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(Wikipedia)   40 years ago today one of the funniest comedies ever made was released. A comedy, you say what is it? A play, movie, etc., of light and humorous character with a happy or cheerful ending. But that's not important right now. Enjoy your lasagna   (en.wikipedia.org) divider line
    More: Amusing, Airplane!, American parody film, Ex-fighter pilot Ted Striker, Jerry Zucker, parody of the disaster film genre, Paramount film Zero Hour, flight attendant, slapstick comedy  
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2756 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 02 Jul 2020 at 9:59 AM (41 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



88 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-07-02 9:32:07 AM  
I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.
 
2020-07-02 9:47:00 AM  
Hey subby, my momma didn't raise no dummies! I dug your rap!
 
2020-07-02 10:06:40 AM  

Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.


It's an entirely different film altogether.
 
2020-07-02 10:07:12 AM  

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.


It's an entirely different film
 
2020-07-02 10:08:54 AM  
"We have clearance, Clarence."

"Roger, Roger"

"What's our vector, Victor?"
 
2020-07-02 10:09:52 AM  
Airplane (reverend moon, Jews for Jesus, Jehovah Witness, Buddhism, Jerry's Kids, Scientology)
Youtube G80qimFAgQA
 
2020-07-02 10:09:53 AM  

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.


It's an entirely different film
 
2020-07-02 10:10:07 AM  
I speak jive.
 
2020-07-02 10:11:19 AM  
I don't know what to make of it?
 
2020-07-02 10:13:29 AM  
40 years? Surely you can't be serious??!!
 
2020-07-02 10:13:48 AM  
 
2020-07-02 10:18:11 AM  

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.


It's an entirely different film.
 
2020-07-02 10:20:37 AM  
I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.
 
2020-07-02 10:25:34 AM  

goatleggedfellow: Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.

It's an entirely different film.


It's an entirely different film.
 
2020-07-02 10:27:55 AM  

cocozilla: 40 years? Surely you can't be serious??!!


Yes Subby is. And stop calling him Shirley.
 
2020-07-02 10:28:42 AM  
Here's an oral history of Airplane! from the film's 30th anniversary.

Is this the year for the anal history?

As far as the pacing of comedy films go, Airplane changed the standard.
 
2020-07-02 10:29:18 AM  
What a pisser.
 
2020-07-02 10:35:52 AM  
My orders came through.  My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at  Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

When will you be back?

I can't tell you that.  It's classified.


So many clever lines in what some consider to just be a farce/sight gag movie.
 
2020-07-02 10:37:07 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 10:42:12 AM  
Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
 
2020-07-02 10:43:05 AM  
Kentucky Fried Movie
Youtube Qb2FiKyjojA

Also, remember the before times.
 
2020-07-02 10:45:16 AM  
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
 
2020-07-02 10:46:30 AM  
Airplane The Movie - A Hat, A Broach, A Pterodactyl
Youtube L8oAQOvOEXY
 
2020-07-02 10:50:44 AM  
It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!
 
2020-07-02 10:51:18 AM  
The hell I don't.
LISTEN KID.
I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night.
Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
 
2020-07-02 10:57:22 AM  

markie_farkie: [Fark user image 480x270] [View Full Size image _x_]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 10:57:48 AM  

momojoboo: It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!


No.  That's just what they'll be expecting us to do.
 
2020-07-02 11:04:32 AM  
This film gave me a drinking problem.
 
2020-07-02 11:08:53 AM  
Golly!
 
2020-07-02 11:11:22 AM  

Rattrap007: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/L8oAQOvO​EXY]


The actor who played Johnny, Stephen Stucker, was a friend of Zucker/Abrahams' back in their sketch comedy days, and believe their troupe was called Kentucky Fried Theatre.
Because Stucker was so good at improv, almost none of his lines were scripted; the other actor in the scene would have a scripted, straight setup line and Stucker would make something up.
 
2020-07-02 11:22:47 AM  
The fog is getting thicker.
 
2020-07-02 11:28:13 AM  

Hawk24: The fog is getting thicker.


And Leon's getting LLLLAARRRRGGGGEERRR!
 
2020-07-02 11:28:28 AM  

Hawk24: The fog is getting thicker.


and Leon is getting laaaaaaarger.
 
2020-07-02 11:34:13 AM  

BullBearMS: [iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/Qb2FiKyj​ojA?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]
Also, remember the before times.


I love that movie!
 
2020-07-02 11:37:05 AM  
Airplane?  What is it?
 
2020-07-02 11:38:04 AM  
"What was for dinner tonight?"
"Well, we had a choice of steak or fish."
"Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna"


"I know but this guy has no flying experience at all. He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too "


I watched this again a couple weeks ago on cable... it's still funny no matter how many times I've seen it
 
2020-07-02 11:45:09 AM  
Airplane Movie-Ronald Reagan Joke
Youtube TVnHpeYoCMo
 
2020-07-02 11:49:07 AM  
Airplane! Coffee Scene: The Original and the Spoof
Youtube yH6KW6eMWJI
 
2020-07-02 11:49:32 AM  

Raug the Dwarf: This film gave me a drinking problem.


You'll get over it.
 
2020-07-02 11:52:21 AM  
I have never watched The Kentucky Fried Movie the whole way through, but I do know at least the point/counterpoint segment was used from the earlier film.
 
