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(NJ.com)   Dear Drew, Please put your $@*&# squirrels back to work because they are driving me farking crazy in my coronavirus quarantine   (nj.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Maple, Cayenne pepper, Fruit, Plant, Perennial plant, Flying squirrel, strange time, Skewer  
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2527 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2020 at 2:46 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



36 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-05-29 2:26:34 PM  
I despise squirrels and if they don't stay out of my peach and cherry trees I'm going to shoot every last one of them. Rats with fuzzy tails.

/not subby
 
2020-05-29 2:51:07 PM  

darkhorse23: I despise squirrels and if they don't stay out of my peach and cherry trees I'm going to shoot every last one of them. Rats with fuzzy tails.

/not subby


YOUR peach and cherry trees?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 2:54:47 PM  

darkhorse23: I despise squirrels and if they don't stay out of my peach and cherry trees I'm going to shoot every last one of them. Rats with fuzzy tails.

/not subby


Their names are Marshall, Mint, and Peanut and they need that fruit to pay off their mortgages.
 
2020-05-29 2:55:05 PM  
Try driving them crazy instead.

Building the Perfect Squirrel Proof Bird Feeder
Youtube hFZFjoX2cGg
 
2020-05-29 2:57:09 PM  
Wow, perfect timing. Our HVAC guy just left about half an hour ago, having fixed a hose that a squirrel gnawed through.

Fark those nasty little critters. They're so damn hard to get rid of. If you trap them and relocate them, they'll find their way back unless you take them like ten miles and/or across a body of water. And even if you successfully relocate them (or kill them), others in the neighborhood will just move into the vacated territory.
 
2020-05-29 3:04:46 PM  

Super Chronic: Wow, perfect timing. Our HVAC guy just left about half an hour ago, having fixed a hose that a squirrel gnawed through.

Fark those nasty little critters. They're so damn hard to get rid of. If you trap them and relocate them, they'll find their way back unless you take them like ten miles and/or across a body of water. And even if you successfully relocate them (or kill them), others in the neighborhood will just move into the vacated territory.


One of my three dogs catches at least one squirrel a week. We throw the dead squirrel into the woods for the coyotes. I hate those little farkers. Our neighborhood coyotes are afraid of my dogs but they love the treats we throw them.
 
2020-05-29 3:05:34 PM  
exchurchofchrist.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 3:08:28 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 3:08:37 PM  

darkhorse23: Super Chronic: Wow, perfect timing. Our HVAC guy just left about half an hour ago, having fixed a hose that a squirrel gnawed through.

Fark those nasty little critters. They're so damn hard to get rid of. If you trap them and relocate them, they'll find their way back unless you take them like ten miles and/or across a body of water. And even if you successfully relocate them (or kill them), others in the neighborhood will just move into the vacated territory.

One of my three dogs catches at least one squirrel a week. We throw the dead squirrel into the woods for the coyotes. I hate those little farkers. Our neighborhood coyotes are afraid of my dogs but they love the treats we throw them.


Can I borrow that dog for a week or so? My useless little "hunting" dog (a Brittany) loves to chase them but never seems to catch up with them. And she ain't getting any faster (turning 10 in July).
 
2020-05-29 3:12:14 PM  
We had a squirrel problem for many years and couldn't figure out why we had so many of them, in spite of us shooting a lot of them.  They were still getting into everything and doing damage to our plants, getting into our sheds and all sorts of nasty shiat.    Later we found out the father of our neighbor was live trapping them where he lived and transporting them here.. he said he was doing about 3-4 a WEEK.
 
2020-05-29 3:16:12 PM  
Right after i moved into my cabin i had some issues with grey squirrels running out of the (unlit) fireplace. Two or once twice i caught them under a bucket. Relocated 1 a couple blocks away. Second i took 5 miles away. That took care of it. Cat didnt want anything to do with it, theyre too big. Alternative was a .22 pellet but id rather live and let live if at all possible...
 
2020-05-29 3:17:23 PM  
When I was living in Michigan I had a paintball gun with a laser sight. Makes squirrels an entertainment.

/BTW freezing your paintballs before engaging your squirrel foes increases the body count.
 
2020-05-29 3:18:00 PM  
We feed our squirrels peanuts and keep a full bird bath for them. Such joyous little creatures.
 
2020-05-29 3:19:45 PM  
Oh get over it ya big pansy. I have farking SKUNKS in my yard. They're living under the motherfarking back porch.

They made friends with the dogs.
I'm doomed.
 
2020-05-29 3:21:42 PM  
Squirrels are cute.

From a distance.

