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(Legacy.com)   When your obit states "He was the last person prosecuted in Massachusetts for illegal possession of a ferret" you know the deceased lived a full life   (legacy.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, New York City, Merrill's Marauders, Gary Drake Hughes, adult life, expansive life, Associate Degree, gregarious person, Rockland County, New York  
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1925 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2020 at 5:35 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



25 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-06-30 4:36:18 PM  
Nice marmot
 
2020-06-30 5:17:01 PM  
That's a strange obituary.  I'm guessing two people collaborated on it.   Half of it is lighthearted and almost admiring and then (needle scratch):


"A lifetime of alcohol and drug addiction destroyed all his relationships, his health and whatever human potential he possessed. He spent half his adult life incarcerated, and the rest of the time hustling and conning to support his habits. "
 
2020-06-30 5:22:09 PM  
Come and get them, coppers! You aren't going to sell my ferret into sex slavery.
 
2020-06-30 5:39:54 PM  

FrabjousDay: That's a strange obituary.  I'm guessing two people collaborated on it.   Half of it is lighthearted and almost admiring and then (needle scratch):


"A lifetime of alcohol and drug addiction destroyed all his relationships, his health and whatever human potential he possessed. He spent half his adult life incarcerated, and the rest of the time hustling and conning to support his habits. "


Yeah, what you said.  Weird.  I was ready to laugh, but I didn't.
 
2020-06-30 5:50:32 PM  
I'm an illegal ferret who recently escaped from a drunk con man,
So I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...
 
2020-06-30 5:53:42 PM  
Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.
 
2020-06-30 5:54:44 PM  

cretinbob: Nice marmot


The Big Lebowski - What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Youtube oovqYtMy1BI
 
2020-06-30 5:59:00 PM  
You had me at "he had his pilots license revoked for flying under bridges"
 
2020-06-30 6:33:25 PM  
If he bites you, you get rabies and you die.
 
2020-06-30 6:51:20 PM  
Apparently nobody in the family knows how to proofread
 
2020-06-30 6:59:07 PM  

Murflette: Apparently nobody in the family knows how to proofread


They would've asked the ferret to copyedit, but it was farking frozen.
 
2020-06-30 7:07:31 PM  
Interesting.  The first ferret I ever touched was in Massachusetts.

Her name was Annie.

She was quite furry.  And a little bit smelly.

/1971
//Boston Museum of Science
///I was six, people!  Six!
 
2020-06-30 7:27:33 PM  
The LAST guy to get prosecuted for possession of a ferret?  Just going along with the crowd.

Not the FIRST guy to get prosecuted for ferret possession, he's a groundbreaker.  I wanna party with you dude.
 
2020-06-30 7:40:40 PM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


My grampa probably would have ended up similarly, but he had my grandma's retirement to suck off of until he died at 91. He was an arrogant bastard and always the smartest person in the room.
 
2020-06-30 7:45:54 PM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


I miss my Dad too
 
2020-06-30 7:50:46 PM  
Truly a rogue's rogue.
 
2020-06-30 8:03:35 PM  
The last?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-30 8:31:23 PM  

FrabjousDay: That's a strange obituary.  I'm guessing two people collaborated on it.   Half of it is lighthearted and almost admiring and then (needle scratch):


"A lifetime of alcohol and drug addiction destroyed all his relationships, his health and whatever human potential he possessed. He spent half his adult life incarcerated, and the rest of the time hustling and conning to support his habits. "


Well, at least he was a ferret owner.  That counts for something, right?
 
2020-06-30 8:47:54 PM  
Lost me at "was a telemarketer".
 
2020-06-30 8:55:43 PM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


What, exactly, did he owe any of you? Go start your own Buick dealership.
 
2020-06-30 9:13:10 PM  
Obit does not mention hookers; just the blow.
 
2020-06-30 9:53:34 PM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-30 11:10:54 PM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


Actually no, the obit guy had some redeeming qualities
 
2020-07-01 6:24:27 AM  

phedex: Sounds like my freaking grandpa in florida who did the following:

lost our family owned buick dealership in the late 50's.
ignored his kids.
once poured oil on the floor at a shop he worked in, then made himself fall in it, to attempt to get a settlement.
routinely asked his family members for money for various schemes.
had a gigantic poster of winning lottery numbers where he was certain he would find a pattern.
stole tires using the "let me go get the checkbook out of the car" excuse, then driving away, and letting his son pick up the tab when he high tailed back to florida before they could find him.
"picked up, and delivered packages, and didn't ask questions" in bradenton, florida in the 80's.

he chain smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for most of his life, and drank his way to somehow live to be 84, acquiring lung cancer around 82.  No one claimed his ashes in florida because he disgusted the family.  The only thing he gave us was a million "can't believe this is true" stories about his life.


Frank Gallagher approves.
 
2020-07-01 8:56:41 AM  

DippityDoo: I'm an illegal ferret who recently escaped from a drunk con man,
So I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...


You were killed and frozen by fish and game?
 
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