2020-07-02 11:53:48 AM  

Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.


I just want to say, "Good luck!  We're all counting on you."
 
2020-07-02 11:57:12 AM  
The whole family went opening day.

My parents were laughing so hard they couldn't bring themselves to take us out of the theater even when the boobs flashed on the screen.
 
2020-07-02 11:57:15 AM  

OldRod: "We have clearance, Clarence."

"Roger, Roger"

"What's our vector, Victor?"


I always mumble that scene to myself every time I fly and we're taking off.

Landing too. "900 feet, up to 1300 feet... what an a**hole."
 
2020-07-02 12:02:07 PM  

Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.


First time?
 
2020-07-02 12:10:00 PM  

Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.


My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.
 
2020-07-02 12:12:14 PM  

NINEv2: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

First time?


No I've been stressed out lots of times.
 
2020-07-02 12:17:48 PM  

gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.


I would also like to state that my ten year old self was at least able to comprehend that the questions that Captain Oveur was asking Joey were very, very wrong.
 
2020-07-02 12:24:55 PM  

gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.


The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cult​u​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.
 
2020-07-02 12:30:11 PM  

gunga galunga: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

I would also like to state that my ten year old self was at least able to comprehend that the questions that Captain Oveur was asking Joey were very, very wrong.


Tell that to George Zip.
 
2020-07-02 12:32:15 PM  

HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.


As did Harriet Nelson for turning down the Jive Lady part.
 
2020-07-02 12:35:50 PM  

HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.


He didn't think it would pay off.
 
2020-07-02 12:36:41 PM  

gunga galunga: HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.

As did Harriet Nelson for turning down the Jive Lady part.


June Cleaver farking nailed it though.
 
2020-07-02 12:48:18 PM  

momojoboo: It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!


AIRPLANE! THREAD? I gotta get out of here! I've gotta get out of here!!!
 
2020-07-02 12:52:55 PM  
....The important question is whether or not Lt. Hurwitz ever got better.
 
2020-07-02 12:53:36 PM  

Duck_of_Doom: momojoboo: It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!

AIRPLANE! THREAD? I gotta get out of here! I've gotta get out of here!!!


Calm down, Duck_of_Doom!!!!   *grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him violently*
 
2020-07-02 12:57:47 PM  

HighOnCraic: /I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.


I wouldn't bet on it.
 
2020-07-02 1:07:15 PM  

Ishkur: HighOnCraic: /I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.

I wouldn't bet on it.


Pete would.
 
2020-07-02 1:25:16 PM  

Marcos P: The hell I don't.
LISTEN KID.
I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night.
Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.


Fun fact. That scene was ad-libbed and the kid had no idea that Kareem was going to go off like that. The look of terror on the kid's face is genuine.
 
2020-07-02 1:31:32 PM  

gunga galunga: The whole family went opening day.

My parents were laughing so hard they couldn't bring themselves to take us out of the theater even when the boobs flashed on the screen.


My dad and brother and I saw it opening night; mom was PO'd when she heard about the bare boobs.  I covered for pops and said he covered my eyes.
 
2020-07-02 1:44:34 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: ....The important question is whether or not Lt. Hurwitz ever got better.


Well, he thinks he's Ethel Merman, so not sure if that's actually an improvement or not.
 
2020-07-02 2:12:53 PM  

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.


It's an entirely different film.
 
2020-07-02 2:14:17 PM  

UberNeuman: Airplane?  What is it?


Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.

/ But that's not important right now
 
2020-07-02 2:42:33 PM  
One of my favorite sight gags ever:


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 2:51:43 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: One of my favorite sight gags ever:

[Fark user image 648x381] [View Full Size image _x_]



"I don't get it.  What are those booths?"
 
2020-07-02 3:08:35 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: One of my favorite sight gags ever:


[Fark user image 648x381] [View Full Size image _x_]


Okay, boys. Let's get some pictures - Airplane! (1980)
Youtube itETgMTpTag
 
2020-07-02 3:44:11 PM  

NINEv2: gunga galunga: HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.

As did Harriet Nelson for turning down the Jive Lady part.

June Cleaver farking nailed it though.


Saw an interview with her about that scene before she passed away and even decades later people still wanted to hear about that over Leave it to Beaver.
 
2020-07-02 3:52:51 PM  
I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.
 
2020-07-02 3:55:08 PM  
I would like to have nailed June Cleaver back in the day
 
2020-07-02 3:59:52 PM  

HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.


They were filming during baseball season.

The connection I picked up recently.

I knew about the truth of it being a Zero Hour parody and the misconception of it being an Airport parody, but I didn't know the same guy who did the Zero Hour movie later wrote the novel that got turned into the Airport movies.
 
2020-07-02 4:03:09 PM  

12349876: HighOnCraic: gunga galunga: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

My ten year old self thought the joke was that Kareem Abdul Jabar was secretly moonlighting as a pilot and was annoyed that the kid was calling him out. I was not able to comprehend the meta-humor, fourth wall-breaking angle back then and that the joke was about the stunt casting of sports figures in disaster movies.

