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(Boing Boing)   Or you could just buy non runny-ass peanut butter   (boingboing.net) divider line
    More: Amusing, Affiliate marketing, Peanut butter, stirring rod slips, Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, uses cookies, droplets of hot oil, rubber hole, peanut butter  
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2309 clicks; posted to Geek » and Food » on 29 Jun 2020 at 11:19 PM (13 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



65 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-06-29 8:44:36 PM  
Not as healthy subby.
 
2020-06-29 9:39:50 PM  
xkcd_sweet_car.jpg
 
2020-06-29 10:05:17 PM  

edmo: Not as healthy subby.


Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

teddie.comView Full Size

/found the masshole
 
2020-06-29 10:07:40 PM  
My peanut butter:

Fark user imageView Full Size


"Ingredients: peanuts"
 
2020-06-29 11:28:51 PM  
FTFA:  The stirring rod slips through a rubber hole in the lid, and when I remove it, the rubber hole squeegees the peanut butter off so there's no mess.

lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 11:33:33 PM  
Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.
 
2020-06-29 11:34:29 PM  

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me. When I get peanut butter, which is a rare occurrence, it is always unsweetened, oil separated, etc. I also like PB2, the powdered peanut butter.
 
2020-06-29 11:37:52 PM  
It's better than runny ass-peanut butter.
 
2020-06-29 11:38:34 PM  

McGrits: Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.


I grind it at the store, and keep it in the fridge.  Doesn't separate, and it's still spreadable.
 
2020-06-29 11:49:32 PM  

CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.


Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.
 
2020-06-29 11:56:02 PM  

ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.


Talk to me when it's no sugar.
 
2020-06-30 12:02:34 AM  
Mmmm, runny ass-peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 12:09:48 AM  
The trick to stirring natural peanut butter is to flip the jar upside down overnight. It makes stirring it so much easier.
 
2020-06-30 12:26:25 AM  
Winco's cheapest peanut butter is peanut pieces in a grinder. Just flip the switch and collect in a tub. With one of these devices it becomes less frustrating
 
2020-06-30 12:40:19 AM  
Throw some peanuts in a food processor for the one time a year I crave a fluffernutter? Ok.
 
2020-06-30 12:44:35 AM  
Subby wants ass peanut butter?  With or without corn?
 
2020-06-30 12:44:47 AM  

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Why does the teddy bear mascot look like he's trying to seduce me into bed next to him?
 
2020-06-30 12:50:25 AM  

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Stores in upstate New York carry this also. Pretty much have a jar of smooth and a jar of crunchy going at all times.
 
2020-06-30 12:51:59 AM  
Had one, gave it away.  It doesn't work all that well and was generally a pain.  I just use a carving fork.

We made the trek to Trader Joe's today to re-stock our peanut butter:  TJ's organic unsalted crunchy.  All six jars got stored in the pantry...upside  down.
 
2020-06-30 12:54:05 AM  

whatisaidwas: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Talk to me when it's no sugar.


It doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat PB that often and I'd rather put up with a little sugar to get a shelf-stable product.

To each their own.
 
2020-06-30 1:00:46 AM  
I will not eat pb other than Jiff. The molasses makes all the difference. I have eaten raw/natural pb before. So bland. No. Just no.
 
2020-06-30 1:07:30 AM  
My parents lied to me about plain peanut butter. They told me it was gross. I tried it a couple years ago and it's amazingly better than that icing sugar crap. What I do is mix it when I buy it and then keep it refrigerated. To use it I put some in a bowl and nuke it for five seconds to soften it.
 
2020-06-30 1:09:20 AM  

Mister Buttons: Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole

Why does the teddy bear mascot look like he's trying to seduce me into bed next to him?


Thanks, Smokey!
Youtube HNMq8XS4LhE
 
2020-06-30 1:43:52 AM  
Or you can make your own, takes 30 minutes to roast, 5 min to grind.
 
2020-06-30 1:56:06 AM  

johnny_vegas: FTFA:  The stirring rod slips through a rubber hole in the lid, and when I remove it, the rubber hole squeegees the peanut butter off so there's no mess.

