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(Global News (Canada))   Kayaker: "I thought I heard a fish splash to my left." Narrator: "It wasn't a fish"   (globalnews.ca) divider line
    More: Scary, English-language films, Kayaker Peter Joyce, American films, Paddle, Joyce's body, Kayak, close encounter, Canoeing  
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6568 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2020 at 12:52 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-15 10:15:00 PM  
"I soiled my armor I was so scared!"
 
2020-07-15 10:58:33 PM  
An alligator knocks you into the water murky water with it. What do you do?

He brought his kayack. He knew what he was paddling into.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-15 11:22:36 PM  
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-16 12:25:13 AM  
It was Shai-Hulud.

Dune (5/9) Movie CLIP - Sandworm Attack (1984) HD
Youtube 1G5jMgx8GVU
 
2020-07-16 12:32:58 AM  
Steve Erwin would have shoved his thumb is that crocs ass and showed it who's boss
 
2020-07-16 12:56:23 AM  
He might need a bigger boat. Just sayin'.
 
2020-07-16 12:57:44 AM  

fjnorton: Steve Erwin would have shoved his thumb is that crocs ass and showed it who's boss


Ned Beatty?
 
2020-07-16 1:01:24 AM  
The Muppet Movie (1979) - Bernie the Agent
Youtube qXcquTlnH2Y
 
2020-07-16 1:07:21 AM  
Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?
 
2020-07-16 1:11:08 AM  
Alligator rams kayak, flips man into river in hilarious video

/ftfm
 
2020-07-16 1:11:59 AM  

fjnorton: Steve Erwin would have shoved his thumb is that crocs ass and showed it who's boss


Yeah, but it was a gator !

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-16 1:13:00 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-16 1:43:43 AM  
I love the outdoors. But I've spent too many nervous nights at a bayous edge.

So in my leisure, I try not to play places where it's overly easy for me to turn into lunch.
 
2020-07-16 1:51:31 AM  
Oldest alligator fossils: 150 million years
Oldest flowering plants fossils: 130 million years

How much had the alligator changed in 150 million years?  Not much-it gets bigger when it needs to be bigger to compete, and it gets smaller when it needs to get smaller. As for grabbing shiat out of the water, it probably hasn't changed a thing during it's entire existence.  It's got that down.
 
2020-07-16 1:52:47 AM  

johnny_vegas: [i.gifer.com image 460x259] [View Full Size image _x_]


It bothers me that he is using what appears to be a Remington 10-22.  Most of the time it probably works well enough, but I would want something with a bit more striking power so the animal does not suffer.  Of course the 10-22 is a good way to keep your ammo price down.
 
2020-07-16 2:20:17 AM  
"It definitely made me think a little bit differently (about) what their capabilities are."

No shiat Sherlock!
 
2020-07-16 2:23:21 AM  
Alligator: How many rams does it take to get to the chewy center of a kayak?
 
2020-07-16 2:44:29 AM  
But it wasn't a fish.

IT WAS A FISH LOBSTER!!!

Fish lobster....

/got nothin but a block rockin' beer buzz
 
yms
2020-07-16 2:49:37 AM  
Alligator to the left of me,
Tree to the right, here I am
Stuck in a little canoe.
 
2020-07-16 4:54:55 AM  

mattj1984: Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?


well, hmm, i drank jager, and listened to born on the bayou, does that count?
 
2020-07-16 6:03:52 AM  

mattj1984: Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?


Scariest story?
Well, I was reading about this guy and his 8 year old son kayaking....

/glad you're still with us
//glad that you still have your son
///a life worth living isn't always risk-proof. Just be safe.
 
2020-07-16 6:27:57 AM  

winedrinkingman: johnny_vegas: [i.gifer.com image 460x259] [View Full Size image _x_]

It bothers me that he is using what appears to be a Remington 10-22.  Most of the time it probably works well enough, but I would want something with a bit more striking power so the animal does not suffer.  Of course the 10-22 is a good way to keep your ammo price down.


He's not trying to blast its head off. He's using an accurate, inexpensive, low-recoil round to hit the gator right in its little brain at close range.
 
2020-07-16 6:38:12 AM  

FutherMucker: fjnorton: Steve Erwin would have shoved his thumb is that crocs ass and showed it who's boss

Yeah, but it was a gator !

[Fark user image 400x224]


But can that gator dance like Gator?

media1.tenor.comView Full Size


I'll do it, I'll do it...
 
2020-07-16 7:27:59 AM  

mattj1984: Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?