The basketball titan of the time was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the co-pilot role. It was meant to be a nod to a similar role that was played by football star Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch in the original muse film, "Zero Hour!" At first, ZAZ (short for Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker) wanted to get Pete Rose to play the minor role.

https://www.historybyday.com/pop-cultu​re/40-facts-for-the-40th-anniversary-o​f-airplane/11.html?br_t=ch

/I bet Pete Rose is kicking himself for turning down that part.

They were filming during baseball season.


I know (it's in the link), but I couldn't resist the cheap shot.
 
2020-07-02 4:34:24 PM  
Over Macho Grande?
 
2020-07-02 4:47:34 PM  
I'll never gey over Machu Pichu

th.bing.comView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 5:34:53 PM  
" They're flying on instruments! "

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-07-02 5:39:54 PM  

E_Henry_Thripshaws_Disease: I'll never gey over Machu Pichu

[th.bing.com image 405x227]


Not that there's anything wrong with that.
 
2020-07-02 5:47:12 PM  
They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say let them crash.
 
2020-07-02 6:10:40 PM  
PG movie that has nudity because why the fark not?
 
2020-07-02 6:19:09 PM  

Dr. Bogenbroom: Over Macho Grande?


I'll never get over Macho Grande
 
2020-07-02 6:45:55 PM  

UberNeuman: Airplane?  What is it?


It's a giant flying Tylenol, but that's not important right now
 
2020-07-02 6:53:39 PM  

Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.


I didn't get the auto-pilot/ Otto-pilot joke until last year.

I'm 44.
 
2020-07-02 7:30:21 PM  
Airplane and Blues Brothers within two weeks of each other.
 
2020-07-02 7:46:53 PM  

buckeyebrain: Duck_of_Doom: momojoboo: It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!

AIRPLANE! THREAD? I gotta get out of here! I've gotta get out of here!!!

Calm down, Duck_of_Doom!!!!   *grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him violently*


Excuse me Buckeyebrain, Someone needs you.

*shakes Duck_of_Doom violently then slaps them*
 
2020-07-02 8:09:32 PM  

Galileo's Daughter: AtlanticCoast63: ....The important question is whether or not Lt. Hurwitz ever got better.

Well, he thinks he's Ethel Merman, so not sure if that's actually an improvement or not.


I'm sure everything came up roses in the end.
 
2020-07-02 9:20:50 PM  

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Myrdinn: I thought Blazing Saddles came out in 1974, two years before I was born.
Man, I picked a bad day to quit something something something.

It's an entirely different film altogether.


It's an entirely different film.
 
2020-07-02 10:15:51 PM  

E_Henry_Thripshaws_Disease: I'll never gey over Machu Pichu

[th.bing.com image 405x227]


Fark user imageView Full Size


Machu Pichu?
 
2020-07-02 11:10:52 PM  

buckeyebrain: Duck_of_Doom: momojoboo: It's been years since I have seen this, so let's go old school.....AIRPLANE! THREAD!!!!

AIRPLANE! THREAD? I gotta get out of here! I've gotta get out of here!!!

Calm down, Duck_of_Doom!!!!   *grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him violently*


*pushes buckeyebrain out of the way*, get a hold of yourself man! *Starts violently shaking duck_of_doom, slaps him, and continues shaking him*
 
2020-07-03 12:21:32 AM  
"Take them to thirty thousand....No, feet."
 
2020-07-03 8:08:46 AM  
Here's the script :

AIRPLANE!
Starring:
Kareem Abdul-Jabar as Murdock
Peter Graves as Captain Oever
Lloyd Bridges as McCroskey
Julie Hagerty as Elaine
Robert Hayes as Ted Striker
Leslie Neilson as Dr. Rumack
Lorna Patterson as Randy
Robert Stack as Kramer
Stephen Stucker as Johnny
Otto ( Autopilot) as Himself

Written/Directed/Produced By: Jim Abrahams, David & Jerry Zucker

OPEN: Theme from Jaws, plane busts out of clouds like Jaws...

Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading
of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red
zone.
Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading
of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red
zone.
Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading
of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red
zone.
Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading
of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red
zone.
Zealot#1: Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the
religious consciousness church, would you care
to make a donation?
Elaine : No, thank you anyway.
Voiceman: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading
of passengers only, there is no stopping in the white
zone.
Voiclady: NO! The white zone is for immediate loading and
unloading and there is no stopping in the red zone.
Voiceman: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading
there is never stopping in a white zone.
Voiclady: Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone
is for loading.
Voiceman: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shiat
again!
Zealot#2: Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the
religious consciousness church, would you like
to make a donation?
????????: No thanks, we gave at the office.

