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(Buzzfeed)   I guess I should take Cheese off my reference list   (buzzfeed.com) divider line
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1762 clicks; posted to Business » on 13 Jul 2020 at 11:36 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



44 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-13 8:53:56 PM  
My friend who was unemployed or doing temp jobs for years sent me his resume. The entire thing was in all capitals. Under each job was a wall of text describing what he did. No punctuation or anything.

I figure he must have lied on his previous resumes to get those jobs.

Still, it's not as bad as the roommate who was shocked when she was fired from a teaching job after she lied about having a degree and ten years of experience.
 
2020-07-13 10:14:17 PM  
"I received a résumé that was just his high school football accomplishments - no other experience written down. There was even a link to his highlight video. He also included a head shot of him in his football pads. He was 24."

Uncle Rico?
 
2020-07-13 10:32:53 PM  

LordOfThePings: "I received a résumé that was just his high school football accomplishments - no other experience written down. There was even a link to his highlight video. He also included a head shot of him in his football pads. He was 24."

Uncle Rico?


I was thinking Al Bundy
 
2020-07-13 11:41:34 PM  
Speaking of writing samples, how many employers really use "they" to refer to a single person?
 
2020-07-14 12:06:20 AM  
Corn Pop, too
 
2020-07-14 12:12:26 AM  

cyberspacedout: Speaking of writing samples, how many employers really use "they" to refer to a single person?


I'd imagine plenty?  Assuming gender is irrelevant to the conversation/whatever, why not?
 
2020-07-14 12:29:32 AM  
My CSB:

I worked with a guy who started bragging about how he lied on his resume on his third day - said that he had no experience with half of the technical skills he listed. When I pointed out that lying on your resume was grounds for termination according to the hiring contract everyone signs, he told me he knew Taekwondo and, "You know I can kick you in the mouth, right?"

After a couple months of bullshiat like that I'd had enough and told our manager about his lying and his multiple violent threats - not that he ever carried out a threat, but they occurred daily. Boss-man chuckled and said, "Well, yeah, it's not big deal. Don't worry about it. I like him. He's a winner."

That company no longer exists, so it goes. Never heard of either of those morons again.
 
2020-07-14 12:35:04 AM  
The headline made me think surrender monkeys were at large.
 
2020-07-14 12:36:28 AM  

Unscratchable_Itch: My CSB:

I worked with a guy who started bragging about how he lied on his resume on his third day - said that he had no experience with half of the technical skills he listed. When I pointed out that lying on your resume was grounds for termination according to the hiring contract everyone signs, he told me he knew Taekwondo and, "You know I can kick you in the mouth, right?"

After a couple months of bullshiat like that I'd had enough and told our manager about his lying and his multiple violent threats - not that he ever carried out a threat, but they occurred daily. Boss-man chuckled and said, "Well, yeah, it's not big deal. Don't worry about it. I like him. He's a winner."

That company no longer exists, so it goes. Never heard of either of those morons again.


Heh... oh no - he knows teh karatay!  I'll bet you were terrified and stuff
 
2020-07-14 12:42:09 AM  
"Had a reference from someone simply known as 'Cheese.'"

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-14 1:01:44 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-14 1:41:53 AM  
I once had someone I hadn't exchanged more that a few sentences with list me as her direct report for a position she never held.

CS,B:

I used to manage the computer labs at a small college, and one day the group receptionist calls back:

"Max? There's a gentleman from the Drug Enforcement Agency here to see you..."

My co-workers all looked at me like "we *knew* this day was coming!""

Guy looked the part too... Sharp black suit, dark glasses, military bearing, looked like Ving Rhames' big brother.

He was there to check references / clearances for an applicant.

Turns out that a student had listed herself as working for me as a lab aide because she had (unsolicited) helped a few people with computer problems in the open lab. I didn't even know this girl's name. Pretty sure she didn't get the job.
 
