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(The Atlantic)   What does it mean to be a parent in the age of Black Lives Matter?   (theatlantic.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, White people, Black people, George Floyd, Black Lives, 3-year-old son, Amy Cooper, new reality, New York City's Central Park  
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129 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 02 Jun 2020 at 7:55 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-06-01 10:27:59 PM  
Lena gets her son ready for school
She says, "On these streets, Charles
You've got to understand the rules
If an officer stops you
Promise me you'll always be polite
And that you'll never ever run away
Promise Mama, you'll keep your hands in sight"

[Pre-Chorus]
Is it a gun? Is it a knife?
Is it a wallet? This is your life
It ain't no secret (It ain't no secret)
It ain't no secret (It ain't no secret)
No secret, my friend
You can get killed just for living in your American skin


Bruce Springsteen -- American Skin (41 shots)
 
2020-06-02 5:37:42 AM  
 I learned a few years ago that "The Talk" means different things to white and black parents.

It was a sobering realization
 
2020-06-02 9:01:02 AM  
For Black parents? Same as it always has, with a healthy dose of added carefulness.

The police will not protect you.
The police will not serve you.
The police are not your friends.
The police are not here to help.
To police you are the enemy and will be treated as such.
Stay away from them and do whatever you have to do to make it home safely.

Every day.
 
2020-06-02 9:40:05 AM  

rewind2846: For Black parents? Same as it always has, with a healthy dose of added carefulness.


Yep.  The only difference between now and 20 years ago (or 30 years, or 50 years, or...) is that the abuse of blacks by the police is much easier to document due to technology.
 
2020-06-02 10:32:53 AM  

Snapper Carr: I learned a few years ago that "The Talk" means different things to white and black parents.

It was a sobering realization


Yup.  My mixed-race kids were adopted by lily-white me and Mrs. Hero.  When you do something like that you need to completely rethink some of your assumptions.  Parents of white kids don't have to have them come ask you why people who look like them keep getting killed.    The discussions we have with them about dealing with police have the constant undercurrent of "If you don't do this you may die"

And lately, it's not an undercurrent, it's explicit.  My younger son is a tank- he's actually very nice but he's also the kid nobody farks with because he can look incredibly threatening if he wants.  Older son is a lot smaller but also has ADHD and tends to have a real mouth on him because he says what he's thinking without filter.  Neither of these is going to help them in a confrontation.

And of course, I live in a small town in Trumplandia.  The local PD is already paying out a large settlement for use of excessive force on a black motorist.  (As well as sexual harassment of the only female deputy)
 
2020-06-02 10:51:52 AM  

Glockenspiel Hero: Snapper Carr: I learned a few years ago that "The Talk" means different things to white and black parents.

It was a sobering realization

Yup.  My mixed-race kids were adopted by lily-white me and Mrs. Hero.  When you do something like that you need to completely rethink some of your assumptions.  Parents of white kids don't have to have them come ask you why people who look like them keep getting killed.


My daughter is adopted from China, and in the era of COVID I've had to have a similar conversation with her.  Hate crimes against Asians have been spiking during the pandemic, and before I started flying solo on our family's grocery runs, I had to talk with her about it.  I had to explain to her what was going on, and that she needed to stay close to me instead of going off on her own or with her mom.  I married into a family of pacifists (Quaker by philosophy, though not religiously), but I'm most decidedly not.  She's safer with me than she is with her mom.
 
2020-06-02 11:54:09 AM  
Honestly, I think it's more important that white parents have this talk.  That could bring about real change.

tl;dr:Racism is alive and well in the United States, and we should be doing all we can to eradicate in order to live up to our nation's ideals.
 
2020-06-02 6:35:58 PM  

Snapper Carr: I learned a few years ago that "The Talk" means different things to white and black parents.


rewind2846: For Black parents? Same as it always has, with a healthy dose of added carefulness. [...] Every day.


Glockenspiel Hero: Yup.


What is worse is that the words come stammering out of my mouth because the BS that my kids have to go through is not the world I want, nor can fix on my own, nor can I even speak from experience.  I'm the 45 year old white dude.  I will never be able to completely feel, nor experience what they go through.  But, I'm dad.  I have to help.  Somehow.  Seeing the pain on their faces breaks my heart even more.

I knew I could handle what I was getting into when we decided on this path and instantly became parents of 5 year old twins over decade ago.  But I didn't actually really know until until some of the experiences.  When a 6 year old comes crying to you because a kid on the playground says 'I can't play with you, because mommy says I have to marry a white girl', my tears I had to keep inside in order to comfort my own child's tears were gut wrenching. Or even seeing how differently (some) teachers have treated my kids after the first parent teacher conferences.  The teachers don't see it.  The kids and we do.

And it not just to our faces.  Its also happened to my parent's faces.  As in apparently last weekend. My mom was talking to her friend about what to do with her wedding ring when she passes.  Mom doesn't want to play favorites, but she doesn't want to get sell it and distribute the proceeds.  Her friend said something like 'well you wouldn't give it to one 4335's kids.'  Mom used to be good and shrugging off BS.  In her old age, she decided enough is enough. Turning into firecracker. She went off on her friend and apparently hung up the phone.  (parents are in self imposed quarantine in the dream place they worked damn hard for in middle of norther WI)

I guess you learn what you can take, and what you can handle, when you are forced to handle it.  But there is only so much.
 
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