AT SECURITY GATE:
Security: Would you put all of your metal objects into this dish
please ( Man first removes all of his jewelry, etc.
then his prosthetic arm and leg)
Voiceman: There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Voiclady: Oh really, Vernon, why pretend, we both know perfectly
well what it is you're talking about. You want me to
have an abortion.
Voiceman: Its really the only sensible thing to do. If its done
properly, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.
Someguy : Taxi!
Striker : I'll be back in a minute. ( sets cab's meter running)
Zealot#3: Hello sir, we'd like you to have this flower on behalf
of the church of Religious consciousness, would you
caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarr...
Worker#1: Hey, Larry, where's the forklift? ( To worker#2 who is
busy guiding a plane into a hanger )
Worker#2: Forklift? Its over there by the baggage loader.
( Gestures the direction of baggage loader with
guide sticks causing the plane to go that direction
and to come crashing into the terminal)
People : ( In terminal ) LOOK OUT!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGG!
(pandemonium).
Striker : Elaine!!!!!
Elaine : Ted!
Striker : I came home early and found your note. I guess you
meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to
to talk to you.
Elaine : I just don't want to go over it anymore.
Striker : I know things haven't been right for a long time,
but... It'll be different. Like it was in the
beginning. If you'll just be patient I can work
things out.
Elaine : I have been patient and I tried to help, but you
wouldn't even let me do that.
Striker : Don't you feel anything for me at all anymore?
Elaine : It takes so many things to make love last. But,
most of all, it takes respect, and I can't live
with the man I don't respect.
Striker : ( To camera ) What a PISSER!
PA : Captain Oever, white courtesy phone. Captain Cla
rence
Oever, white courtesy phone.
OEVER PICKS UP A RED PHONE.
Operator: NO! THE WHITE PHONE.
Oever : Oh! ( picks up white phone ) This is Captain Oever!
Operator: One moment for your call from the Mayo Clinic.
PA : Captain Oever, white courtesy phone. Captain Clarence
Oever, white courtesy phone.
Oever : I'VE GOT IT!
PA : Thank you.
Operator: Go ahead with your call.
MayoDoct: Uh, this is Doctor Brody at the Mayo Clinic. There's a
passenger on your Chicago flight 209er, a little girl
named Lisa Davis, en route to Minneapolis. She's
scheduled for a heart transplant, we'd like you to tell
her mother we found a donor an hour ago. We have the
heart here, ready for surgery. . . We must have the
recipient on the operating table within 6 hours. I
want you to make sure she's kept in a reclined position
and that a continuous watch is kept on her IV. Also,
its very important that she remain calm. . .
Operator: EXCUSE ME, This is the operator Captain Oever, I have
an emergency call on line 5 from a Mr. Hamm.
Oever : Alright, Give me Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo.
Striker : Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow night, we'll...
have dinner. We'll talk things over.
Elaine : I won't be back, I've requested the Atlanta run.
Striker : Elaine, I promise, I can change.
Elaine : Then why didn't you take the job that Louis Neds
offered you at Boeing?
Striker : You know I haven't been able to get near a plane since
since the war. Even if I could, they wouldn't hire
me because of my war record.
Elaine : You're war record ??? You're the only one keeping that
alive, for everyone else, its ancient history.
Striker : You expect me to believe that?
Elaine : Its the truth. What's hurt you the most is your record
since the war. Different cities, different jobs and
not one of them shows you can accept any real
responsibility.
Striker : Elaine, if you just give me one more . . .
Elaine : Its too late, Ted. When I get back to Chicago, I'm
going to start my life all over again. I'm sorry.
Zealot#4: Excuse me, we'd like you to have this flower from the
Church of Religious Conscious. . .PUNCH . . .
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Attendnt: Hi! Well, good evening. Oh, there you go.
You just follow all the way back. Hello.
Victor : Any word on that storm lifting over Salt Lake
Clarence?
Oever : No not likely, Victor. I just reviewed the area report
for 1600 hours through 2400.
Victor : Uh, huh ...
Oever : There's a front stalled over the Dakotas, backed all
the way to Utah.
Victor : Yeah, well, if she decides to push over to the great
lakes, it could get plenty slippery.
Oever : Uh, huh.
Victor : What about the southern route, around Tulsa?
Oever : I double checked the terminal forecast and winds aloft
and I had cloudy ceilings all the way.
Victor : Where do they top out?
Oever : Well . . . there's some light scattered cover to 20,000
icing around 15. . .
Worker3 : Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh​hhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
(falling off ladder from washing plane's windows)
Victor : Boy looks like the original plan ought to be the
best bet.
Oever : Denver it is.
Murdock : Sorry Clarence. Latest weather report shows everything
is sopped in from Salt Lake to Lincoln.
Oever : Oh, Hi Roger! Glad to have you aboard! Victor, this is
Roger Murdock, Victor Basta.
Victor : How do you do Roger?
Murdock : Nice to meet you!
Oever : Roger, I was telling Victor that I reviewed the area
report for 1600 hours through 2400 there'sa front
stalled over the Dakotas. . .
Ticketer: There you go, thank you.
Striker : Can you tell me if Elaine Dickenson is on this
flight?
Ticketer: Well, the whole flight crew has boarded. Let me see.
Oh yes, she is on board.
Striker : I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No baggage.
( Guy still waits in Taxi for Striker)
Ticketer: Smoking or non-smoking.
Striker : Smoking, please.
Ticketer: ( Hands Ted a ticket which is literally smoking) There.
Have a nice trip.
FLASHBACK: STRIKER.
VOICE: Striker, this is red leader 4. Primary target
  covered by fog. Decision to proceed is yours.
  decision to proceed IS YOURS. IS YOUUUURRRRS...
  YOUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSS​SS.
Jiveman1: Sheeeet, man, that honkey mus' be messin' my old lady
got to be runnin' col' upsihd down his head!
Subtitle: GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE
OR I WILL PUNCH HIM.
Jiveman2: Hey Holm, I can dig it! You know he ain't gonna lay no
mo' big rap upon you man!
Subtitle: YES, HE IS WRONG FOR DOING THAT.
Jiveman1: I say hey sky, s'other say I won say I pray to J I get
the same ol' same ol.
Subtitle: I KNEW A MAN IN A SIMILAR PREDICAMENT, AND HE ENDED UP
BEING SORRY.
Jiveman2: Knock yourself a pro slick. Gray matter back got
perform' us' down I take TCBin, man'.
Subtitle: DON'T BE NAIVE ARTHUR. EACH OF US FACES A CLEAR MORAL
CHOICE.
Jiveman1: You know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac
lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em.
Subtitle: EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE, MAKES A MAN HEALTHY,
WEALTHY AND WISE.
Together: Col' got to be! Yo!
Subtitle: HOW TRUE!
Together: Sheeeeeeet!
Subtitle: GOLLY.
SIGH ON PLANE LIGHTS UP
ͻ
NO SMOKING
El NO A YOU SMOKO

