Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   "My dad had been poisoning my mother's food for years; she found out by accident. Naturally, they're getting a divorce, but my mom is insisting my siblings and I attend group therapy with her. I find it useless; how can I tell her I am over it?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Mother, Father, Family, Need, close friend, good-faith effort, father's things, group therapy  
•       •       •

668 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 29 Jun 2020 at 6:55 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



25 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-06-29 12:02:18 AM  
Wait, why is the father not in jail?
 
2020-06-29 1:05:02 AM  

AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?


Right? If there are tests confirming this situation there should have been charges filed, yet no mention of it. This glaring piece of information being missing from the story makes me believe it's a tall tale.
 
2020-06-29 5:58:25 AM  
If she just did butt stuff he wouldn't have poisoned her.
 
2020-06-29 6:02:18 AM  

OK So Amuse Me: AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?

Right? If there are tests confirming this situation there should have been charges filed, yet no mention of it. This glaring piece of information being missing from the story makes me believe it's a tall tale.


Munchausen Syndrome for the mother, plus Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy for wanting to drag her kids into it.

If the father had been poisoning her food "for years" and she isn't dead, he's really not very good at it. What was he doing, over-salting?
 
2020-06-29 6:04:53 AM  
Also, the usual: "Dear Prudence: I am an adult in name only. Can I please have your permission to stop acting like my parents' young child?"

Huh, and it just struck me: these people asking for Prudie's permission to make an adult decision are just substituting one parent figure for another, aren't they? Which means that the most useful thing Prudie could do for them is stop offering advice.
 
2020-06-29 7:02:12 AM  

AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?


Yeah, some mention on Dad's legal status should be in there, even if it is "cops didn't have enough evidence to charge."

This one is high on the fake meter.
 
2020-06-29 7:42:21 AM  

HugeMistake: Also, the usual: "Dear Prudence: I am an adult in name only. Can I please have your permission to stop acting like my parents' young child?"

Huh, and it just struck me: these people asking for Prudie's permission to make an adult decision are just substituting one parent figure for another, aren't they? Which means that the most useful thing Prudie could do for them is stop offering advice.


"You're 27.  Cut the apron strings, learn to say no, figure it out for yourself."

Also, "Arrested Development is a comedy, not a guide."
 
2020-06-29 7:47:16 AM  
Have you considered temporarily turning yourself into a pickle?
 
2020-06-29 7:57:26 AM  

Another Government Employee: AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?

Yeah, some mention on Dad's legal status should be in there, even if it is "cops didn't have enough evidence to charge."

This one is high on the fake meter.


Nah, I can see the mother's position being the paranoid rantings of a person who *THOUGHT* they were being poisoned, but actually wasn't being poisoned.  I think HugeMistake nailed it.

Hey, it could be worse, though.  Could be Munchausen Syndrome by Gilliam.
 
2020-06-29 8:09:08 AM  
One of my high school friend's mom poisoned his dad and killed him. He and his sister were sent to a super religious foster family when their mom went to prison. One of the few people from my youth I wish I'd kept in touch with.
 
2020-06-29 8:32:46 AM  

HugeMistake: OK So Amuse Me: AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?

Right? If there are tests confirming this situation there should have been charges filed, yet no mention of it. This glaring piece of information being missing from the story makes me believe it's a tall tale.

Munchausen Syndrome for the mother, plus Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy for wanting to drag her kids into it.

If the father had been poisoning her food "for years" and she isn't dead, he's really not very good at it. What was he doing, over-salting?


Came here to say this. You don't poison someone for years with the intent to kill without getting impatient and reaching for a kitchen knife at some point.

TFA didn't say what the "poison" was, but at worse he was drugging her with something to modify her behavior (I've often thought of dosing the Mrs. with lithium when she's in one of her moods) and more likely was giving her a dietary supplement of some dubious sort.
 
2020-06-29 8:37:41 AM  
MrBallou:
If the father had been poisoning her food "for years" and she isn't dead, he's really not very good at it. What was he doing, over-salting?

Came here to say this. You don't poison someone for years with the intent to kill without getting impatient and reaching for a kitchen knife at some point.



He was just building up an immunity to the poison?
media4.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-29 8:53:04 AM  
I'd suggest poisoning your mom to get out of therapy.
 
2020-06-29 9:11:54 AM  
Clearly Mom finds group therapy more helpful than talking about it alone. YOU might be over it but she isn't.
 
2020-06-29 9:15:58 AM  
Just want to chime in that this seems very unlikely to be true.
 
