Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Facebook)   Today in politicians losing their minds, Nebraska Democratic Senate candidate Chris Janicek goes full bananapants. Congratulations on your re-election, Mr. Ben Sasse   (facebook.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Pages, Context menu, Google, Password, Login, Chris Janicek, Phone Password, New Account  
•       •       •

3681 clicks; posted to Politics » on 02 Jul 2020 at 11:45 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



67 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-07-02 11:17:02 AM  
sassy
Youtube R1yUMjjvfQo
 
2020-07-02 11:23:10 AM  
I clicked, and my two simultaneous impressions were "paragraphs are your friends" and "ain't nobody got time for that."
 
2020-07-02 11:26:20 AM  
Ain't nobody got time to read all that sh*t.
 
2020-07-02 11:27:06 AM  

Martian_Astronomer: I clicked, and my two simultaneous impressions were "paragraphs are your friends" and "ain't nobody got time for that."


When I see that much text with no paragraph breaks, I know full on crazy is generally to follow, and it did not disappoint in that regard.
 
2020-07-02 11:27:49 AM  
Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?
 
2020-07-02 11:29:26 AM  
I have no context for this... apology? But yeah, it needs some farking paragraphs dude.
 
2020-07-02 11:34:38 AM  

Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?


Janicek hired a woman to fundraise for him and later learned she'd screwed over and stole from her last employers and her crazy unleashed itself.  He tried to help her and it just went bad from there.

Way too much office drama.
 
2020-07-02 11:36:11 AM  

Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?


So, apparently a few days ago, it surfaced that Janicek sent texts on the campaign group chat saying that this staffer "needs to get laid." At the same time, there also surfaced something about the candidate having thrown racial slurs around at party guests at some point previously.

This is his attempt to provide "clarity and context," at least for the texts. The fact that it raises as many questions as it provides answers, assuming you don't go cross-eyed from the text block, shows that he probably should have read it aloud before hitting "post".
 
2020-07-02 11:37:37 AM  

Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?


He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

Fark user imageView Full Size


"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.
 
2020-07-02 11:38:16 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 11:41:06 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

[Fark user image 425x286]

"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.


Okay that's a much better explanation. I didn't know what the texts said or the other history.

Jesus, what a mess. He definitely needs to go.
 
2020-07-02 11:43:49 AM  
From this article, the Eastman campaign says the woman in question wasn't fired and there is no restraining order:

The Eastman campaign refuted the statement, telling KETV NewsWatch 7: "We categorically deny firing Allison Bitterman or filing a restraining order against her. Both are false claims, and their falseness is independently verifiable. Anyone can check court records or the state Department of Labor, and read that she left her position with the campaign."
 
2020-07-02 11:50:10 AM  

Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?


They hired a girl for a month to month temp job and now they are accusing her of stealing the donor files.
 
2020-07-02 11:50:16 AM  
well, that was boring.

Also, paragraphs, c*nt.
 
2020-07-02 11:50:17 AM  
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 11:50:26 AM  

Learned Hand Job: This is his attempt to provide "clarity and context," at least for the texts.


So, you're saying it's like one of those really long emails that you send during a breakup sometimes. Um, and by "you," I mean...other people I've heard of. Certainly not me. Y'know, like if, say, hypothetically, you want to list out the ways that you felt that your girlfriend was telegraphing feelings about the state of your relationship that were the opposite of what she stated, which led to her dumping you, and I really...I mean, you really....felt like you needed to tell your side of the story before you never spoke to one another again?

And then the email gets much longer than you really meant it to but by then it's 1:00 in the morning so you just hit "send" anyway, and then a year or two later when you're wistfully wondering what your ex is up to you go and look at that email exchange and nearly die from the cringe factor?

Boy, the sorts of crazy, embarrassing things that...other people...do in relationships, huh?

/ I WAS UNDER THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION THAT YOU WERE NOT READY TO MOVE IN WITH ME, BECCA
// HERE ARE 12 WELL-DOCUMENTED DISCUSSIONS THAT MADE ME THINK YOU FELT THIS WAY
 
2020-07-02 11:51:28 AM  
Farking paragraphs, learn to use them!
 
2020-07-02 11:52:36 AM  

Learned Hand Job: From this article, the Eastman campaign says the woman in question wasn't fired and there is no restraining order:

The Eastman campaign refuted the statement, telling KETV NewsWatch 7: "We categorically deny firing Allison Bitterman or filing a restraining order against her. Both are false claims, and their falseness is independently verifiable. Anyone can check court records or the state Department of Labor, and read that she left her position with the campaign."


Nobody fires people at that level unless
they refuse an offer to leave willingly, so "We didn't fire her, she resigned" isn't very reassuring.
 
2020-07-02 11:54:17 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 11:54:36 AM  
This thread is useless without pics.

/of the hot chick
//oldie but a goodie!
///three!!!
 
2020-07-02 11:55:13 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

[Fark user image 425x286]

"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.


