Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Insider)   Think soccer players are only divers and fakers? England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury   (insider.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Liverpool F.C., Liverpool FC's former doctor, Steven Gerrard, attention of Andrew Massey, Stitch, England legend Steven Gerrard's penis, 2005 UEFA Champions League Final, 2006 FA Cup Final  
•       •       •

234 clicks; posted to Sports » on 13 Jul 2020 at 1:05 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-13 1:07:29 PM  
I thought they were tossers and sheep-shaggers
 
2020-07-13 1:23:48 PM  
Ouch.
 
2020-07-13 1:25:56 PM  
The act of pointing out the exception inadvertently proves the rule, Subby. Either accept what soccer is or shame that shiat out of existence, one or the other but you do not get to pretend that the flopping reputation is not richly deserved.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Have some respect for yourselves.
 
2020-07-13 1:35:35 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 1:37:09 PM  

WoodyHayes: Have some respect for yourselves.


what part of the word "only" is so hard to understand?

soccer injuries are real and armored eggball players also fake to get calls, woodrow
 
2020-07-13 1:38:09 PM  
i know we don't RTFA around here, but at least we should be able to get five words into the headlines
 
2020-07-13 1:39:53 PM  
England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?
 
2020-07-13 1:41:53 PM  

little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?


username checks out

but also: headline is headlinese
 
2020-07-13 1:48:12 PM  
thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 1:59:20 PM  
And came back to finish the match. Braver than that Terry Butcher wimp...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 2:00:09 PM  

medius: WoodyHayes: Have some respect for yourselves.

what part of the word "only" is so hard to understand?

soccer injuries are real and armored eggball players also fake to get calls, woodrow


I will concede penis injuries would be no joke. But in return I'd like you to admit soccer has no legitimate gameplay strategy where players are lancing each other with penises (at least during the match).
 
2020-07-13 2:01:29 PM  
Reportedly, the doctor came into the room and exclaimed, "What's all this then?'
 
2020-07-13 2:03:04 PM  

BlazeTrailer: But in return I'd like you to admit soccer has no legitimate gameplay strategy where players are lancing each other with penises (at least during the match).


ah, this must be some of that famous USAmerican logic 

at the center of every galaxy brain is a super massive singularity sucking in all light
 
2020-07-13 2:25:50 PM  
I tried to watch some soccer the other day and had to turn it off because of how ingrained the blatent diving has become. It's pathetic.
 
2020-07-13 2:28:55 PM  

albertmdh: I tried to watch some soccer the other day and had to turn it off because of how ingrained the blatent diving has become. It's pathetic.


Which league? Because despite being lower quality play, MLS generally has less diving.
 
2020-07-13 2:34:17 PM  

medius: soccer injuries are real and armored eggball players also fake to get calls, woodrow


There's diving in every sport. Not an argument.  The frequency of diving in professional (male in particular) soccer is horrendous.  Someone touches your shoulder with their shoulder and you dive on the ground and roll 15 meters as if they ripped your heart from your chest like the voodoo priest in Indiana Jones.  Then of course, miraculously, the hand of god replaces your heart 18 seconds later and you're back to full game readiness.
 
2020-07-13 2:36:33 PM  
they learn it from their elders

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 2:38:59 PM  

toetag: roll 15 meters as if they ripped your heart from your chest like the voodoo priest in Indiana Jones.


really need judges to score the performances

usually when they're really hurt they act like normal human beings would

unless, like, half their leg (or penis( is hanging by a thread 

but it's like in basketball, if they don't react to a foul then it doesn't get called which naturally progresses to [over]reacting to fouls, real or imagined or non-existent in any realm of fact or fiction
 
2020-07-13 3:00:35 PM  

medius: toetag: roll 15 meters as if they ripped your heart from your chest like the voodoo priest in Indiana Jones.

really need judges to score the performances

usually when they're really hurt they act like normal human beings would

unless, like, half their leg (or penis( is hanging by a thread 

but it's like in basketball, if they don't react to a foul then it doesn't get called which naturally progresses to [over]reacting to fouls, real or imagined or non-existent in any realm of fact or fiction


I can't speak for basketball.  But, I've never actually seen someone flop/fake for injury in baseball, tennis, cycling, swimming, or track and field events.

Football?  Eh... punters and kickers in football are not really football players.  Outside of those guys, I don't see much at all in flopping/faking injuries to try to get a penalty on the other team.  Certainly there is some fake injury for clock stoppage.  But, even that happens in a very small aspect of the game near the end of the game.