FASTEN SEATBELTS
PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ
ͼ
Oldlady : Nervous?
Striker : Yes.
Oldlady : First time?
Striker : NO, I've been nervous lots of times.
Elaine : Hi, we'll be taking off real soon. SO I'd better
fasten you in tight.
Dyingirl: Thank you. Oh, mother this is so exciting.
Mother : I know, but you must get some rest.
Elaine : That's good advice. You relax and I'll be back right
after we take off.
Lovelorn: God Bill. I am going to miss you so much.
Leaving : Oh, I'm gonna miss you too. Promise you'll write??
Lovelorn: SIGH . . . Every day. Bill...
Conductr: Better get on board son. All aboard!!!!!
Oever : 209er to ground control. We're loaded and ready to
taxi.
Lovelorn: Goodbye Bill!
Leaving : Goodbye darling. I love you darling.
Tower : 2-0-9er, taxi to runway 1-9er.
Leaving : Goodbye darling.
Lovelorn: Have your picture taken the minute you get there. And
send me one, alright?
Leaving : Okay, here, hurry. ( he throws her his watch as she
runs along the side of the taxiing plane. )
Lovelorn: Oh, but your watch, but you shouldn't. You're gonna
need this!
Leaving : Its alright. It doesn't work.
Lovelorn: Bill!
Leaving : Goodbye darling.
Lovelorn: Bill! ( Knocks over light tower while running ) Bill!
Bill! I'll keep it with me all the time, I swear to
you.
Leaving : I know darling, take care of yourself, goodbye.
Tower : Flight 2-0-9er, you're cleared for take off.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
: Re-quest Vector, over!
Oever : What?
Tower : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock : We have clearance Clarence.
Oever : Roger, Roger. What's our Vector Victor?
Tower : Tower's radio clearance, over!
Oever : That's Clarence Oever! Oever.
Tower : Roger.
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : Roger, over.
Murdock : Huh?
Oever : Huh?
Attendnt: DO you feel alright sir?
Striker : Oh, I haven't flown for a long time.
Oever : Good evening ladies and gentleman, this is Captain
Oever speaking. Well, be cruising at 36,000 feet
this evening. Our arrival time in Chicago will be
10:45 pm central time. The temperature there is
currently 62 degrees with a 20% chance of precipitation.
Meanwhile, relax and enjoy your flight.
Elaine : Would you like something to read?
Oldlady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine : Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... how about this leaflet, famous Jewish
sports legends?
Oldlady: Yes, thank you.
Elaine : Teeeeeeeeeeeed!?! What are you doing here?
Striker: Elaine, I've got to talk to you!
Elaine : Y-Y-Yo-You shouldn't have come, I don't have time now!
Oldlady: Stewardess . . .
Elaine : Excuse me!
Oldlady: No wonder you're upset! She's lovely! And a darling
figure. Supple pouting breasts. . . firm thighs . . .
its a shame you two don't get along.
Striker: Yes, I know, things used to be different. I remember
when we first met. It was during the war. ( Flashback)
I was in the Air Force stationed in Drambui, off the
Barbary coast. I used to hang out at the Magumba bar.
It was a rough place, the seediest dive on the wharf.
Populated with every reject and cut-throat from Bombay
to Calcutta. Its worse than Detroit. The mood in the
place was downright ugly. You wouldn't walk in there
unless you knew how to use your fists. You could count
on a fight breaking out almost every night. ( fight
between two women breaks out. Chairs are crashed . . .)
( Saturday Night Fever music starts to play when juke
box is clobbered I didn't go there that night to fall
in love I just dropped in for a couple of drinks. But,
suddenly there she was. I was captivated, entranced.
It hit me like a thunderbolt. I had to ask the
guy next to me to pinch me to make sure I wasn't
dreaming. I was afraid to approach her, but that
night fate was on my side. ( The man Elaine is dancing
with gets a knife in his back. He tries to ascertain
help from Elaine by pointing with both hands at his
back, but Elaine thinks that this is a new dance move
and mimics him. He collapses and dies. Striker begins
to dance disco style with Elaine, soon a crowd gathers
to watch. Both Ted and Elaine dance in humanly
impossible ways. The crowd cheers. Next the bar is
empty, and its the end of the night. Ted and Elaine
are still there with the 2 fighting women. ( end
flashback ) We laughed, we talked, we danced I never
wanted it to end. I guess I still don't. But, enough
about me, I hope this hasn't been boring for you. Its
just that whenever I talk about Elaine, I get so carried
away, I loose all track of time. ( Oldlady has hung
herself )

