Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)   I went to the movies during a pandemic. Here's what that was like   (tampabay.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Movie theater, Film, single movie theater, Bugs Bunny, Studio Movie Grill, Warner Bros., Looney Tunes, matinee of Space Jam  
•       •       •

4659 clicks; posted to Main » and Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2020 at 5:35 PM (6 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
6 days ago  
86 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


No she didn't. You went alone, you jerked off then you cried.
 
6 days ago  
32 votes:
CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think
 
6 days ago  
31 votes:
Cool Story, my Bros: when I was a college sophomore, my girlfriend lived at the lakeshore during summer break.  One evening, after boozing since lunch, she and I decided to see The Bridges of Madison County (we took a Quebecois taxi; quelle horreur!) a few weeks after it's release. We wound up being the only couple in the theater, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) Francophones in Saskatchewan; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:15 start.

I went with her because I had a crush on her 54 year old cougar mom, her and she wanted to go, and when you love somebody's mom you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes. But even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve her boredom. Seriously, she did not even appreciate that Clint Eastwood was diversifying his oeuvre and proving his talent as an artist and a dramaturge. But her mom had work done on her and I was so close to closing the deal that I let the girl complain throughout all the best cinematography, thank god she finally put something in her mouth so I could pay attention to the fine details of Clint Eastwood's finest directorial showcase. Anyhow, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, compared to the layered pathos on screen. So I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  Being drunk, at the cerebral but emotionally complicated denouement I pulled out and finished on the popcorn, because they skimped on the golden topping, the cheapskates.

I wiped up what missed the popcorn with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions and threw it under a seat.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene. To this day I tell this story because it is totally mine and I don't steal hot facts about me from strangers on the internet.
 
6 days ago  
31 votes:

almejita: Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think

No she didn't. You went alone, you jerked off then you cried.


That's true. But, still, in the seat
 
6 days ago  
29 votes:
Why did this thread start with a Dear Penthouse letter?
 
6 days ago  
11 votes:

Dibikad: I think the only time I've ever had the theater entirely to myself was when I caught the 10 or 11pm showing of They Shall Not Grow Old on cheap movie night but in the nice Atmos theater with a balcony and big comfy chairs. Front and center in the balcony and it was glorious. That movie is seriously amazing.


Whoops, forgot the most important part. When it changed to color I cried, jerked off, and came over the balcony in rapid fire, my seed arching to fall on the empty seats below like a fountain in celebration of the beauty I was witnessing....This is the thread for this right? But seriously, watch the movie.
 
6 days ago  
11 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


I am sincerely embarrassed for you.
 
6 days ago  
11 votes:
"I risked my life to watch Space Jam.  Here's what it's like to be an idiot.... [words]"
 
6 days ago  
11 votes:
OutBreak 1995
Youtube Wy-w1-g7OvY
 
6 days ago  
8 votes:

almejita: And no one getting their feelings hurt or anyone getting outraged.


Speak for yourself you sunnufa biatch!
 
6 days ago  
8 votes:
During winter break early in 1977 I was at a movie theater somewhere in Northern Virginia. I don't remember the feature; it was eminently forgettable. There were maybe four people in the whole theater. Lights went down, they started showing previews of coming attractions. First preview, meh. Second preview, ho hum. Then they showed a preview for some movie called Star Wars. After that preview, the lights came up for a few seconds before the feature started. All of us looked around at each other, gaping WTF Did I Just See looks on our faces.
 
6 days ago  
6 votes:

almejita: No she didn't. You went alone, you jerked off then you cried.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
6 days ago  
6 votes:

Leader O'Cola: pretty sure the opening image in TFA is a federal crime.


consumerist.comView Full Size
 
6 days ago  
5 votes:

LarrySouth: Isn't that Wabbit super wacist?

How long before mocking mispronunciations becomes so incorrect that it's a legal offence?

And then the entire Looney Tunes catalogue is binned?...



Fark user imageView Full Size
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:

jonas opines: Why did this thread start with a Dear Penthouse letter?


Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me, but now I'm on a farking ventilator because I wouldn't pony up the extra $2 to rent Space Jam on Amazon.

Please find enclosed the last will and testament of a farking idiot.

Cough, gasp and so on,

Hollow-headed Dumbass
 
ecl [TotalFark] [BareFark]
6 days ago  
4 votes:

bobbyjoebobby: I've been to a couple movies, precovid, and been the only one there. It was awesome. No, I'm not sharing my secret.


Anyone could have seen Glitter alone in the theatre.
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:

almejita: Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think

No she didn't. You went alone, you jerked off then you cried.

i.makeagif.comView Full Size
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:

Dibikad: Whoops, forgot the most important part. When it changed to color I cried, jerked off, and came over the balcony in rapid fire, my seed arching to fall on the empty seats below like a fountain in celebration of the beauty I was witnessing....This is the thread for this right


Fark user imageView Full Size


And, for those of you continuing to read this thread, please know that my asshattery is borne out of the conceit that "let me tell you about the time I saw Space Jam by myself 20 years after it was released" would be beyond inane, only that somehow by slapping COVID19 on it it gets greened.
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:

jonas opines: Why did this thread start with a Dear Penthouse letter?


