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(Bored Panda)   A long list of hilariously unrealistic expectations included in job postings. What's the worst one you've ever seen?   (boredpanda.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Employment, Labour economics, Wage slavery, job post, unrealistic expectations, Sebastin Ramrez, nightmare stories, Sebastin's post  
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787 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 14 Jul 2020 at 11:12 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-07-14 9:42:47 PM  
Entry Level listings requiring 5+ years of experience.
 
2020-07-14 10:18:36 PM  
My job description indicates that I should be able to lift fifty pounds unassisted, which I can do, but is hilarious since my job could be done by the Crypt Keeper parked in an office chair.
 
2020-07-14 10:29:19 PM  
I recall something in Flagstaff, AZ, early 90s. They wanted an MBA who spoke English and Chinese, at least 10 years experience, pay $19K per year.
 
2020-07-14 11:04:57 PM  
I remember in the 90's an ad asking for more years of HTML experience than HTML had existed.


/They were called ads back then, not postings.
//Lawn...etc.
///Stop looking at me
 
2020-07-14 11:59:09 PM  
I've gotten to the point in my career where I can finally bait a prospective employer with my expertise and then hold them over a barrel when they cry "but the ad said 'entry level'!"

It's pointless, except that it's deeply gratifying.
 
2020-07-15 12:04:47 AM  

Barfmaker: I remember in the 90's an ad asking for more years of HTML experience than HTML had existed.


/They were called ads back then, not postings.
//Lawn...etc.
///Stop looking at me


Same. 10 years of Java experience. In 2000.
 
2020-07-15 12:21:20 AM  
I see job ads wanting "happy, hard working, people".  FFS how am I ever going to get a job with that kind of discrimination!
 
2020-07-15 12:35:22 AM  
fark working, just buy more money
 
2020-07-15 1:56:59 AM  
On Indeed a search for almost anything semi-technical and entry level will mean at least two years experience which is not entry level.
 
2020-07-15 2:36:18 AM  
My favorite is when someone sends me an email claiming that they personally reviewed my resume and that I seem to be a great fit, then they ask me to write back if I have 7 years experience programming microcontrollers.

(Got a lot of those because I listed PIC as a hobby back in the day.)
 
2020-07-15 3:02:57 AM  

Carter Pewterschmidt: I see job ads wanting "happy, hard working, people".  FFS how am I ever going to get a job with that kind of discrimination!


When I see that I skip to the next one. Those places are owned by Karens and Boomers.
 
2020-07-15 4:01:27 AM  
We run a psych practice which included 20+ years of critical incident support. Think lotsa blood, guts, puking, and steam hoses. Some of the clients had been involved in 10+ fatalities.

The biggest obstacles we faced were dealing with HR departments. They often contained persons whose personalities would have made them a shoe-in for a cabinet position with D2S...
 
2020-07-15 4:16:41 AM  

aerojockey: My favorite is when someone sends me an email claiming that they personally reviewed my resume and that I seem to be a great fit, then they ask me to write back if I have 7 years experience programming microcontrollers.

(Got a lot of those because I listed PIC as a hobby back in the day.)


Yeah I get a lot of those "you look like a great fit" emails from recruiters on LinkedIn.  Translation:  I did a keyword search and your name came up.    Usually it's generic stuff like "Java" or "Scrum", but sometimes it's surprising what will get a bite.

Not long ago a recruiter emailed me to say their client was really interested in me because of my expertise in Brazilian culture.  (I did spend a month in Brazil recently, and mentioned it somewhere on my LinkedIn profile, but I barely speak Portuguese.)  It actually seemed like a potentially interesting job (there was a technical side that wasn't a bad fit)  so I replied positively (while fully disclosing the limits of my Brazilian experience), and he kept up the  "they really love you" for a week or so, then he suddenly stopped writing.  I'm guessing he finally presented my resume to the client, and they laughed in his face.

I've erased a few things from my resume because they come up often in keyword searches used by really shiatty places to work.
 
2020-07-15 9:41:53 AM  
Last time i was looking for a job i had a number of phone interviews. here SOME of the low-lights.