Elaine : Would you like to order dinner now?
Father : Yes, Joey will have the steak and my wife and I will
have the fish.
Joey : When can I see the cockpit dad?
Father : Joey, I think the pilots are probably too busy flying
the plane for that.
Joey : Awww, geee whiz!
Elaine : I'll tell you what Joey, I'll talk to the Captain and
see what I can arrange.
Joey : Gee, that'd be swell!
Elaine : Would you gentleman care to order your dinners?
Jiveman1: Bet babe, slide a piece a da porter, drink si' run th'
java.
Subtitle: I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK PLEASE.
Jiveman2: Lookie here, I can dig grease and butter on some
draggin' fruit garden.
Subtitle: I'LL HAVE THE FISH.
littlboy: Excuse me, I happened to be passing and I thought you
might like some coffee.
littgirl: Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you. Oh, won't you
sit down?
Littlboy: Oh thank you. Cream?
Littgirl: No thank you, I take it black . . . . . . like my men.
Striker : Well, you see . . . ( to a different passenger --
new flashback, reminiscent of the Blue Lagoon. )
Elaine : Oh TED! I never knew I could be so happy. These
   few months have been just wonderful. Tomorrow,
   why don't we drive up the coast to that little
   seafood place and . . . what's the matter???
Striker : My orders came through. My squadron ships out
   tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at
   Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the
   North, below their radar.
Elaine : When will you be back?
Striker : I can't tell you that? It's classified.
Elaine : Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much.
Striker : I love you Elaine.
Elaine : I love you!
( Return from flashback, the passenger stabs himself to death )
Denver : Flight 2-0-9er, this is Denver flight control. You are
approaching some rough weather. Please climb to 42,000
feet.
Oever : Roger, Denver.
Elaine : We have a visitor. . .
Oever : Hello.
Murdock : Hi!
Elaine : This is Captain Oever, Mr Murdock and Mr Basta. This
is Joey Hammond. . .
Oever : Well hi Joey.
Murdock : Come on up here, you can see better.
Oever : We have something here for our special visitors ( takes
out a model airplane for Joey ), would you like to have
it?
Joey : Thank youuuuuuu! Thanks alot!
Oever : Sure. You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey : No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Oever : You ever . . . seen a grown man naked ?
Murdock : Do you want me to check the weather Clarence?
Oever : No, why don't you take care of it. Joey, did ya
ever hang around a gymnasium?
Elaine : We'd better get back now Joey!
Oever : Noooooooo, Joey can stay here for a while if he'd
like.
Joey : Could I?
Elaine : Okay, if you don't get in the way.
Murdock : Flight 2-0-9er to Denver radio, climbing to cruise
at 42,000. Will report again over Lincoln. Over and
out.
Joey : Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar.
You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock : I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-
one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey : You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got
season tickets.
Murdock : I think you should go back to your seat now Joey.
Right Clarence?
Oever : Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him
stay here.
Murdock : But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an
airline pilot.
Joey : I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't
work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of
times, you don't even run down court. And that you
don't really try . . . except during the playoffs.
Murdock : The hell I don't!! ( grabs joey by collar ) LISTEN KID!
I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA.
I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your
old man to drag Walton and Denier up and down the
court for 48 minutes.
Oever : Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Striker : Elaine, just hear me out. I know things haven't been
right for a long time, but it'll be different. like
it was in the beginning, remember?
Elaine : I remember everything. All I have are memories.
Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together.
I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used
to sit on your face and wiggle and...afterwards how
we'd watch 'til the sun came up. When it did, it was
almost like . . . like . . . each new day was made
only for us.
Striker : That's the way I've always wanted it to be Elaine.
Elaine : But it won't be . . . not as long as you insist on
living in the past.
( Striker flashes back -- )
Voice: You're too low Ted . . . YOU'RE TOO LOW!

