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(KCTV5 Kansas City)   Not News: 65 year old Texas man dies. News: due to injuries from aggressive consensual sex from his better half. Fark: an 81 year old man. UltraFark: whom he's related to   (kctv5.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Craig Lamell, Battery, Company officials, Alan Bischoff, Assault occasioning actual bodily harm, Death, Crime, Assault  
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6153 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 May 2020 at 1:35 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



116 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-05-24 11:02:22 AM  
If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family!
 
2020-05-24 11:14:29 AM  
You can't make this shiat up. Well, due to rule 34 someone probably has.
 
2020-05-24 11:25:27 AM  
Way past time that we need a TEXAS tag here on Fark.
 
2020-05-24 11:39:58 AM  
But then, last month, there was a break in the case after Alan Bischoff, 81, was laid off from his job. Company officials found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records.

This is the worst part of this horror story. 81 years old and still going into work?  Someone please kill me if I'm still going into work at 81.
 
2020-05-24 11:40:57 AM  
Lamell had requested Bischoff to assault him, and that Bischoff did assault the decedent by punching him with his fists.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-24 12:11:34 PM  
Full Metal Jacket R. Lee Ermey Clip
Youtube aUc62jD-G0o
 
2020-05-24 1:02:09 PM  
i.makeagif.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-24 1:36:47 PM  
You know when you're that old you should pretty much be able to do whatever the hell you want as long as you're willing.
 
2020-05-24 1:37:56 PM  
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2020-05-24 1:39:31 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: But then, last month, there was a break in the case after Alan Bischoff, 81, was laid off from his job. Company officials found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records.

This is the worst part of this horror story. 81 years old and still going into work?  Someone please kill me if I'm still going into work at 81.


Meh, maybe an office job with some specialty engineering experience or something. He could be working part-time and making a good amount of money for doing specialty work. An office computer with email implies he isn't a cashier at Walgreens.
 
2020-05-24 1:40:43 PM  
He heard that it's always bigger in Texas
 
2020-05-24 1:42:29 PM  
To be honest, this sounds much more like an Arkansas kind of story, but you go with your freaky self Texas...
 
2020-05-24 1:43:24 PM  
Hot.
 
2020-05-24 1:44:04 PM  
What's his Fetlife name? (the living guy, not the dead one. Don't be sick.)
 
2020-05-24 1:44:19 PM  
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JFC...
 
2020-05-24 1:46:41 PM  
Fark should probably have a "That's enough internet for today..." tab and stories like this should go there.
 
2020-05-24 1:47:42 PM  
So... that's the Texas way?

How's that saying go? Something something and steers, and you ain't got no horns? I forget now...
 
2020-05-24 1:48:09 PM  

Glitchwerks: Fark should probably have a "That's enough internet for today..." tab and stories like this should go there.


First article of the day for me, and I'm tapping out.
 
2020-05-24 1:50:29 PM  
wow KC Mo is pretty much a dog eat dog place considering the news stories
 
2020-05-24 1:50:33 PM  
As Texans call it... Sunday
 
2020-05-24 1:51:22 PM  
Rectum?  Damn near killed 'im.
 
2020-05-24 1:52:46 PM  
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2020-05-24 1:53:28 PM  
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is this better or worse than the guy raping the dead homeless woman last week?
 
2020-05-24 1:59:43 PM  
I was expecting a death from internal injuries a la Mr Hands. Pleasantly surprised that it was "just" beating him with his fists.
 
2020-05-24 1:59:53 PM  
Fun fact: Lemon parties are listed as essential during the lock down.
 
2020-05-24 2:00:42 PM  
Oh................ICK!
 
2020-05-24 2:03:11 PM  
It's unclear exactly how Lamell and Bischoff are related.

I'm gonna go with 'closely'.
 
2020-05-24 2:07:16 PM  
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-24 2:08:25 PM  

dsmith42: I was expecting a death from internal injuries a la Mr Hands. Pleasantly surprised that it was "just" beating him with his fists.


I  was expecting the exact same thing.  Agreed.
 
2020-05-24 2:10:32 PM  
"When I said 'beat me off', I didn't mean..."
 
2020-05-24 2:15:50 PM  
Redneck lemon party?

/sorry, tried hard to make that punny but failed
//right brain still telling left brain it's there
 
2020-05-24 2:19:34 PM  
Mess with the bear, you get the claws
 
2020-05-24 2:19:41 PM  
Oh sure, like who hasn't at least once thought about violent geriatric homosexual incest?
 
2020-05-24 2:20:02 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: But then, last month, there was a break in the case after Alan Bischoff, 81, was laid off from his job. Company officials found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records.

This is the worst part of this horror story. 81 years old and still going into work?  Someone please kill me if I'm still going into work at 81.


In the age of smart phones, I'm not sure why people still want to handle anything personal on their work computer. Hell, if your phone isn't good enough, get some kind of tablet.
 
2020-05-24 2:22:37 PM  
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2020-05-24 2:24:13 PM  
So, not steers then.
 
2020-05-24 2:28:44 PM  

Colour_out_of_Space: Oh sure, like who hasn't at least once thought about violent geriatric homosexual incest?


(raises hand)

Really.  I mean even in the depths of depravity I wallowed in during the heydays of alt.tasteless, I don't think this particular Venn diagram intersection was ever explored.

Once again, real life surpasses satire.
 
2020-05-24 2:31:20 PM  
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2020-05-24 2:32:45 PM  
Well, at least it wasn't kids in Sunday School this time.  So... yay?
 
2020-05-24 2:33:42 PM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-24 2:34:57 PM  
 
2020-05-24 2:37:07 PM  

Colour_out_of_Space: Oh sure, like who hasn't at least once thought about violent geriatric homosexual incest?


Violent Geriatric Homosexual Incest (VGHI) shall now be the name of my temporary rock-country band that I'll form to welcome the Republican National Convention this year.
 
2020-05-24 2:37:53 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: But then, last month, there was a break in the case after Alan Bischoff, 81, was laid off from his job. Company officials found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records.

This is the worst part of this horror story. 81 years old and still going into work?  Someone please kill me if I'm still going into work at 81.


I know some folks that do it, but not for the money. They are trying to keep busy, but in this case the old man seemed to be keepin' busy on his own so not sure why...
 
2020-05-24 2:38:51 PM  
Have all the fun you want, kids. Just be safe when you're doing it.
 
2020-05-24 2:39:03 PM  

ltdanman44: [Fark user image 500x667]


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2020-05-24 2:39:56 PM  

Giant Clown Shoe: ltdanman44: [Fark user image 500x667]

[Fark user image 850x637]


Hold that pose for just a few moments, don't go anywhere. Thanks.
 
2020-05-24 2:39:57 PM  

Cythraul: Colour_out_of_Space: Oh sure, like who hasn't at least once thought about violent geriatric homosexual incest?

Violent Geriatric Homosexual Incest (VGHI) shall now be the name of my temporary rock-country band that I'll form to welcome the Republican National Convention this year.


*tiny fists*
 
2020-05-24 2:42:28 PM  
 
2020-05-24 2:45:39 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: But then, last month, there was a break in the case after Alan Bischoff, 81, was laid off from his job. Company officials found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records.

This is the worst part of this horror story. 81 years old and still going into work?  Someone please kill me if I'm still going into work at 81.


What if you like your work ?
 
2020-05-24 2:48:51 PM  

Rann Xerox: Way past time that we need a TEXAS tag here on Fark.


Beat me to it.
 
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