Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(MEL Magazine)   An oral history of The Onion's iconic 9/11 issue. Come for the towers burning, stay for the hilarity   (melmagazine.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, The Onion, Satire, Carol Kolb, new issue, ambitious East Coast people, Comedy, flood of think pieces, Todd Hanson  
•       •       •

6421 clicks; posted to Main » and Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2020 at 3:16 PM (6 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
6 days ago  
35 votes:
God bless the Onion.
 
6 days ago  
22 votes:
I remember the 9/11 point counter point

We Must Retaliate With Blind Rage
vs.
We Must Retaliate With Measured, Focused Rage
 
6 days ago  
17 votes:

tricycleracer: [Fark user image 425x239]


Subway actually had to deal with a lot of angry complaints about that from people who thought it was their ad.

Of course, they did have other ad campaigns that caused them much more trouble...
 
6 days ago  
16 votes:
In my memory, "American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Move" was replaced by Michael Bay.  False memory, but it still works.
 
6 days ago  
15 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size

Still makes me LOL. Especially Armstrong's first words.
 
6 days ago  
14 votes:
I always thought this was the most prescient article, unfortunately.
Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.
 
6 days ago  
14 votes:
We really needed that issue.
 
6 days ago  
10 votes:

trappedspirit: ...an important part of the broader cultural history surrounding 9/11.

That I've never heard of.


Publically announcing your ignorance again.  How quaint.
 
6 days ago  
10 votes:
Hanson: I remember one headline in particular that was really great as an Onion headline. It was really perfect and it was the sort of joke we would normally make, but we were like, "This isn't a normal issue, and so, we just can't do it." The headline was "America Stronger Than Ever Says Quadragon Officials." Of course, the idea being that one whole section of the Pentagon was missing. It was great for an Onion joke, but people died, so we just couldn't do that. Not in this issue.

Just as well, as yours truly in 2001 would have told them the proper replacement for "Penta-" would be "Tetra-".
 
6 days ago  
10 votes:
Oral history is good. So is drunk history. We should combine the two to create a history of drunk oral.

Anyways, I loved seeing The Onion story about the hijackers awakening in hell, and not understanding why.

I also miss Herbert Kornfeld.
 
6 days ago  
8 votes:
Rest Of Country Temporarily Feels Deep Affection For New York

That was my favorite. Just enough truth to make it funny. It was true for New Yorkers, too. Everyone was more or less cool to everyone else for a solid two months. It was weird. That first "move it, you asshole!" was like music.
 
6 days ago  
6 votes:

kryptoknightmare: [Fark user image 425x487]
I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.


Wait, people who used to pick up printed copies of The Onion ... paid for them??
Am I a hardened thief or do things just work differently out west?
 
6 days ago  
6 votes:
Great stuff. Everything the Onion does is instantly a classic.
 
6 days ago  
5 votes:
The headline "Holy Farking Shiat" should receive an exemption from the FCC to be used with reckless abandon. So far in 2020, it would have been used 563,267 times.
 
6 days ago  
5 votes:
I still have my Copy,  The were still publishing printed copies in Chicago at the time.   It was a magnificent, emotional, slightly cathartic experience reading that for the first time
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:
When Columbine happened, Newsweek had a banner headline of the word, "WHY?" over a picture of grieving people and Todd had suggested back then that the next time there's a huge tragedy, we should just publish the word "WHY?" over a picture of a chicken crossing a road.

Brilliant

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

Also brilliant
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:
They couldn't make a site like The Onion today.
Too many people would be offended.
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:
One of my favorites:

https://www.theonion.com/loved-ones-r​e​call-local-mans-cowardly-battle-with-c​ance-1819565052

And of course "Drugs Win Drug War" is a classic.
 
6 days ago  
4 votes:
They interview the guy that had the "God angrily clarifies 'Don't kill' rule" article and he claims that's the one people remember the most. It's not even on the cover.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

WastrelWay: That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.


We're sorry you're bummed that you can't use racial slurs now without getting in trouble, but please stop inventing in your own imaginary stories about "political correctness" to further your delusions of persecution.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

Tomfoolery Rules Over Logical Living: I always thought this was the most prescient article, unfortunately.
Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.


I think that one was actually tied to W's election/selection
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

radiosteele: For the record these are my top three Onion articles

#1 - I Got What America Needs Right Here (Jimmy Carter)
https://politics.theonion.com/i-got-wh​at-america-needs-right-here-1819584452

#2 - Kids, You Mother Is Ready To Start Farking Again (Karen Robertson)
https://www.theonion.com/kids-your-mot​her-is-ready-to-start-farking-again-18​19584612

#3 - Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell (Onion Staff)
https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-sur​prised-to-find-selves-in-hell-18195661​62

Yours?


https://local.theonion.com/breakfast-​i​n-bed-served-to-mom-who-just-got-eaten​-out-1819574958
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:
I remember the headline for The Onion being "Holy Farking shiat" over a picture of the smoking Twin Towers. I remeber after watching news and reading on the Internet (every news site seemed to have crashed) and listening to the radio about what was  going on that I needed a break and headed to The Onion. Did not expect there to be any 9/11 related humor, but it was there and it brought a minute of relief.

