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(Daily Mail)   I repeat, do not put things in your penis. Especially 5 foot long cables. Bonus, 5 years ago   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Facepalm  
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2642 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jun 2020 at 11:50 AM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-06-29 10:56:39 AM  
36 votes:
This is sounding like a bad idea.
 
2020-06-29 11:53:25 AM  
35 votes:
He f*cks the cable?
 
2020-06-29 12:02:19 PM  
30 votes:
Gather 'round, children. Ol' HawgWild has a Cool Story, Bro for ya.

You see, children. A few years ago, ol' Hawg had an issue. A special issue. With his peep. One morning, HW was in the bathroom for his morning constitutional when he suddenly heard a sound. A familiar sound, mind you. However, the source of the sound was not at ALL familiar.

Fark user imageView Full Size


The sound, which normally comes from one's posterior, came from Hawg's Mr. Peepers. It vibrated and everything. At first, HW was alarmed. "What the hell was that?!" he exclaimed.

For weeks, HW didn't do anything. Didn't tell a soul. His peep was on the fritz, and he was terrified. And should it vibrate like that? It really shouldn't!

"Although," he thought, "could be interesting with a lady."

So ol' HawgWild brought a lady home. This wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done. But the next morning, he was convinced he needed to see a doctor. So to the doctor he went.

Fark user imageView Full Size


His GP was perplexed. "It shouldn't be doing that," he said. "Yeah, I figured that much on my own. How much are you charging me for this?! Let's see your license, you quack!" Hawg, as you can see, wasn't in the best of moods.

So the GP sent Hawg to a urologist. And now you may have guessed, due to the headline, where HW is going with his story.

The urologist, you see, had a fine idea. A mighty fine idea. "Let's jam a camera up your pee hole and see what is going on in there."

Fark user imageView Full Size


Unfortunately when a doctor, especially a specialist, has his mind set on something, then there ain't no talking him out of it. Next thing HW knows, there's an appointment date. With instructions in his hand, HW heads home, dreading what's next to come.

Fark user imageView Full Size


The day of the appointment arrives, and HW is in an examination room with only a flimsy gown to cover his nakedness. Also, socks. HW kept his socks on. Anyway, like something out of a sitcom, a nurse walks into the room. She introduces herself and explains she is going to prep me for the procedure. She was beautiful. At least, HW thought so. And that's precisely when a single piece of information penetrated the terror and landed squarely in HW's brain.

SHE'S GOING TO TOUCH MR. PEEPERS.

Fark user imageView Full Size


"You behave, mister!" Hawg thought furiously at Mr. Peepers.

"Bruh, I'm doing everything I can to HIDE RIGHT NOW." Mr. Peepers shrieked in return.

It wasn't HawgWild's finest moment. But we make it through and await the doctor, who walks in a few minutes later pushing a cart. On the cart is some tubing, with a device attached at the end.

Fark user imageView Full Size


"That?" The doctor picks it up. "That's the camera."

He begins twirling the camera, as if to show off its range of motion.

"That is NOT going in THERE!" Hawg exclaims.

"Ohhhhhhh ... yes it is."

Fark user imageView Full Size


And lemme tell you, children. It did. And it kept GOING. All the way to Hawg's bladder, where the doctor gave Hawg a guided tour. FOR TWENTY MINUTES.

"Something is causing your peep to poot, and I'm gonna find it."

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! JUST KILL ME. KILL ME RIGHT NOW!"

But the doctor suffered HW to live. Then he found the culprit. There was a hole in HW's bladder. Turns out, HW had diverticulitis, and a part of his diseased colon was lying right on top of his bladder and had burned a hole in it. HW needed surgery.

"Well, okay. At least I know what it is, now. SO WILL YOU PLEASE GET THIS GOTDAMN CAMERA OUT OF MY PEEP?!"

And that, children, is the end of HawgWild's Cool Story, Bro.

NOW BRING HW SOME BOURBON.
 
2020-06-29 12:25:46 PM  
14 votes:

lindalouwho: You should tell us stories more often, you really know how to paint a picture!


I just felt like this was an opportunity to get as many people on Fark as I possibly could to think about my penis.
 