In the Western US, they carry plague fleas.
 
2020-05-29 3:24:39 PM  

skiinstructor: Alternative was a .22 pellet but id rather live and let live if at all possible...


I find that there is usually one especially problematic squirrel in the bunch each year.  If you dispatch that one and leave its corpse out, the others pick up on the scent and tend to spend less time in the yard.
 
2020-05-29 3:37:34 PM  

Non Sequitur Man: Try driving them crazy instead.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/hFZFjoX2​cGg]


I came here to post the same thing.  But once you've watched it, you realize that it doesn't drive them crazy.  The squirrels quickly outsmart the former NASA engineer.
 
2020-05-29 3:42:11 PM  

Dinjiin: skiinstructor: Alternative was a .22 pellet but id rather live and let live if at all possible...

I find that there is usually one especially problematic squirrel in the bunch each year.  If you dispatch that one and leave its corpse out, the others pick up on the scent and tend to spend less time in the yard.


This is what I do with Jehovah Witnesses.
 
2020-05-29 3:50:12 PM  
Imagine living peacefully on your ancestral land then a bunch of ignorant monsters come along and claim it as theirs then start murdering you for living the same way you have been for tens of thousands of generations because your a 'nuisance'.

Yaw String: When I was living in Michigan I had a paintball gun with a laser sight. Makes squirrels an entertainment.

/BTW freezing your paintballs before engaging your squirrel foes increases the body count.


I hope that you in particular get the kind of cancer that makes your arse rot then fall off.
 
2020-05-29 3:54:14 PM  

Me_Too_I_Ate_One_Too: Imagine living peacefully on your ancestral land then a bunch of ignorant monsters come along and claim it as theirs then start murdering you for living the same way you have been for tens of thousands of generations because your a 'nuisance'.

Yaw String: When I was living in Michigan I had a paintball gun with a laser sight. Makes squirrels an entertainment.

/BTW freezing your paintballs before engaging your squirrel foes increases the body count.

I hope that you in particular get the kind of cancer that makes your arse rot then fall off.


In their 'ancestral lands' there would be a hell of a lot fewer squirrels than there are now.  We have removed all their predators and they breed like cockroaches.

Wolves, a lot more foxes, coyotes, raptors, etc..etc. etc.

We have basically created an ideal environment for them to over produce.
 
2020-05-29 3:55:58 PM  
Eh, we have eight mature oak trees in the yard. We have squirrels and lots of them. So far they've mostly provided entertainment for the cats to watch, but they do annoy my wife by digging in her flower/herb pots. The little farks dig anywhere the soil is loose, in or out of a pot.

Most of our backyard wildlife is lured in for the cats' viewing pleasure. We bird watch a bit too when we can get them to hang around. Sometimes it works out better than others. Yesterday the wife spotted an eastern bluebird at the birdbath and remarked that she hadn't seen one at the house in a long time. Literally seconds later a hawk swooped in, then hopped up on the fence rail and tore into his tasty bluebird snack. D'oh.

I've not seen any evidence the hawks are taking on our squirrels though. Guess we're gonna need a bigger hawk.
 
2020-05-29 4:00:35 PM  

patrick767: I've not seen any evidence the hawks are taking on our squirrels though.


They're full up on bluebirds.
 
2020-05-29 4:16:32 PM  

Non Sequitur Man: Try driving them crazy instead.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/hFZFjoX2​cGg]


Phat/Phabulous Gus is best Squirrel
 
2020-05-29 5:10:45 PM  
One tip for people who have squirrels digging up your flower pots. A layer of small rocks on top of the soil will deter 90% of the digging and not impede the plant's growth. Depending on the types of stones you use, you can even enhance the overall appearance of your potted plants.
 
2020-05-29 5:15:15 PM  
I had a similar experience as in TFA. Because of work-from-home, I really learned about the squirrels in my roof this spring. they were driving me crazy.
I called a pest removal service who trapped them all. The guy told me apologetically that the company was required by state law to gas them to death.
I said, "oh thank god. Great. Please do."
Gas the little bastards.
 
2020-05-29 5:16:47 PM  

Super Chronic: Wow, perfect timing. Our HVAC guy just left about half an hour ago, having fixed a hose that a squirrel gnawed through.

Fark those nasty little critters. They're so damn hard to get rid of. If you trap them and relocate them, they'll find their way back unless you take them like ten miles and/or across a body of water. And even if you successfully relocate them (or kill them), others in the neighborhood will just move into the vacated territory.


Sooo, learn to live with them peacfully?
 
