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(Daily Star)   Were... were there donkeys? Please tell me there were donkeys. Pretty much everything about this is NSFW (possible nsfw content on page)   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line
    More: Fake, Human sexuality, Samantha Brick, Human sexual behavior, first-person piece, Sexual intercourse, Happy Mondays star, numerous vodka, various clubs  
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6767 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 May 2020 at 11:12 AM (5 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



22 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
5 days ago  
Who needs donkeys if you have dwarfs? Also, "dwarfs" just looks wrong. But Google says that "dwarves" is an alternative spelling, and spell check doesn't like it.

I'll hold out for dwarfs AND donkeys, thank you very much.
 
5 days ago  
Wait, there were sex dwarfs?
Isn't it nice
Luring disco dollies to a life of vice
 
5 days ago  
2 dwarves = 1 donkey
 
5 days ago  
Went to Tijuana a few times when I was stationed in San Diego but never did find that elusive Donkey Show.
 
5 days ago  
Yes, subby, there were donkeys. And your mom...
 
5 days ago  
Any dwarf is a sex dwarf if you're brave enough.
 
5 days ago  
4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
Hordes of intoxicated British people passing STDs to each other in packed dance clubs has never been my fetish.
 
5 days ago  
Bounder: Anyway about the holiday..

Tourist: Well yes, I've been on package tours many times and so your advert really bought my eye.

Bounder: Ah good. (begins to murmer 'yes' and 'uh-huh' in agreement)

Tourist: Yes, you're quite right. I'm fed up with being treated like sheep. What's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, bomplaining about the tea - 'Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home' - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they 'overdid it on the first day.'

Bounder: (still patiently) Yes, absolutely, yes I quite agree... (continues to intersperse comments throughout the tirade)

Tourist: And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Bontinentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.

Bounder: (beggining to get fed up) Shut up!! (comments grow more rude and more forceful)

Tourist: And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhoea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman Ruins to buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleeding Watney's Red Barrel and one evening you visit the so called typical restaurant with local colour and atmosphere and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing 'Torremolinos, torremolinos' and complaining about the food - 'It's so greasy here, isn't it?' - and you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic camera and Dr. Scholl sandals and last Tuesday's Daily Express and he drones on and on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up over the Cuba Libres.

Bounder: Will you shut up?

Tourist: And sending tinted postcards of places they don't realise they haven't even visited to 'All at number 22, weather wonderful, our room is marked with an 'X'.

Bounder: Please, Shut up!!!!

Tourist: Food very greasy but we've found a charming little local place hidden away in the back streets...

Bounder: Damn you, I can't take it!!!

Tourist: where they serve Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion.......
 
5 days ago  
I was there in 2002, I wish I remembered any of it.
 
5 days ago  
Got distracted by commercials on top.

i.dailymail.co.ukView Full Size

assets.capitalfm.comView Full Size

thesun.co.ukView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
Supposedly in Mexico across the border from Laredo in the 90's when I was through there several times there was several donkey shows and even 1 with a chicken- I have no idea either. Was a common part of the show for the women to shoot ping pong balls - yes from there into the audience or into a container for sucker bets.

Also common for the Mexican Police at the time to come in and interrupt the show and frisk everyone worse then the TSA but if you  planned on getting out of there without a beating and seeing the inside of a Mexican prison you just let them do there thing and in    a few minutes it was party time again.

I do think they were in cahoots with the Laredo PD as I would see cars loaded with fresh girls visit where I was staying every hour but if you were say just across the street they wouldn't go there for anything.
 
5 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
5 days ago  

elgrancerdo: Got distracted by commercials on top.

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x639]
[assets.capitalfm.com image 850x1258]
[thesun.co.uk image 620x744]


Commercials for spackling paste, horrendously bad plastic surgery, and un-lifelike sex-dolls.
 
