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(Slate)   "Last year my brother died. His wife planned to return to her home country with my nephew, and my parents reacted badly, going so far as to try and kidnap their grandson. She was pregnant at the time too. I'm the only one she contacts. What do I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Last year, whole time, Danny M. Lavery, local park, Dear Prudence, share details, best picnic area, wrong question  
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431 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 16 Jul 2020 at 9:20 AM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



20 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-16 8:29:30 AM  
If Liam Neeson shows up at your door, don't open it.
 
2020-07-16 9:00:47 AM  
Did Danny use up his quota of rationality on the first letter? Because after that it went downhill in a hurry.

"Does me renting a spot at the park because I don't have enough room at home & then throwing out people who were there & refusing to move make me a racist...?"

"Well, I can't say that you 'aren't' a racist...maybe you should have just shared the spot you paid for..."

Fark that.  You rented the gazebo for the day as a way to get the room to have a party & keep the extended family relatively safe.  That you finally had to resort to having the park rangers toss the squatters out of your gazebo doesn't make you a racist, it makes you intelligent for not wanting to share the space with people who apparently have no respect for social convention (& probably distancing).
 
2020-07-16 9:32:14 AM  
Guy goes back to his country, solution: Kidnap the child, because as the mom said "Not without my daughter".
MOM wants to go back to the country, solution: kidnap the child, as well.

I'm starting to see a trend here.
 
2020-07-16 9:49:51 AM  
Is she really hot?
 
2020-07-16 9:53:24 AM  
that depends - who is the vegan who is going to ruin Christmas?
 
2020-07-16 9:54:02 AM  

bdub77: Is she really hot?

 
2020-07-16 9:56:49 AM  
This is for the one wanting to move in with the boyfriend with the daughter (who is acting reasonably).

The other Woman-Caro Emerald (Lyrics in Description)
Youtube BHZJbNJoVDY
 
2020-07-16 10:00:35 AM  

Recoil Therapy: Did Danny use up his quota of rationality on the first letter? Because after that it went downhill in a hurry.

"Does me renting a spot at the park because I don't have enough room at home & then throwing out people who were there & refusing to move make me a racist...?"

"Well, I can't say that you 'aren't' a racist...maybe you should have just shared the spot you paid for..."

Fark that.  You rented the gazebo for the day as a way to get the room to have a party & keep the extended family relatively safe.  That you finally had to resort to having the park rangers toss the squatters out of your gazebo doesn't make you a racist, it makes you intelligent for not wanting to share the space with people who apparently have no respect for social convention (& probably distancing).



Prudence has gone communist in the last year.  Literally full communist.  So any question related to money or property is just going to be answered with whargarbl.
 
2020-07-16 10:12:53 AM  
I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.
 
2020-07-16 10:32:38 AM  

FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.


No not really. The racists here dont care what non white country you come from, they will harass and abuse you just the same
 
2020-07-16 10:37:01 AM  

FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.


This.  I was going to say, what if her home country was, say, Iran?  Mainland China?  Iraq?  Cuba?  (Or your choices.)

Legally it doesn't matter (she has custody), but it puts what the grandparents are doing in a much different light.
 
2020-07-16 10:37:43 AM  
Her child, her choice.
 
2020-07-16 11:00:08 AM  

Geotpf: FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.

This.  I was going to say, what if her home country was, say, Iran?  Mainland China?  Iraq?  Cuba?  (Or your choices.)

Legally it doesn't matter (she has custody), but it puts what the grandparents are doing in a much different light.


No, it really doesn't. The grandparents had their chance at being parents. It sucks that their son died, but their daughter-in-law has to do what she thinks is best. Her going to a country that people in the US consider to be dangerous is not a good enough reason for the grandparents to steal her child. If they had wanted to try to talk her out of it, that's one thing, but they crossed a line. And I'm sure the daughter-in-law does not view the US as being some sort of safe haven after that happened. Good thing for her she was savvy enough to phone her lawyer and get the hell out of there.
 
2020-07-16 11:03:08 AM  

Geotpf: FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.

This.  I was going to say, what if her home country was, say, Iran?  Mainland China?  Iraq?  Cuba?  (Or your choices.)

Legally it doesn't matter (she has custody), but it puts what the grandparents are doing in a much different light.


Also missing is how the grandparents feel about it now. Was this something done in a moment of panic at the thought of never seeing their grandchild again that they now regret or are they still taking the attitude they did the right thing? That would have a back impact on whether there can be any sort of reconciliation here.
 
