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(Some British Cynics)   The great British public have decided to give their verdict on a £300 "Anti 5G USB Stick" that assorted nutters have recently been selling. The reviews make for some nice light reading in these troubled times   (uk.trustpilot.com) divider line
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3839 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2020 at 1:35 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



53 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-05-29 11:59:12 AM  
Glad I read those, so I know to avoid this thing.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 1:37:10 PM  
I feel like I've missed out on a great business opportunity here.

Damn my unimaginative mind!
 
2020-05-29 1:42:22 PM  
I'd like to believe that the British public, on the whole, are smarter than the average Russian bear.

Or Chinese moles, pro-Russian Ukrainians, and click bait mongers.
 
2020-05-29 1:42:58 PM  
I honestly can't tell if the horrible spelling and grammar in the satirical reviews is intentional or not.
 
2020-05-29 1:44:12 PM  
I'll stick with my tin foil hat.
 
2020-05-29 1:44:18 PM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: I feel like I've missed out on a great business opportunity here.

Damn my unimaginative mind!


Give it a week. There will be either some new conspiracy or some new political football available as a means to fleece the rubes. Just make sure to abolish all morality now in advance.
 
2020-05-29 1:44:52 PM  
Heh...

Absolutely terrible device, bought it to protect me from the 5G but when I plugged it into my laptop my S20 Ultra combusted into flames and set my house on fire. Now my wife has left me and she's taken custody of the kids.

My boss found out how stupid I was buying this and has sacked me.

I've lost everything.
 
2020-05-29 1:44:54 PM  
Their business, in a perfect world:
Fark user imageView Full Size


In a less perfect world:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 1:46:33 PM  
Can't find the "reivews" page. Any help would be appreciated.
 
2020-05-29 1:47:12 PM  
I wonder how many of them are Doctor Who writers?
 
2020-05-29 1:48:31 PM  

brantgoose: I'd like to believe that the British public, on the whole, are smarter than the average Russian bear.

Or Chinese moles, pro-Russian Ukrainians, and click bait mongers.


i.imgur.comView Full Size


/Or so I'm told.
 
2020-05-29 1:50:45 PM  
Well, what do you expect?  People fell for the COVID-19 that was going to wipe out civilization,
why wouldn't they fall for this as well?
 
2020-05-29 1:52:13 PM  
"Seriously guys, if you are dumb enough to fall for this SCAM, I have a mute "talking rock" I'll be happy to sell you."

That guy gets it.
 
2020-05-29 1:53:43 PM  
These are the same people who brought us the anti GMO assholes.

/Everything you eat is GMO you farkwits
 
2020-05-29 1:58:32 PM  
Are you guys OK over there? Recent stories have been America-caliber wacky.
 
2020-05-29 2:04:55 PM  
Did Pocket Ninja write this one?

Take care!
Take care! If you plug this in the wrong way it will EXPONENTIALLY MAGNIFY the 5g signal resulting in 25g!
Now I have COVID-1 through to the latest COVID-20 and it was only after drinking 12 litres of bleach was I finally able to recover enough to make a new tinfoil hat to protect me.
And it turned the neighbour's frogs gay.
Seriously! Don't buy into this fake crap. ;)
 
2020-05-29 2:13:49 PM  
For those who like a good laugh, the actual product they are reviewing can be found at https://5gbioshield.com/ , although for some strange reason their web site is having some problems at the moment, no idea why.
 
2020-05-29 2:15:45 PM  
I don't get it.

Does it provide a 5G signal if your phone is made of Anti-Matter?
 
2020-05-29 2:17:24 PM  
Topnotch comedy gold.
The reviews are rather funny too.
 
2020-05-29 2:22:53 PM  

Yoleus: For those who like a good laugh, the actual product they are reviewing can be found at https://5gbioshield.com/ , although for some strange reason their web site is having some problems at the moment, no idea why.


They must have plugged one in....
 
2020-05-29 2:30:52 PM  
From the reviews:

"I like mash potato on kebab meat
Got my 3 usbs last week for just £800 and already know they work as the 5g mast just 2 feet away from my 3 month olds bedroom window immediately burst into flames after plugging all 3 into my PC.

Mrs Osama at no 35 doesn't have corona virus anymore as well! That's because she passed away when the 5g mast toppled over into her house.

