Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NYPost)   Not another Spider-Man origin story   (nypost.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Spider bite, Marvel-loving siblings, black widow spider, young Bolivian brothers, Black Widow, Peter Parkers, Children's Hospital, National Geographic  
•       •       •

4150 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 May 2020 at 7:20 PM (17 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



42 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-05-25 5:01:01 PM  
Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?
 
2020-05-25 7:23:47 PM  

HighlanderRPI: Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?


Wouldn't you?
 
2020-05-25 7:23:50 PM  
I got 4 words into that article.

I has a sad.
 
2020-05-25 7:24:13 PM  

HighlanderRPI: Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?


Well, what would you prod her with?
 
2020-05-25 7:26:42 PM  
The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.
 
2020-05-25 7:27:13 PM  
Didn't happen.
 
2020-05-25 7:29:55 PM  

OkieDookie: HighlanderRPI: Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?

Well, what would you prod her with?


I wouldn't prod her with *A* stick, I would prod her with *MY* stick.

/after a nice dinner and maybe a motorcycle ride
//and only with full consent
 
2020-05-25 7:31:52 PM  

OkieDookie: HighlanderRPI: Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?

Well, what would you prod her with?


I'd guess it depends on whether one is willing to risk arrest and lifetime listing on the sexual offenders list.
 
2020-05-25 7:33:44 PM  
Next thing you know, they'll be taking hydroxycloroquine as a prophylactic...
 
2020-05-25 7:37:24 PM  
lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size

Honestly I'm ashamed to bring up this reference. Not for the callousness, this was just an awful episode.
 
2020-05-25 7:43:23 PM  

Mukster: Next thing you know, they'll be taking hydroxycloroquine as a prophylactic...


Fark user imageView Full Size

That's not funny.
 
2020-05-25 7:58:30 PM  

RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.


Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.
 
2020-05-25 8:02:12 PM  

HighlanderRPI: Why the hell were they prodding Scarlet Johannson with a stick?


For the act!
 
2020-05-25 8:02:21 PM  
I could kind of understand an 8 year old doing this. But a 12 year old?? By 12 you should really understand that movies are make believe and also that if you poke a wild animal it will bite you.
 
2020-05-25 8:04:50 PM  
Could be worse...

i1.wp.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-25 8:05:24 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.


That's why I advocate utilizing copious amounts of handwavium to get the necessary amount of nerd mutism.
 
2020-05-25 8:21:38 PM  
I got bit by a black window hiding in my motorcycle gloves. That sucked. I got the chills, my heart would race and then go really slow. Every muscle aches.

My next door neighbor who was a doctor literally said there was nothing he could do. He said "you'll be fine. If you came to my office, I'd send you home aand tell you to rest".
 
2020-05-25 8:24:10 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.


I was unaware. It seems my superhero knowledge is out of date. Is Batman still just a rich guy that beats people up at night?
 
2020-05-25 8:37:47 PM  
i.ytimg.comView Full Size
More likely this is the origin for The Thousand
 
2020-05-25 8:42:10 PM  

DevilGirlFromMars: I could kind of understand an 8 year old doing this. But a 12 year old?? By 12 you should really understand that movies are make believe and also that if you poke a wild animal it will bite you.


I know many adults who still believe in a souped-up version of Santa.

Kids will always be dumb,it's just a matter of degrees.
 
2020-05-25 9:04:50 PM  

RTOGUY: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.

I was unaware. It seems my superhero knowledge is out of date. Is Batman still just a rich guy that beats people up at night?


Pretty much, yeah.  Depending on how you feel about ninja training.
 
2020-05-25 9:13:04 PM  
GAH!!!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!!

/I'm a big guy who is afraid of spiders.....YRLY.
 
2020-05-25 9:29:00 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.


Maybe the kids were radioactive from using their 5G phones and the spider is now known as Manspider, which is actually a downgrade from just spider.
 
2020-05-25 9:31:31 PM  
well, Darwin didn't create the X-Men, but he did create hilarious deaths.
 
2020-05-25 9:36:20 PM  

paulleah: I got bit by a black window hiding in my motorcycle gloves. That sucked. I got the chills, my heart would race and then go really slow. Every muscle aches.

My next door neighbor who was a doctor literally said there was nothing he could do. He said "you'll be fine. If you came to my office, I'd send you home aand tell you to rest".


Black widow bites to adults usually aren't fatal. Most spiders have a much worse reputation than is really necessary. I have a pet tarantula and other than occasionally trying to fight water (she hates when I spritz the terrarium) she's never even shown any aggression.
 