2020-07-16 12:25:26 PM  
1) You Better Leave This Mornin'.  Leave Today.  Take Your Love And Your Child Away: Do whatever your SiL wants in regards to the info.  If your parents find out about the kid and biatch to you, tell them to FRO, they know what they did.

2)  I Shoot It With My Bow: It's unlikely to occur again and no sense re-litigating the incident. GTHOI.

3) This Time We'll Take It Slow: Prudie is nicer than I am.  Either STFU about the pacing or DTMFA.

4) Rock The Vote Or Else I'm Gonna Stick A Knife Through Your Eye: STFU and GTHOI or DTMFA.

5) Your Knights May Be Nice Boys, But Sadly We're All Goys: Sounds like STFU and MYOB is basically the nature of the relationship now.  I don't see any reason to change that.  Mazel tov.

6) When I Doubt, I Whip It Out: I say STFU and GTHOI.

7) Brenda And Eddie Had Had It Already By The Summer of '75 (Classic): I, too, have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.  But let it be said, yes, you are wrong.  I know what cancer does. Nobody deserves that.
 
2020-07-16 12:49:59 PM  

FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.


True in some ways. The problem being this country probably scared the living bejeezus out of her after Trumplethinskin was elected and started railing about the evil immigrants. More to the point though, if they thought they had to basically hold their grandson hostage instead of actually offering to help her, there's an issue. The fact that the kid was old enough to be left in their care, and her to be pregnant, when their son died, but she didn't feel enough a part of the family to accept help (if it was even offered) if she stayed is another glaring bad sign.

My friend moved to Poland, and baby arrived. Fast forward five years, mom is dead in an accident, he's got two kids, the Polish economy is kinda shiatty, and most of his in-laws treated him like shiat because he was not brawny handyman guy. They found out he was leaving and one of her brothers is threatening to beat him up, and his sister-in-law is offering to regularly hookup with him, to try and get him to stay. The irony being he wasn't moving far, just to France FFS. Not like the family couldn't have come visit the grandkids, or it would've been a difficult for him to show up every so often for the holidays. They just flew off the handle and cranked it up to 11.

The sister-in-law offer really creeped him out because she was 15 or 16 at the time.
 
2020-07-16 1:11:41 PM  

inglixthemad: FrancoFile: I really really wish people who write letters like this would do something to specify the country.

There's a world of difference between moving back to South Korea or Italy versus Afghanistan or Haiti.

True in some ways. The problem being this country probably scared the living bejeezus out of her after Trumplethinskin was elected and started railing about the evil immigrants. More to the point though, if they thought they had to basically hold their grandson hostage instead of actually offering to help her, there's an issue. The fact that the kid was old enough to be left in their care, and her to be pregnant, when their son died, but she didn't feel enough a part of the family to accept help (if it was even offered) if she stayed is another glaring bad sign.

My friend moved to Poland, and baby arrived. Fast forward five years, mom is dead in an accident, he's got two kids, the Polish economy is kinda shiatty, and most of his in-laws treated him like shiat because he was not brawny handyman guy. They found out he was leaving and one of her brothers is threatening to beat him up, and his sister-in-law is offering to regularly hookup with him, to try and get him to stay. The irony being he wasn't moving far, just to France FFS. Not like the family couldn't have come visit the grandkids, or it would've been a difficult for him to show up every so often for the holidays. They just flew off the handle and cranked it up to 11.

The sister-in-law offer really creeped him out because she was 15 or 16 at the time.


Agree to all of that.

Plenty of specific circumstances that can outweigh the question of whether the other country is in the midst of a shooting war, etc.

But data is always useful.
 
2020-07-16 3:36:13 PM  
inglixthemad:
The sister-in-law offer really creeped him out because she was 15 or 16 at the time.

Maybe that's ok in Poland.
 
2020-07-16 3:52:24 PM  

Joe Stapler: inglixthemad:
The sister-in-law offer really creeped him out because she was 15 or 16 at the time.

Maybe that's ok in Poland.


Maybe. Then again maybe she was being asked to let him fark her to keep him around. I saw pictures from the last Christmas his wife was around. His wife was pretty good looking, and her sister was (objectively speaking) even better looking. Legality, I have no idea, probably was legal at the time.

Regardless of legality or her looks, it just creeped him out. He knew her when she was 9, and that made it even creepier: He really thought of, and treated, her as a little sister.
 
2020-07-17 9:05:21 AM  
Help her. It's her child.
 
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