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(MEL Magazine)   An oral history of The Onion's iconic 9/11 issue. Come for the towers burning, stay for the hilarity   (melmagazine.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, The Onion, Satire, Carol Kolb, new issue, ambitious East Coast people, Comedy, flood of think pieces, Todd Hanson  
•       •       •

6389 clicks; posted to Main » and Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2020 at 3:16 PM (2 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



91 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2 days ago  

radiosteele: For the record these are my top three Onion articles

#2 - Kids, You Mother Is Ready To Start Farking Again (Karen Robertson)
https://www.theonion.com/kids-your-mot​her-is-ready-to-start-farking-again-18​19584612


Oh man. I remember that one. "You won't have to call him Daddy, but I will."
 
2 days ago  
 
2 days ago  

Paul Hackett: One of my favorites:

https://www.theonion.com/loved-ones-re​call-local-mans-cowardly-battle-with-c​ance-1819565052

And of course "Drugs Win Drug War" is a classic.


This one always made me chuckle, given how lame it is:

Nation's dog owners demand to know who's a good boy

As does this:

Clinton deploys very special forces to Iraq

Not their best work, but they stuck with me.
 
2 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Still makes me LOL. Especially Armstrong's first words.
 
2 days ago  

radiosteele: For the record these are my top three Onion articles

#1 - I Got What America Needs Right Here (Jimmy Carter)
https://politics.theonion.com/i-got-wh​at-america-needs-right-here-1819584452

#2 - Kids, You Mother Is Ready To Start Farking Again (Karen Robertson)
https://www.theonion.com/kids-your-mot​her-is-ready-to-start-farking-again-18​19584612

#3 - Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell (Onion Staff)
https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-sur​prised-to-find-selves-in-hell-18195661​62

Yours?


https://local.theonion.com/shaggy-dog​-​too-late-to-cheer-up-dying-boy-1819564​688

Oooold classic. Though I gotta admit, those whippersnappers who made the ONN video clips did a fantastic job, some of the best work under the Onion brand.
 
2 days ago  
 
2 days ago  
 
2 days ago  
This one always slays me:
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Love these for professional reasons:
Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act

Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

Miss Kornfield, Zweibel, and Jim Anchower
 
amb [TotalFark]
2 days ago  
I used to live in Wisconsin. Whenever I was in Madison, I would get a copy of the Onion. One year for Christmas I got their first book. I miss getting the actual paper. God I feel old now.
 
2 days ago  

gameshowhost: Life was more awesome when The Onion still had paper copies available almost everywhere.  Go to the grocery store on a Friday, grab the latest Isthmus and The Onion, larf and learn.

/plus hey they usually had $2 off coupons @ pizza pit when others only had $1 off


"Pizza Pit, we're closed"
 
2 days ago  
When Columbine happened, Newsweek had a banner headline of the word, "WHY?" over a picture of grieving people and Todd had suggested back then that the next time there's a huge tragedy, we should just publish the word "WHY?" over a picture of a chicken crossing a road.

Brilliant

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

Also brilliant
 
2 days ago  
I always thought this was the most prescient article, unfortunately.
Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.
 
2 days ago  

Tomfoolery Rules Over Logical Living: I always thought this was the most prescient article, unfortunately.
Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.


I think that one was actually tied to W's election/selection
 
2 days ago  
New Cereal For Poor Stays Crunchy In Water

/ And I swear the box said "Ghett-Os" when I first saw it
 
amb [TotalFark]
2 days ago  

The Brown Word: kryptoknightmare: [Fark user image 425x487]
I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.

Wait, people who used to pick up printed copies of The Onion ... paid for them??
Am I a hardened thief or do things just work differently out west?


They were always in the free paper boxes for me. No one in Wisconsin ever bought it back then. Maybe after it moved to NY. I probably stopped getting paper copies then, but Fark usually had an Onion link or 2 every day.
 
2 days ago  
 
2 days ago  

Russ1642: They interview the guy that had the "God angrily clarifies 'Don't kill' rule" article and he claims that's the one people remember the most. It's not even on the cover.


