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(Slate)   "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant; I am deeply worried about what my parents could do to my potential future child. They verbally and emotionally abused me about my weight; I was in Weight Watchers at 6. Ban them or establish boundaries?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Family, eldest sister, convenient target of my mother, years pass, younger daughter's sons, older boys, best relationship, older sisters  
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276 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 26 Jun 2020 at 8:05 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



29 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-06-26 7:11:15 AM  
Whenever I read that column I wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning. Seriously, you need somebody's permission to not let a relative treat you badly?
 
2020-06-26 7:17:46 AM  
If you haven't figured out how to deal with your parents, you probably shouldn't be having children.

I guess it's too late now.
 
2020-06-26 7:39:41 AM  
Tell them why they're starting out on probation.
Every violation doubles the timeout from seeing the sprout.
Start with a week.
 
2020-06-26 8:13:13 AM  
"My husband and I are trying to get pregnant;"

Trying? Maybe you should lose some weight.
 
2020-06-26 8:14:58 AM  

HugeMistake: Whenever I read that column I wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning. Seriously, you need somebody's permission to not let a relative treat you badly?


Advice column madlibs. "I love my [job/parents/romantic partner/friend] very much. They're/it's perfect except for one thing: [describes completely appalling behavior that can't possibly be a one-off, and is a sign that the job/family/relationship is toxic af if not actively abusive]. I've [hinted that they should change/asked them to change] and they ignored my requests, and that's all I've ever done. What can I say that will magically persuade them to become completely different human beings who [respect boundaries/aren't bigots/stop being abusive]?"

The answer is: boundaries aren't enforced by your writing to an advice column.
 
2020-06-26 8:23:34 AM  
I ghosted a toxic ex for less.
 
2020-06-26 8:24:36 AM  
Wait, your parents were abusive to you and you didn't tell them to go piss up a rope when you turned eighteen?  Or at the very least when you married?

Sorry, your kid is stuck with them.
 
2020-06-26 8:26:58 AM  
S

dionysusaur: Tell them why they're starting out on probation.
Every violation doubles the timeout from seeing the sprout.
Start with a week
.

Start off being a harda$$
then when they whine you can ease up if you want to

Harder to be stricter after youve been a push over and they have done something you dont agree with and let it slide
 
2020-06-26 8:40:15 AM  
Men can be expecting, but only women can get pregnant.
Words have meaning.
 
2020-06-26 8:41:01 AM  
When the kids get a little older invite the family over and recreate the dinner scene from the Untouchables. Show them how o
You have for people who disappoint you.
 
2020-06-26 8:42:45 AM  

Straight Outta Hate: Men can be expecting, but only women can get pregnant.
Words have meaning.


Men can also be surprised.
 
2020-06-26 8:51:51 AM  
You are under no obligation to involve your parents in the lives of your children.
 
2020-06-26 9:55:43 AM  

Mr_Vimes: "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant;"

Trying? Maybe you should lose some weight.


You have a chance.. your husband, not so much.
 
2020-06-26 10:04:43 AM  
Move to a different state and change your names.
 
2020-06-26 10:05:53 AM  
And as mentioned in another thread about trying to get pregnant: while butt stuff might work it is not the best answer in this case.

Maybe his father can help?
 
2020-06-26 10:44:32 AM  
You sound fat.

/oblig
 
2020-06-26 10:53:44 AM  
My son's girlfriend of 4 years has an eating disorder.  She has been to rehab twice for bulimia.

They are about to move in together, and I think getting away from her mom, a fitness instructor, is going to really help.
 
2020-06-26 2:51:29 PM  

HugeMistake: Whenever I read that column I wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning. Seriously, you need somebody's permission to not let a relative treat you badly?


When these are legit, it is usually an attempt to look for validation for a course of action they have already decided on.
 
2020-06-26 3:24:51 PM  
eat them?
 
2020-06-26 3:41:15 PM  

OlderGuy: Mr_Vimes: "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant;"

Trying? Maybe you should lose some weight.

You have a chance.. your husband, not so much.


Stop oppressing him. He should at least have the right to get pregnant, even if he doesn't have a uterus.
 
2020-06-26 4:36:24 PM  
To be fair folks, the majority of men don't have uteri, and the majority of women do, but neither is exactly a set rule, exactly.

/female who doesn't have a uterus anymore
 
2020-06-26 4:48:14 PM  

HugeMistake: OlderGuy: Mr_Vimes: "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant;"

Trying? Maybe you should lose some weight.

You have a chance.. your husband, not so much.