( Now in military mental hospital. Random mental hospital
conversation has been skipped. Striker is painting a picture of
a guy in the middle of an explosion )
Doctor : Okay Robert, slip em down, this won't hurt much . .
Elaine : You got a telegram from headquarters today.
Striker: HEADQUARTERS?!? What is it?
Elaine : Well, its a big building where generals meet. But
    that's not important right now. They've cleared
    you of any blame for what happened in that raid.
    Isn't that good news?
Striker: Is it? Because of my mistake 6 men didn't return
    from that raid.
Elaine : 7, Lieutenant Zip died this morning. . . ( Striker
    spits out drink ) The Doctor says you'll be out in
    a week, isn't that wonderful?
Striker: Wish I could say the same for George Zip.
Elaine : Be patient Ted, nobody expects you to get over this
    immediately.
Subject: Hey Striker, How bout a break, I'm getting tired.
Striker: Yeah, alright. Take 5. ( We see that the subject
    has been standing in a contorted stance with an
    explosion backdrop exactly mimicking the painting
    Striker has been working on )
Elaine: I have found a wonderful apartment for us. It has
    a brick fireplace and a cute little bedroom with
    mirrors on the ceiling and . . .
Jeleen: Red leader, Red Leader . . . I'm goin' down (
    makes gunner noises )
Striker: Captain Jeleen. He thinks he's a pilot still
    fighting the war.
Jeleen : I've found the tunnel Johnson!! Its this way $25
    for a cigarette is too much!
Herwitz: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Elaine : What's his problem?
Striker: Its Lt. Herwitz. Severe shell shock. Thinks he's
    Ethel Merman.
( We cut back to herwitz, but he is now replaced with the
 real Ethel Merman )
Herwitz: You'lllllll be swell...
    You'll be great...
    Gonna have the whole world on a plate.
    Startin' here.
    Startin' now.
    Honey, everything's coming up rosseehhhhhhhhsss.
    ( He ( she ) faints )
Striker: War is hell.
( Meanwhile back on the plane )
Attendnt: Would you like some coffee before we serve dinner?
Striker : No, no thank you.
Attendnt: Would either of you like another cup of coffee?
Mother2 : I will, but Jim won't.
Father : I think I will have another cup of coffee.
Mother2 : ( To herself in an echo voice ) Jim never has a
second cup at home.
Attendnt: Excuse me sister . . .
Nun : Yeahhhs?
Attendnt: There's little girl on board up front who's ill and ..
Nun : Oh, yes. I saw, poor child.
Attendnt: Could I borrow your guitar . . . I think maybe I could
cheer her up.
Nun : Of course.
Attendnt: Ohhhh.... thank you. ( She drags guitar across the
passengers heads )
Attendnt: Hi!
Mother : Hi!
Attendnt: Do you mind if I talk to your daughter?
Mother : No I think that'd be nice.
Attendnt: Hi, I'm Randy.
Dyingirl: I'm Lisa . . . YOU HAVE A GUITAAAAR!
Attendnt: Uh, huh! I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song.
Dyingirl: I'd love too!
Attendnt: Okay. Let's see, uh... this is one of my favorites!

I've traveled the banks of the river of Jordan
To find where it flows to the sea
I looked in the eyes of the cold and the hungry
And I saw that I was looking at meeeeeee.
And I wanted to know if life had a purpose
And what it all means in the end
In the silence I listened to voices inside me
And they told me again and again.

There is only one river ( Knocks IV out of Lisa's
arm with guitar but doesn't notice )
There is only one sea
And it flows through you
And it flows through me ( Lisa is having conniptions
about her IV as if about to die )
There is only one people
We are one in the same ( The whole plane begins to
clap along )
We are all one spirit
One naaaaaaaaaaaammmme.
We are the father
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
Oever : Little late tonight. We've been waiting for you.
Elaine : Who wants to be first?
Murdock : Go ahead Clarence, I got 'er.
Elaine : How's the weather?
Murdock : Not so good. We've got some heavy stuff ahead of us.
It might get rough again unless we can climb on top.
Striker : ( To a guy in a turban ) Yeah, after the war, I just
wanted to get as far away from things as possible.
Elaine and I joined the Peace Corps. We were assigned
to an isolated tribe: the Malumbos. ( Flashback to
African tribe ) They'd never seen Americans before.
Striker : It was really a challenge during the year
     introducing them to our western culture.
     At first they didn't know what to think
     of us, but soon we gained their trust.
Elaine : It will help you better prepare and store
     foods for the up and coming Monsoon months.
     Also, Supperware products are ideal for storing
     leftovers to help stretch your food dollar. This
     2 quart Sealz-em Right container will keep hot dog
     buns fresh for days.
Striker : You must understand, these people had been
     completely isolated from civilization. No one
     had ever outlined a physical fitness program
     for them and they had no athletic equipment.
     I started them on simple calisthenics and slowly
     worked them up to rudimentary game skills. And
     finally, advanced competitive theory. I was
     patient with them and they were eager to learn.
     they seemed to enjoy themselves. It was probably
     due to the advanced American techniques that we
     were able to bridge the generations of isolation
     communicate so successfully with Mulambos.
     ( The Mulambos start to play basketball like pros)
     I think they're finally getting the hang of it
     when we re-enlist, I'll teach them baseball.
Elaine : Ted, I don't want to stay here, its time for us
     to go back home to the plans we made before the
     war.
Striker : Alot of people made plans before the war . . .
 like George Zip. It was at that moment that I
 first realized Elaine had doubts about our
 relationship. And that as much as anything else
 led to my drinking problem ( He pours his drink
 on himself.) We did come back to the states, I tried
 a number of jobs . . . well, I could go on for hours,
 but I would probably start to bore you. ( Guy in
 turban pulls out knife and points it to his heart )
 I really couldn't blame Elaine ( Guy stabs himself
 and moans ) she wanted a career.
Oldlady2: Uhhhhhhhh...... I can't stand it. Ohhhhhhh.
Elaine : Yes?
Oldlady2: Oh... its my stomach. I haven't felt this aweful since
we saw that Ronald Reagan film. uhh.
Elaine : I'll see if I can find some Dramamine. ( Goes to
cockpit ) Captain, one of the woman passengers is
very sick.
Oever : Airsick?
Elaine : I think so, but I've never seen it so acute.
Oever : Find out if there's a doctor on board as quietly as
you can. . . Joey . . . have you ever been in a, a
Turkish prison?
Father : Ohhhhhhhhhh, I shouldn't have had that second cup of
coffee. ( he vomits )
Mother2 : ( In echo voice ) Jim never vomits at home.
Elaine : I'm sorry I had to wake you, I'm just looking for a
doctor, there's nothing to worry about.
Woman3 : Stewardess, I think the man sitting next to me is
a Doctor.
Elaine : Sir, excuse me sir, I am sorry I have to wake you,
sir, are you a doctor?
Rumack : That's right.
Elaine : We have some passengers that are very sick, could you
come take a look at them?
Rumack : Yes, of course. . . ( To sick woman ) Let me see your
tongue. ( eggs begin to come out of her mouth. Rumack
cracks one and a bird flys out ) I'll be back in a
minute. ( To Elaine )
You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon
as possible, we've got to get them to the hospital. . .
Elaine : A hospital . . what is it?
Rumack : Its a big building with patients, but that's not
important right now. Tell the captain I must speak
to him.
Elaine : Certainly.
( Victor is getting sick )
Oever : Victor, we're running into some heavy weather . . .
can you ( Victor passes out ) Roger! Take OVER!
Rumack : Captain, how soon can you land?
Oever : I can't tell.
Rumack : You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oever : NO, I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack : Well, can't you take a guess?
Oever : Well, not for another 2 hours.
Rumack : You can't take a guess for another 2 hours?
Oever : No, no, no. I mean we can't land for another 2 hours
fog has closed down everything this side of the
mountains. We've got to get through to Chicago.