Really glad you're ok. What you described annually kills a handful of people on my 'home' river, even in class I and II. Happened to me. Haven't gone around a bend blind in 30 years since.
Trees and snakes, those are my canoe yarns
 
2020-07-16 7:56:55 AM  
An alligator knocks you into the water murky water with it. What do you do?


Don't go kayaking in alligator infested waters in the first place.
 
2020-07-16 8:16:14 AM  

mattj1984: Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?



Almost identical situation happened to me when my son was about 10. We'd been paddling before, but we decided to rent him his own kayak for the day--this was just a relatively slow river in Michigan. He did great the whole day, 4 or 5 hours. Near the end of the trip, we came around a bend, and on the outside shore, a tree had fallen in the river. He got swept sideways and couldn't over-power the current to get around it, so he bailed out. I jumped out of my canoe and swam to him, managed to grab him by the lifejacket and toss him back to the center of the river, clearing the path of the tree, just as his kayak got jammed up under the tree, with the cockpit facing up-stream (thus becoming a huge water scoop). I stood on the fallen tree and tried to bounce the limbs and see if I could free it. Then it dawned on me that if a branch broke, that could be me under the tree. I had paracord, but no pulleys or blocks. I was cold and really freaked out anyway, so we just left it there. Had to go back to the rental place and explain where I 'left it'. Only charged me $200 for the replacement which, as far as I was concerned, was a bargain. I've been around water my whole life. This one freaked me out. I still have nightmares about how badly that could have turned out. Glad you and your son are alright.
 
2020-07-16 8:33:03 AM  
Next time the gator will do it right and have lunch.
 
2020-07-16 8:58:46 AM  
I've had one slap my jetski with his tail.  Didn't get that on vid, but did get this:
Just a few alligators
Youtube dBzMT_DGdH4
 
2020-07-16 9:01:03 AM  
That kayak is now filled with brown water....Not from the swamp...
 
2020-07-16 11:21:38 AM  
The lesson here is, never go into a waterway that might have gators in a boat small enough for a gator to capsize.
 
2020-07-16 11:31:37 AM  
OopsICrappedMyPants!
 
2020-07-16 11:39:11 AM  
When I was canoeing in the Everglades I encountered a young couple who were kayaking there. They passed me and went around the bend, then I hear a big splash and commotion. I raced to catch up to see what happened and it turns out an alligator had bitten into his paddle and pulled him out of the canoe. He was understandably freaking out but fortunately was not bitten himself.

In the incident his iphone fell into the water, not to be found... it was like the perfect setup for a "killer gator" movie... young couple in the wilds... cell phone gone so no help on the way.... weird old man (me)....
 
2020-07-16 12:56:06 PM  

mattj1984: Fellow floaters, what's YOUR scariest river story?

Just this past week my 8 year old son and I were floating a very far upstream stretch of the Gasconade River. Further up than outfitters take people. Came around a sharp bend to see a tree blocking nearly the whole width. No time to get around it. Flipped the kayak sideways and sank it. Somehow got my right leg pinned between the kayak and the tree with the full force of the river bending the kayak around my leg.

My son was very good. Got him up on the tree until I could pull and pull and pull till my foot popped out. Nothing broken. Got him to shore. Collected what gear I could. Didn't think to bring pulleys so I used ratchet straps to inch the kayak out from the log.

Set up camp nearby and rested. Found the rest of our gear the next morning downstream. Thought about continuing on but decided to end the trip at the next opportunity. Definitely the right decision cuz my foot's still a bit bruised.

How bout you guys?


hmmm... I got lots but I also spend 60-70 days a year on mild water and whitewater.

Scariest PERSONAL swim?

I was swept into a midrapid strainer and it caught a strap on my pfd... I was stuck under that logjam just deep enough so that I could barely reach above the surface.  I'll never forget looking up through that water and tree to the sky.

I scrambled for a handhold.  Held my wits enough to slowly "ladder climb" my way upstream and out until I could let the water wrap me around the tree to rest.  Water was about 53 degrees... I was weak and getting cold fast.  Finally shimmied my way up that tree... lost my boat.  Had to hike out of the canyon.

I have a buncha stories... not everyone made it out alive in all of them.
 
2020-07-16 7:21:32 PM  
Waccamaw River in Wilmington, N.C., not even once.
 
2020-07-17 12:27:38 AM  

bo_loo: I've had one slap my jetski with his tail.  Didn't get that on vid, but did get this:

[video of more alligator than water]


Jesus.

Every last one of them is waiting for you to make a tiny mistake and fall off your jetski.

one.  tiny.  mistake.
 
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