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(The Onion)   I'm SO glad somebody finally found the man responsible for all of those COVID-19 deaths   (theonion.com) divider line
    More: Satire, Death, police reports, White House Press Secretary, Infectious disease, anonymous phone call, country's coronavirus deaths, Trump administration, Infectious Diseases director's home  
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5265 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 13 Jul 2020 at 10:36 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-13 10:18:24 PM  
It could be worse. During Captain Kirk's five year mission a total of 94 Enterprise crew members were killed. That averages out to about 19 people per year. The ship's standard complement was 430 crew-members.
That means that the ship lost 4.4 percent of her crew each year! That's if the deaths were happening at a somewhat constant rate. But, maybe 20 or so died all at once. Like, they all got eaten by salt vampires or something. Still, over the entire five years, 22 percent of the crew died!
And Kirk got a promotion!
 
2020-07-13 10:37:30 PM  
Master criminal Fanthony Ouchee!
 
2020-07-13 10:41:40 PM  
I am Spartacus.
 
2020-07-13 10:45:23 PM  
This is just too dumb for the Onion, at least compared to the Onion stuff that usually reaches me under my rock.
 
2020-07-13 10:45:56 PM  
Word on the street is his accomplice is invisible
 
2020-07-13 10:46:14 PM  
i.redd.itView Full Size


Trump is winning them all! MAGA, baby!
 
2020-07-13 10:47:18 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 10:50:02 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


That's a REALLY big bed, and it would still fail to cover the extra 30k bodies.
 
2020-07-13 10:53:39 PM  
Trump should build a wall of bodies and make Antifa pay for it!
 
2020-07-13 10:57:28 PM  
Kids in the Hall: Cause of Cancer
Youtube gJ7uXqRWx84
 
2020-07-13 10:58:26 PM  

pup.socket: This is just too dumb for the Onion, at least compared to the Onion stuff that usually reaches me under my rock.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 11:02:09 PM  
That's funny, now somebody pull my finger.
 
2020-07-13 11:02:58 PM  
On a serious note Trump did in cat have operatives in wuhan to release the virus and other operatives from there were sent on airplanes to different countries after being infected.His plan was to rule the world and decrease the population by a third.he as all war mongers would then come in to vanquish his enemies.
he also started this by not helping Blue states and having the Government agencies deflect the PPE to his son's enterprises and his friends enterprises. Now here we are at a time he wants open everything thus furthering his cause of death worldwide.He is an egomaniac and must be stopped AT ALL COSTS.
The further proof of this is his starting of more race riots now global. Think CI A operatives disrupting foreign governments in the past. Oh Wait well Rusia DID in fact put him in office and like kennedy's death we will never know the truth . Why ? because Lyndon Johnson yes he was KKK "driven" as a white man and all the elite want the Black man and poor white subjugated to the government itself. Only his nemesis the True party The Democrats can save us but i despair that the sheeple are drunk on his Jim Jones style of leading.
 
2020-07-13 11:04:33 PM  
Lol, I remember in the early days of this when some Farkers were calling Dr. Fauci Trump's stooge.
 
2020-07-13 11:06:13 PM  
cat shuld have been fact sorry phone typing is hard
 
2020-07-13 11:07:25 PM  

Idiot Stick Bearer: cat shuld have been fact sorry phone typing is hard


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 11:09:10 PM  

Idiot Stick Bearer: cat shuld have been fact sorry phone typing is hard


Corona cat approves.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 11:17:34 PM  

Darth Funjamin: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/gJ7uXqRW​x84]


Came to post that myself.  Thanks for saving me the trouble.
 
2020-07-13 11:19:38 PM  

phrawgh: It could be worse. During Captain Kirk's five year mission a total of 94 Enterprise crew members were killed. That averages out to about 19 people per year. The ship's standard complement was 430 crew-members.
That means that the ship lost 4.4 percent of her crew each year! That's if the deaths were happening at a somewhat constant rate. But, maybe 20 or so died all at once. Like, they all got eaten by salt vampires or something. Still, over the entire five years, 22 percent of the crew died!
And Kirk got a promotion!


I love you.
 
2020-07-13 11:23:35 PM  

WastrelWay: I am Spartacus.


I am Groot! Hi!
 