2020-06-29 9:18:36 AM  
Didn't Emily do a similar story back when she was Prudie (without the 'therapy is sooo exhausting...' angle)?

Put me down too in the highly skeptical column.  If one is being poisoned 'for years' then that's a 'really' low grade poisoning.

****

When she first told me, I dropped everything and drove six hours to be with her for a week.

You can stress that you're still available to listen to her vent, help with the divorce filing, run errands, or anything else that needs doing,


Danny seems to have a Trump level of reading comprehension...
 
2020-06-29 9:18:42 AM  
Proof that we're in a temporal anomaly: problems from 1920s melodramas keep popping up in agony aunt columns.
 
2020-06-29 9:51:09 AM  

MrBallou: HugeMistake: OK So Amuse Me: AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?

Right? If there are tests confirming this situation there should have been charges filed, yet no mention of it. This glaring piece of information being missing from the story makes me believe it's a tall tale.

Munchausen Syndrome for the mother, plus Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy for wanting to drag her kids into it.

If the father had been poisoning her food "for years" and she isn't dead, he's really not very good at it. What was he doing, over-salting?

Came here to say this. You don't poison someone for years with the intent to kill without getting impatient and reaching for a kitchen knife at some point.

TFA didn't say what the "poison" was, but at worse he was drugging her with something to modify her behavior (I've often thought of dosing the Mrs. with lithium when she's in one of her moods) and more likely was giving her a dietary supplement of some dubious sort.


I like fake letters like this, because I can make up all sorts of extra details that Prudie didn't think to add in...

So in my story, the dad was actually "poisoning" the mom with medication she had been prescribed (but refused to take) to help her deal with her mental issues. It was dishonest, but it was likely the only thing keeping the marriage together (and potentially preventing the mom from self-harm). Upon finding out about this, mom went ballistic and dad, realizing that he no longer had to protect the kids since they were out of the house and living far away, finally had enough and is more than willing to accept the divorce, as if she's unwilling to put in any effort, why should he?

The mom isn't actually bringing the kids to a real therapist, but a new-age anti-vax "spiritual healer" who is trying to pull everyone into her cult. Mom has bought in, hook, line, and sinker, and the kids are torn between loyalty to their mother, a belief that maybe this can help her, and self-preservation.

The letter writing child is attempting an escape. Mom will initially yell, then become eerily accepting of the decision. The letter writer returns to normal life for a few weeks, only to come home one day to mom in the apartment, having redecorated it to match the traumatically awful decor of her childhood bedroom. The tension is so thick you could cut it with the butcher knife that mom is using in the kitchen, and she starts to rant about how unfair everything is in life, and how "lucky" she is to have such a loving child that would never, never, abandon her mother. Never....would you?  Oh no.....no, you wouldn't...

Bolting from the room, the daughter finds the door padlocked shut - the windows are nailed shut. There is no escape!  She runs to her room and stumbles over a box of childhood items. Mom slowly walks up, her shadow visible beneath the crack under the door, when something catches the daughter's eye - a music box and a brush from her youth. As mother dearest uses a drill to remove the doorknob to force her way into the room, daughter quickly winds the music box and sits in front of the mirror, with the brush on the table. Mother's demeanor changes when she hears the music, and she mechanically sits behind the daughter and starts brushing her hair, muttering how mother will make everything all better as if in a trance, while tears stream down the daughter's face.

"Yes, mom, everything will be just fine....just.....fine..."

Suddenly the daughter whirls around, pulling out the explosives she had accidentally brought home from work in her purse (I forgot to mention, the daughter is a demolitions expert who has been rising to the top of her profession, defiant of the inherent "good-ol-boys" patriarchal attitude prevalent in the industry). She plants the explosive charge on the mother's chest, with a timer set to just 10 seconds. The force knocks the mother over momentarily, giving the daughter enough time to dash out of the room. As mother follows, saying how a defiant young lady will get PUNISHED, the daughter takes her one route of escape - a daring leap through the large plate glass window overlooking the apartment complex pool, four stories below. The action reverts to slow motion, as the daughter plummets amidst shards of broken glass. We cut to a close up of mother, irate, screaming "You insolent littl ---"  But she is cut off, as we jump back to the scene outside - the apartment erupts into a massive fireball as the daughter lands in the pool - safe at last.

In the closing scene, things are finally getting back to normal and the daughter is moving on. She is given a few items that were salvaged from her apartment....among them, the music box, which ticks back to life, ominously chiming a few notes as we fade to black and roll the credits.  Will there be a sequel?  Well, let's see how this one goes, but we certainly can't count out the possibility...
 