Would-be Employer #1:
"So you have 10yrs experience troubleshooting and repairing mass spectrometers, familiar with LC and GC chromatography, you've trained new staff and worked with the team that develops analytical method for production in the lab. You know all the analytical software we use and have set up QC monitoring programs for you lab  Great, you are exactly what we are looking for.  We can offer you a 1 year temp, 1 week of vacation, no health care and 40% of your current salary.  How does that sound?"

Would-be Employer #1:
"I know the salary is quite a bit less than you are used to, and frankly below industry average for your experience level and i can't offer you medical coverage for 6 months but if you work here your kids can go to college for free when they are older."    The college wasn't/isn't exactly known for being all that great and since my kid was only 18months old at the time i pointed out that if i stayed at my current salary, and didn't get a single raise for the next 18 years I would come out ahead even if i had to pay their full rate tuition. "Yeah, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't realize that" he said.

At the time Employer:
The head of the Department of Laboratory Medicine and Pathology approached me about a promotion opportunity.  He had already contacted HR and told them to make it happen if i wanted the job.  I go to HR with my lab manager to get the details. "So we're really excited about this.  We don't have any desk space for you now, and because of the sample load we're going to need you to work off hours and weekends when the systems are free. The position is a salaried and that comes with a $1800/year pay bump."  I pointed out that with overtime and shift differentials that i currently got from working off hours and weekends keeping the systems going that pay raise would is actually about a 8% loss. "Well this is what the position pays and we can't change that" they said. I reminded them that they were the ones that actually determines what the pay is and they definitely could change it.  They opted for not bothering and I passed.

In all three cases the interviewer already knew my current salary, weeks of PTO, etc and they came at me with these bullshiat offers anyway.  When i hear employers complain about how they can't find qualified people their cheapness is almost certainly why. Luckily, I eventually found a good job with people who don't fark around and know how to get shiat done.

Just a few months after i left i found out that a bunch of people followed me out the door and the lab was now so understaffed that they told everyone that no vacation time would be allowed until at least the end of Q1. Not surprisingly a bunch more left within weeks of that announcement. Because the hospital allowed people to accrue 2 years worth of PTO and we frankly got a ton per year (I was up to 6 weeks/year and nowhere near the max) the PTO buyouts from people leaving cost the lab something like 1.5 times their normal salary costs for the year even though they were at 70% staffing.
 
2020-07-15 9:45:38 AM  

general tso: Carter Pewterschmidt: I see job ads wanting "happy, hard working, people".  FFS how am I ever going to get a job with that kind of discrimination!

When I see that I skip to the next one. Those places are owned by Karens and Boomers.


take the job while you look for something better.  during your exit interview when they ask you why you are leaving say you realize that what you want in a job is an environment where everyone is happy and works hard and that just didn't seem to be the case there.
 
2020-07-15 11:50:50 AM  
I give the Entry Level category a pass. That is frequently the only non-supervisory option. Some positions have no direct reports but require significant experience.
 
2020-07-15 12:52:50 PM  
I saw a listing for a temp attorney (yes, they exist) who was required to have extensive experience with IT/technology law and who was fluent in Hindi/Urdu.  The thing that got me is that the posting said that the agency would pay "the market rate."  What's the "market rate" for that?  Most lawyers who have that particular skill set are already employed - those are highly marketable skills, after all.  If there's a lawyer out there who (a) has the technical background and (b) the language skills and (c) is unemployed and looking for temp work, then that person can probably set the "market rate" because it's likely that person is the only one out there who fits all those criteria.
 
2020-07-15 2:46:00 PM  
Not long ago, I saw a job board posting for an electronics assembler position that had a veritable laundry list of responsibilities and requirements... for minimum wage.

/Good luck with that.
//Not in a cheap area of town, either.
 
2020-07-15 6:41:42 PM  

moresugar: I saw a listing for a temp attorney (yes, they exist) who was required to have extensive experience with IT/technology law and who was fluent in Hindi/Urdu.  The thing that got me is that the posting said that the agency would pay "the market rate."  What's the "market rate" for that?  Most lawyers who have that particular skill set are already employed - those are highly marketable skills, after all.  If there's a lawyer out there who (a) has the technical background and (b) the language skills and (c) is unemployed and looking for temp work, then that person can probably set the "market rate" because it's likely that person is the only one out there who fits all those criteria.