LOL.

He's going to win Nebraska. How do I donate?
 
2020-07-02 11:55:20 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

Stuff


Thank you. Now the wall of teenager-like text has context.
 
2020-07-02 11:55:29 AM  

Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?


He farked up ..
 
2020-07-02 11:55:46 AM  

Ambivalence: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

Janicek hired a woman to fundraise for him and later learned she'd screwed over and stole from her last employers and her crazy unleashed itself.  He tried to help her and it just went bad from there.

Way too much office drama.


He also apparently told her to go skinny dipping at night in his heated pool?  Too lazy to look up the details on that one.
 
2020-07-02 11:56:42 AM  
So I know this guy personally.  He is/was not trying to bang this woman.  He is gay as the day is long.

He fought with this woman over the issues already brought up, and sent a text message to what he thought was a single person, that turned out to be a group text that she was on.

Highly offensive but was supposed to be a private message.

Chris is good guy, but crossed the line with this one.  He apologized to the woman via text, and in person and she accepted his apology and went public anyway.

The accusations that he is a racist are completely unfounded and baseless.

I was surprised that he got the nomination but even without this incident he had a snowball's chance of defeating Sasse in this deeply red state.
 
2020-07-02 11:57:09 AM  
That sorta took a...... uh, a Penthouse Forum swerve there for a second. Except way creepier.

She told me she did not feel comfortable in or did not have a swimsuit, I told her the pool was heated and to go after 9pm. Everyone looks good in the dark. I was able to see her smile for once. We all know how her version of the pool story turned out.

Now I gotta go see what her pool story is.
 
2020-07-02 11:59:54 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 11:59:58 AM  
To be fair, Ben Sasse was, at one point, the Dave Barry of the Senate.  He also, remarkably, made Ted Cruz act human, if anybody saw the Dr. Pepper cooler saga.
 
2020-07-02 12:00:55 PM  

Tor_Eckman: This thread is useless without pics.

/of the hot chick
//oldie but a goodie!
///three!!!


Here ya go:

Twitter page: https://mobile.twitter.com/ambi​tterman

Bio Pic:

Fark user imageView Full Size


/the idea that janicek is gay seems a lot more plausible now
 
2020-07-02 12:01:42 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


wtf is up with this guy?  I guess the crazy doesn't fall too far from the corn in Nebraska.
 
2020-07-02 12:02:36 PM  

Learned Hand Job: From this article, the Eastman campaign says the woman in question wasn't fired and there is no restraining order:

The Eastman campaign refuted the statement, telling KETV NewsWatch 7: "We categorically deny firing Allison Bitterman or filing a restraining order against her. Both are false claims, and their falseness is independently verifiable. Anyone can check court records or the state Department of Labor, and read that she left her position with the campaign."


Take statements from Eastman with a grain of salt. She's got a touch of the crazy as well. She's far left progressive so there's a lot of love for her by the Omaha Democratic division of the party.
 
2020-07-02 12:02:47 PM  
Speaking of which, I should watch "Hot Dog: The Movie" again.
 
2020-07-02 12:03:09 PM  
*click* fark you, I don't know how to read anymore.
 
2020-07-02 12:03:32 PM  
I am so stealing bananapants. So fun to say, and so accurate.
 
2020-07-02 12:04:31 PM  
Wall-0-text with no paragraphs on facebook? Hard pass. Anyone got a TL;DR version?
 
2020-07-02 12:04:36 PM  

Ambivalence: Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

[Fark user image 425x286]

"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.

Okay that's a much better explanation. I didn't know what the texts said or the other history.

Jesus, what a mess. He definitely needs to go.


No kidding... jeez - how do people think, or at least behave, that salacious stuff like this won't ever come back to bite them in the ass? Why act that way? What is their mind like in other facets of life???

I bet there's a couple of independent films out there about this; like if Oceans 11 was done with charmless, asshole jackasses and was instead based around warehouses in some backwater town south of the Mason Dickson line.
 
2020-07-02 12:04:56 PM  
Nebraskan here.

I voted for Janicek in the primary, but he needs to go.

Sasse wasn't losing anyway.
 
2020-07-02 12:05:22 PM  

Ambivalence: Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

[Fark user image 425x286]

"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.

Okay that's a much better explanation. I didn't know what the texts said or the other history.

Jesus, what a mess. He definitely needs to go.


Thanks to both you and Benevolent.

I regrettably don't have a whole lot of time today to wade through a shallow sea of crazy.
 
2020-07-02 12:05:38 PM  
scotterb.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

RIP Banacek
 
2020-07-02 12:10:30 PM  
I ain't readin' all that shiat.
 
2020-07-02 12:12:29 PM  

Duck you Sucka: So I know this guy personally.  He is/was not trying to bang this woman.  He is gay as the day is long.

He fought with this woman over the issues already brought up, and sent a text message to what he thought was a single person, that turned out to be a group text that she was on.

Highly offensive but was supposed to be a private message.