It's Fark. Just roll with it.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


and here I thought that sound of my shoes sticking to the floor while I find my seat was from spilled soft drinks.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

p51d007: Movie theaters, because of this stupidity, like sporting events, will become a thing of the past.
The ISP's have found out their networks didn't collapse over everyone staying home, streaming
and what not.  The movie theaters can close up, save all that money in labor, buildings and what
not, sell tickets online, not have to ship/distribute the movies to each theater.  Just send it online.



https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertszc​zerba/2015/01/05/15-worst-tech-predict​ions-of-all-time/#21e0b1e41299

1876: "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication."- William Orton, President of Western Union.

1889: "Fooling around with alternating current (AC) is just a waste of time.  Nobody will use it, ever." - Thomas Edison

1903: "The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty - a fad." - President of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford's lawyer, Horace Rackham, not to invest in the Ford Motor Company.

1946: "Television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months.  People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."- Darryl Zanuck, 20th Century Fox.

1961: "There is practically no chance communications space satellites will be used to provide better telephone, telegraph, television or radio service inside the United States." - T.A.M. Craven, Federal Communications Commission (FCC) commissioner.

1966: "Remote shopping, while entirely feasible, will flop." - Time Magazine.

1981: "Cellular phones will absolutely not replace local wire systems." - Marty Cooper, inventor.

1995: "I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse."- Robert Metcalfe, founder of 3Com.

2005: "There's just not that many videos I want to watch." - Steve Chen, CTO and co-founder of YouTube expressing concerns about his company's long term viability.

2007: "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share." - Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

jonas opines: Why did this thread start with a Dear Penthouse letter?


Why not?
 
5 days ago  
2 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


Ah Dave Coulier's Fark handle
/cut
//it
///out
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


My favorite film ever seen in theatres?  Donnie Brasco.  There was a really nice theater built near the house where I grew up and it opened when I was very young.  By the time I was in high school, it was old and closed down, only to reopen as a dollar theater.  But it was pretty nice still for a dollar theater.  My high school GF and I went to see Donnie Brasco and in the back row she gave me a spirited oral experience.  I had no problems finishing.  Best movie ever.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

Byno: CSB: when I was an undergrad my girlfriend lived at the beach during summer break.  One night, after day drinking since brunch, she and I decided to see Snow Falling on Cedars (we took a cab; quelle horreur! Also, Uber didn't exist) a few weeks after it's release.We wound up being the only two people in the movie, I can only guess, because: a) beach; b) art house; c) turned out it was the last week it was to be shown; d) 9:40 start.

I went with her because I loved her and she wanted to go and when you love somebody you do things you don't necessarily want to do sometimes, but even she got bored halfway through and decided that blowing me in the theater was the absolutely correct way to relieve our boredom.  I was very nervous that an usher would come in so, despite her incredible talent and best efforts, I couldn't finish.  As such, she decided to lift her skirt up and reverse cow girl me.  This felt too impersonal, so after a minute or so I had her switch such that she sat on the seat and I had sex with her on my knees.  She was allergic to the pill, and, being drunk, I hadn't thought to bring condoms from the beach house, so at the denouement I pulled out and finished on the seat next to her.

I wiped up what I could of my effluvia with a used-popcorn-grease-napkin from concessions.  I'm pretty sure nobody came behind us to Lysol the scene.

Tl;dr: Enjoy your cinema experience!

/the stories I could tell you about hotels
//I mean, seriously, don't touch ANYTHING
///Fark is still not a personal erotica website.  I think


Ahhhh...
The Reluctant Milkmaid position...

Good of you for being corona virus safe sex experiences before it was necessary.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
pretty sure the opening image in TFA is a federal crime.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
I loathed crowds before the pandemic.

I'm sure as sh*t not going into crowds now.

And certainly not for farking Space Jam.
 
5 days ago  
1 vote:

zepillin: "Usually, crowded is better."

LOL no

afternoon matinees with no one in the theater are the best by far


The Rocky Horror Picture Show was way better with audience participation.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Movie theaters, because of this stupidity, like sporting events, will become a thing of the past.
The ISP's have found out their networks didn't collapse over everyone staying home, streaming
and what not.  The movie theaters can close up, save all that money in labor, buildings and what
not, sell tickets online, not have to ship/distribute the movies to each theater.  Just send it online.
Heck, I'd rather curl up at home, no travel, watch it on the big screen with the sound bar, eat my
own not overpriced snacks anyway.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
I volunteered to go to the first movie to play indoors on a big screen in Tampa Bay since the coronavirus shutdown because, to me, going to a movie theater is one of life's greatest pleasures.


Hey, look who never got laid!
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Tom Marvolo Bombadil: "I risked my life to watch Space Jam.  Here's what it's like to be an idiot.... [words]"


FTA: I secretly hoped the theater would be completely empty.

Well, it certainly wouldn't be as long as IDIOTS LIKE THE AUTHOR WERE IN IT.

/schroedinger's cat may or may not be spinning in its grave
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
$200 to rent theatre?
I'd rent that for TENET and maybe invite some friends/neighbors as long as they followed my rules.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Isn't that rabbit super racist?
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
"kicking things off with a $1 matinee of Space Jam"

why?  why would you do that? They'd have to pay me to see that movie, especially during a pandemic.  Florida tag subby...
 
Displayed 34 of 34 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter




In Other Media
X
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.