2020-06-29 11:56:30 AM  
11 votes:
purina.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 11:59:12 AM  
10 votes:
I don't think I could fit more than about 4 feet of cable in mine.
 
2020-06-29 11:15:37 AM  
10 votes:
why is it always dudes in china who do this?
 
2020-06-29 11:53:52 AM  
9 votes:
I usually put my penis in things, Subby.


/Like apple pies
 
2020-06-29 12:57:02 PM  
6 votes:
"Click here to watch the video"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 2:15:35 PM  
5 votes:
HawgWild:
*snip*
HW is in an examination room with only a flimsy gown to cover his nakedness. Also, socks. HW kept his socks on.
*snip*


Err...I admit this is a bit of a strange question, but... why is it that I got the mental image of you wearing three socks?  I mean, one on each foot, plus the other...
 
2020-06-29 12:43:58 PM  
5 votes:
i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 12:37:21 PM  
4 votes:
I wish I'd known that 30 minutes ago.
 
2020-06-29 12:22:45 PM  
3 votes:
During my first kidney transplant, many years ago, they inserted a 6-inch stint into the ureter to keep it steady well the new kidney was installed and set in place and stuff like that.

Post-surgery, a few days later, they had to pull it out. There's only one way to pull it out, because it's in there and everything's been closed up.

So the doctor comes and slides is probe in. In the meantime, because they are trying to pull up what is basically a long thin piece of metal, I guess as a form of lubrication they just continuously keep pumping in water.

and I guess the probe has a little grippy at the end, but the doctor can't quite seem to get a grip. So he keeps stopping for a second. And every time he stops, I start peeing up into the air.

meanwhile, this is literally the most unpleasant thing that has ever happened in my young life. Little mr. Happy, well he's having a bad day so he decides he better hide inside and pull in as deep as he can. So the doctor has to ask a nurse if she can help hold it.

meanwhile another nurse, God bless her, comfortingly strokes by head and says it's going to be okay at the doctor goes in for his third attempt to get a grip on this little piece of farking metal.

now I don't know how long this took, I'm pretty sure it was at least 3 or 4 hours, I may be only about 6 minutes. But it was without a doubt the worst 3 hours long six minutes of my young life.

years later I had another kidney transplant, and they had to do it again. Naturally I was trepidatious, but this time the doctor has it out and about 30 seconds.

I don't think I have PTSD, but if I do it was over this.
 
2020-06-29 12:09:17 PM  
3 votes:

HawgWild: Gather 'round, children. Ol' HawgWild has a Cool Story, Bro for ya.

You see, children. A few years ago, ol' Hawg had an issue. A special issue. With his peep. One morning, HW was in the bathroom for his morning constitutional when he suddenly heard a sound. A familiar sound, mind you. However, the source of the sound was not at ALL familiar.

[Fark user image 220x220] [View Full Size image _x_]

The sound, which normally comes from one's posterior, came from Hawg's Mr. Peepers. It vibrated and everything. At first, HW was alarmed. "What the hell was that?!" he exclaimed.

For weeks, HW didn't do anything. Didn't tell a soul. His peep was on the fritz, and he was terrified. And should it vibrate like that? It really shouldn't!

"Although," he thought, "could be interesting with a lady."

So ol' HawgWild brought a lady home. This wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done. But the next morning, he was convinced he needed to see a doctor. So to the doctor he went.

[Fark user image 260x216] [View Full Size image _x_]

His GP was perplexed. "It shouldn't be doing that," he said. "Yeah, I figured that much on my own. How much are you charging me for this?! Let's see your license, you quack!" Hawg, as you can see, wasn't in the best of moods.

So the GP sent Hawg to a urologist. And now you may have guessed, due to the headline, where HW is going with his story.

The urologist, you see, had a fine idea. A mighty fine idea. "Let's jam a camera up your pee hole and see what is going on in there."

[Fark user image 220x220] [View Full Size image _x_]

Unfortunately when a doctor, especially a specialist, has his mind set on something, then there ain't no talking him out of it. Next thing HW knows, there's an appointment date. With instructions in his hand, HW heads home, dreading what's next to come.