Code for "as little as we can possibly offer to get you to accept."  Saw some 'interesting' interviews where people would start with "You'll get a crust of bread each evening and a new coat on St. Swiggin's Day every year!" and end up with an actual decent salary when I politely told them to go piss up a rope.

/never took them anyway
//it was at a time when I had choices
///and if they were gonna try to UPIA me walking in the door, they sure as hell were gonna keep right up with that trend if I'd taken the job
 
2020-07-16 3:14:49 AM  
I did a small project with ColdFusion around 1998 and put it in my resume as filler for a couple years.  I still get random emails about it.

On the flip side I interviewed someone about 2 weeks after Windows XP came out who claimed to have a year's experience with it.
 
2020-07-16 4:51:36 AM  
I saw an ad once for someone "25 or under" with a college degree in whatever field it was and 5 years of experience. Not impossible, but a very tight fit where I live. It means you have to graduate high school at 17 (bright enough to skip a year or turning 18 in July), finish college in 3 years (no sabbatical and no do-overs) and start working straight away (no travelling Europe for the summer unless your birthday is in October or later).

tom baker's scarf: When i hear employers complain about how they can't find qualified people their cheapness is almost certainly why.


Not sure it's always (only) that around here. I have tried to hire IT staff (as a government agency) and we usually get between 0 and 1 applicants. And if that 1 candidate for a PHP job "would have to look it up" on his technical test because he "hasn't written anything in PHP for months", well, no thanks. Salaries aren't negotiable but we offer more PTO than the private sector and better conditions for retirement.

Two years ago, I got a call from a recruiter. A startup was looking for developers, and he got my cellular number from my dad. Which means he called my parents' landline first. The only way to link my parents' landline to my CS degree is a list of college alumni. Anything more recent would have included my number. This was twelve years after I graduated. I assume they worked their way back in time if it's for an entry level job with a startup. Which means eleven years worth of alumni didn't yield a suitable candidate. They couldn't offer me the kind of money I'm making now, and the PTO wouldn't be what I'm used to. So yes, they couldn't hire me partly because of their cheapness. Even with the same pay, the PTO would've killed it for me. Even with the pay and PTO, I wouldn't have taken the job because the location was very inconvenient for combining the commute with the school run. Even not being cheap couldn't have hired me. But if I had taken the job, my current employer would have an opening for which 0 or 1 candidates would apply. There seems to be a shortage of qualified candidates to go around.
 
2020-07-16 10:31:09 AM  

turboke: I saw an ad once for someone "25 or under" with a college degree in whatever field it was and 5 years of experience. Not impossible, but a very tight fit where I live. It means you have to graduate high school at 17 (bright enough to skip a year or turning 18 in July), finish college in 3 years (no sabbatical and no do-overs) and start working straight away (no travelling Europe for the summer unless your birthday is in October or later).

tom baker's scarf: When i hear employers complain about how they can't find qualified people their cheapness is almost certainly why.

Not sure it's always (only) that around here. I have tried to hire IT staff (as a government agency) and we usually get between 0 and 1 applicants. And if that 1 candidate for a PHP job "would have to look it up" on his technical test because he "hasn't written anything in PHP for months", well, no thanks. Salaries aren't negotiable but we offer more PTO than the private sector and better conditions for retirement.

Two years ago, I got a call from a recruiter. A startup was looking for developers, and he got my cellular number from my dad. Which means he called my parents' landline first. The only way to link my parents' landline to my CS degree is a list of college alumni. Anything more recent would have included my number. This was twelve years after I graduated. I assume they worked their way back in time if it's for an entry level job with a startup. Which means eleven years worth of alumni didn't yield a suitable candidate. They couldn't offer me the kind of money I'm making now, and the PTO wouldn't be what I'm used to. So yes, they couldn't hire me partly because of their cheapness. Even with the same pay, the PTO would've killed it for me. Even with the pay and PTO, I wouldn't have taken the job because the location was very inconvenient for combining the commute with the school run. Even not being cheap couldn't have hired me. But if I had taken the job, my current employer would have an ...


That's... illegal? Like, instant lawsuit illegal. It never ceases to amaze me how often idiots put illegal clauses in job postings, that they presumably want as many people as possible to see.
 
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