2020-05-29 5:45:02 PM  
I have squirrels living in the telephone pole next to my house. Must be the third or fourth generation since I moved in. We get along really well. Live and let live.
 
2020-05-29 5:54:47 PM  
We have a family of squirrels that live along the property lines between us and three other lots.  They have citrus trees, palms, and an apricot tree and are quite well fed.

The only complaint I have is that I love apricots, and those damn squirrels will take a bite out of every damn fruit on that tree and then leave it until it ferments.

I swear, they're making squirrel pruno.
 
2020-05-29 7:26:48 PM  
There are squirrels everywhere in the central greenspace/parkette of the townhouse complex I live in.
All the fences dividing the units form a supermassive squirrel autobahn.
The cats love it. As one post mentioned upthread, the only issue I take with the little buggers is their continuous digging into my rail planters.

Also:

i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 7:30:52 PM  

endosymbiont: I had a similar experience as in TFA. Because of work-from-home, I really learned about the squirrels in my roof this spring. they were driving me crazy.
I called a pest removal service who trapped them all. The guy told me apologetically that the company was required by state law to gas them to death.
I said, "oh thank god. Great. Please do."
Gas the little bastards.


We had some that were trying to chew their way in but we put some wire mesh up under the gutters and they gave up after that. Thankfully they don't seem interested in chewing anything else up.
 
2020-05-29 8:09:20 PM  
My desk is the kitchen table facing the backyard. There are so many birds and strange cats and there's two squirrels that constantly chase each other around. One of them walked along the top of my old wooden fence where it runs up to the side of my house and stopped where I can't see what's happening from my angle but I hear the sound of wood being scourged. Is he scratching fence or siding? I jump up and run outside yelling. Of course he's gone by then but I notice a small puddle on the fence where he was and scratch marks on the fence where he was digging. Not sure if I should be ashamed or awarded a medal for scaring the piss out of a squirrel.
 
2020-05-29 9:39:22 PM  
Our property has a dozen large white oaks and the properties around us have more white oaks: Squirrel Heaven.  At least my mutts get a little exercise storming out the backdoor trying to catch them.
 
2020-05-29 9:45:11 PM  
I used to have a squirrel problem. Now my neighbors have a vulture problem...
 
2020-05-29 9:51:11 PM  
I lived in the woods but now I'm downtown. The country squirrels were timid little punks, and we even ate them. They knew to stay away. Use a strainer for them tiny bones. The cats would try to fark with them but they always proved too quick and large and usually won the battle. These 'city squirrels' are slow, small, but unafraid AF. I swear I could take a running step and punt them a block. But always know when to run at the last second. You wouldn't eat one of these sewer rats. I suppose it's the suburb squirrels that are the problem. Arrogance of a city squirrel, agility of a country one.
 
2020-05-29 11:04:06 PM  

Subtonic: Dinjiin: skiinstructor: Alternative was a .22 pellet but id rather live and let live if at all possible...

I find that there is usually one especially problematic squirrel in the bunch each year.  If you dispatch that one and leave its corpse out, the others pick up on the scent and tend to spend less time in the yard.

This is what I do with Jehovah Witnesses.


I never could get rid of the squirrels in my neighborhood back in De-toilet.....but the way I got rid of the Jehovah Witnesses there was, I'd answer the door naket as a Jaybird.....and at 356 pounds asking them to come in and have a beer/wine beverage etc. I got very few takers....(as in not a one)


When I moved to the woods after I'd dropped 200 pounds, I was working on my new chicken coop & I had a air gun in my hand (they showed up uninvited) I pointed it at them......they two havent been back either......

Now I really dont have squirrels here in the big woods, I have opossums, raccoons, field mice and of course rats....(2 & 4 legged)
I found out why I have so many white mice when the cats only brought me brown ones.......the kids who lived here for a while had white mice as pets & they sold some to the pet store for snake food but the store went outta business so no more sales.
So they dumped them so the cats would have a meal or two.....well the chickens are better mousers than any fat, lazy deadbeat of a cat!!!!!
At least you'll get some yummy eggs outta the deal. What do you get from a cat???? Farkin shat in your garden for sure!!!!.....& cat crap doesn't make good fertilizer either!!!!!
 
2020-05-29 11:29:53 PM  

Insain2: I got rid of the Jehovah Witnesses there was, I'd answer the door naket as a Jaybird....I had a air gun in my hand (they showed up uninvited) I pointed it at them...


You know, I found that a no soliciting sign also does the trick without the possibility of indecent exposure or menacing charges.  The LDS and JW folks generally honor them.  But I guess everyone needs a hobby.
 
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