2020-07-13 11:25:42 PM  
The White Cotton gloves have come off at The Onion! Usually their wit is a dry subtle wit which has nothing whatsoever to do with The Donald.
 
2020-07-13 11:25:59 PM  

Mister Buttons: [Fark user image image 266x189]

That's a REALLY big bed, and it would still fail to cover the extra 30k bodies.


Do you know what the difference is?
 
2020-07-13 11:26:48 PM  

169th Cousin: [Fark user image 425x342]


I can imagine bored CIA agents waiting all day for just such an opportunity.
 
2020-07-13 11:40:44 PM  
About time!!!!!


Too bad they've got the wrong guy!!!!
 
2020-07-13 11:45:36 PM  

brantgoose: 169th Cousin: [Fark user image 425x342]

I can imagine bored CIA agents waiting all day for just such an opportunity.


If that poor bastard was actually paranoid before...
 
2020-07-13 11:46:07 PM  

phrawgh: Captain Kirk's five year mission


That's yet another thing that lasted longer than the Confederacy.
 
2020-07-14 12:11:47 AM  

phrawgh: It could be worse. During Captain Kirk's five year mission a total of 94 Enterprise crew members were killed. That averages out to about 19 people per year. The ship's standard complement was 430 crew-members.
That means that the ship lost 4.4 percent of her crew each year! That's if the deaths were happening at a somewhat constant rate. But, maybe 20 or so died all at once. Like, they all got eaten by salt vampires or something. Still, over the entire five years, 22 percent of the crew died!
And Kirk got a promotion!


You have to take into account that nearly all Starfleet admirals seen onscreen are corrupt, incompetent, and/or arrogant jackholes.

Yet more proof that Starfleet is mostly a jobs program for malcontents who can't or won't live in a post-scarcity utopian society.
 
2020-07-14 12:23:33 AM  

brantgoose: 169th Cousin: [Fark user image 425x342]

I can imagine bored CIA agents waiting all day for just such an opportunity.


So simple and quick a reply has an efficient paranoia output too.
 
2020-07-14 12:25:42 AM  

Parthenogenetic: phrawgh: It could be worse. During Captain Kirk's five year mission a total of 94 Enterprise crew members were killed. That averages out to about 19 people per year. The ship's standard complement was 430 crew-members.
That means that the ship lost 4.4 percent of her crew each year! That's if the deaths were happening at a somewhat constant rate. But, maybe 20 or so died all at once. Like, they all got eaten by salt vampires or something. Still, over the entire five years, 22 percent of the crew died!
And Kirk got a promotion!

You have to take into account that nearly all Starfleet admirals seen onscreen are corrupt, incompetent, and/or arrogant jackholes.

Yet more proof that Starfleet is mostly a jobs program for malcontents who can't or won't live in a post-scarcity utopian society.


Plus Steve was a right dickbag, always following the TPS report rules, glad we recommended him to Starfleet.
 
2020-07-14 12:41:50 AM  

Mister Buttons: Idiot Stick Bearer: cat shuld have been fact sorry phone typing is hard

Corona cat approves.

[Fark user image 850x477]


He looks like one of those "black and white lives matter" types...
 
2020-07-14 12:53:53 AM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: Mister Buttons: [Fark user image image 266x189]

That's a REALLY big bed, and it would still fail to cover the extra 30k bodies.

Do you know what the difference is?


Qucik google search gave me "Michigan Stadium" with 105k capacity  I just ran with it from there.
 
2020-07-14 8:00:29 AM  
😶😶😶😶😐😑
 
2020-07-14 8:24:27 AM  

phrawgh: It could be worse. During Captain Kirk's five year mission a total of 94 Enterprise crew members were killed. That averages out to about 19 people per year. The ship's standard complement was 430 crew-members.
That means that the ship lost 4.4 percent of her crew each year! That's if the deaths were happening at a somewhat constant rate. But, maybe 20 or so died all at once. Like, they all got eaten by salt vampires or something. Still, over the entire five years, 22 percent of the crew died!
And Kirk got a promotion!


You might enjoy this novel...
media-amazon.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-14 12:01:48 PM  
Don't for a second think they wouldn't try.
 
2020-07-14 2:28:06 PM  

Mister Buttons: Idiot Stick Bearer: cat shuld have been fact sorry phone typing is hard

Corona cat approves.

[Fark user image image 850x477]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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