Hockey, rugby, wrestling (real wrestling)?  MWHAHAHAHA.  No.

But, soccer?  It's a bit much.  To the point that it has become a meme and a stereotype that requires some soccer fanatics to defend against it.  As the penalty system in soccer is set up that the unintended consequence encourages this type of behavior, let's not pretend that soccer isn't the pinnacle of drama-based overreaction in the category of the Flop.

I'm not saying that soccer isn't a rough sport.  Let's just not pretend.
 
2020-07-13 3:02:26 PM  

Magnus: tennis


Novak and others pull up lame all the time.

Nice list of non-contact sports you've got there, btw.
 
2020-07-13 3:05:21 PM  
receivers in football play up contact all the time trying to draw fouls -- just because you ignore it with the play stoppage every 5 seconds and commercials every 30, doesn't mean it isn't happening

where there is a soft spot in regulation, players will take advantage, that's just the way it is

the reason you don't see american men or any women players flop as much as established soccer nations and pro teams is because for them the game isn't the game but rather trying to earn respect
 
2020-07-13 3:08:25 PM  
ruggers fake as well as cheat in other ways, so bullshiat

hockey player have those little dances where they box for no reason -- i'm sure they play up hooking and checks too to get people in the penalty box

"real" wrestlers also have their invisible ways of cheating - for them, faking injury cannot be on because it would mean they would get pinned
 
2020-07-13 3:17:50 PM  

toetag: medius: soccer injuries are real and armored eggball players also fake to get calls, woodrow

There's diving in every sport. Not an argument.  The frequency of diving in professional (male in particular) soccer is horrendous.  Someone touches your shoulder with their shoulder and you dive on the ground and roll 15 meters as if they ripped your heart from your chest like the voodoo priest in Indiana Jones.  Then of course, miraculously, the hand of god replaces your heart 18 seconds later and you're back to full game readiness.


In curling?  Five Fark points to whomever turns up a major-league flop in curling.
 
2020-07-13 3:19:01 PM  
Brad Gushue Falls on the Ice (the angle they stopped showing)
Youtube MlYGaPTGII8
 
2020-07-13 3:19:07 PM  

little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?


British English is far richer than the watered down dialect you spew out. Going to hospital and going to the hospital have distinct meanings. That you don't understand the difference demonstrates this.
 
2020-07-13 3:20:09 PM  

Swiss Colony: little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?

British English is far richer than the watered down dialect you spew out. Going to hospital and going to the hospital have distinct meanings. That you don't understand the difference demonstrates this.


I'm a Brit and those phrases are interchangeable
 
2020-07-13 3:31:37 PM  

LucklessWonder: Swiss Colony: little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?

British English is far richer than the watered down dialect you spew out. Going to hospital and going to the hospital have distinct meanings. That you don't understand the difference demonstrates this.

I'm a Brit and those phrases are interchangeable


Really? Been living in the US for a while though.

Where is you mum?

She's in hospital.
She's in the hospital.

For me the first tells me she's having treatment. The second that she's physically there but not for treatment. Same applies to prison, school and other institutions.

With the definite article you're visiting. Without it you are a 'member' of the institution.

Where do you work? 'I'm in university' - means you are studying. 'In the university' - means you have a job there.
 
2020-07-13 3:32:52 PM  

medius: Magnus: tennis

Novak and others pull up lame all the time.

Nice list of non-contact sports you've got there, btw.


Isn't soccer supposed to be non-contact?  I think you protest too much.
 
2020-07-13 3:35:03 PM  

Magnus: medius: Magnus: tennis

Novak and others pull up lame all the time.

Nice list of non-contact sports you've got there, btw.

Isn't soccer supposed to be non-contact?  I think you protest too much.


I think you don't watch soccer.
 
2020-07-13 3:35:15 PM  
A stitch in time saves nine (mm or cm?)
 
2020-07-13 3:35:53 PM  

LucklessWonder: albertmdh: I tried to watch some soccer the other day and had to turn it off because of how ingrained the blatent diving has become. It's pathetic.

Which league? Because despite being lower quality play, MLS generally has less diving.


It was EPL, it was streaming on ESPN+ and I miss sports. I think I'd rather watch golf.
 
2020-07-13 4:07:42 PM  

Swiss Colony: LucklessWonder: Swiss Colony: little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?

