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(WHDH Boston)   Fark Ready Headline: Drunken Attleboro man broke into zoo because he wanted to 'look at the monkeys'   (whdh.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Attleboro, Massachusetts, Primate, All rights reserved, Copyright, Capron Park Zoo, Sunbeam Television, Joseph Villa, break-in  
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975 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jun 2020 at 8:35 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



28 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-06-06 5:40:08 PM  
I was born in that town. There was a gibbon who loved to whiz on unsuspecting people walking by his enclosure. Vicious little Farker too.
 
2020-06-06 6:06:30 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-06 8:08:21 PM  
Holy shiat!  I used to work with that asshole.  He was fired.... for being drunk on the job. See he hasn't changed...
 
2020-06-06 8:36:44 PM  
Drunken Attleboro is my favorite British documentary narrator.
 
2020-06-06 8:38:04 PM  
The correct answer is that the monkeys want to see me.
 
2020-06-06 8:40:05 PM  
Approves:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-06-06 8:40:07 PM  

bearded clamorer: [Fark user image image 348x436]
[Fark user image image 348x257]


Looks like the secret child of John Belushi and Kelsey Grammer.
 
2020-06-06 8:41:37 PM  
Would You Like To Buy A Monkey?
Youtube CAFpRHqK28Q
 
2020-06-06 8:44:31 PM  
Csb:

I used to play pool for beers with this character that told me he took a chick home one night, and she had two pet monkeys.

Apparently when they started to make out on the couch the monkeys got jealous and the started flipping around in front of him while spraying with urine and feces until he was totally covered in it, he said the smell and taste of it (lots hit his face) was atrocious.

He said he still got laid though, I never asked if he bathed first.

/csb
 
2020-06-06 8:47:43 PM  
Aw yeah.  They all want a little piece of me.
 
2020-06-06 8:51:11 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2020-06-06 8:56:03 PM  
That's as valid a reason as any.
 
2020-06-06 8:59:08 PM  
Wait.... someone actually got through all that new fencing around the White House?
 
2020-06-06 9:01:21 PM  
Sprockets: Would you like to touch my monkey?
Youtube DLlbWiTo_wQ
 
zez
2020-06-06 9:05:14 PM  
I wanna see the lion
I wanna see the tiger
I wanna see the chimpanzee
The chimpanzee wanna see me ... all right
 
2020-06-06 9:09:36 PM  

Salmon: Csb:

I used to play pool for beers with this character that told me he took a chick home one night, and she had two pet monkeys.

Apparently when they started to make out on the couch the monkeys got jealous and the started flipping around in front of him while spraying with urine and feces until he was totally covered in it, he said the smell and taste of it (lots hit his face) was atrocious.

He said he still got laid though, I never asked if he bathed first.

/csb


Didn't matter.  Had sex
 
2020-06-06 9:09:46 PM  
pics.me.meView Full Size
 
2020-06-06 9:11:28 PM  
Here we "come"
Shootin' off our seed
Can't stop us from killin'
All the kittens we need

HEY HEY WE'RE THE MONKEYS
People say it makes hairy palms
But we're too busy fappin'
To ask you for your alms
 
2020-06-06 9:17:45 PM  

gameshowhost: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/CAFpRHqK​28Q]


Uma..Oprah..Oprah..Uma
 
2020-06-06 9:17:56 PM  

Salmon: Csb:

I used to play pool for beers with this character that told me he took a chick home one night, and she had two pet monkeys.

Apparently when they started to make out on the couch the monkeys got jealous and the started flipping around in front of him while spraying with urine and feces until he was totally covered in it, he said the smell and taste of it (lots hit his face) was atrocious.

He said he still got laid though, I never asked if he bathed first.

/csb


That is definitely taking "the s**t I put up with to get laid" to a new level...
 
2020-06-06 9:37:07 PM  
Overheard at the monkey cage: "So, you see, son, this evolution thing doesn't always work out for the better."
 
2020-06-06 10:46:30 PM  
That guy woke me up. He's a dick.
 
2020-06-06 11:26:51 PM  
"Wanted to look at the monkeys" has just become my favorite euphemism for anything.  Break into an ambulance? vandalize a special needs school? spray graffiti on a church?
"Why did you do that, sir?!"
"I wanted to look at the monkeys."
 
2020-06-07 12:34:03 AM  
I live very near this zoo, and to be fair, the lemur island exhibit is pretty cool. Probably the most exciting thing to have happened in Attleboro in years.

/post-quarantine Providence Fark party?
//lemurs optional
///but bring three
 
2020-06-07 3:28:44 AM  
Does anyone else think it's a little weird that the reporter got all persnickety about the taxonomy of lemurs while writing a story about a guy who got drunk and broke into a zoo? I doubt the crazy alcoholic dude is much of a biologist.
 
2020-06-07 4:10:59 AM  
So he swam to shore after getting stuck and stripped off his clothes?  How did he get home, being all nakedy?  I guess he could take an uber if he still had his phone, and the driver was deperate.
 
2020-06-07 10:32:23 AM  

art_shamsky: I live very near this zoo, and to be fair, the lemur island exhibit is pretty cool. Probably the most exciting thing to have happened in Attleboro in years.

/post-quarantine Providence Fark party?
//lemurs optional
///but bring three


I'm down. How about Craft BandB?
 
2020-06-07 2:48:51 PM  

MarkLWilliams: I was born in that town. There was a gibbon who loved to whiz on unsuspecting people walking by his enclosure. Vicious little Farker too.


(Easton, this is still pretty local for fark)
 
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