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 356x512]


Some things just strike a chord. Embrace it, don't let it be weird 🤪🤣
 
2020-06-30 1:58:45 AM  

Mister Buttons: Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole

Why does the teddy bear mascot look like he's trying to seduce me into bed next to him?


Ummm maybe because he IS? Frisky Teddy yeah? 😜
 
2020-06-30 2:19:35 AM  
I've liked some of the "old-fashioned" peanut butters, but some taste like peanut grit with grease.
 
2020-06-30 2:25:26 AM  
imgs.xkcd.comView Full Size


/Whatever floats your goat, subby.
 
2020-06-30 3:42:00 AM  

ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.


Not something I've ever seen up here in Canada but I bet I'd like it.  I wish there was a half-way point between "poor texture / not quite sweet enough / separates" all natural and "holy crap peanuts is the third ingredient behind sugar and dextrose!" totally fake-tasting.
 
2020-06-30 3:59:15 AM  
If you've got a natural grocers in town, try their store ground PB. Its my favorite by far.

I've tried alot of other pure peanut butters and for whatever reason, some are better than others.
 
2020-06-30 4:26:00 AM  
I rarely crave it, but when I do:

1/2 c. peanuts
3 TBL peanut oil

Chop it in blender.
Eat it.
 
2020-06-30 4:28:49 AM  

edmo: Not as healthy subby.


Exactly. Real peanut butter, without all the additives, is one of the best "industrial" foods available. We screwed that up by adding the stuff to keep it from separating on the shelf. Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.
 
2020-06-30 4:49:28 AM  
I prefer "chunky" peanut butter.

There.  I said it.
 
2020-06-30 4:51:21 AM  
I also apparently like "chunky" women. I never had sex with a woman who weighed less than me.  I think serious acne from 12-21 years old screwed with my head.

/Fark:  Cheaper than therapy.
 
2020-06-30 5:24:21 AM  
Couple summers ago, we had a power outage. It was hotter than Paris just out of prison, like 114 degrees. I was hungry, so I went for the PB and it was liquid. LIQUID. I held in my hands the world's nastiest looking (but best smelling) personal lubricant.

I would have chugged it but I was worried it might solidify inside of my throat, thus causing a medical examiner to call all his friends over and say "Holy f*ck, this guy is packed to the gills with peanut butter. Did he forget how to swallow? How do you do that?"

Learn one thing: Deprive people of schadenfreude.
 
2020-06-30 5:53:51 AM  
Peanut butter should one ingredient, two ingredients TOPS, depending on if you want it salted or unsalted. That said, it's a personal choice for me. I don't mind stirring my peanut butter. If you want Skippy or Peter Pan, go for it.

/Teddie is my go-to brand
//Yes, I'm a Masshole
 
2020-06-30 6:07:59 AM  
The best peanut butter is entirely natural, no machine processing.  Feed raw peanuts to civets and in a few hours you will have soft, warm, all-natural chunky peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 6:29:49 AM  

Zevon's Evil Twin: I rarely crave it, but when I do:

1/2 c. peanuts
3 TBL peanut oil


Is the half century BC or AD? And why would you want something to be later oil? Wouldn't oil now be a little easier to work with?
 
2020-06-30 7:09:23 AM  
Uhhh, no one has mentioned not cleaning the utensils before using them.  That seriously made me twitchy, and I would not be eating any of that batch that was stirred.
 
2020-06-30 7:18:33 AM  
Best peanut butter I've ever had.
cdn.shopify.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-30 7:56:18 AM  

Excelsior: [imgs.xkcd.com image 500x342]

/Whatever floats your goat, subby.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-30 8:14:07 AM  
There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?
 
2020-06-30 8:33:03 AM  
Or store it upside down in the fridge.
 
2020-06-30 8:56:11 AM  
Subby sounds fat, and probably douses his Bubba Gump fried shrimp in Guy Fieri's Donkey Sauce. Enjoy your hydrogenated sugar paste, and eventual insulin dependency.

Costco two pack all natural PB is good for me. Store it on its side so when you stir it up you can use a knife to break up the harder paste without squirting peanut oil onto your shirt. Then keep it in the fridge.
 
