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(Slate)   "Is it possible I would love my husband more if I took on a secret lover?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Sodomy, Homosexuality, Masturbation, Sexology, Chlamydia infection, Sexual intercourse, Anal sex, Sexual acts  
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531 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 26 May 2020 at 2:39 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



19 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-05-25 10:37:23 PM  
Is it possible if I change my diet to a 7,500 calorie a day high carb pizza and beer that I may actually get healthier/?  Asking for a friend, I, no meant he, is pre-diabetic, sweats in January, smokes 2 packs a day, and his favorite veg is bacon.

Commenting strictly because a friend since childhood was given the bullshiat I love you but not like that speech, after 30 years of marriage. I read this shiat and I see that if the olympics had a Mental Olympics category this certainly wonderful woman Gold.  There is an element of unfair in the air that is so thick recently you could cut it with a knife.  Obviously if something is wrong with your relationship you talk about it, WTF.  I have been married 34 years and I am a complete moron, the only skill set I have is the ability to speak with people.  Anyway these edibles were rock solid, usually the gummies are weak so I took three and damn this is a joyous occasion.  shiat, I forgot, oh yeah this is nonsense watching my friend Eric go thru this is bad.  When people ask what went wrong with America, or society as a whole, exceptionalism was always wrong but over the past three years it is best not to even mention it.  His wife should have stood tall and said, hey, this isn't working.  And it can't be worked on.  Sure he made some mistakes buy they raised three kids, are successful, this is wrong.  I know when I go up from the basement my wife is going to try and engage in conversation.  I am so high now but I guess I could say I had 5 Bells Two Hearted, why are they strong, but she will see the dispensary bill, $525, $180 of which was tax, thanks Illinois, and she will know later.  So not going to lie, going to go up now quitely and hope she is on the phone.  But this shiat in the article, that is wrong
 
2020-05-25 10:43:07 PM  
No.

Next question?
 
2020-05-25 10:49:36 PM  
If it's another chick and you let him join in, he might love you more.
 
2020-05-25 11:01:29 PM  
1) Grey divorce is ugly to watch, but you're headed that way.

2) Wait, you don't even know what pussy smells like, do you? So sad.

3) You finally realized that he's been wanting someone hot, and not you?

4) Admit that you're a junkie and work from there

5) This isn't your problem, but it will be if you don't back the hell away from both of these people

6) I knew a girl who self-identified as a lesbian, but hated sex with women. She wanted to get F*CKED!

7) You need to introduce her to anal
 
2020-05-25 11:02:48 PM  
It's possible that you need something for yourself that you don't share with your partner in order to feel whole, and that you resent your partner because you think you can't have that because of them. Maybe that's a lover or maybe your contort that into a lover. It's possible. And it's possible it isn't an actual need but it's just a __want__.

At some point, you'll have to balance whether it is a need or a want versus the consequences to your partner. Most of the time, if that particular need is a lover, those consequences are pretty devastating. So examine what it is that you really need, and why.

It's possible, and completely fine, to need some private anchor to your self. Call if a secret self if you like. It's not even unhealthy. One gives much of oneself to a relationship but perhaps not all. It varies. It's exposing yourself, but while for some it may be complete, there's no rule there, yet there does at some level need to be an understanding. And therein lies the key. Generally speaking, there's an understanding regarding fidelity. If for some reason, that's where you find you need to have some private anchor to your _self_, and you haven't be forthright and candid about this with your partner from the beginning, it seems like your problem runs deeper and is about honesty itself. And in particular, your problem is being honest with yourself. That's a profound problem.
 
2020-05-25 11:22:46 PM  
I mean, if your secret lover was terrible in bed and a total asshole, maybe.
 
2020-05-26 12:27:50 AM  
Yes. Do it.
 
2020-05-26 3:19:28 AM  
Just admit it, you want to bang your out-of-town friend.
 
2020-05-26 4:37:19 AM  
I like this statement:
"I don't want to be too strict on him, and I do want to experience group play eventually, but I want to do it on my terms. "

So does he. So he has every right to propose a threesome, as much as you are allowed to shoot it down.
 
2020-05-26 4:38:15 AM  
Close relative is a Psychologist. She's heard a few variations of this from patients.

I'm sure she'd say, "Go right ahead, I'll call the dealership to order my Conti GT!"...
 
2020-05-26 7:33:45 AM  

Almea Tarrant: Just admit it, you want to bang your out-of-town friend.


She's already banging the out-of-town friend.
 
2020-05-26 7:35:38 AM  
Is it possible I would love my husband more if I took on a secret lover?

Here, I'll make it easy for you :"Is it possible I would love my husband more if I he took on a secret lover?

So...unlikely.
 
2020-05-26 10:02:32 AM  
Yes, but your husband will love you less.
 
2020-05-26 10:04:22 AM  
Only if you do butt stuff.
 
2020-05-26 10:11:20 AM  
Is your husband's father still alive?
 
2020-05-26 10:18:46 AM  

turboke: Is your husband's father still alive?



A wise man named Zapp Brannigan once said, "The way to a woman's heart is through her parents.  Have sex with them and you're in."

I assume something analogous would work in this case.
 
2020-05-26 10:53:17 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size

Oblig
 
2020-05-26 12:52:03 PM  

NetOwl: turboke: Is your husband's father still alive?


A wise man named Zapp Brannigan once said, "The way to a woman's heart is through her parents.  Have sex with them and you're in."

I assume something analogous would work in this case.


Zapp Brannigan also has a very sexy learning disability. Sexlexia. He's the last guy I'd go to for advice.
 
2020-05-26 1:57:02 PM  
ftfa: '10 years younger than him. Sex definitely takes more planning and assistance than it used to, and he's already started to mention that one day, he won't be able to have sex'

Well, she's screwed, or not, in this case.    And if hubby doesn't want to bother to 'help' her if he can't get it up?   He's being thoughtless too.   You can't unilaterally declare no-sex in the relationship and expect the other person to just cave.
 
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