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(Slate)   "The downside to the quarantine in my house is that my kids keep interrupting my spouse and I when we're having sex. How can I get them to keep it from turning into coitus interruptus?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Family, Anxiety, Parent, 80-year-old mother, college-age daughter, Mother, great start, horny parents  
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493 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 25 May 2020 at 7:35 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-05-25 9:12:11 AM  
Just keep going when they walk in, they'll be traumatized enough to stop.

Or they won't and things will get REAL interesting.
 
2020-05-25 9:18:56 AM  
'Dad, can you pass me the cereal box?'

'Can't you see I'm busy here tailgatin' your ma? She's lying on the table right close to cereal - ask her!'
 
2020-05-25 9:20:31 AM  
Children under a certain age will not allow their parents to have sex, as they know perfectly well this leads to competition.  So if they're under 5, forget it.  You don't have a sex life.

If they're 12 or older, make a lot of noise.  They will flee the house like scalded rats.

In between?  Good luck with that.
 
2020-05-25 9:21:28 AM  

oldfarthenry: 'Dad, can you pass me the cereal box?'

'Can't you see I'm busy here tailgatin' your ma? She's lying on the table right close to cereal - ask her!'


It's important for children to think of sex as a normal activity.
 
2020-05-25 9:40:34 AM  
Stick it in her pooper.
 
2020-05-25 9:47:32 AM  
I read further down in the letters to the grandfather babysitting his young granddaughter and...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-25 9:49:05 AM  
"Ok you guys listen , if the door is locked use the other bathroom"
 
2020-05-25 9:53:24 AM  
Lock the bedroom door, problem solved.
 
2020-05-25 10:03:51 AM  
ftfa: 'The younger guys are in the habit of using our bathroom since it's closest to their room. '

Yeah, you 2 are too wimpy to have kids if you can't tell them to go down the hall.
 
2020-05-25 10:10:05 AM  

FarkingReading: I read further down in the letters to the grandfather babysitting his young granddaughter and...

[Fark user image image 425x276]


I had to look, didn't I. Goddammitsomuch.
 
2020-05-25 10:12:07 AM  
Every once in a while you need to put your needs ahead of theirs, kick them out into the backyard and lock the door.  If you don't, things will not end well.
 
2020-05-25 10:15:34 AM  
Sell them off for scientific experiments.
 
2020-05-25 10:20:49 AM  
... interrupting my wife and mehaving sex

I asked my wife -- who worked as an editor for much of her working life -- and she said to simplify the compound phrase to see which form to us. You wouldn't say "interrupting I having sex". (Or would you? You dirty scoundrel.)

Just because we're all in quarantine doesn't mean school is over.
 
2020-05-25 10:22:45 AM  
Will Ferrell (Ashley Schaeffer) - Let The Boy Watch - Eastbound and Down Outtakes
Youtube AKM3pyktIXw

My hips thrusting down on Donna.
 
2020-05-25 10:46:09 AM  
This and that.  Being a parent is a lot easier when you actually act like a parent.

nanim: ftfa: 'The younger guys are in the habit of using our bathroom since it's closest to their room. '

Yeah, you 2 are too wimpy to have kids if you can't tell them to go down the hall.


SpaceMonkey-66: Every once in a while you need to put your needs ahead of theirs, kick them out into the backyard and lock the door.  If you don't, things will not end well.

 
2020-05-25 10:53:03 AM  
A condom would have fixed it.
 
2020-05-25 10:53:55 AM  
The one time we tried just locking the door at 10 p.m. and being quiet, the teen tried the door to just ask about something ordinary, figured out why it was locked, and raged for over a week about how we had no regard for her feelings!

On what earth is this reasonable? Your teenager should have been told to fark off with this the first time she acted like this but you let it go on for a week. You suck.  I've never understood kids being shiatty about their parents having sex lives.  Even when I was that age if a friend was acting all grossed out by knowing their parents had sex I was like, "Where the hell do you think you came from?'

/never walked in on my parents
//sometimes knew when it happened or was happening
///gave them privacy
 
2020-05-25 10:58:14 AM  

Egoy3k: The one time we tried just locking the door at 10 p.m. and being quiet, the teen tried the door to just ask about something ordinary, figured out why it was locked, and raged for over a week about how we had no regard for her feelings!

On what earth is this reasonable? Your teenager should have been told to fark off with this the first time she acted like this but you let it go on for a week. You suck.  I've never understood kids being shiatty about their parents having sex lives.  Even when I was that age if a friend was acting all grossed out by knowing their parents had sex I was like, "Where the hell do you think you came from?'

/never walked in on my parents
//sometimes knew when it happened or was happening
///gave them privacy


Good for you!

I, for one, walked in on your parents all the time. They didn't seem to mind.
 
2020-05-25 11:37:43 AM  
The kids are 10, 12, and 16--old enough to understand if you tell them "You mom and I are going to have sex--" That's all you need. They'll shriek, cover their ears, and run out of the house. Except for the 16-year-old, who is probably masturbating all day long anyway.
 
2020-05-25 11:37:52 AM  
The weather's nice.  Accidentally lock them out of the house.
 
2020-05-25 11:42:59 AM  

Egoy3k: The one time we tried just locking the door at 10 p.m. and being quiet, the teen tried the door to just ask about something ordinary, figured out why it was locked, and raged for over a week about how we had no regard for her feelings!

