?name=News&file=article&sid=8

Lots of copies of this, with small variations, were being forwarded around the world by email, circa 1990.  (I may have participated.)
 
2020-08-06 9:53:29 PM  
1 vote:

baron von doodle: nartreb: baron von doodle: The old D&D mantra. You don't have to be faster than the monster, you just have to be faster than the slowest party member.

Owlbear chasing you?  Hide behind something bigger and scarier.  Like a gazebo.

KOTRT reference. Nice.


Moar liek Knights of the Dinner Table.
 
2020-08-06 9:35:03 PM  
1 vote:

Gordon Bennett: TrashcanMan: bear's scientific name when translated is bear bear.

The boa constrictor's scientific name is Boa constrictor. I think it's the only animal to have the same common name in English as its Latin scientific name.


I think 'Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla' is another one...
 
2020-08-06 8:57:51 PM  
1 vote:

Enigmamf: Exluddite: Link to bookface? I don't know if it is wrong, just sort of a faux pas.

Link away:

% egrep 'facebook|fbcdn' /etc/hosts | sort
127.0.0.1 ads.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 connect.facebook.net
127.0.0.1 creative.ak.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 facebook.com
127.0.0.1 m.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 static.xx.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com


More people groked your grep than I would have thought.
 
2020-08-06 8:33:35 PM  
1 vote:
Go in a group and carry bear spray. Keep your food sealed up, don't eat/cook anything pungent, don't drop any food and try not to leave any human smell behind. Clean up anything you see on the trail. Observe your surroundings and don't walk too close to heavy bushes. Definitely don't get lost - stay oriented so that if you do get into any kind of trouble (bear or otherwise) you can find your way out.

By obeying these rules, you could hike regularly and go your whole life or at least a long time never seeing a bear.

In the event of a bear attack, do the normal things (be calm, back off, talk to the bear) and try to find some good-sized rocks whether you have bear spray or not, just so you have more options.

I've been out in the woods quite a bit in different areas of the country and the only time I ever saw any bears was in the Smoky Mountains back in the 1980s, because idiots in cars were feeding them.

Depending on your opinions on the subject, you can also invest in a large caliber handgun, but of course that's additional weight. It's a good "last resort" option...you don't want to be on the ground hoping that bear just decides to leave you alone after taking your leg off.
 
2020-08-06 8:22:16 PM  
1 vote:

Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Hypnotic Harlequin: No, no, you have to outrun your friend.  If you push them over, the bear will ignore them and chase the moving prey.

Just yell "Run" and give a little push to get them started running while you stand there.


You don't have to run the fastest, just faster than at least ONE other person.
 
2020-08-06 8:09:34 PM  
1 vote:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-08-06 8:08:57 PM  
1 vote:
Or don't go into the woods?
Like, we bulit cities for like a damn reason. And considering people die during infrastructure building and buildings of buildings maybe not staying in the city spits in the face of those sacrifices?
 
2020-08-06 8:00:23 PM  
1 vote:
Ghost Dog - Emptiness is Form
Youtube iFMY4jJ6SVE
 
2020-08-06 7:18:07 PM  
1 vote:
Zebra - Bears
Youtube rfd8EcmFAZU


"So in the middle of loving running
I hope you'll find a place in your heart for them"
 
2020-08-06 7:17:36 PM  
1 vote:

TrashcanMan: bear's scientific name when translated is bear bear.


Orso you say.
 
2020-08-06 6:54:18 PM  
1 vote:
That's why I always carry a tire iron when hiking with friends.  So after I kneecap 'em I know I can outrun them in a emergency bear situation.
 
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