2020-07-14 1:45:19 AM  
Down with the Sickness (Richard Cheese Cover)
Youtube at02Fvdhk2I
 
2020-07-14 1:48:07 AM  

Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 750x696]


Hell it ought to rate as a job.  If nothing else, if you weren't a total failure at it you need minimal supervision, and are capable of dealing with distracting environments, bureaucratic bullshiat, and mind-numbing boredom.
 
2020-07-14 2:33:47 AM  
I saw a resume once that was seven pages long, and included lots of irrelevant crap, like what teams he played for in Junior C hockey.
 
2020-07-14 2:33:50 AM  
Can I still use Prop Joe?
 
2020-07-14 2:48:40 AM  
"Their computer skills were copy and paste."

...so, the average StackOverflow "developer," then?
 
2020-07-14 2:51:59 AM  

cyberspacedout: Speaking of writing samples, how many employers really use "they" to refer to a single person?


The ones aware that "they" is an appropriate singular first-person genderless pronoun. In this day & age of gender issues, using "they" and "their" is rather handy, especially when providing corporate communications to a diverse workforce.
 
2020-07-14 3:40:41 AM  
Once got an application from a teenager whose email was stonergirl69@...
 
2020-07-14 4:21:01 AM  

Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 750x696]


Holy sh*t
 
2020-07-14 4:21:26 AM  

toddalmighty: Once got an application from a teenager whose email was stonergirl69@...


Well, maybe she was born in 1969 and her last name was Stoner.

/ got nuthin
 
2020-07-14 5:48:18 AM  
Years ago, a friend of mine forwarded me a resume he received.  The guy was Asian, and his email address was (in part) a racial slur about Asians.  We had a good laugh about how ignorant he had to be to think that was appropriate to put on the resume.

/he didn't get the job
 
2020-07-14 7:01:41 AM  

bingethinker: I saw a resume once that was seven pages long, and included lots of irrelevant crap, like what teams he played for in Junior C hockey.


Pretty much any resume I get from anyone from India is at least seven pages long.  I had to tell our recruiter to not accept any resume more than four pages once.  The longest resume I got from someone was 25 pages.  25 pages!
 
2020-07-14 7:15:45 AM  
Slim Charles already took care of that

i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-14 7:23:27 AM  

Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image image 750x696]


That's some high level Dependa
 
2020-07-14 7:24:11 AM  
What about Peperoney?
 
2020-07-14 7:31:08 AM  

cyberspacedout: Speaking of writing samples, how many employers really use "they" to refer to a single person?


Use "they" or "it" instead of "he" or "she" to avoid getting sued.

Also, how much Cheese is too much Cheese?
 
2020-07-14 7:34:03 AM  

Visual Howlaround Title Sequence: toddalmighty: Once got an application from a teenager whose email was stonergirl69@...

Well, maybe she was born in 1969 and her last name was Stoner.

/ got nuthin


Most teenagers didn't have email between 1982 and 1988.
 
2020-07-14 7:59:53 AM  
Our local PD apparently verifies everything including landlord references. A couple years ago I received a letter asking for verification that an applicant was renting from me and was a good tenant. I wrote "sorry but I've never heard of this person, and I've owned this house for eight years" and faxed it back. It creeped me out a bit that some stranger had listed my address on their job application.
 
2020-07-14 8:14:51 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 750x696]

Hell it ought to rate as a job.  If nothing else, if you weren't a total failure at it you need minimal supervision, and are capable of dealing with distracting environments, bureaucratic bullshiat, and mind-numbing boredom.


Also shows you can flexibly and enthusiastically handle multiple positions under a variety of personnel.
 
2020-07-14 8:45:30 AM  
Maybe they meant Allison Brie.
 
2020-07-14 9:32:06 AM  
worked in a call center years ago. A decent percentage were people on probation. Made friends with this one guy in particular.  Great guy, nice, reserved and a good conversationalist.  Turns out like in the article, he went to jail for murder. Walked in on his wife and lover going at it. killed the guy. Not sure if my co-worker and his wife ever got back together.  Might be the guy in the article, who knows.