Chris is good guy, but crossed the line with this one.  He apologized to the woman via text, and in person and she accepted his apology and went public anyway.

The accusations that he is a racist are completely unfounded and baseless.

I was surprised that he got the nomination but even without this incident he had a snowball's chance of defeating Sasse in this deeply red state.


Are you getting a kick out of these replies?
 
2020-07-02 12:14:15 PM  

hammettman: [Fark user image 423x288]

wtf is up with this guy?  I guess the crazy doesn't fall too far from the corn in Nebraska.


Ectoplasm...don't you see the ghost-grabbing hand?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 12:15:18 PM  
I'd say that Janicek doesn't rate Allison Bitterman a 10.

Fark user imageView Full Size
https://twitter.com/ambitterman

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/06​/​16/nebraska-democrats-renounce-their-s​enate-pick-over-comments-323405

a group chat involving Janicek and five other people, including the female staffer. At one point, he wrote that he had argued with her and then asked whether the campaign should spend money on "getting her laid."
"It will probably take three guys,"
he wrote, before describing in graphic detail an imagined group sex scene involving the female staffer.


\
 
2020-07-02 12:16:44 PM  

hammettman: [Fark user image image 423x288]

wtf is up with this guy?  I guess the crazy doesn't fall too far from the corn in Nebraska.


Plastic over workstations that aren't in use helps reduce dust, and dust accumulation is bad for computers.

It's also cheaper than buying cans of compressed air.
 
2020-07-02 12:19:48 PM  

Steampunk Gallagher: Tor_Eckman: This thread is useless without pics.

/of the hot chick
//oldie but a goodie!
///three!!!

Here ya go:

Twitter page: https://mobile.twitter.com/ambit​terman

Bio Pic:

[Fark user image 425x265]

/the idea that janicek is gay seems a lot more plausible now


That's a cool Nebraska Nine... maybe even a percentage point or two higher debating on the level of sister-cousinry.
 
2020-07-02 12:21:52 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Can anyone give me like a quick summary of what the f*ck this is all about?

He hired a crazy chick who has been fired from multiple campaigns for stealing.  He hired her onto the campaign against all advice (she lied, stole and took sensitive documents from other campaigns).  The state Party Chair told him to can her.  She lost her shiat one day and quit.  Then he sent a text about wanting him and a couple friends to bang the crazy chick. To wit;

"Do you think the campaign should spend some [money on] getting her laid," he wrote, adding, "It will probably take three guys." He then described in explicit terms what he wanted the men to do to her. "Thoughts?!"

From this story, which has more info

The entire f*cking Nebraska Democratic Party told him to drop out.  His response:

[Fark user image image 425x286]

"Hey.  She was hot, and f*cking crazy.  You know, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed, dude.  You know you would."

So the Democrats have cut him off.  He won't leave.  And he's now trying to spin it as trying to help her through her problems, when it's f*cking obvious he just wanted to bang her.


I thought he was gay.
 
2020-07-02 12:25:02 PM  
...huh

"fullbananapants" was my nickname when I worked at Mar-a-Lago as a pool boy.
 
2020-07-02 12:26:02 PM  
Summary of long wall of text for those that are TL;DR-

"I hired this woman, discovered she had a history of issues with other campaigns, offered her help. While doing so I sent an inappropriate text that I didn't realize was in a group text. I apologized for it privately, was busted for it anyway. Was given a chance to step down, said no. Everyone told me that this was a mistake and I would be denounced. Still I refused to do so, and continue to do so because fark those guys, and ask for your votes anyway."

I gotta say it's one hell of a move to after getting caught out to try and further smear your accuser as a potential criminal and crazy person that you were just trying to help, and try to bury the party that tried to give him an out, but I guess some people gotta double down no matter what.
 
2020-07-02 12:26:14 PM  

Duck you Sucka: So I know this guy personally.  He is/was not trying to bang this woman.  He is gay as the day is long.

He fought with this woman over the issues already brought up, and sent a text message to what he thought was a single person, that turned out to be a group text that she was on.

Highly offensive but was supposed to be a private message.

Chris is good guy, but crossed the line with this one.  He apologized to the woman via text, and in person and she accepted his apology and went public anyway.

The accusations that he is a racist are completely unfounded and baseless.

I was surprised that he got the nomination but even without this incident he had a snowball's chance of defeating Sasse in this deeply red state.


Not sure why you're carrying water for this asshole. He engaged in blatant sexual harrassment, regardless of what you believe his sexual preferences to be. And all of his other idiotic decisions make sexual harrassment look like the smartest thing he's ever done.

This guy is stupid. This guy is an asshole. This guy is horribly unprofessional, and should be kept far away from any position of responsibility or accountability.
 
2020-07-02 12:28:13 PM  
I don't have time to read that wall of text, but I'm pretty sure if this was something simple and innocent it would be easy to read. Clearly he raped her.
 
Displayed 50 of 67 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.