5 days ago  

Harlee: Who needs donkeys if you have dwarfs? Also, "dwarfs" just looks wrong. But Google says that "dwarves" is an alternative spelling, and spell check doesn't like it.


"Dwarfs" is the standard plural, but Tolkien used "dwarves" followed Old English practice of morphological voicing distinctions. Since then, his usage was picked up by other fantasy writers and gaming, namely original D&D. So "dwarfs" is the typical plural for the nearly obsolete term for little people, and "dwarves" for the non-human race in works of fantasy.

/Tolkien also changed "Elfin" to "Elven" for the same reason
 
5 days ago  

steklo: Bounder: Anyway about the holiday..

Tourist: Well yes, I've been on package tours many times and so your advert really bought my eye.

Bounder: Ah good. (begins to murmer 'yes' and 'uh-huh' in agreement)

Tourist: Yes, you're quite right. I'm fed up with being treated like sheep. What's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, bomplaining about the tea - 'Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home' - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they 'overdid it on the first day.'

Bounder: (still patiently) Yes, absolutely, yes I quite agree... (continues to intersperse comments throughout the tirade)

Tourist: And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Bontinentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.

Bounder: (beggining to get fed up) Shut up!! (comments grow more rude and more forceful)

Tourist: And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhoea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local R ...



"Hello, I'm Bounder of Adventure" cracks me up 45 years later and I still don't know why.
 
5 days ago  
Samantha claims Manumission owners Mike and Claire would also go at it on stage.

Was there. Did happen.

imissdrugstumbler.jpeg
 
5 days ago  

Xerxes2004: [Fark user image 244x150] [View Full Size image _x_]


Every Stefon Ever (Part 1 of 5) - SNL
Youtube vwm_N2PCUz8
 
4 days ago  

steklo: Bounder: Anyway about the holiday..

Tourist: Well yes, I've been on package tours many times and so your advert really bought my eye.

Bounder: Ah good. (begins to murmer 'yes' and 'uh-huh' in agreement)

Tourist: Yes, you're quite right. I'm fed up with being treated like sheep. What's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, bomplaining about the tea - 'Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home' - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they 'overdid it on the first day.'

Bounder: (still patiently) Yes, absolutely, yes I quite agree... (continues to intersperse comments throughout the tirade)

Tourist: And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Bontinentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.

Bounder: (beggining to get fed up) Shut up!! (comments grow more rude and more forceful)

Tourist: And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhoea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman Ruins to buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleeding Watney's Red Barrel and one evening you visit the so called typical restaurant with local colour and atmosphere and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing 'Torremolinos, torremolinos' and complaining about the food - 'It's so greasy here, isn't it?' - and you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic camera and Dr. Scholl sandals and last Tuesday's Daily Express and he drones on and on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up over the Cuba Libres.

Bounder: Will you shut up?

Tourist: And sending tinted postcards of places they don't realise they haven't even visited to 'All at number 22, weather wonderful, our room is marked with an 'X'.

Bounder: Please, Shut up!!!!

Tourist: Food very greasy but we've found a charming little local place hidden away in the back streets...

Bounder: Damn you, I can't take it!!!

Tourist: where they serve Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion.......


Perfect.

Purple microdot typing detected,
Or is it a Monty python bit?
 
4 days ago  
Whatever you heard about, reality is more perverted/depraved/loose/whatever is a pretty good assumption for almost any gathering of people, from church-goers to ravers.
 
4 days ago  

Walker: Wait, there were sex dwarfs?
Isn't it nice
Luring disco dollies to a life of vice


Came for soft cell...

Leaving satisfied...

Wait....was that a euphimism?
 
4 days ago  

Harlee: Who needs donkeys if you have dwarfs? Also, "dwarfs" just looks wrong. But Google says that "dwarves" is an alternative spelling, and spell check doesn't like it.

I'll hold out for dwarfs AND donkeys, thank you very much.



dwarfs is a size thing, dwarves is plural of dwarf.  WTF?
 
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