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(Boing Boing)   Or you could just buy non runny-ass peanut butter   (boingboing.net) divider line
    More: Amusing, Affiliate marketing, Peanut butter, stirring rod slips, Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, uses cookies, droplets of hot oil, rubber hole, peanut butter  
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2409 clicks; posted to Geek » and Food » on 29 Jun 2020 at 11:19 PM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-06-30 12:09:48 AM  
18 votes:
The trick to stirring natural peanut butter is to flip the jar upside down overnight. It makes stirring it so much easier.
 
2020-06-29 8:44:36 PM  
18 votes:
Not as healthy subby.
 
2020-06-29 9:39:50 PM  
16 votes:
xkcd_sweet_car.jpg
 
2020-06-29 10:05:17 PM  
14 votes:

edmo: Not as healthy subby.


Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

teddie.comView Full Size

/found the masshole
 
2020-06-29 11:56:02 PM  
13 votes:

ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.


Talk to me when it's no sugar.
 
2020-06-29 10:07:40 PM  
12 votes:
My peanut butter:

Fark user imageView Full Size


"Ingredients: peanuts"
 
2020-06-29 11:33:33 PM  
10 votes:
Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.
 
2020-06-29 11:28:51 PM  
7 votes:
FTFA:  The stirring rod slips through a rubber hole in the lid, and when I remove it, the rubber hole squeegees the peanut butter off so there's no mess.

lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-30 1:00:46 AM  
6 votes:
I will not eat pb other than Jiff. The molasses makes all the difference. I have eaten raw/natural pb before. So bland. No. Just no.
 
2020-06-30 12:58:25 PM  
5 votes:

ski9600: Vermithrax Perjorative: It's better than runny ass-peanut butter.

The elk around here have ass-peanuts.  Lots and lots.


Botanically, those are not nuts, those are berries.

Dingleberries to be more precise.
 
2020-06-30 1:07:30 AM  
5 votes:
My parents lied to me about plain peanut butter. They told me it was gross. I tried it a couple years ago and it's amazingly better than that icing sugar crap. What I do is mix it when I buy it and then keep it refrigerated. To use it I put some in a bowl and nuke it for five seconds to soften it.
 
2020-06-30 9:19:33 AM  
4 votes:

Snubnose: There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?


Thats true of many processed foods.  Hot Dogs are a good example.  Most bugs are edible and contain proportionately more protein per ounce.
 
2020-06-30 4:49:28 AM  
4 votes:
I prefer "chunky" peanut butter.

There.  I said it.
 
2020-06-29 11:38:34 PM  
4 votes:

McGrits: Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.


I grind it at the store, and keep it in the fridge.  Doesn't separate, and it's still spreadable.
 
2020-06-29 11:34:29 PM  
4 votes:

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me. When I get peanut butter, which is a rare occurrence, it is always unsweetened, oil separated, etc. I also like PB2, the powdered peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 8:33:03 AM  
3 votes:
Or store it upside down in the fridge.
 
2020-06-30 6:07:59 AM  
3 votes:
The best peanut butter is entirely natural, no machine processing.  Feed raw peanuts to civets and in a few hours you will have soft, warm, all-natural chunky peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 5:53:51 AM  
3 votes:
Peanut butter should one ingredient, two ingredients TOPS, depending on if you want it salted or unsalted. That said, it's a personal choice for me. I don't mind stirring my peanut butter. If you want Skippy or Peter Pan, go for it.

/Teddie is my go-to brand
//Yes, I'm a Masshole
 
2020-06-30 3:42:00 AM  
3 votes:

ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.


Not something I've ever seen up here in Canada but I bet I'd like it.  I wish there was a half-way point between "poor texture / not quite sweet enough / separates" all natural and "holy crap peanuts is the third ingredient behind sugar and dextrose!" totally fake-tasting.
 
2020-06-30 12:51:59 AM  
3 votes:
Had one, gave it away.  It doesn't work all that well and was generally a pain.  I just use a carving fork.

We made the trek to Trader Joe's today to re-stock our peanut butter:  TJ's organic unsalted crunchy.  All six jars got stored in the pantry...upside  down.
 
2020-06-30 12:44:47 AM  
3 votes:

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Why does the teddy bear mascot look like he's trying to seduce me into bed next to him?
 
2020-06-30 12:40:19 AM  
3 votes:
Throw some peanuts in a food processor for the one time a year I crave a fluffernutter? Ok.
 
2020-06-30 12:26:25 AM  
3 votes:
Winco's cheapest peanut butter is peanut pieces in a grinder. Just flip the switch and collect in a tub. With one of these devices it becomes less frustrating
 
2020-06-30 12:02:34 AM  
3 votes:
Mmmm, runny ass-peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 9:30:41 AM  
2 votes:

Bill_Wick's_Friend: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Not something I've ever seen up here in Canada but I bet I'd like it.  I wish there was a half-way point between "poor texture / not quite sweet enough / separates" all natural and "holy crap peanuts is the third ingredient behind sugar and dextrose!" totally fake-tasting.


What made me switch to Trader Joe's PB was us using up our stash of President's Choice "Jus Arachides" crunchy.  It seems unlikely that we'll be allowed to cross the border to visit the cottage and stock on necessities like the afore-mentioned PB, the Canadian flavours of Miss Vickies chips, my favorite oatmeal stout, and PC's Rosemary crackers, so we're having to improvise.
 