British English is far richer than the watered down dialect you spew out. Going to hospital and going to the hospital have distinct meanings. That you don't understand the difference demonstrates this.

I'm a Brit and those phrases are interchangeable

Really? Been living in the US for a while though.

Where is you mum?

She's in hospital.
She's in the hospital.

For me the first tells me she's having treatment. The second that she's physically there but not for treatment. Same applies to prison, school and other institutions.

With the definite article you're visiting. Without it you are a 'member' of the institution.

Where do you work? 'I'm in university' - means you are studying. 'In the university' - means you have a job there.


I wonder if that's a regional thing, even in England, because I recognize the linguistic distinction you're making, but it's not one that existed in my family growing up.
 
2020-07-13 4:42:36 PM  

Swiss Colony: little big man: England legend Steven Gerrard once had to have penis sewn back together after injury

Hopefully it was his penis.  Or is this like the Brits not saying 'the' before hospital?

British English is far richer than the watered down dialect you spew out. Going to hospital and going to the hospital have distinct meanings. That you don't understand the difference demonstrates this.



Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 4:47:47 PM  

medius: Magnus: medius: Magnus: tennis

Novak and others pull up lame all the time.

Nice list of non-contact sports you've got there, btw.

Isn't soccer supposed to be non-contact?  I think you protest too much.

I think you don't watch soccer.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 5:05:32 PM  
Javier Mascherano (former Liverpool man as well) suffered a torn anus in the 2014 World Cup.
 
2020-07-13 5:14:44 PM  

Rev.K: Javier Mascherano (former Liverpool man as well) suffered a torn anus in the 2014 World Cup.


Gary Lineker shat himself at Italia '90.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 5:25:16 PM  

iron de havilland: Rev.K: Javier Mascherano (former Liverpool man as well) suffered a torn anus in the 2014 World Cup.

Gary Lineker shat himself at Italia '90.

[Fark user image image 333x250]


That just reminded me about watching They Think Its All Over when I was stationed in England.  Gary and David Gower were the main guys I saw, not sure if there were others.  I had hoped they would copy it here in the US, but no such luck.
 
2020-07-13 5:43:11 PM  

iron de havilland: Rev.K: Javier Mascherano (former Liverpool man as well) suffered a torn anus in the 2014 World Cup.

Gary Lineker shat himself at Italia '90.

[Fark user image 333x250] [View Full Size image _x_]


he had diarrhea chachacha

he played for a while after that before getting mercifully getting subbed
 
2020-07-13 7:41:49 PM  

OldJames: I thought they were tossers and sheep-shaggers


No, the Welsh are the sheep-shaggers.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-13 7:43:27 PM  

JolobinSmokin: Reportedly, the doctor came into the room and exclaimed, "What's all this then?'


"'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, wot's all this then?"
 
2020-07-13 10:19:05 PM  
A hockey player would have come back after the stitches (or staples) and finished the game.
 
2020-07-14 3:31:27 AM  

medius: Magnus: tennis

Novak and others pull up lame all the time.

Nice list of non-contact sports you've got there, btw.


"oh shiat I'm losing. better get a toe wrapped in the middle of Kokkinakis-banged-his-girlfriend's service game." -2016 US Open final
 
2020-07-14 6:28:33 AM  

advex101: A hockey player would have come back after the stitches (or staples) and finished the game.


"Gerrard played on with the injury for the rest of the game"

Hockey players wear protection. 

You can't sub out and back in in footie.
 
2020-07-14 7:49:30 AM  

Magnus: Hockey, rugby, wrestling (real wrestling)?  MWHAHAHAHA.  No.


Hockey most certainly had/has a problem with diving, it's why Embellishment is a two minute penalty, or as we like to cal it, the James Neal. Listen carefully for the ref's comments after the whistle...

James Neal Diving Penalty vs Nashville - Ref Not Happy with Neal
Youtube Tdw4HAUlOBA
 
2020-07-14 7:52:14 AM  
And more NHL dives.

NHL: Embellishments
Youtube sDOvrl1wX2Y
 
2020-07-14 7:53:00 AM  
More hockey dives and embellishments, and you'll note the refs are also not afraid to call both the penalty and the guy who was fouled for diving.

NHL: Embellishments
Youtube sDOvrl1wX2Y
 
rka
2020-07-14 12:44:56 PM  
In fairness, it was probably a fake penis.
 
2020-07-14 6:04:02 PM  
No, Gerard is a proper prick.
 
Displayed 48 of 48 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.