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(Palm Beach Post)   Family travels around the world with mother's ashes, then find out they were carrying somebody else   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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2134 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2002 at 11:39 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

37 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-01-31 11:41:38 AM  
now, i am amused.
2002-01-31 11:41:42 AM  
Your mom!
2002-01-31 11:42:27 AM  
2002-01-31 11:45:28 AM  
Would have been nice to take mom on vacation while she was alive.
2002-01-31 11:47:02 AM  
"I am the 'Frito Ban-di-to...."
2002-01-31 11:47:14 AM  
Don't the ashes just end up in a huge box at the end of the day's burning and then the crematorium just shovels you up a bagful and tells you it was dear old ma...
2002-01-31 11:47:28 AM  
"In September, they flew to Bali, which Billingham had always wanted to visit, and scattered some into the ocean at the Lovina Beach resort area."

Is this supposed to be touching? Why didn't they take her there beofre she died?
2002-01-31 11:47:42 AM​dex.html

Ever see that movie "Screwed" with Norm McDonald, and Dave Chapel????

I think this guy did.
2002-01-31 11:48:20 AM  

for real, right? i bet they spent all of grandma's savings too. cheap bastards.

And am i the only one who thought this was funny:

"It's entirely inorganic," Butt said from Canada. "There is no DNA left."

Dr. Butt, paging Dr. Butt.
2002-01-31 11:53:59 AM  
Paging Dr. Butt, Dr. Butt to proctology, Dr. Butt to proctology.
2002-01-31 11:55:18 AM  
"Are you suggesting...we eat my mother?"
2002-01-31 11:58:07 AM  
Hi, my name is Dr. Butt. I'm making my rounds and I'm a little behind...
2002-01-31 11:59:46 AM  
It's the thought that counts
2002-01-31 12:00:22 PM  
I wonder who they're going to sue. I mean, they have to sue somebody!
2002-01-31 12:05:00 PM  
-Would you rather be cremated or buried?
-umm, i dont give a fakr. Give me to a buncha necrophiliacs and the can have a big circle jerk over me. I don't care. I can't. I'll be dead.

David Cross (almost), but you get the point.
2002-01-31 12:11:24 PM  
One word: doh :o) dnsj
2002-01-31 12:11:43 PM  
Im pretty sure Dr. Butts' first name is Seymour.

ahhh, i miss the third grade.
2002-01-31 12:13:57 PM  
"In July, they traveled to Vermont and scattered some of the ashes ...

"...they flew to Bali, which Billingham had always wanted to visit, and scattered some...

" On the way home, they scattered some in Hawaii....

"The rest were placed beneath a gardenia bush ..."

Places I'd want my ashes scattered:
1) Amsterdam/The Bulldog Coffee house
2)Las Vegas
3)Hugh Hefner's Mansion
4)The faces of all people who DID ME WRONG !!!
5)In Kim Delaney's Garden
6)any Heineken brewery
7)leftovers Donate to science.

Notary Public sig.
2002-01-31 12:23:26 PM  
I don't understand this. If there was some way mom knew she was being scattered in 4 places she just might say she'd rather it be one place so she doesn't sepnd eternity in pieces. In a way, isn't what the family did a form of dismemberment? Under their logic of scattering ashes in four places, space could be save in burials by chopping the body into four parts and putting them in smaller graves in different places around the world.

Once I'm gone, I could give a rip what happens to the meat because I won't be there anymore! Dead is dead and nothing will change that.

But you know? If the Resurrection is real, people who were cremated are gonna be really disappointed because they'll have to come back as the leftovers in an ashtray...
2002-01-31 12:29:32 PM  
This week on Lifestyles of the Rich and Stupid, we go around the world to chronicle the travels of the Bello family to scatter the ashes of their mother, or perhaps the ashes from a carton of Marlboros, who really knows....
2002-01-31 12:29:47 PM  
Ashes are to easy, why not try something chalenging and original like chopping a dead reletive and leaveing maybe a finger in Florida a foot in Russia, the head in Australia, the ass in France etc...

Plus the real trick would be getting the body parts through custums. Like I said spreading ashes everywhere is to easy and over done.
2002-01-31 12:34:01 PM  
Anyone know what happened to metafilter?
2002-01-31 12:43:04 PM  
Wow my spelling sucks when I type fast, it's so hard to surf when the damn boss keeps walking through. Stupid work.
2002-01-31 12:44:50 PM  
Anyone know what happened to metafilter?

Part of it is under my gardenia bush...
2002-01-31 12:50:03 PM  
seriously though, i can't seem to pull it up. it's some domain name registration site now.
2002-01-31 01:09:28 PM  
Note to Grandma:
Going to Bali sucks...When you're dead.
2002-01-31 01:16:13 PM  
Look at it this way: ashes can fit in your carry-on.

Some old senile smelly woman requires a ticket to board planes.

2002-01-31 01:23:25 PM  
This story makes me happy.
2002-01-31 01:34:40 PM  
Oh. I thought it said "with mothers' asses". How dissapointing.
2002-01-31 01:38:35 PM  
Vandalbob: Do you mean this MetaFilter? Looks OK to me.
2002-01-31 01:40:33 PM  
Oops. My link got removed (weird). seems to work for me.
2002-01-31 01:42:15 PM  
OK, here's a little secret. There is no such thing as ashes. How it works is this.

The put the corpse into the burner. They cook off the flesh, the bones are then thrown in to a grinder and ground into a fine power. You are then handed the "ashes."

The energy required (cost) of actually cooking a body down to ashes is prohibitive. Also, you really don't know who's grindings you're getting. As in, ok, third body in is Grandma, so third shovel full is Grandma.

For those of you playing along at home, buy a T Bone Steak. Turn it into ashes. See how much it takes. Now times that by x lbs and you'll understand.
2002-01-31 01:52:25 PM  
either way, it's nasty
2002-01-31 03:24:44 PM  
CobraBoy: I don't know where you get your facts, but my dad was a mortician / funeral director, and 1700 degrees F is more than enough to create a pile of ashes. Yes, the bones get ground and mixed up in the pile, but the ashes are definitely the ashes. Any real and ethical funeral home / crematorium would be happy to show you the process, although it is gruesome.

For those of you that live in Western Washington, head down to the Fremont Bridge in Seattle and look SW at Bleitz Funeral Home. If you're careful, you can see the crematorium working - the heat from the outflow shaft (looks like a chimney) is absolutely clear. If they just "cook off the flesh", it would look more like greasy smoke from a restaurant.
2002-01-31 03:29:31 PM  
And anyway, this is actually
img.fark.netView Full Size

My dear old gran passed away in 96. In 99, I took a few teaspoonfulls to the river Ganges at Varanasi. Once in a lifetime opportunity. If I found out that I struggled with the Indian consulate in SF, the Indian customs in Delhi and every airport I was at in India, all that hassle and all that trauma was for naught because it wasn't my own gran, I would be heartbroken. They would have to give me enough money to take that trip all over again.
2002-01-31 05:45:45 PM  
Kanyakumari I believe we're saying the same thing. My point is the bones are ground they don't burn up. The non-bone part is cooked off and the bones are ground up. You get ashes and grindings.
2002-01-31 06:42:35 PM  
So the mortician could just go round up some beef bones or sweep out the fireplace if he runs short and no one would know the difference?
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