????????: What is it doctor?
Rumack : I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since
the Anita Bryant concert. What was it we had for
dinner tonight?
Elaine : Well, we had a choice, steak or fish.
Rumack : Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna. What did he
have?
Elaine : Fish . . .
Attendnt: Doctor, there are 2 more sick people and the rest of
the passengers are worried.
Rumack : I'll go take care of the passengers. Find out what the
two sick people had for dinner.
Oever : This is Captain Oever speaking, been a little bumpy up
here, but we'll be past it in a couple minutes. A few
points of interest we are now flying over Hoover damn
and a little later on, we'll pass just to the south of
the Grand Canyon. Meanwhile, relax and enjoy your
flight, okay? CHICAGO: THIS IS FLIGHT 2-0-9er. . .
We're in trouble, we've got to have all traffic below
us cleared. I want a priority approach and landing in
Chicago.
Mother2: Stewardess, my husband is very sick can you do
something please?
Elaine : Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment.
One thing, do you know what he had for dinner?
Mother2 : Yes, of course, we both had fish. Why?
Elaine : Oh, its nothing to be alarmed about. We'll be back to
you very quickly.
Elaine : Dr Rumack, Mr Hammond ate fish, and Randy said there
five more cases and they all had fish too.
Rumack : And the Co-Pilot had fish, what did the navigator have?
Elaine : He had fish.
Rumack : Alright, now we know what we're up against. Every
passenger on this flight who had fish for dinner will
become violently ill in the next half hour ( Oever
notices he had fish and begins to come down with the
symptoms as they are described )
Elaine : Just how serious is it Doctor?
Rumack : Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and
dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the
red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy begins to
experience an itchy rash, then the poison goes to work
on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms
followed by the inevitable grueling. At this point,
the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by
uncontrollable flatulence ( Oever begins to fart )
Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a
quivering wasted piece of jelly.
Oever : Au--to--ma-tic pi-lot.
Elaine : ( Searches for button ) Automatic pilot, automatic
pilot, there it is . . . ( Otto begins to inflate)
Rumack : I'll go back to the passengers.
Chicago : Come in 2-0-9er, this is Chicago. Flight 2-0-9er,
come in.
Elaine : This is Elaine Dickenson, I'm the stewardess,
Captain Oever has passed out on the floor and
the co-pilot and navigator too. We're in
terrible trouble, over.
MCrosky : Roger, Elaine, Roger. I read you. This is Steve
McCrosky at Chicago air control, Back to you in
a minute ( To Tower ) Hold all takeoffs, I don't
want another plane in the air. When the 508
reports, bring it straight in. Put out a general
bulletin to suspend meal service on flights out
of Los Angeles. Tell all dispatchers to remain at
their posts, its gonna be long night. How bout
some coffee Johnny?
Johnny : NO THANKS!
MCrosky : I want the weather on every landing field this side
of the line, no matter what the size. Do you
understand? Anyplace, anyplace where there's a
chance to land that plane. ( To Siamese twin

(blah blah blah)
 
2020-07-03 4:43:57 PM  

krispos42: Ishkur: I've seen that movie so many times I can recount it line by line, and it was only recently (within the last year or so), that I realized the running gag of Ted tossing drinks in his own face was because he had a "drinking problem". That is, he had physical difficulty literally putting the liquid in his mouth.

All this time I thought it meant he was just stressed out.

I didn't get the auto-pilot/ Otto-pilot joke until last year.

I'm 44.


it took 100 + viewings for me to realize that every time they show the model of the plane flying, all you hear are propellers, not jets. lol
 
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