2020-06-30 9:06:13 AM  
Or you could just not buy peanut butter.
 
2020-06-30 9:19:33 AM  

Snubnose: There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?


Thats true of many processed foods.  Hot Dogs are a good example.  Most bugs are edible and contain proportionately more protein per ounce.
 
db2
2020-06-30 9:28:33 AM  
Enjoy your shelf-stable jar full of sugar and hydrogenated oils.
 
2020-06-30 9:30:41 AM  

Bill_Wick's_Friend: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Not something I've ever seen up here in Canada but I bet I'd like it.  I wish there was a half-way point between "poor texture / not quite sweet enough / separates" all natural and "holy crap peanuts is the third ingredient behind sugar and dextrose!" totally fake-tasting.


What made me switch to Trader Joe's PB was us using up our stash of President's Choice "Jus Arachides" crunchy.  It seems unlikely that we'll be allowed to cross the border to visit the cottage and stock on necessities like the afore-mentioned PB, the Canadian flavours of Miss Vickies chips, my favorite oatmeal stout, and PC's Rosemary crackers, so we're having to improvise.
 
2020-06-30 10:00:06 AM  
It's not a nut, it's a legume!
Ya'll are eatin' legume butter.


/ runs from thread.
 
2020-06-30 10:16:33 AM  

toetag: Snubnose: There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?

Thats true of many processed foods.  Hot Dogs are a good example.  Most bugs are edible and contain proportionately more protein per ounce.


Peanut butter is only allowed 29 insect fragments per 100 grams.  Wheat flour can have 74 insect fragments per 50 grams.  (and wheat flour is allowed twice as much rodent hair as peanut butter)

https://www.fda.gov/food/ingredients-​a​dditives-gras-packaging-guidance-docum​ents-regulatory-information/food-defec​t-levels-handbook

Disclaimer : my grandfather helped start a company that sells ethylene oxide, a gas used to treat spices so they can be shipped internationally.  (it kills bugs, mold, bacteria, etc., but of course doesn't remove them or whatever they might've produced.  It's also highly explosive and causes cancer.)
 
2020-06-30 10:30:09 AM  

Chief Superintendent Lookout: Uhhh, no one has mentioned not cleaning the utensils before using them.  That seriously made me twitchy, and I would not be eating any of that batch that was stirred.


It really bugged me, but I didn't want to complain and seem like a weirdo.
 
2020-06-30 11:56:10 AM  

Vermithrax Perjorative: It's better than runny ass-peanut butter.


The elk around here have ass-peanuts.  Lots and lots.
 
2020-06-30 12:17:04 PM  

Snubnose: There is an acceptable amount of bug parts in peanut butter according to the FDA. Acceptable to whom?


Certainly not to the bugs I'd imagine.
 
2020-06-30 12:58:25 PM  

ski9600: Vermithrax Perjorative: It's better than runny ass-peanut butter.

The elk around here have ass-peanuts.  Lots and lots.


Botanically, those are not nuts, those are berries.

Dingleberries to be more precise.
 
2020-06-30 1:37:11 PM  

McGrits: Someone here suggested to keep pure peanut butter in the fridge to prevent separation. I now do this because it works.


That^

All peanut butter that, is nothig but ground up peanuts, will separate over time.

Step one:
if storing for any time, flip the jar over from time to time. Or when you bring a new jar home that is already separated, just store it upside down until you need to open it.

Step two:
It almost always will need at least a little stir and fook the one job kitchen tool.
Put a butter knife into the middle of the jar all the way to the bottom. Slowly spin the knife around, as it makes a larger hole her the oil fills it up and lowers from the jar edge to help prevent any spilling.
And then just run the knife back and forth along the edge, not flat of the knife.
As long as you go slowly and keep the knife deep in the peanut butter the oil will move down and mix in, not up and spill out.


Step three:
once well mixed, store in the fridge to prevent it separating again.
 
2020-06-30 2:06:12 PM  

inglixthemad: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Exactly. Real peanut butter, without all the additives, is one of the best "industrial" foods available. We screwed that up by adding the stuff to keep it from separating on the shelf. Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.