[Fark user image 200x200] [View Full Size image _x_]

The day of the appointment arrives, and HW is in an examination room with only a flimsy gown to cover his nakedness. Also, ...


More of a WTF story.  Lordy.
 
2020-06-29 12:02:49 PM  
3 votes:
 
2020-06-29 9:28:06 PM  
2 votes:

HawgWild: Gather 'round, children. Ol' HawgWild has a Cool Story, Bro for ya.


I decided to get screened for STDs with a new significant other.  Had no idea that the test would include sticking an unlubed cotton swab into my pee hole and up to my bladder.  I was sore for a week.  Now I'm content to just wear a condom.
/in a sense you were lucky.  Usually by the time diverticulitis causes that much damage you also get sepsis.
 
2020-06-29 5:21:04 PM  
2 votes:
In the current age of Covid, I'm putting together an online VR house of medical horrors for Halloween.

Don't miss out on the 'Fistula hallway', ride the 'prolapsed vagina slide', virtual boxing on an elephantiasis heavy bag...
See the post surgical pics of cancer of the labia (hint surgeon is holding the labes up and spreading them, hustler style, with his face showing threw the gaps).

I'll post a link when it's closer.

Further suggestions? Particularly interested in horrors from medical professionals.

Piercings gone wrong?
Untreated STI your dick and pussy pics?

I'm looking to keep the 'finished the tour' % at 0.
 
2020-06-29 3:58:07 PM  
2 votes:

HawgWild: lindalouwho: You should tell us stories more often, you really know how to paint a picture!

I just felt like this was an opportunity to get as many people on Fark as I possibly could to think about my penis.


sounds like a short subject so sure, proceed.

NewportBarGuy: Is it still ok to put glass jars in my anus?


Of course.

----

And isn't it called Soundng? Putting metal rods up your penis, I mean,
 
2020-06-29 3:15:52 PM  
2 votes:

Boojum2k: Albert911emt: When I was 10 and bored, I just set fire to shiat, or blew shiat up with firecrackers.

\great times

Good thing you didn't combine that with the article subject!



Exploding my dick, or someone else's, never occurred to me, thank god.
 
2020-06-29 2:33:06 PM  
2 votes:

HawgWild: lindalouwho: You should tell us stories more often, you really know how to paint a picture!

I just felt like this was an opportunity to get as many people on Fark as I possibly could to think about my penis.


Without making it creepy in that way. Well played, sir, well played!
 
2020-06-29 12:58:52 PM  
2 votes:
Fark user image
 
2020-06-29 11:55:53 AM  
2 votes:

8 inches: I usually put my penis in things, Subby.


/Like apple pies


Came here to say the same thing, only with mashed potatoes instead of apple pies.
 
2020-06-29 11:03:42 PM  
1 vote:

some_beer_drinker: why is it always dudes in china who do this?


Because it's the Daily Mail, and the yellow peril is SCARY LOOK WHAT THEY DO LOOK AT THEM OMGZ VOTE BNP!
 
2020-06-29 5:20:26 PM  
1 vote:

1derful: If i could put a five foot long cable inside my pens, this is not the corner of the internet you'd find me hanging out.


That would be a neat trick to stick a 5 foot cable inside a pen.
 
2020-06-29 3:21:36 PM  
1 vote:

HawgWild: Gather 'round, children. Ol' HawgWild has a Cool Story, Bro for ya.


Okay, that is the best thing I've read in a very long time.
 
2020-06-29 2:01:57 PM  
1 vote:

Albert911emt: When I was 10 and bored, I just set fire to shiat, or blew shiat up with firecrackers.

\great times


Good thing you didn't combine that with the article subject!
 
2020-06-29 1:42:12 PM  
1 vote:
Is it still ok to put glass jars in my anus?
 
2020-06-29 1:18:27 PM  
1 vote:

some_beer_drinker: why is it always dudes in china who do this?


Far away place makes it hard to check if it's true. (it usually is not)
 
2020-06-29 12:45:17 PM  
1 vote:

Nullav: [i.redd.it image 540x545]


No, it's a penis, therefore:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 12:41:10 PM  
1 vote:

HawgWild: lindalouwho: You should tell us stories more often, you really know how to paint a picture!