2020-06-29 10:36:16 AM  
Pretty crappy poison, I'll say.
 
2020-06-29 11:01:38 AM  

eKonk: MrBallou: HugeMistake: OK So Amuse Me: AirForceVet: Wait, why is the father not in jail?

Right? If there are tests confirming this situation there should have been charges filed, yet no mention of it. This glaring piece of information being missing from the story makes me believe it's a tall tale.

Munchausen Syndrome for the mother, plus Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy for wanting to drag her kids into it.

If the father had been poisoning her food "for years" and she isn't dead, he's really not very good at it. What was he doing, over-salting?

Came here to say this. You don't poison someone for years with the intent to kill without getting impatient and reaching for a kitchen knife at some point.

TFA didn't say what the "poison" was, but at worse he was drugging her with something to modify her behavior (I've often thought of dosing the Mrs. with lithium when she's in one of her moods) and more likely was giving her a dietary supplement of some dubious sort.

I like fake letters like this, because I can make up all sorts of extra details that Prudie didn't think to add in...

So in my story, the dad was actually "poisoning" the mom with medication she had been prescribed (but refused to take) to help her deal with her mental issues. It was dishonest, but it was likely the only thing keeping the marriage together (and potentially preventing the mom from self-harm). Upon finding out about this, mom went ballistic and dad, realizing that he no longer had to protect the kids since they were out of the house and living far away, finally had enough and is more than willing to accept the divorce, as if she's unwilling to put in any effort, why should he?

The mom isn't actually bringing the kids to a real therapist, but a new-age anti-vax "spiritual healer" who is trying to pull everyone into her cult. Mom has bought in, hook, line, and sinker, and the kids are torn between loyalty to their mother, a belief that maybe this can help her, and self-preservation.

The letter ...


Yeah, that's pretty much how I was picturing it.

/CSB:My kid and I have been bingewatching "Criminal Minds" this week. Your story would fit right in.
//you earned yourself a positive Farkie. Please post more funny shiat.
///https://medium.com/@connortoole/si​x-po​ison-based-cocktails-that-will-make-yo​ur-cults-final-meeting-its-best-one-ye​t-f919ebf675a9
 
2020-06-29 11:03:54 AM  
1) You're Poison, Running Through My Veins: Tell them "I'll GTHOI my way, you GTHOI your way."

2) Watchdog Barking - Do He Bite?: I don't think you're being unreasonable.  Dogs need to be trained.  This one probably also needs more exercise than it is getting.  She can either get it done or GTFO.

3) So Just Leave Me Alone: Tell her to FRO.
 
2020-06-29 11:35:12 AM  
Me: "Woman, why you give me this poison, you trying to kill me?"

Wife: "It's just a cucumber, eat it."
 
2020-06-29 9:41:27 PM  
Bullshiat. EVERYONE needs therapy. The ones that think it useless especially.
 
2020-06-29 11:11:44 PM  

MrBallou: TFA didn't say what the "poison" was, but at worse he was drugging her with something to modify her behavior (I've often thought of dosing the Mrs. with lithium when she's in one of her moods) and more likely was giving her a dietary supplement of some dubious sort.


Possibly, but fairly irrelevant if it's happening.  Adulterating anyone's food or drink without their knowledge is in fact still a crime - regardless of the substance.

/it's unlikely it's happening for all the reasons outlined in the many above posts, but still - even if it's Vitamin C it is in fact illegal to slip people shiat - and rightfully so
 
2020-06-30 7:09:55 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: MrBallou: TFA didn't say what the "poison" was, but at worse he was drugging her with something to modify her behavior (I've often thought of dosing the Mrs. with lithium when she's in one of her moods) and more likely was giving her a dietary supplement of some dubious sort.

Possibly, but fairly irrelevant if it's happening.  Adulterating anyone's food or drink without their knowledge is in fact still a crime - regardless of the substance.

/it's unlikely it's happening for all the reasons outlined in the many above posts, but still - even if it's Vitamin C it is in fact illegal to slip people shiat - and rightfully so


Technically illegal, yes, but it usually wouldn't be called poisoning. Poisoning implies that it is a harmful substance and that the intent is to harm.

My point, and I think that of some other posters, is that the letter says the "poisoning" went on for years, which doesn't make a lot of sense, so we're suggesting that the writer is being hyperbolic.
 
Displayed 25 of 25 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.