/the stories from that job are some of the best.
 
2020-07-14 9:39:54 AM  

davidphogan: My friend who was unemployed or doing temp jobs for years sent me his resume. The entire thing was in all capitals. Under each job was a wall of text describing what he did. No punctuation or anything.

I figure he must have lied on his previous resumes to get those jobs.

Still, it's not as bad as the roommate who was shocked when she was fired from a teaching job after she lied about having a degree and ten years of experience.


But you need a State number to teach at most schools I'm guessing this was a Private school.
 
2020-07-14 10:03:32 AM  
I knew Cheese in college.  He was a stand up guy that would do anything for you.  He's a Doctor now.
 
2020-07-14 10:57:11 AM  
media3.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-14 11:13:21 AM  

davidphogan: Still, it's not as bad as the roommate who was shocked when she was fired from a teaching job after she lied about having a degree and ten years of experience.


But did she identify as being experienced? Maybe that's where she went wrong.
 
2020-07-14 11:28:06 AM  

toetag: worked in a call center years ago. A decent percentage were people on probation. Made friends with this one guy in particular.  Great guy, nice, reserved and a good conversationalist.  Turns out like in the article, he went to jail for murder. Walked in on his wife and lover going at it. killed the guy. Not sure if my co-worker and his wife ever got back together.  Might be the guy in the article, who knows.


Um, I'm guessing the guy was older?
 
2020-07-14 11:32:21 AM  

some_beer_drinker: [media3.giphy.com image 480x200] [View Full Size image _x_]


Came here for this, got excited I would be the first one until just before the end...

Nicely done.

This has some nonsense names:
Tom Segura: Completely Normal - The First 48
Youtube 0kM7aXofMC4
 
2020-07-14 11:32:59 AM  
OldJames:

This has some nonsense names:

Skip ahead to 2:48...

Whoops
 
2020-07-14 12:39:15 PM  

maxheck: I once had someone I hadn't exchanged more that a few sentences with list me as her direct report for a position she never held.

CS,B:

I used to manage the computer labs at a small college, and one day the group receptionist calls back:

"Max? There's a gentleman from the Drug Enforcement Agency here to see you..."

My co-workers all looked at me like "we *knew* this day was coming!""

Guy looked the part too... Sharp black suit, dark glasses, military bearing, looked like Ving Rhames' big brother.

He was there to check references / clearances for an applicant.

Turns out that a student had listed herself as working for me as a lab aide because she had (unsolicited) helped a few people with computer problems in the open lab. I didn't even know this girl's name. Pretty sure she didn't get the job.


Heh.  Similar thing happened to me only it was with a friend / former co-worker who applied to the State Department for overseas work.  FBI agent showed up and asked for me at the front desk and did that cause some odd looks / whispers from staff.  The friend did get the job and made a career out of it retiring a few years ago.

/csb
 
2020-07-14 12:48:04 PM  
*erases "Spider" from references section of resume*


A guy I used to supervise moved to Germany and was applying for jobs there. Listed me as a reference (he called to ask first). I didn't think much about it at the time, but then I got a random phone call from a German number. Surprisingly for a German, the HR person for this company didn't speak good English, and I had to fumble my way through my old high school German to figure out what she wanted. Good times.
 
2020-07-14 1:20:58 PM  
"Their computer skills were copy and paste."

Found the developer.
 
2020-07-14 3:11:28 PM  

Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 750x696]



Ugh, that is so irritating.

Enlisted wives - primarily the Dependapotamuses - were bad enough, but the high-ranking officers' wives were worse.
 
2020-07-14 7:42:38 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 750x696]


Ugh, that is so irritating.

Enlisted wives - primarily the Dependapotamuses - were bad enough, but the high-ranking officers' wives were worse.


"You will address me by my husband's rank!"
 
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