On what earth is this reasonable? Your teenager should have been told to fark off with this the first time she acted like this but you let it go on for a week. You suck.  I've never understood kids being shiatty about their parents having sex lives.  Even when I was that age if a friend was acting all grossed out by knowing their parents had sex I was like, "Where the hell do you think you came from?'

/never walked in on my parents
//sometimes knew when it happened or was happening
///gave them privacy


We tried that.  The teen waited until we were done, knocked on the door, and said, "can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep."

The younger ones just pound on the door until we cuss them out.
 
2020-05-25 11:52:36 AM  
I gave my oldest $5 to keep the other ones occupied for ten minutes.
 
2020-05-25 11:54:32 AM  

Nurglitch: I gave my oldest $5 to keep the other ones occupied for ten minutes.


Ten minutes? Show off.
 
2020-05-25 12:00:19 PM  
Reason number #3428 I'm thankful to have never had kids.

However, my wife & I are experiencing a similar situation during this SIP. We have had a friend staying with us since December (he was in transition after his last job ended and he moved back to the area to look for other work). When the pandemic hit, there was a hiring freeze in many parts of his industry, so we've all been cooped up here in our ~1000 sq. ft., 2 bedroom, 1 bath house since our county's lockdown went into effect on March 18th (my wife & I are considered non-essential and were both laid off).

Not only do the wife & I have to negotiate dog politics to have enough space in the bed, we have to be super quiet to, um, get anything done. It finally got to the point that we ended up asking him to take long drives with the dogs a couple days a week so we can have some adult time together.

Thankfully, he finally got a job in another state and will be traveling there for a week in early June to meet his new colleagues & look for a place to rent. If all goes as planned, he'll be moving out in late June or early July at which point the wife & I will be able to walk around our own house naked again and fark anytime we please and as loudly as we want to be.
 
2020-05-25 12:12:00 PM  

yakmans_dad: ... interrupting my wife and mehaving sex

I asked my wife -- who worked as an editor for much of her working life -- and she said to simplify the compound phrase to see which form to us. You wouldn't say "interrupting I having sex". (Or would you? You dirty scoundrel.)

Just because we're all in quarantine doesn't mean school is over.


Headline made me twitch too. It's disappointing so many people struggle with pronouns.
 
2020-05-25 12:19:36 PM  
 "which isn't out of the ordinary because we are a very affectionate southern family"


- Don't French My Toddler




Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-25 1:35:06 PM  
"Hey! We're farking here!"
 
2020-05-25 2:50:18 PM  
Invite them to join in.
 
2020-05-25 3:42:19 PM  
Ugh,, my daughter kept interrupting us when we were having sex, then my son started interrupting us, and then the waiter...
 
2020-05-25 3:43:19 PM  
Dose  the lil critters with ketamine
 
2020-05-25 3:43:59 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: oldfarthenry: 'Dad, can you pass me the cereal box?'

'Can't you see I'm busy here tailgatin' your ma? She's lying on the table right close to cereal - ask her!'

It's important for children to think of sex as a normal activity.


For instance, puritans lived on farms, in one room houses and had like 15 kids apiece. Victorians somehow decided they knew nothing about sex, perhaps to cover up their own grotty perversions.
 
2020-05-25 4:06:01 PM  
Well if you'd stop posting the videos of the act then the kids wouldn't want to be in the picture too.
 
2020-05-25 4:35:21 PM  
Astroglide is a great sexual aid. Smear on doorknob.
 
2020-05-25 4:56:53 PM  
When they bang on the locked door say you are spinning their mom and will not stop until you explode and blow her into the ceiling fan.
 
2020-05-25 5:00:44 PM  

Fano: Marcus Aurelius: oldfarthenry: 'Dad, can you pass me the cereal box?'

'Can't you see I'm busy here tailgatin' your ma? She's lying on the table right close to cereal - ask her!'

It's important for children to think of sex as a normal activity.

For instance, puritans lived on farms, in one room houses and had like 15 kids apiece. Victorians somehow decided they knew nothing about sex, perhaps to cover up their own grotty perversions.


This might explain why sex ed is so recent.
 
2020-05-25 6:05:16 PM  
Dear Care and Feeding,

Should I allow my children's unbalanced grandparents to abuse them? How do I avoid hurting Granny's feelings at all costs?

Not convinced I should ritually sacrifice my youngest,
Mom of Three
 
2020-05-25 7:27:39 PM  
Lock. The. Bedroom. Door.

Ignore them when they knock, it's not going to take two hours to finish.

You're welcome.

FFS we learned that after the first kid was mobile and woke up early from nap time.
 
2020-05-25 8:01:39 PM  

Idiot Stick Bearer: Dose  the lil critters with ketamine


Came here to say Benadryl.

TomAYto, tomAHto
 
2020-05-25 8:27:32 PM  

YabbaDabbaDouchebag: Idiot Stick Bearer: Dose  the lil critters with ketamine

Came here to say Benadryl.

TomAYto, tomAHto


I was more thinking the kind of doses bear used in Armageddon the one for horses
 
2020-05-25 9:34:46 PM  
I call fake
Everybody knows married people dont have sex with kids in the house
If you dont believe me just ask Mrs h
 
2020-05-25 9:35:15 PM  
Our oldest, 21 now, complained at 16 about hearing us. I told him it was payback for all the screaming into his headset while playing some FPS that we have to endure. If he continued to complain, I would give him more details. He keeps his headset on more.
 
2020-05-25 11:28:59 PM  
Get a time machine and start doing buttstuff 17 years ago.
 
2020-05-26 12:27:46 AM  
When we told our kids it was "nap time", they went outside to play.
 
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