2020-05-25 9:40:50 PM  

big pig peaches: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.

Maybe the kids were radioactive from using their 5G phones and the spider is now known as Manspider, which is actually a downgrade from just spider.


Well, Peter Porker, the Amazing Spider-Ham, was a spider who was bitten by a radioactive pig, so ....
 
2020-05-25 9:43:58 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.


Marvel's Real Mutants and the Horrifying Conditions that Shorten Their Lives, didn't test well with readers.
 
2020-05-25 10:23:53 PM  
Years from now, they'll still be wondering if they didn't actually pick up superpowers, maybe not full Spiderman, but something.
 
2020-05-25 11:11:22 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.

I was unaware. It seems my superhero knowledge is out of date. Is Batman still just a rich guy that beats people up at night?

Pretty much, yeah.  Depending on how you feel about ninja training.


He trained as a ninja since at least the early 90s.
 
2020-05-25 11:20:39 PM  
Where's that comic image of the turtle swimming in toxic waste wanting to be a ninja turtle, then a doctor says "You have lymphoma."
 
2020-05-25 11:40:40 PM  
It has to be a radioactive spider. Duh!
 
2020-05-26 12:12:10 AM  

Dissident Sheep: DevilGirlFromMars: I could kind of understand an 8 year old doing this. But a 12 year old?? By 12 you should really understand that movies are make believe and also that if you poke a wild animal it will bite you.

I know many adults who still believe in a souped-up version of Santa.

Kids will always be dumb,it's just a matter of degrees.


I dunno, I never got age restricted on what I watched/read as a kid. My parents just taught me the difference between reality and fantasy. Pictures on screens were made up unless it was the news.

Simpler times I know.

I also had the Santa thing pinned down pretty early. Found his stash of presents under my parent's bed. My parents just really didn't bullshiat me or my brother all that much.
 
2020-05-26 12:28:23 AM  

OkieDookie: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.

Marvel's Real Mutants and the Horrifying Conditions that Shorten Their Lives, didn't test well with readers.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-26 3:49:01 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-26 5:04:37 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-26 6:09:27 AM  

Boudyro: Pictures on screens were made up unless it was the news.

Simpler times I know.


QFT
 
2020-05-26 6:59:34 AM  

paulleah: I got bit by a black window hiding in my motorcycle gloves. That sucked. I got the chills, my heart would race and then go really slow. Every muscle aches.

My next door neighbor who was a doctor literally said there was nothing he could do. He said "you'll be fine. If you came to my office, I'd send you home aand tell you to rest".


Black Widow or Brown Recluse?

I'll take a Black Widow. At least that way I won't freaking rot to death.
 
2020-05-26 7:51:51 AM  
It's Bolivia. They could've just done coke.
 
2020-05-26 8:18:36 AM  

RTOGUY: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.

I was unaware. It seems my superhero knowledge is out of date. Is Batman still just a rich guy that beats people up at night?


Way to make him sound like a pervert.
 
2020-05-26 10:10:41 AM  
shiat.  I missed my window.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-26 10:13:26 AM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: RTOGUY: The spider needs to be radioactive that's key to the origin story.

Radioactive = original old school

Genetically Engineered = new hotness

Either way, the *real* secret ingredient is willful ignorance of the way genetic mutation works and the statistical (un)likelihood of surviving and getting a beneficial result.


What if you use an MRI?
 
2020-05-26 4:50:53 PM  

DevilGirlFromMars: paulleah: I got bit by a black window hiding in my motorcycle gloves. That sucked. I got the chills, my heart would race and then go really slow. Every muscle aches.

My next door neighbor who was a doctor literally said there was nothing he could do. He said "you'll be fine. If you came to my office, I'd send you home aand tell you to rest".

Black widow bites to adults usually aren't fatal. Most spiders have a much worse reputation than is really necessary. I have a pet tarantula and other than occasionally trying to fight water (she hates when I spritz the terrarium) she's never even shown any aggression.


Seriously, you are depicting yourself as an expert becuase you have a pet tarantula?  First of all, I imagine you have a "run of the mill tarantula" like a chilean rose.  Try a cobalt blue, and you'll totally change your tune on spider aggression and speed, and nasty 1/2 in fangs

The discussion here is venomous spiders.  Totally a different story.  Just ask anyone who has actually been bitten by a widow or a recluse.
 
Displayed 42 of 42 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.