Stop oppressing him. He should at least have the right to get pregnant, even if he doesn't have a uterus.


LOL
 
2020-06-26 4:52:24 PM  

Ringshadow: To be fair folks, the majority of men don't have uteri, and the majority of women do, but neither is exactly a set rule, exactly.

/female who doesn't have a uterus anymore


No man has a uterus.  Maybe some wannabes do, and maybe the swiss army knife version...  not OEM.
 
2020-06-26 7:12:26 PM  

OlderGuy: No man has a uterus. Maybe some wannabes do, and maybe the swiss army knife version... not OEM.


Aaaand this is transphobic hate speech. Trans men might still have uteri if they haven't proceeded with a hysterectomy.

They are no less men for having one than I am less a woman for having one removed.

This is also COMPLETELY ignorant of a multitude of intersex conditions that means yes, a person could have entirely nonstandard toolkits, or at least nonstandard in your apparently ignorant farking mind.

How about you do some goddamn reading before spouting off stupid stuff like this.
 
2020-06-26 8:09:05 PM  

Ringshadow: OlderGuy: No man has a uterus. Maybe some wannabes do, and maybe the swiss army knife version... not OEM.

Aaaand this is transphobic hate speech. Trans men might still have uteri if they haven't proceeded with a hysterectomy.

They are no less men for having one than I am less a woman for having one removed.

This is also COMPLETELY ignorant of a multitude of intersex conditions that means yes, a person could have entirely nonstandard toolkits, or at least nonstandard in your apparently ignorant farking mind.

How about you do some goddamn reading before spouting off stupid stuff like this.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-26 8:49:34 PM  

Ringshadow: OlderGuy: No man has a uterus. Maybe some wannabes do, and maybe the swiss army knife version... not OEM.

Aaaand this is transphobic hate speech. Trans men might still have uteri if they haven't proceeded with a hysterectomy.

They are no less men for having one than I am less a woman for having one removed.

This is also COMPLETELY ignorant of a multitude of intersex conditions that means yes, a person could have entirely nonstandard toolkits, or at least nonstandard in your apparently ignorant farking mind.

How about you do some goddamn reading before spouting off stupid stuff like this.


Lighten up, Francine....  there are two sexes.  Male and Female.  Nature throws in some combos from time to time, but that,s basic reality.   What people do to alter factory settings is their choice.. add stuff, remove stuff... whatever floats their boat... doesn't concern or bother me in any way...   and you gotta be a lib... no sense of humor..  and with FB offering 58 choices for gender, I can only assume that you folks have forgotten which one you are....  or does that change depending what group you are presently with ?   Thank your liberal educators for your 'knowledge'...
 
2020-06-26 9:04:37 PM  

OlderGuy: Lighten up, Francine....


"My ignorant hate speech was a joke" HOLY SHIAT THAT IS BOOMER AS fark

there are two sexes. Male and Female.

Oh look. someone has no education past eighth grade.

Nature throws in some combos from time to time, but that,s basic reality.

This bioessential "You are your genetics/genitals" bullshiat is really, really terrible, hateful and hurtful stuff that not only completely invalidates trans people, but is being pushed by right wing astroturf groups specifically to undermine ALL of LGBT and push hate laws against them. You're parroting TERF lines and it is, 100%, bullshiat at its core that is signed off by evangelical hate groups.

What people do to alter factory settings is their choice.. add stuff, remove stuff... whatever floats their boat... doesn't concern or bother me in any way...

Except it apparently does, as you think men can't have uteri. I know several men that do and trust me, they are far more man than you are.

and you gotta be a lib... no sense of humor..

Nope. I'm leftist, specifically, a socialist. LIBERAL is a position specifically attached to capitalism, particularly corporate capitalism, which I have completely disavowed.

Also, again: claiming hatespeech is humor is boomer as fark, and not right. YOU don't determine if you offended someone, THE OFFENDED DETERMINES THAT.

and with FB offering 58 choices for gender, I can only assume that you folks have forgotten which one you are....

I don't have one. I am agender. And wow, look, MORE TERF SPEECH.

or does that change depending what group you are presently with ? Thank your liberal educators for your 'knowledge'...

And look, claiming that higher education makes people more stupid.

So, what. A boomer conservative with zero knowledge of human sexuality and gender claiming to have infinitely more knowledge when in fact, all you have is TERF talking points.

Hate speech specifically targeted to attack the LGBT community with eventual goals to pass laws removing and restricting rights.

Bioessentialism is the enemy of us all. Reducing people down to their genetics and their genitals is at best really, really goddamn gross.