I'm less worried about emulsifiers than the icing sugar and salt lick most brands put in there.
 
2020-06-30 2:19:23 PM  

anuran: inglixthemad: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Exactly. Real peanut butter, without all the additives, is one of the best "industrial" foods available. We screwed that up by adding the stuff to keep it from separating on the shelf. Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.

I'm less worried about emulsifiers than the icing sugar and salt lick most brands put in there.


Don't buy shiatty peanut butter, and those emulsifiers are usually shiatty for your body. Like I said, peanut butter is a great food. The stuff is high in protein, rich in healthy fats, et al., basically zero issues until you add emulsifiers and so on. Good peanut butter will never have sugar added, it won't need sugar. Good peanut butter will only have a small amount of salt, less than salted (cow milk cream) butter, added. They also spend a bit more on the peanuts, so the good stuff will cost more, to get the right amount of fats. This is important because it dictates how creamy the peanut butter will be, and how well it will avoid separation after mixing it at home when left at room temperature.
 
2020-06-30 3:04:27 PM  

Bowen: edmo: Not as healthy subby.

Also not as tasty. I can't eat Jif or Skippy anymore.

[teddie.com image 291x321]
/found the masshole


Teddie is the peanut booter of the Gods.
 
2020-06-30 4:26:18 PM  

inglixthemad: Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.


A few minutes?! But I'm snacky NOW!
 
2020-06-30 5:54:13 PM  

Gough: Jus Arachides


I keep seeing "Just Arachnids"
 
2020-06-30 6:06:24 PM  

DecemberNitro: inglixthemad: Take a few minutes to mix it up, it isn't rocket science.

A few minutes?! But I'm snacky NOW!


Good things come to those who wait, so start stirring.
 
2020-06-30 7:45:06 PM  

PickleBarrel: Gough: Jus Arachides

I keep seeing "Just Arachnids"


At the cottage, it's generally referred to as "only spiders" peanut butter.
 
2020-07-01 6:05:16 AM  

ImpendingCynic: whatisaidwas: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Talk to me when it's no sugar.

It doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat PB that often and I'd rather put up with a little sugar to get a shelf-stable product.

To each their own.


I have a better tool for the job. It's called a "butter knife". It has the advantage of being able to spread the peanut butter on your bread after you've stirred your PB. You can also use this knife for dairy butter and cream cheese. It even makes a handy pry bar, or screwdriver in a pinch. But wait there's more! In the event of a home evasion your butter knife can also serve as a weapon if you can't find anything sharper.

Warning: Keep it way from small children and electrical sockets.
 
2020-07-01 11:32:29 AM  
Well, to each their own.  As a kid I loved peanut butter, and consequently my tastes got very specific.  There were two solid years of misery during which my mother packed my sandwich school lunch with un-adulterated ground-up-style peanut... no, I won't call it "butter", there was nothing buttery about it.  It was a gritty, oily substance that needed daily stirring.

When I complained, she tried spreading a little honey on the bread, not understanding that I didn't like honey either, making my lunch worse.  I distinctly remember being able to open my sandwich and un-peel the peanut substance off the bread; it wouldn't stick at all.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, major brands like Jif and Skippy were way too oily and sugary.  The right middle ground (for me, anyway) was Kraft - ignoring whatever terrible chemicals or corporate shenanigans they do.  I don't know about the U.S., but in Canada there's a "light" version that I quite like.  Actually - now that I look at their website, they apparently have an "unsweetened, unsalted" version.  Could give that one a try.  Looks like it would probably pass my texture preferences - not sure about my taste preferences.
 
2020-07-01 2:39:54 PM  

ImpendingCynic: whatisaidwas: ImpendingCynic: CFitzsimmons: Jiff, Skippy, et al are all too sweet for me.

Try Simply Jif. It has less sugar, and no corn syrup.

Talk to me when it's no sugar.

It doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat PB that often and I'd rather put up with a little sugar to get a shelf-stable product.

To each their own.


It isn't the sugar making it stable, it's the hydrogenated vegetable oil.
 
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