Also, The Onion is how I first heard of FARK. I had one of those daily calendars and one was about ... I can't remember exactly, maybe how people waste time at work??? And surfing FARK.com was on there, so I checked it out.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

Claude Ballse: Oral history is good. So is drunk history. We should combine the two to create a history of drunk oral.

Anyways, I loved seeing The Onion story about the hijackers awakening in hell, and not understanding why.

I also miss Herbert Kornfeld.


he and T. Herman Zweibel
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:
I put together a news satire site, just because I could.  Make no mistake, The Onion was the first thing in my head as I was working on it.  And by that I mean, "There is no way in this universe I will ever be as funny and awesome as that site.  But I'm doing it anyway."

It's kind of like when I was young and playing music along the lines of Slayer, Testament, Anthrax, Morbid Angel, etc...  I could play along.  I could do things similar.  But there was no way I was ever going to be that awesome.
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: Knock knock


Whose there?

(/I *know* where this is going!)
 
6 days ago  
3 votes:
I remember seeing that online. It was raw, angry, and very cathartic - and exactly what I needed.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size

Any other Jeanketeers out there?
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

amb: The Brown Word: kryptoknightmare: [Fark user image 425x487]
I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.

Wait, people who used to pick up printed copies of The Onion ... paid for them??
Am I a hardened thief or do things just work differently out west?

They were always in the free paper boxes for me. No one in Wisconsin ever bought it back then. Maybe after it moved to NY. I probably stopped getting paper copies then, but Fark usually had an Onion link or 2 every day.


They were free in NYC, and everywhere else, I suspect.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

WastrelWay: That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.


LOL. Came to scream CENSORSHIP when the article you're talking about is linked in TFA and multiple times in this very thread. Even if it mattered what a private company says in the first place.

This one seems aptly appropriate and also one of my favorites: https://www.theonion.com/a​rea-man-pass​ionate-defender-of-what-he-imagines-co​nsti-1819571149
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

Paul Hackett: One of my favorites:

https://www.theonion.com/loved-ones-re​call-local-mans-cowardly-battle-with-c​ance-1819565052

And of course "Drugs Win Drug War" is a classic.


I think their most brilliant article ever was after Bush won the election, "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over".

Goddamn they hit the farking nail in the head.

For goofiness, the dolphins developing opposable thumbs article and the babies are stupid articles were awesome.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

Russ1642: They interview the guy that had the "God angrily clarifies 'Don't kill' rule" article and he claims that's the one people remember the most. It's not even on the cover.


I remember every article in that issue.  The following issue also had an article with Britney spears on the cover and the headline "nation longs to care about stupid shiat again" or something along those lines.  It was also great.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
This one always slays me:
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Love these for professional reasons:
Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act

Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

Miss Kornfield, Zweibel, and Jim Anchower
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
I worked in a Tower and one of the World Fi building and I saw this after we relocated across the river and it was the first thing that made me laugh after 9/11. It was funny and it was right, "Holy farking shiat" is exactly how I felt.
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: Claude Ballse: LowbrowDeluxe: Knock knock

Whose there?

(/I *know* where this is going!)

9/11


9/11 who?
 
6 days ago  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Begoggle: gbv23: Cheney and Rummey knew it was coming that day,
and made sure GW was reading to kids in Sarasota ((what could be more innocent?)

Yeah, when I think "criminal mastermind", I think George W. Bush.


I'd take Dubya's gross incompetence and Darth Cheney's war profiteering in a heartbeat over what we have now.  Sad to say, but that's where we are now.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

northguineahills: MizzouGuy: I remember the headline for The Onion being "Holy Farking shiat" over a picture of the smoking Twin Towers. I remeber after watching news and reading on the Internet (every news site seemed to have crashed) and listening to the radio about what was  going on that I needed a break and headed to The Onion. Did not expect there to be any 9/11 related humor, but it was there and it brought a minute of relief.

Also, The Onion is how I first heard of FARK. I had one of those daily calendars and one was about ... I can't remember exactly, maybe how people waste time at work??? And surfing FARK.com was on there, so I checked it out.

Holy smith, me too! (although I lurked for 3-4 years before getting an acount).


For me it was Snopes.  Snopes had an article about a Fark Photoshop entry not being real which lead me to the Fark Photoshop threads.  Eventually, the Politics tab stole my soul.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

MizzouGuy: I remember the headline for The Onion being "Holy Farking shiat" over a picture of the smoking Twin Towers. I remeber after watching news and reading on the Internet (every news site seemed to have crashed) and listening to the radio about what was  going on that I needed a break and headed to The Onion. Did not expect there to be any 9/11 related humor, but it was there and it brought a minute of relief.

