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(Some Guy)   When you've got Jesus Christ pulling a knife in the Dollar Store and then, in the very next article, the successful defusing of a penis glitter bomb, one might think one was in Florida. One might think   (forestparkreview.com) divider line
    More: Strange  
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2484 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2020 at 3:22 PM (11 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



20 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-05-21 2:12:36 PM  
"Due to my training, experience and familiarity with that type of package..."


No need to go into further detail there officer.
 
2020-05-21 3:07:56 PM  
'Thinking' and 'Florida' are mutually exclusive concepts
 
2020-05-21 3:25:32 PM  
"Due to my training, experience and familiarity with that type of package I was able to identify the package as a glitter bomb,"

Former member of Disco Team 69.
 
2020-05-21 3:27:25 PM  
gannett-cdn.comView Full Size


"That's funny. I never modeled for those."
 
2020-05-21 3:32:10 PM  
Everyone knows that Jesus saves, but you'd have to read the expurgated Psalm of Lionel to hear about him cutting a biatch.
 
2020-05-21 3:33:03 PM  

steklo: [gannett-cdn.com image 534x712]

"That's funny. I never modeled for those."


The Plaster Glitter Casters
 
2020-05-21 3:36:50 PM  
The suspect denied stealing anything and also denied pulling out a knife. He said he carries a knife for protection because terrorists all over the world are after him.

Change this to "gun" and he would be hailed as a hero.
 
2020-05-21 3:39:12 PM  
If I were Jesus, I'd be less worried about terrorists and more worried about Romans.
 
2020-05-21 3:52:37 PM  
That glitter bomb story is LOLworthy. The line about "no one was harmed" was the best part.
 
2020-05-21 3:54:19 PM  
there's an game i like to play when idly waiting for whatnot out in public.  the Florida game

here's how it goes: pull up google and type in "Florida man [noun]"

for example, golf cart.  you'll find something like "methed out Florida man crashes golf cart into senior home" or something similarly outrageous.  solid entertainment for those not living in that god-awful swamp
 
2020-05-21 4:02:31 PM  
The author's use of the word "eject" has me imagining a penis ejaculating glitter.
 
2020-05-21 4:15:06 PM  

cyberspacedout: The author's use of the word "eject" has me imagining a penis ejaculating glitter.


Perfect for the woman that goes to Michael's!
 
2020-05-21 4:17:38 PM  
Penis Glitter Bomb was Henry David Thoreau's second choice as a name for Walden.
 
2020-05-21 4:23:38 PM  
The owner of a vehicle on the 500 block of Ferdinand Avenue discovered a long, deep scratch on the driver side front quarter panel and door when she was leaving for work on May 11. She then discovered the driver side rear tire had been slashed. She believes the vehicle was damaged at approximately 1:30 a.m. because her dog began barking at that time. Nothing was missing from the vehicle except snack foods.
 
2020-05-21 4:24:22 PM  
The Son of Man hath nothing with which to brush his teeth.
 
2020-05-21 4:32:55 PM  

arcgear: there's an game i like to play when idly waiting for whatnot out in public.  the Florida game

here's how it goes: pull up google and type in "Florida man [noun]"

for example, golf cart.  you'll find something like "methed out Florida man crashes golf cart into senior home" or something similarly outrageous.  solid entertainment for those not living in that god-awful swamp


I tried "Florida man ketchup" and got this:

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-ma​n​-arrested-after-pouring-ketchup-on-sle​eping-girlfriend-report

Florida man arrested after allegedly pouring ketchup on sleeping girlfriend: report
By Bradford Betz | Fox News

A Florida man was arrested on domestic battery charges Sunday for allegedly dousing his sleeping girlfriend with a bottle of ketchup because he thought she was having an affair, according to court records.

Officers responded to a home in Pinellas Park early Sunday where they found a woman "covered in ketchup," a police report said.

The woman's boyfriend - identified in a police report as 37-year-old Peter Wagman - denied the condiment attack despite having "ketchup on the right side of his pants."

Police said the woman "woke up to ketchup being poured on her by the defendant as the defendant was yelling 'that's what you get, b----."

Wagman was released from county jail Monday. He has pleaded not guilty to a misdemeanor domestic battery. A judge ordered Wagman to have no contact with the victim. Her identity was not released.

...
...
...

So, um, yeah.  There was also a link to this in the above story:

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-ma​n​-arrested-cheeseburger

Florida man slapped girlfriend with cheeseburger, kicked her down stairs: police
 
2020-05-21 4:39:36 PM  

Geotpf: arcgear: there's an game i like to play when idly waiting for whatnot out in public.  the Florida game

here's how it goes: pull up google and type in "Florida man [noun]"

for example, golf cart.  you'll find something like "methed out Florida man crashes golf cart into senior home" or something similarly outrageous.  solid entertainment for those not living in that god-awful swamp

I tried "Florida man ketchup" and got this:

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man​-arrested-after-pouring-ketchup-on-sle​eping-girlfriend-report

Florida man arrested after allegedly pouring ketchup on sleeping girlfriend: report
By Bradford Betz | Fox News

A Florida man was arrested on domestic battery charges Sunday for allegedly dousing his sleeping girlfriend with a bottle of ketchup because he thought she was having an affair, according to court records.

Officers responded to a home in Pinellas Park early Sunday where they found a woman "covered in ketchup," a police report said.

The woman's boyfriend - identified in a police report as 37-year-old Peter Wagman - denied the condiment attack despite having "ketchup on the right side of his pants."

Police said the woman "woke up to ketchup being poured on her by the defendant as the defendant was yelling 'that's what you get, b----."

Wagman was released from county jail Monday. He has pleaded not guilty to a misdemeanor domestic battery. A judge ordered Wagman to have no contact with the victim. Her identity was not released.

...
...
...

So, um, yeah.  There was also a link to this in the above story:

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man​-arrested-cheeseburger

Florida man slapped girlfriend with cheeseburger, kicked her down stairs: police


yup.  you name it, Florida man has made a crime of it.

catchy game, isn't it?
 
2020-05-21 5:18:48 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Unavailable for comment.

/mainly because he's dead
//not pining, he's passed on
 
2020-05-21 5:28:36 PM  
Somewhere, there is a factory making penis glitter.
 
2020-05-21 5:41:25 PM  
Austin, Texas, apparently.
 
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