I remember every article in that issue.  The following issue also had an article with Britney spears on the cover and the headline "nation longs to care about stupid shiat again" or something along those lines.  It was also great.
 
2 days ago  

Paul Hackett: One of my favorites:

https://www.theonion.com/loved-ones-re​call-local-mans-cowardly-battle-with-c​ance-1819565052

And of course "Drugs Win Drug War" is a classic.


I think their most brilliant article ever was after Bush won the election, "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over".

Goddamn they hit the farking nail in the head.

For goofiness, the dolphins developing opposable thumbs article and the babies are stupid articles were awesome.
 
2 days ago  
"Lloyds of London Will Not Underwrite Next Year's Kristallnacht Festivities"

"San Franciscan Grocer, Henry Nakamura, Prime Suspect of Pearl Harbor Attack - 'I'm innocent!' scheming Jap declares"
 
2 days ago  
That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.
 
2 days ago  

WastrelWay: That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.


LOL. Came to scream CENSORSHIP when the article you're talking about is linked in TFA and multiple times in this very thread. Even if it mattered what a private company says in the first place.

This one seems aptly appropriate and also one of my favorites: https://www.theonion.com/a​rea-man-pass​ionate-defender-of-what-he-imagines-co​nsti-1819571149
 
2 days ago  
Yep, first issue of the paper version of the Onion I picked up (Lower Easide)
 
2 days ago  

amb: The Brown Word: kryptoknightmare: [Fark user image 425x487]
I'll never forget this issue (pun not intended) because it's the only thing I've ever stolen. A couple of friends and I had made our way into Manhattan from Brooklyn, I can't remember why (a rock concert, maybe?). We stopped at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, and I picked up this issue, intending to buy it. I wandered off on my own for a while and when my friends found me they had already bought some things and were anxious to get going. I completely forgot that I had the Onion on me and walked out without paying for it. Didn't realize until a while afterwards. Oops.

It's funny, I'm told I have a bad memory but those days and weeks immediately after the attacks are like burned into my brain.

Wait, people who used to pick up printed copies of The Onion ... paid for them??
Am I a hardened thief or do things just work differently out west?

They were always in the free paper boxes for me. No one in Wisconsin ever bought it back then. Maybe after it moved to NY. I probably stopped getting paper copies then, but Fark usually had an Onion link or 2 every day.


They were free in NYC, and everywhere else, I suspect.
 
2 days ago  

WastrelWay: That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.


You might be thinking of the one where Mother Theresa is sent to hell in "wacky afterlife mixup". There's a lot of excruciating detail in that one.
 
2 days ago  

MizzouGuy: I remember the headline for The Onion being "Holy Farking shiat" over a picture of the smoking Twin Towers. I remeber after watching news and reading on the Internet (every news site seemed to have crashed) and listening to the radio about what was  going on that I needed a break and headed to The Onion. Did not expect there to be any 9/11 related humor, but it was there and it brought a minute of relief.

Also, The Onion is how I first heard of FARK. I had one of those daily calendars and one was about ... I can't remember exactly, maybe how people waste time at work??? And surfing FARK.com was on there, so I checked it out.


Holy smith, me too! (although I lurked for 3-4 years before getting an acount).
 
2 days ago  

mybluemake: This one always slays me:
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Love these for professional reasons:
Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act

Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

Miss Kornfield, Zweibel, and Jim Anchower


No love for SmooveB?
Mashed potatoes will be served, or baked if that is her preference.
 
2 days ago  

northguineahills: MizzouGuy: I remember the headline for The Onion being "Holy Farking shiat" over a picture of the smoking Twin Towers. I remeber after watching news and reading on the Internet (every news site seemed to have crashed) and listening to the radio about what was  going on that I needed a break and headed to The Onion. Did not expect there to be any 9/11 related humor, but it was there and it brought a minute of relief.

Also, The Onion is how I first heard of FARK. I had one of those daily calendars and one was about ... I can't remember exactly, maybe how people waste time at work??? And surfing FARK.com was on there, so I checked it out.

Holy smith, me too! (although I lurked for 3-4 years before getting an acount).


