Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Laughing Squid)   This is your annual "Fireworks for Dummies" article   (laughingsquid.com) divider line
    More: PSA, United States, Consumer Product Safety Commission, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Independence Day holiday, proper handling of fireworks, health concerns, professional fireworks, serious safety video  
•       •       •

261 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 02 Jul 2020 at 6:05 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



17 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-02 6:21:30 PM  
My neighborhood is in a Fireworks Restriction Zone, yet there are two farking fireworks booths at the shopping center 3 blocks away(And still inside the Zone)
 
2020-07-02 6:26:52 PM  
Fireworks ARE for dummies.

Maybe the Earth will breathe a little better if there aren't clouds of smoke pouring up into the atmosphere so much this 4th.
 
2020-07-02 6:27:23 PM  
Remember, if you see anyone using fireworks irresponsibly kick them in the teeth because it's idiots like them that ruin it for the rest of us.
 
2020-07-02 6:45:44 PM  

whidbey: Fireworks ARE for dummies.

Maybe the Earth will breathe a little better if there aren't clouds of smoke pouring up into the atmosphere so much this 4th.


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 7:06:18 PM  
Step 1: Let the neighbors do it so you don't blow your own fingers off.
 
2020-07-02 7:16:12 PM  
43. It is safe for children between the ages of 3 and 7 to enjoy fireworks due to their ability to regrow appendages and limbs.

and this one?

52. Hold fireworks firmly between your thumb and index finger so that if the explosive malfunctions, you will only lose your thumb and index finger.
 
2020-07-02 7:17:05 PM  
I hear fireworks in your bum can cure COVID-19.
 
2020-07-02 7:49:59 PM  
vignette.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 8:02:48 PM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: I hear fireworks in your bum can cure COVID-19.


I hear liberals saying it won't. They're trying to hide the cure from real Muricans. So don't believe  them when they say fireworks in the butt won't cure COVID. They're lying.
 
2020-07-02 8:13:39 PM  
 
2020-07-02 8:27:35 PM  

dstanley: I watch this every year (NSFW)


The Jesus counter kills me every time.
 
2020-07-02 9:57:54 PM  
The local news was all "don't use fireworks while drunk or high!" today.

Please, what adult has ever used fireworks sober? That's half the fun!

Oh shiat! Bottle rocket in my eye!!! I need another beer!
 
2020-07-02 10:31:41 PM  
This is my favorite picture ever. My son was 18 months old. I call it, "Safety First."

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 10:36:09 PM  
In a related note, I do take fireworks safety very seriously.  Eye protection, leather gloves, steady platform, and a long lighter.  I've had enough mishaps to not trust Chinese-made explosives which could be years old.  From mortars tipping, fast fuses, to a generic "safe" fountain exploding within two seconds of lighting, which exploded and could have taken off my foot.

I gave my sister some fireworks for her birthday, which lands on a holiday. She threw a party.  One of her friends got wasted and decided to hold a small mortar in his hands and light it.  Good times, until the next morning when he woke up and his thumb was broken.
 
2020-07-02 11:21:44 PM  
CSB pt 1
In junior high, two guys showed up to school one Monday looking really weird. They both had new 80s hairdos (82-4ish) but there was something really odd looking about them we couldn't place. The end.

CSB pt 2
Our Senior year, one of those two dudes was in our debate class, and he told a story about how back in 9th grade he and dude#2 got into dad's hand-loading equipment, took a little bit a of each of the different gunpowders to the quarry and lit it off in one big pile. woosh. It burned off their eyebrows and their bangs, explaining their odd hairdos. Several of us, all at once, said, "Oh, so THAT'S why you looked so weird, your eyebrows were gone!" It never clicked, they just looked 80s weird. So it goes.
 
2020-07-03 12:45:25 AM  
Never handle a dud firework.   I have seen rockets take flight half an hour after we lit the fuses and then got away from them when they misfired.

Expect that all of the composition in any firework to explode like a big firecracker.  If the firework instead does what it is supposed to do, that's great.   But be ready for the one that doesn't, because sometimes they just explode like big firecrackers.

You are more likely to damage your hearing than your vision but protect both.

Never hold fireworks.  If you must throw the things, tape them to a stick and huck like a Chinese grenade.

blah blah
 
2020-07-03 6:12:45 AM  

studebaker hoch: Never handle a dud firework.   I have seen rockets take flight half an hour after we lit the fuses and then got away from them when they misfired.

Expect that all of the composition in any firework to explode like a big firecracker.  If the firework instead does what it is supposed to do, that's great.   But be ready for the one that doesn't, because sometimes they just explode like big firecrackers.

You are more likely to damage your hearing than your vision but protect both.

Never hold fireworks.  If you must throw the things, tape them to a stick and huck like a Chinese grenade.

blah blah


All of this shiat.  I wanted to break it apart and highlight important shiat, but everything you'e said is important.
 
Displayed 17 of 17 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.