I just felt like this was an opportunity to get as many people on Fark as I possibly could to think about my penis.


I almost threw my phone up in the air when I started laughing at this, well played.
 
2020-06-29 12:22:17 PM  
1 vote:

HawgWild: Gather 'round, children. Ol' HawgWild has a Cool Story, Bro for ya.

You see, children. A few years ago, ol' Hawg had an issue. A special issue. With his peep. One morning, HW was in the bathroom for his morning constitutional when he suddenly heard a sound. A familiar sound, mind you. However, the source of the sound was not at ALL familiar.

[Fark user image image 220x220]

The sound, which normally comes from one's posterior, came from Hawg's Mr. Peepers. It vibrated and everything. At first, HW was alarmed. "What the hell was that?!" he exclaimed.

For weeks, HW didn't do anything. Didn't tell a soul. His peep was on the fritz, and he was terrified. And should it vibrate like that? It really shouldn't!

"Although," he thought, "could be interesting with a lady."

So ol' HawgWild brought a lady home. This wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done. But the next morning, he was convinced he needed to see a doctor. So to the doctor he went.

[Fark user image image 260x216]

His GP was perplexed. "It shouldn't be doing that," he said. "Yeah, I figured that much on my own. How much are you charging me for this?! Let's see your license, you quack!" Hawg, as you can see, wasn't in the best of moods.

So the GP sent Hawg to a urologist. And now you may have guessed, due to the headline, where HW is going with his story.

The urologist, you see, had a fine idea. A mighty fine idea. "Let's jam a camera up your pee hole and see what is going on in there."

[Fark user image image 220x220]

Unfortunately when a doctor, especially a specialist, has his mind set on something, then there ain't no talking him out of it. Next thing HW knows, there's an appointment date. With instructions in his hand, HW heads home, dreading what's next to come.

[Fark user image image 200x200]

The day of the appointment arrives, and HW is in an examination room with only a flimsy gown to cover his nakedness. Also, socks. HW kept his socks on. Anyway, like something out of a sitcom, a nurse walks into the room. She introduces herself and explains she is going to prep me for the procedure. She was beautiful. At least, HW thought so. And that's precisely when a single piece of information penetrated the terror and landed squarely in HW's brain.

SHE'S GOING TO TOUCH MR. PEEPERS.

[Fark user image image 427x327]

"You behave, mister!" Hawg thought furiously at Mr. Peepers.

"Bruh, I'm doing everything I can to HIDE RIGHT NOW." Mr. Peepers shrieked in return.

It wasn't HawgWild's finest moment. But we make it through and await the doctor, who walks in a few minutes later pushing a cart. On the cart is some tubing, with a device attached at the end.

[Fark user image image 500x282]

"That?" The doctor picks it up. "That's the camera."

He begins twirling the camera, as if to show off its range of motion.

"That is NOT going in THERE!" Hawg exclaims.

"Ohhhhhhh ... yes it is."

[Fark user image image 498x249]

And lemme tell you, children. It did. And it kept GOING. All the way to Hawg's bladder, where the doctor gave Hawg a guided tour. FOR TWENTY MINUTES.

"Something is causing your peep to poot, and I'm gonna find it."

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! JUST KILL ME. KILL ME RIGHT NOW!"

But the doctor suffered HW to live. Then he found the culprit. There was a hole in HW's bladder. Turns out, HW had diverticulitis, and a part of his diseased colon was lying right on top of his bladder and had burned a hole in it. HW needed surgery.

"Well, okay. At least I know what it is, now. SO WILL YOU PLEASE GET THIS GOTDAMN CAMERA OUT OF MY PEEP?!"

And that, children, is the end of HawgWild's Cool Story, Bro.

NOW BRING HW SOME BOURBON.


You should tell us stories more often, you really know how to paint a picture!
 
2020-06-29 12:18:20 PM  
1 vote:
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 12:16:39 PM  
1 vote:
I'll bet he is going to be I deep dou dou
 
2020-06-29 12:11:07 PM  
1 vote:
His nickname does not check out.
Hope they change it to Pee Pee.
 
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