2020-06-30 4:28:49 AM  
2 votes:

edmo: Not as healthy subby.


Exactly. Real peanut butter, without all the additives, is one of the best "industrial" foods available. We screwed that up by adding the stuff to keep it from separating on the shelf. Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.
 
2020-06-30 2:19:35 AM  
2 votes:
I've liked some of the "old-fashioned" peanut butters, but some taste like peanut grit with grease.
 
2020-06-30 1:43:52 AM  
2 votes:
Or you can make your own, takes 30 minutes to roast, 5 min to grind.
 
2020-06-30 12:54:05 AM  
2 votes:

whatisaidwas: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Talk to me when it's no sugar.


It doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat PB that often and I'd rather put up with a little sugar to get a shelf-stable product.

To each their own.
 
2020-06-29 11:49:32 PM  
2 votes:

CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.


Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.
 
2020-06-29 11:37:52 PM  
2 votes:
It's better than runny ass-peanut butter.
 
2020-07-01 6:05:16 AM  
1 vote:

ImpendingCynic: whatisaidwas: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Talk to me when it's no sugar.

It doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat PB that often and I'd rather put up with a little sugar to get a shelf-stable product.

To each their own.


I have a better tool for the job. It's called a "butter knife". It has the advantage of being able to spread the peanut butter on your bread after you've stirred your PB. You can also use this knife for dairy butter and cream cheese. It even makes a handy pry bar, or screwdriver in a pinch. But wait there's more! In the event of a home evasion your butter knife can also serve as a weapon if you can't find anything sharper.

Warning: Keep it way from small children and electrical sockets.
 
2020-06-30 2:19:23 PM  
1 vote:

anuran: inglixthemad: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Exactly. Real peanut butter, without all the additives, is one of the best "industrial" foods available. We screwed that up by adding the stuff to keep it from separating on the shelf. Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.

I'm less worried about emulsifiers than the icing sugar and salt lick most brands put in there.


Don't buy shiatty peanut butter, and those emulsifiers are usually shiatty for your body. Like I said, peanut butter is a great food. The stuff is high in protein, rich in healthy fats, et al., basically zero issues until you add emulsifiers and so on. Good peanut butter will never have sugar added, it won't need sugar. Good peanut butter will only have a small amount of salt, less than salted (cow milk cream) butter, added. They also spend a bit more on the peanuts, so the good stuff will cost more, to get the right amount of fats. This is important because it dictates how creamy the peanut butter will be, and how well it will avoid separation after mixing it at home when left at room temperature.
 
2020-06-30 1:37:11 PM  
1 vote:

McGrits: Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.


That^

All peanut butter that, is nothig but ground up peanuts, will separate over time.

Step one:
if storing for any time, flip the jar over from time to time. Or when you bring a new jar home that is already separated, just store it upside down until you need to open it.

Step two:
It almost always will need at least a little stir and fook the one job kitchen tool.
Put a butter knife into the middle of the jar all the way to the bottom. Slowly spin the knife around, as it makes a larger hole her the oil fills it up and lowers from the jar edge to help prevent any spilling.
And then just run the knife back and forth along the edge, not flat of the knife.
As long as you go slowly and keep the knife deep in the peanut butter the oil will move down and mix in, not up and spill out.


Step three:
once well mixed, store in the fridge to prevent it separating again.
 
2020-06-30 10:16:33 AM  
1 vote:

toetag: Snubnose: There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?

Thats true of many processed foods.  Hot Dogs are a good example.  Most bugs are edible and contain proportionately more protein per ounce.


Peanut butter is only allowed 29 insect fragments per 100 grams.  Wheat flour can have 74 insect fragments per 50 grams.  (and wheat flour is allowed twice as much rodent hair as peanut butter)

https://www.fda.gov/food/ingredients-​a​dditives-gras-packaging-guidance-docum​ents-regulatory-information/food-defec​t-levels-handbook

Disclaimer : my grandfather helped start a company that sells ethylene oxide, a gas used to treat spices so they can be shipped internationally.  (it kills bugs, mold, bacteria, etc., but of course doesn't remove them or whatever they might've produced.  It's also highly explosive and causes cancer.)
 
2020-06-30 8:56:11 AM  
1 vote:
Subby sounds fat, and probably douses his Bubba Gump fried shrimp in Guy Fieri's Donkey Sauce. Enjoy your hydrogenated sugar paste, and eventual insulin dependency.

Costco two pack all natural PB is good for me. Store it on its side so when you stir it up you can use a knife to break up the harder paste without squirting peanut oil onto your shirt. Then keep it in the fridge.
 
2020-06-30 7:09:23 AM  
1 vote:
Uhhh, no one has mentioned not cleaning the utensils before using them.  That seriously made me twitchy, and I would not be eating any of that batch that was stirred.
 
2020-06-30 3:59:15 AM  
1 vote:
If you've got a natural grocers in town, try their store ground PB. Its my favorite by far.

I've tried alot of other pure peanut butters and for whatever reason, some are better than others.
 
2020-06-30 12:50:25 AM  
1 vote:

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Stores in upstate New York carry this also. Pretty much have a jar of smooth and a jar of crunchy going at all times.
 
2020-06-30 12:44:35 AM  
1 vote:
Subby wants ass peanut butter?  With or without corn?
 
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