For me it was Snopes.  Snopes had an article about a Fark Photoshop entry not being real which lead me to the Fark Photoshop threads.  Eventually, the Politics tab stole my soul.
 
2 days ago  

Begoggle: gbv23: Cheney and Rummey knew it was coming that day,
and made sure GW was reading to kids in Sarasota ((what could be more innocent?)

Yeah, when I think "criminal mastermind", I think George W. Bush.


I'd take Dubya's gross incompetence and Darth Cheney's war profiteering in a heartbeat over what we have now.  Sad to say, but that's where we are now.
 
2 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Any other Jeanketeers out there?
 
2 days ago  
I'd just started grad school in physics when they came out with their Time-Life continuum piece (the graphic is still on my office door):  https://www.theonion.com/scie​ntists-di​scover-wrinkle-in-time-life-continuum-​1819564438
 
2 days ago  

sniderman: [Fark user image 320x374]
Any other Jeanketeers out there?


hubby rick
 
2 days ago  

sniderman: [Fark user image 320x374]
Any other Jeanketeers out there?


Came across her book the other day cleaning out the basement. Miss those articles (and Hubby Rick), Smoove B, Jackie Harvey and the random Ask A Restaurant Critic/ Ask A Guy Who's Been Avoiding You etc. advice columns.

And I always loved this news segment.
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
Youtube MGXSPf9b-xI
 
2 days ago  
https://www.theonion.com/planned-pare​n​thood-opens-8-billion-abortionplex-181​9572640

The Abortionplex piece wins the Academy Award for best trolling.
 
2 days ago  

Lipspinach: trappedspirit: ...an important part of the broader cultural history surrounding 9/11.

That I've never heard of.

Publically announcing your ignorance again.  How quaint.


At least it is not comparable to your stupidity.

/wtf did I do to you?
 
2 days ago  

trappedspirit: Lipspinach: trappedspirit: ...an important part of the broader cultural history surrounding 9/11.

That I've never heard of.

Publically announcing your ignorance again.  How quaint.

At least it is not comparable to your stupidity.

/wtf did I do to you?


No wait, let me guess.  You have me farkied with some unflattering line that will encourage yourself to prejudge every post you see from me before you evaluate it's content.  Am I close?  Ignorance of an Onion issue is actually a good thing.
 
2 days ago  

The Brown Word: radiosteele: For the record these are my top three Onion articles

#1 - I Got What America Needs Right Here (Jimmy Carter)
https://politics.theonion.com/i-got-wh​at-america-needs-right-here-1819584452

#2 - Kids, You Mother Is Ready To Start Farking Again (Karen Robertson)
https://www.theonion.com/kids-your-mot​her-is-ready-to-start-farking-again-18​19584612

#3 - Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell (Onion Staff)
https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-sur​prised-to-find-selves-in-hell-18195661​62

Yours?

https://local.theonion.com/shaggy-dog-​too-late-to-cheer-up-dying-boy-1819564​688

Oooold classic. Though I gotta admit, those whippersnappers who made the ONN video clips did a fantastic job, some of the best work under the Onion brand.


OMG, the ONN video with the NASCAR coach is farking hilarious.
 
2 days ago  

WastrelWay: That's not what I remember. The Onion had an article describing in excruciating detail what happened to the suicide bombers in Islamic hell. I suppose that was politically incorrect and is now suppressed.


We're sorry you're bummed that you can't use racial slurs now without getting in trouble, but please stop inventing in your own imaginary stories about "political correctness" to further your delusions of persecution.
 
2 days ago  
It's a crime they didn't win a Pulitzer for that.
 
2 days ago  
 
2 days ago  
I can't find the radio news version of this story (which was always one of my favorites)


https://local.theonion.com/area-man-g​o​es-and-gets-himself-hit-by-a-goddamn-b​us-1819565155

/srsly why is an entire archive of the onion radio news so difficult to acquire
 
1 day ago  
My fav Onion headline was right after Anna Nicole Smith died...

"Anna Nicole Smith Reaches Goal Weight"

Ouch!
 
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