Also, The Onion is how I first heard of FARK. I had one of those daily calendars and one was about ... I can't remember exactly, maybe how people waste time at work??? And surfing FARK.com was on there, so I checked it out.


Holy smith, me too! (although I lurked for 3-4 years before getting an acount).
 
amb [TotalFark]
6 days ago  
1 vote:

The Brown Word: kryptoknightmare: [Fark user image 425x487]
I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.

Wait, people who used to pick up printed copies of The Onion ... paid for them??
Am I a hardened thief or do things just work differently out west?


They were always in the free paper boxes for me. No one in Wisconsin ever bought it back then. Maybe after it moved to NY. I probably stopped getting paper copies then, but Fark usually had an Onion link or 2 every day.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
New Cereal For Poor Stays Crunchy In Water

/ And I swear the box said "Ghett-Os" when I first saw it
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

gameshowhost: Life was more awesome when The Onion still had paper copies available almost everywhere.  Go to the grocery store on a Friday, grab the latest Isthmus and The Onion, larf and learn.

/plus hey they usually had $2 off coupons @ pizza pit when others only had $1 off


"Pizza Pit, we're closed"
 
amb [TotalFark]
6 days ago  
1 vote:
I used to live in Wisconsin. Whenever I was in Madison, I would get a copy of the Onion. One year for Christmas I got their first book. I miss getting the actual paper. God I feel old now.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

radiosteele: For the record these are my top three Onion articles

#1 - I Got What America Needs Right Here (Jimmy Carter)
https://politics.theonion.com/i-got-wh​at-america-needs-right-here-1819584452

#2 - Kids, You Mother Is Ready To Start Farking Again (Karen Robertson)
https://www.theonion.com/kids-your-mot​her-is-ready-to-start-farking-again-18​19584612

#3 - Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell (Onion Staff)
https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-sur​prised-to-find-selves-in-hell-18195661​62

Yours?


https://local.theonion.com/shaggy-dog​-​too-late-to-cheer-up-dying-boy-1819564​688

Oooold classic. Though I gotta admit, those whippersnappers who made the ONN video clips did a fantastic job, some of the best work under the Onion brand.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Paul Hackett: One of my favorites:

https://www.theonion.com/loved-ones-re​call-local-mans-cowardly-battle-with-c​ance-1819565052

And of course "Drugs Win Drug War" is a classic.


This one always made me chuckle, given how lame it is:

Nation's dog owners demand to know who's a good boy

As does this:

Clinton deploys very special forces to Iraq

Not their best work, but they stuck with me.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

/Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

gbv23: Cheney and Rummey knew it was coming that day,
and made sure GW was reading to kids in Sarasota ((what could be more innocent?)


Yeah, when I think "criminal mastermind", I think George W. Bush.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Cheney and Rummey knew it was coming that day,
and made sure GW was reading to kids in Sarasota ((what could be more innocent?)
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

SamFlagg: I remember the 9/11 point counter point

We Must Retaliate With Blind Rage
vs.
We Must Retaliate With Measured, Focused Rage


I thought for sure that they were right when they said we were gonna go nuclear over it.

/How many, and can I push the buttons?
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
The Onion is the only humor website that does not know the meaning of the words "too soon".
And I love them for it.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Claude Ballse: LowbrowDeluxe: Claude Ballse: LowbrowDeluxe: Knock knock

Whose there?

(/I *know* where this is going!)

9/11

9/11 who?


YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!!!
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

tmyk: Heroic Pit Bull Journeys 2000 Miles To Attack Owner


one of the earliest ones was: Wisconsin Changes State Anthem To "Lick It Up"

/it's funnier if you're from here  :-|
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Heroic Pit Bull Journeys 2000 Miles To Attack Owner
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Life was more awesome when The Onion still had paper copies available almost everywhere.  Go to the grocery store on a Friday, grab the latest Isthmus and The Onion, larf and learn.

/plus hey they usually had $2 off coupons @ pizza pit when others only had $1 off
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Russ1642: They interview the guy that had the "God angrily clarifies 'Don't kill' rule" article and he claims that's the one people remember the most. It's not even on the cover.


That's the one I remember the most as well. I know I only read it online though.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Claude Ballse: LowbrowDeluxe: Knock knock

Whose there?

(/I *know* where this is going!)


9/11
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:
Fark user imageView Full Size

I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.
 
6 days ago  
1 vote:

Harry Freakstorm: It was when we could laugh again.  Yes, the animated gif of Osama getting hit by a paper airplane and crashing down was funny and Hulk Hogan made me yearn for a time when his antics weren't probably fueled by bad steroids...  Hang on. There's a giant wrestler in my driveway.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Displayed 59 of 59 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter




In Other Media
X
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.