/You do realize it's possible to have male genetics and present ENTIRELY female right?
//and that you can have anywhere from one to five sex chromosomes, and that's just what we know about?
///and that multiple countries now allow a THIRD blank for biological sex, specifically for intersex conditions?
 
2020-06-26 10:24:20 PM  

Ringshadow: OlderGuy: Lighten up, Francine....

"My ignorant hate speech was a joke" HOLY SHIAT THAT IS BOOMER AS fark

there are two sexes. Male and Female.

Oh look. someone has no education past eighth grade.

Nature throws in some combos from time to time, but that,s basic reality.

This bioessential "You are your genetics/genitals" bullshiat is really, really terrible, hateful and hurtful stuff that not only completely invalidates trans people, but is being pushed by right wing astroturf groups specifically to undermine ALL of LGBT and push hate laws against them. You're parroting TERF lines and it is, 100%, bullshiat at its core that is signed off by evangelical hate groups.

What people do to alter factory settings is their choice.. add stuff, remove stuff... whatever floats their boat... doesn't concern or bother me in any way...

Except it apparently does, as you think men can't have uteri. I know several men that do and trust me, they are far more man than you are.

and you gotta be a lib... no sense of humor..

Nope. I'm leftist, specifically, a socialist. LIBERAL is a position specifically attached to capitalism, particularly corporate capitalism, which I have completely disavowed.

Also, again: claiming hatespeech is humor is boomer as fark, and not right. YOU don't determine if you offended someone, THE OFFENDED DETERMINES THAT.

and with FB offering 58 choices for gender, I can only assume that you folks have forgotten which one you are....

I don't have one. I am agender. And wow, look, MORE TERF SPEECH.

or does that change depending what group you are presently with ? Thank your liberal educators for your 'knowledge'...

And look, claiming that higher education makes people more stupid.

So, what. A boomer conservative with zero knowledge of human sexuality and gender claiming to have infinitely more knowledge when in fact, all you have is TERF talking points.

Hate speech specifically targeted to attack the LGBT community with eventual goals to pass laws removing and restricting rights.

Bioessentialism is the enemy of us all. Reducing people down to their genetics and their genitals is at best really, really goddamn gross.

/You do realize it's possible to have male genetics and present ENTIRELY female right?
//and that you can have anywhere from one to five sex chromosomes, and that's just what we know about?
///and that multiple countries now allow a THIRD blank for biological sex, specifically for intersex conditions?


I say this with all due respect but you're going to need a thicker skin to make it in this world.
 
2020-06-27 10:15:13 AM  

Ringshadow: OlderGuy: Lighten up, Francine....

"My ignorant hate speech was a joke" HOLY SHIAT THAT IS BOOMER AS fark

there are two sexes. Male and Female.

Oh look. someone has no education past eighth grade.

Nature throws in some combos from time to time, but that,s basic reality.

This bioessential "You are your genetics/genitals" bullshiat is really, really terrible, hateful and hurtful stuff that not only completely invalidates trans people, but is being pushed by right wing astroturf groups specifically to undermine ALL of LGBT and push hate laws against them. You're parroting TERF lines and it is, 100%, bullshiat at its core that is signed off by evangelical hate groups.

What people do to alter factory settings is their choice.. add stuff, remove stuff... whatever floats their boat... doesn't concern or bother me in any way...

Except it apparently does, as you think men can't have uteri. I know several men that do and trust me, they are far more man than you are.

and you gotta be a lib... no sense of humor..

Nope. I'm leftist, specifically, a socialist. LIBERAL is a position specifically attached to capitalism, particularly corporate capitalism, which I have completely disavowed.

Also, again: claiming hatespeech is humor is boomer as fark, and not right. YOU don't determine if you offended someone, THE OFFENDED DETERMINES THAT.

and with FB offering 58 choices for gender, I can only assume that you folks have forgotten which one you are....

I don't have one. I am agender. And wow, look, MORE TERF SPEECH.

or does that change depending what group you are presently with ? Thank your liberal educators for your 'knowledge'...

And look, claiming that higher education makes people more stupid.

So, what. A boomer conservative with zero knowledge of human sexuality and gender claiming to have infinitely more knowledge when in fact, all you have is TERF talking points.

Hate speech specifically targeted to attack the LGBT community with eventual goals to pass law ...


Chill out and unwad your panties.   There is no 'hate speech' here, except for what you came up with... I have LGBT neighbors : don't have an issue ; their choice and business.   I know because I keep their heat and AC working. and it is kinda obvious... their lives, their choices.. DGAS.   Actually, most of them are also cat people as I am, and we get along fine.
  Have a good day.
 
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