On the plus side all the other neighbours can now safely remove their tinfoil hats and focus on the more pressing issue of chemtrails. This leads me nicely onto my new wifi dongle which eliminates all chemtrails over a 500mile radius of where the unit is plugged in. £900 for one or to triple the distance i have 3 for the mere price of £12k, that's an unbetrable price for all round 1500mile protection."

Nice to see the spirit of Monty Python lives on...
 
2020-05-29 2:31:53 PM  
"Below Average Dining Experience. Avoid.

Bioshield forgot our breadsticks, and was rude to my partner when we asked about the Arrabbiata."
 
2020-05-29 2:45:34 PM  

Toxophil: brantgoose: I'd like to believe that the British public, on the whole, are smarter than the average Russian bear.

Or Chinese moles, pro-Russian Ukrainians, and click bait mongers.

[i.imgur.com image 850x1086]

/Or so I'm told.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 2:51:21 PM  
It's important to note that all this arose because of a weird anti-5G report produced by Glastonbury (as in "Festival") Town Council. Glastonbury is a very odd town. The few inbred locals are completely outnumbered by trustafarians, all electromagnetic sensitivity, CFS and gluten free bullshiat and the calculating con artists who sell them bad velvet paintings of witches, glass balls and lumps of quartz. There's an additional annual influx of public school girls with eating disorders who hope to find themselves but are instead sexually exploited by the quartz sellers, who they think love them.

Basically every possible form of psychic woo nonsense flourishes there among a population which has either never done a day's work in its life or never done an honest day's work in its life.
 
2020-05-29 2:52:49 PM  

orbister: It's important to note that all this arose because of a weird anti-5G report produced by Glastonbury (as in "Festival") Town Council. Glastonbury is a very odd town. The few inbred locals are completely outnumbered by trustafarians, all electromagnetic sensitivity, CFS and gluten free bullshiat and the calculating con artists who sell them bad velvet paintings of witches, glass balls and lumps of quartz. There's an additional annual influx of public school girls with eating disorders who hope to find themselves but are instead sexually exploited by the quartz sellers, who they think love them.

Basically every possible form of psychic woo nonsense flourishes there among a population which has either never done a day's work in its life or never done an honest day's work in its life.


Oh, so Britain's Sedona.
 
2020-05-29 3:05:01 PM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: I feel like I've missed out on a great business opportunity here.

Damn my unimaginative mind!


The second mouse gets the cheese
 
2020-05-29 3:15:14 PM  

gonzoduke: Can't find the "reivews" page. Any help would be appreciated.


Ah haaa...finally, I point out some bad editing and the mod fixes it. My work is done here.
 
2020-05-29 3:26:34 PM  

Toxophil: brantgoose: I'd like to believe that the British public, on the whole, are smarter than the average Russian bear.

Or Chinese moles, pro-Russian Ukrainians, and click bait mongers.

[i.imgur.com image 850x1086]

/Or so I'm told.


I texted that to my Austrian friend once and he confirmed it as true.
 
2020-05-29 3:36:58 PM  
cdn.shopify.comView Full Size


My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.
 
2020-05-29 3:39:18 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


I think you do. And I think you know where it's supposed to go.
 
2020-05-29 3:43:56 PM  
Dangerous for sensitive orifices
Don't stick it up your butt. Trust me on this one.


YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
 
2020-05-29 3:45:27 PM  

p51d007: Well, what do you expect?  People fell for the COVID-19 that was going to wipe out civilization,
why wouldn't they fall for this as well?


.5/10
 
2020-05-29 3:49:05 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


Lick it.  It's a salt lick that gives a nice ambiance.  Have a date over, only some candles out for light, this sitting in the middle of the table, when they ask what's for dinner say "neigh", point at the salt lick, and start licking.  Don't buck too hard or horse kick them, they may not like that.
 
2020-05-29 3:56:45 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


Fark user imageView Full Size

Your MIL seems cool.
Fire that sucker up.
 
2020-05-29 4:06:04 PM  
This is a part of the conspiracy THEY want the real 5g repelling dongles to not be believed in so THEY released these fake ones and then put it in the news.

Tinn foil hats are not enough to protect you. I am wrapping my junk up like a Greek gyro to protect it too.
 
2020-05-29 4:22:39 PM  

dkulprit: p51d007: Well, what do you expect?  People fell for the COVID-19 that was going to wipe out civilization,
why wouldn't they fall for this as well?

.5/10


That one doesn't even have any entertainment value. If it isn't a poorly written bot, I suspect it is a teenager who just read Ayn Rand.
 
2020-05-29 4:38:27 PM  

p51d007: Well, what do you expect?  People fell for the COVID-19 that was going to wipe out civilization,
why wouldn't they fall for this as well?


Pants-pissing republican exaggerates problem to justify own pants-pissing.  So manly.  Much tough.  Wow.
 
2020-05-29 4:45:07 PM  
Going a little deeps reveals some more gems.  If you go to the official website of these USB drives, you find "the team" who made it at the bottom.  Then some research into the inventors yields this wonderful website: Dr. Ilija Lakicevic, Res. Prof. I AM GOD, ALSO!
 
2020-05-29 4:49:31 PM  

We Ate the Necco Wafers: orbister: It's important to note that all this arose because of a weird anti-5G report produced by Glastonbury (as in "Festival") Town Council. Glastonbury is a very odd town. ...

Oh, so Britain's Sedona.


<Googles> Yup, looks similar. Brighton without the lesbians, basically.
 
2020-05-29 4:55:30 PM  

dm_scorpio: Going a little deeps reveals some more gems.  If you go to the official website of these USB drives, you find "the team" who made it at the bottom.  Then some research into the inventors yields this wonderful website: Dr. Ilija Lakicevic, Res. Prof. I AM GOD, ALSO!


The proof that pi^2 = 10 is ... remarkable. Lots of fonts. Very Ludwig Plutonium.
 
2020-05-29 5:07:06 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


Warm your prostate?
 
2020-05-29 5:13:25 PM  
Damnit Britons. Thanks to Boris Johnston and Brexit I cannot tell if you're being sarcastic or just that stupid.
 
2020-05-29 5:24:47 PM  
Sounds legit.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-29 5:57:12 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


It obviously emits some form of radiation, so it should be inserted into the 'fundamentally' correct location.

Avoid abrupt movements...
 
2020-05-29 6:02:05 PM  

Unobtanium: Glad I read those, so I know to avoid this thing.

[Fark user image 425x245]


Look just put tinfoil around ya phone and or modem if on a pc or mac it works wonders
 
2020-05-29 6:04:00 PM  

Idiot Stick Bearer: Unobtanium: Glad I read those, so I know to avoid this thing.

[Fark user image 425x245]

Look just put tinfoil around ya phone and or modem if on a pc or mac it works wonders


I forgot to add aluminuum foil wont work ya gotta get True Tinfoil
 
2020-05-29 6:11:44 PM  

orbister: It's important to note that all this arose because of a weird anti-5G report produced by Glastonbury (as in "Festival") Town Council. Glastonbury is a very odd town. The few inbred locals are completely outnumbered by trustafarians, all electromagnetic sensitivity, CFS and gluten free bullshiat and the calculating con artists who sell them bad velvet paintings of witches, glass balls and lumps of quartz. There's an additional annual influx of public school girls with eating disorders who hope to find themselves but are instead sexually exploited by the quartz sellers, who they think love them.

Basically every possible form of psychic woo nonsense flourishes there among a population which has either never done a day's work in its life or never done an honest day's work in its life.


Soo whats the downside of them all living in one place ?
 
2020-05-29 6:16:30 PM  

xanadian: Dangerous for sensitive orifices
Don't stick it up your butt. Trust me on this one.

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!


Wait then what else am i to do with it since i dont own a cell phone ?
 
2020-05-29 6:17:06 PM  

orbister: It's important to note that all this arose because of a weird anti-5G report produced by Glastonbury (as in "Festival") Town Council. Glastonbury is a very odd town. The few inbred locals are completely outnumbered by trustafarians, all electromagnetic sensitivity, CFS and gluten free bullshiat and the calculating con artists who sell them bad velvet paintings of witches, glass balls and lumps of quartz. There's an additional annual influx of public school girls with eating disorders who hope to find themselves but are instead sexually exploited by the quartz sellers, who they think love them.

Basically every possible form of psychic woo nonsense flourishes there among a population which has either never done a day's work in its life or never done an honest day's work in its life.


Glastonbury Tor is like a magnet for Britain's crystal-humpers.
 
2020-05-29 8:12:36 PM  

Nightjars: [cdn.shopify.com image 400x317]

My MIL bought me one of these to protect me from the "radiation".  I have no idea what it's supposed to do.


If you put it outside it will attract Himalayan deer.
 
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